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Vicious cycle

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Hello all. please read and don't judge but suggest...

My boyfriend and i recently got ourselves a cat. This is our first cat. He was adorable, friendly soooo friendly. About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend hit the cat while discipling him. Well, 2 weeks forward the cat is still mad and not hisses every single time we first start to pet him. Hes great in early morning and evening, but in the middle of the day he just has a poor attitude. My bf hasn't hurt him since, but we just want our old good cat back. What are the proper steps to get our old cat back. He is a domestic longhair and no longer being hurt.
post #2 of 18
Sounds like the hit hurt him in some way. I'd get the boyfriend to try bribing him with kitty treats (cheese, etc.) and play more with an interactive toy (laser light, string toys, feather toys).

It takes time to get over being hit or hurt by a person. Hopefully your cat will come around soon.
post #3 of 18
Have you felt the cat all over to be sure he doesn't have an injury or a sore place somewhere?

If you adopted him from a shelter, he might have suffered some abuse in the past, and this incident made him think the whole deal was starting again.

But patience and soft treatment is the only solution I can suggest.
post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 
To goldenkitty and Mr.Blanche.

Thank you.

We did adopt him from a shelter and im afraid he now remembers his last owners who we heard abused him.

How can i tell if theres a sore, you mean like a bump. What should i do if there is, how long do cats usually heal? Thanks again, i feel so bad for the poor little guy.
post #5 of 18
Where did your boyfriend hit him? Head, side? back? I'd start there to check for any tenderness.
post #6 of 18
Thread Starter 
on the back, then he hissed and on the head...
post #7 of 18
i might get him checked out just in case... he may just be pissed off and not hurt, but you don't want to take that chance.

as far as the behaviour to your SO, time, patience, and a LOT of sucking up is in order. cats do not always forgive so easily, especially if they have a history.
post #8 of 18
First of all, I'm sure your aware but let your SO know there is no reason, ever to hit a cat. Physical punishment doesn't work with them, although it sounds like with your cats response he won't be doing that again. It can be very hard for a cat to come back from that, especially if he suffered past abuse. Does your cat hiss or hide when your boyfriend approaches him?
If so I suggest he leave out treats for your cat, but wait for your cat to come to him, when he does lots of treats and soft pats and just be VERY VERY patient. Let the cat have his space whenever he wants it.......
post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 
My bf was raised in a very strict authorthian home, so he thinks discipline and punishment are the answers to all he knows it doesn't work with a cat. He definetly hides and hisses to my bf, sometimes the cat even hisses at me and it makes me really sad. I hope the cat gets over it soon.
post #10 of 18
Originally Posted by Lost_friend View Post
My bf was raised in a very strict authorthian home, so he thinks discipline and punishment are the answers to all he knows it doesn't work with a cat. He definetly hides and hisses to my bf, sometimes the cat even hisses at me and it makes me really sad. I hope the cat gets over it soon.
both of y'all get a t-shirt good & sweaty - then feed kitty on top of them, leave the treats on them, etc. so that he'll associate your scents w/good things.
post #11 of 18
I agree that it is going to take time and a lot of patience. Kitty hadn't been with you long and was still in the settling in phase. Then this 'incident' has happened and the poor little chap is no doubt scared out of its wits. Imagine, abusive home, to rescue centre, to home, or to kitty maybe another abusive home. I hope it won't happen again, but kitty doesn't know that. The flight or flight tendancy which animals and humans have is just that. To fight to defend or run. I hope it doesn't winf your bf up if kitty is hissing or has a 'piss poor attitude' as to be quite honest I think I would too. If your bf really wants this kitty then he has to be a lot more careful with his approach and this will take time. Let kitty settle, i would advise bf not to approach kitty too much, let kitty go to him when kitty feels safe and comfortable to do so. The used t-shirt thing is a great idea and so are the treats. It is a shame that kitty has associated the incident with you too but that is often the way. Bf should speak softly to kitty and also remember that kitty is learning too and has been through a huge amount. Rescue animals are very delicate and must be treated so. I hope it goes well and that bf has learnt that that is absolutely unacceptable under every circumstance.
post #12 of 18
Its going to take some time to get over that
post #13 of 18
I hope your cat comes around soon Cats can't speak, so please be his voice and make sure your bf never hits or shouts at him ever again
post #14 of 18
As others have pointed out, physical aggression with a cat accomplishes nothing (except a cat that hisses, runs and hides from you).

I have been successful winning over cats that didn't trust me simply by ignoring them. Or, ackmowledge their presence, but take absolutely no other interest in them. Eventually, the cat learns you are not a threat and their natural curiousity will make them come to you.

You SO should just leave him alone, feed him whenever possible, but otherwise ignore him. And definitely not make any threatening moves toward the cat. Over time, you will get your former cat back
post #15 of 18
Thread Starter 

My cat has made a full recovery! He doesn't hiss at anyone anymore and he is playful again. I'm so happy to have him back to his old self. Thanks to everyone for their very helpful advice.
post #16 of 18
He must have hit him pretty hard, and sorry to say, but your boyfriend should know better, especially coming from a background of physical abuse. I understand this is your first kitty, but would you allow this if you adopted a child? The reasoning of why it happened would not fly with CPS.......and they certainly wouldn't excuse it.
post #17 of 18
So glad to hear he's feeling better.

I once heard an animal researcher say that since so much cat behavior is instinct, we have to be very careful. To them, every experience is either entirely new and a reason to be wary, or exactly like some previous experience. If they think what they are experiencing is exactly like some previous bad experience, they will do almost anything to avoid it.

I have seen cats in our shelter that have been abused, and it takes a long time to gain their trust again. We have to be very careful about letting them be adopted. Sadly, many of them have to be put to sleep.
post #18 of 18
Good to know kitty is back to his sweet self. Thanks for letting us know.
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