A budgeting question for those with spouses

Originally Posted by JellyBella

I agreet that if you are both adults, no one should be getting an "allowance".

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This is funny. I'm 40 and give myself an "allowance". It is my blow money and miscellaneous cash after the bills/savings/necessities are paid. I'm only allowed a certain amt - I'm an overspender by nature - so "allowed amt" is my "allowance".

Anyhoo, OP: do what works for you as others have said.
I was terrible with money - disorganized and an overspender - so my husband took my paychecks and gave me a spending allowance and I would pay my own personal bills I had prior to marriage that hadn't merged (like my CC bill) from the joint acct. It was always "our" money, he just handled day to day for most things. He was a CPA so he was very good at it.

Now that I'm older and responsible, I would do a joint acct for joint expenses then a separate acct each for miscellaneous spending as the couple sees fit (such as for me, I have expensive salon visits but a spouse most likely would not but he might spend a lot on hobby golfing for example). I would definitely need *some* money that is "mine" and I may spend as I wish.

I do find it weird when I am with some married couples and they'll say things like "I had to lend Tom money for his car payment" or "When go out to dinner I always have to pay since Tom is broke" with an eyeroll. I think a couple's money is all the couple's money so these remarks are just bizarre to me. (but if it works for you - great!)

I agree with everyone else who said do what works best for you.

Dh and I have always had a joint checking acct (married 18 years). When I've worked, everything has gone into there. He opened a second checking acct when we had to replace the heating/ac unit in the house b/c we refinanced the house- got $5000 back, and just wanted an acct that we couldn't really "touch". All of the bills are paid out of the joint acct.

But if there's a problem with money in the joint acct, we take it out of the other checking acct. And right now- with the economy the way it is (and I'm trying my hardest to find ANYTHING out there that pays) we've had to take money out of it.

If it's something major that either of us wants, we both talk about it. When I went back to school- we had a talk about that. When I needed a student loan b/c we just couldn't afford to pay for my classes anymore out of pocket-we talked about that. And when we spent $13,000 to replace the windows in the house- that was a joint decision too.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

The best way to handle 2 incomes is to have a joint account for bills and emergencies, and each have your own account. You can also set up a joint account for a vacation fund.

Having your own bank account means you don't have to ask permission from each other to go and buy something.

Never, ever blend all of your incomes into one account and give each other an allowance. I'm sorry to say, but sometimes things aren't always "Happily ever after" and I know so many women who have made that mistake and had to leave the relationship for whatever reason and were trapped because they didn't have money of their own anymore, having put it all into a joint account.

You each should also have your own investments and retirement plans.

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I'm with Linda to a degree on this one. If there is one thing I learned from my mom (who has been divorced and out of a very abusive relationship with my dad) it is to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have your own bank account and your own savings. You hope for the best in your marriage but you have to be level headed enough to plan for the unforseen. I will never put myself in a position that if I ever had an emergency and needed a way, I would be trapped so to speak. I saw my mom go though hell and back with my dad so I just learned from that. That being said, I don't think anything like that would ever happen between my DH and I- I love him very much and all, but in the event that something changes, I will be prepared and that makes me feel a little more secure.

The way we do this is we both have seperate checking and savings accounts (I also have a seperate CD for my retirement and he has seperate retirements as well ) and we have a joint retirement account and a joint credit card- As far as our credit card goes- as soon as we spend something, we immediately pay it off. We are both very responsibe with it- we check our statements together as a couple regurally so we both know what is up!

As far as paying the bills go, Colin is usually the one to do that in our home. He is better at it and doesn't mind it just like i'm better at doing things around the house and don't mind cooking/etc. What he does pay though, we always sit down and go over beforehand so that we both know what's happening with our money.

Since I am not working at right now (currently doing the housewife thing while we plan to start a family and do improvements around the house), DH does give me spending money every month. Before I stopped working, I had enough in my savings accts. to get me by for a good while so I felt comfortable enough making that decision, and I do not touch that money. We live comfortably life off what DH makes alone right now. The money I've saved in my accounts in my mind it's for emergencies only (and he agrees). DH is good about giving me spending money every month so I have my own cash and can go out and buy small things I might want here or there. DH also allows himself some spending money too (we save first with every paycheck he gets and PYF (pay yourself first) by saving, then we pay whatever bills we might have, and then allow ourselfs a little spending money that might be left over.

When it comes to money though, whether it's mine, his, our our joint money....we always out of courtesey to one another ask first. For instance, if I need a new coat or a pair of shoes or if he needs a part for his motorcycle, we always say "I would like to buy ......, would you mind if I did that today" (the answer is always no, i don't mind for the most part.) But I think talking about it keeps us open and honest about our spending and also keeps us in check. It works well for us.

Originally Posted by silvionc

I guess a joint account would work for some couples. Me, personally, would never agree to that. I like my freedom, I make the money, and I can spend it on whatever. I like that I can go out and spend a few hundred dollars on a splurge buy (obviously don’t do that often) if I want to and my boyfriend couldn’t care less. I am so independent that I think I would be very annoyed if I had to ask my boyfriend if I can buy something.

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We both have the freedom to spend money on a "splurge", we just discuss it first.

As for joint accounts, they are important because if anything were to happen to either of you, your accounts are frozen and you would not be able to access the monies in those accounts until all the legalities and paperwork was completed and the estate settled which could take weeks to months. For that time you would not be able to access any of the money, even if you needed it.

For instance, my bachelor brother is quite ill right now and he lives in NB. He has changed his bank account to a joint account with me so that should something happen to him the government will not be able to freeze his account and decide who they should give it to. He has a Will to cover his properties and who they go to, but he wants the cash to come to me and by making it a joint account with me, the account in effect becomes mine should anything happen to him. I have a vague notion of how much money is in the account and I have an access card but I do not touch that account - it's his while he is alive.

You may want to do some investigating into that situation because none of us knows when and if something might happen to our loved ones.

His, mine and ours.

We have a joint account to which we contribute equally, that is for household stuff. I use the debit card for groceries and other household consumables. He pays the bills, because he's the most organized about such things, and keeps an eye on the balance. It has good overdraft protection on it, so we never get caught without funds in it, but if we're spending more than it's covering, we review and decide whether to cut back somewhere or up our contributions.

I buy most of the gas, because I do most of the driving. I also pay for oil changes and such, but he pays for most of the larger maintenance (infrequent, thank God) and for the insurance. It works out fairly even, I think.

Other than that, our money is our own and we spend -- or not -- as we see fit. We do consult each other about larger purchases of our own, but not to ask permission, only to help weigh the options. In 18 years, we have never had a disagreement -- even a mild one -- about money.

I believe how someone sets up a budget should depend a lot on their spending habits. Like you, my husband and I are very frugal. We've pooled our income into one account for over 13 years now.

After we put aside money for our savings (one long-term and one in a savings account that is accessible), we pretty much know what our budget is. Some weeks are tighter than others, but we are determined to not dip into the savings.

The savings account is for emergencies and for expensive items we want to eventually buy. We don't buy on credit, we wait until we have the money and pay cash.

If both of you are reasonable about spending and are working toward the same goals I don't see that there would be too many problems.

Good luck!

p.s. I think the idea of having some of your own money stashed away is a great one. Wish I'd have done that with my first husband who emptied out our accounts, charged two steel guitars on the credit card, and fled.

Originally Posted by rapunzel47

His, mine and ours.

We have a joint account to which we contribute equally, that is for household stuff. I use the debit card for groceries and other household consumables. He pays the bills, because he's the most organized about such things, and keeps an eye on the balance. It has good overdraft protection on it, so we never get caught without funds in it, but if we're spending more than it's covering, we review and decide whether to cut back somewhere or up our contributions.

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That's how we work it, too. Our paychecks get deposited into our own accounts. We both contribute equally to a joint account for household items and bills. We each have signing privledges on each others' checking accounts so in case of emergency we have access to all available funds. We consider all money "our" money...but we each control some of it on our own.

Like others have stated, I would never want to have totally joint finances. Abusive relationships aside, I have a very close friend who was widowed eight years into marriage. All their finances and credit were joint and she found herself in the horrible situation of having no credit history because everything was primarily in his name. Both DH and I are very careful about making sure the other would be OK should anything happen to one of us, and I see keeping some separate financial and credit history as part of that.

Originally Posted by Tari

That's how we work it, too. Our paychecks get deposited into our own accounts. We both contribute equally to a joint account for household items and bills. We each have signing privledges on each others' checking accounts so in case of emergency we have access to all available funds. We consider all money "our" money...but we each control some of it on our own.

Like others have stated, I would never want to have totally joint finances. Abusive relationships aside, I have a very close friend who was widowed eight years into marriage. All their finances and credit were joint and she found herself in the horrible situation of having no credit history because everything was primarily in his name. Both DH and I are very careful about making sure the other would be OK should anything happen to one of us, and I see keeping some separate financial and credit history as part of that.

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I don't quite understand that logic. I have my own account in my name, he has his in his name but both are joint accounts we can both access (but never do). Our mortgage was in BOTH our names when we had one, our cars are in our own names and the insurance on both cars is in our own names. Our utility bills are in the name of whichever one of us set them up originally but the payments come from my account. So we each have our own credit history. Having a joint account should have nothing to do with your own personal credit information unless I'm missing something.

Wait, after re-reading I see you said "everything was primarily in his name". That's nothing to do with a "joint bank account" - that's a whole separate issue.

DH and I have the $50 limit rule, but really neither of us have bought anything over $30 without consulting the other. Mostly because we have other financial goals (like buying a house).

DH does the bills for us because he's just good working with numbers and seems to have a natural ability to understand financial things. Not that I'm completely clueless, he's just got a tallent there. I wouldn't say that either of us don't get to buy things when we want them, it just keeps us balanced in our spending/saving. Delaying gratification in our spending habits has even paid off for us (getting things at a great sale price for example, and avoiding what turned out to be a not so great product too).

I can see why learning to share finances can be difficult. I had it easier because when DH and I got married I was in college and not working while I recovered from a back injury (something we'd decided on together). It was probably harder for him to take on the responsiblity of me than it was for me to learn to understand (and I managed for a while) the household expenses. I know a few couples that have a joint account they each put so much money into to pay bills, and then they have separate accounts for spending. That doesn't work for DH and I at this point, but it seems good for them!

We have everything in one account. We have a nice cushion in it so that we don't have to worry about who spends what on what.
I do all the bills from that account, we buy whatever we want from that account, I've never written down a check in the whole time we were dating/married, and we've never bounced a check or emptied our account.
I have to say, it's dwindled a bit since I've taken a lesser paying job, but it still has a nice chunk of money in it. Neither one of us asks if we can buy this or that, and it works well for us.

This is a long thread! Sorry Nat, didn't have time to read through it so probably someone else posted this.

When we first met, Rob and I had 3 accounts - we each had our own personal account and then had a joint household expense account.Now, after 13 years, we have 3 joint accounts - savings, chequing (household), vacation/home renovation.

We always discuss any individual purchase of $100 or more and do a budget every month - our expenses do a lot of shifting!

Brandon and I aren't married but we have separate accounts and I mainly handle the money. I love him to death but he would buy every grown man's toy that he set his eyes on if ya let him

well,

itta business has its own account, mine has it own account. i have my own accounts here and there, some with her.

both are names are one all the accounts.
she handles the money, i have no clue even how much money we or i have.

i put some money in my local bank then transfer it to my hsbc account.

she has always felt, it was her job to control the money, as she also control the money for her family hotels.

We had a chat the other day, to tell me that we had lost X amount of money in the stock markert.

I was ok,
she said your not upset or mad at me?
lol i said i did not know we even had X amount of money to lose :lol3

Wow, this thread is really long!! Thanks guys, I have no time to read everything right now, but I will try tonight!