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How to say no? (long)

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
As I mentioned here before we own about 80 acres with two of Neil's brothers. This land consists of about 20 acres of woods, we rent out about 45 acres or so farmland, there is a barn that we all are working on restoring and rest of land well just there. We are slowly working on clearing the fencelines of trees that of grown up on them.

We found out about this land as it was a BIL's uncles property. It is hard to buy a good parcel of land for a good price and he rents the farmland from us.

We allow two of his sons to deer hunt (if they want) on the property as they own the adjacent property. They also let us borrow random items if we need it when working on the property and give us a hand if needed.

One of Neil's brothers had a daughter has a boyfriend and they are "supposedly" engaged. A ring was given to her about a year ago but no wedding plans have every been mentioned. This boyfriend (who BTW is about 12 yrs older than my niece) is not well excepted by his potential in laws! We rarely see him at any family gatherings.

Well he has been asking, almost to the point of demanding that he be allowed to hunt on our property. A couple of years ago he brought this up and then went on and on about if he was hunting on our land no one else could be on the property -he was acting like this land was his and that we wouldn't be allowed to go on it!! No mentioned of any compensation or offer to help when we need it was brought up.

None of Neil's other two brothers or Neil does not hunt. This is not why we bought the property. We know we could lease out the hunting rights and make some money but that this not the purpose of the land. If we want to walk through the woods in the fall we will without the fear of being watched by a hunter.

Since this is now bow hunting season here and gun hunt starts in about 6 weeks the pressure will be increasing on Neil's brother from this boyfriend to allow him to him.

He just doesn't seem to accept the word no. Any advice that we can give to bolster the "no" would be great!!

Thanks for any ideas??
post #2 of 16
I'd simply tell him that since he is not married to the daughter, then he is NOT officially in the family, and until that day comes, he will NOT be allowed to hunt deer on the property!
post #3 of 16
And if he does you can have him arrested, that would teach him your serious...either that or piss off a guy who owns a
post #4 of 16
You said that you didn't purchase this property for hunting. Explain that you don't really WANT people hunting on the land, and that the two who have permission to hunt there only have permission to do so because they put in so much work on the property. Essentially, they have earned it and he simply has not.

You probably don't want to say "well you're not family", because at this point he intends to be despite and bad feelings from other family members. That could cause big problems between you and your niece.
post #5 of 16
I'm not sure I see why it'd be a big problem to allow it? I realize the guy might have a pretty giant ego but a simple conversation letting him know that YOU make the calls and not him should remedy that. if it doesn't, send him packing to hunt on public land with 20 billion others. But in my opinion it sounds like you might be trying to justify saying no with the long walks talk. DOn't get offended, that's just the way it seems. Clearly you don't have a problem with land to walk on.

So if that's the case and you might be making up reasons to justify it, don't kill yourself over it, say no. I know you take on a lot more liability allowing him, so maybe say that. That you can't be held responsible for what he gets into, or if he gets hurt, and since he's not family it's just not the same.

But would it really be a big deal to let him? Maybe you could allow him, but put stringent restrictions on him. No friends, no drinking on the land, no hunting after dusk etc.

Just thinking outloud
post #6 of 16
The bottom line is it is YOUR property, so he should respect your decision. I can see what the rest of the family isn't really fond of him.

We have 5 acres, 3 of which are still woods in back. We do allow our neighbor to hunt at the very bottom (it's a pretty steep hill) because he does plow out the dirt road in winter, but have told other people no. We love to let the dogs out to run in fall and winter and it's too dangerous to have hunters out there. At least our neighbor calls and lets us know when he is planning on being there so we keep the dogs in the fenced in yard.

The only compromise I can think of (if you want to keep peace with the family) is to say he can hunt, but only if he goes with the other two, and ONLY if you are notified when they will be there. Good luck. Family situations like this are always sticky.
post #7 of 16
It sounds like this guy will not accept a simple "no", which means you'll need to come up with a fairly strong reason. The idea of allowing him to hunt only with the other two sounds pretty good. Also, make sure he know the consequences of breaking any of your rules--immediate suspension of hunting priveleges.

If you truly do not want him hunting on your property, for whatever reason, the thing you should NOT say to him is that he is not family yet. If he ever does marry your niece he'll expect to be allowed free rein to hunt on your property.
post #8 of 16
I would just ask him what part of N O does he not understand!
post #9 of 16
Tell him trespassers are liable to be shot.
post #10 of 16
You should follow your instincts and stick to your resolve to not allow him to hunt on your land. Quite frankly, I wouldn't allow anyone to do that, but that's another issue.

Point is, you will be liable should he be injured one way or the other, but the major point is you don't want him to. You can make up any excuse you want, but I would just say, I don't feel comfortable with you hunting our ground.
Hopefully, he will never marry into the family and that will be the end of it. I would not allow him even if he did. What if they got divorced, then what? Once he starts, he is not going to want to stop.

The others are blood to your husband so that's it. Blood or nothing.
post #11 of 16
Gail, a firm, but kind "No" should suffice. If he presses you any harder than that tell him that you do not want him hunting on your land because you would not feel safe walking out into the woods to tend to the needs of your property/etc without worrying over your safety. I would leave it at that. Make sure you and DH say the same thing to him so that he isn't able to pressure one of you behind the others back. To be frank, you don't owe him an explanation, it is your land, but when you explaine that you're not comfortable with it, especially as far as your safety/etc goes, maybe he will be more likely to back off.
post #12 of 16
Guess you guys are more right. I spoke before I thought about it. If Gail's family doesn't want to hunt on the property, then no one should (mainly for safety reasons).

I do like the answer of "what part of N O do you not understand?".
post #13 of 16
Just say NO. You don't have to give him a reason. It is your land, and you are allowed to say no to anything you don't want happening on it. There is also that liability thing. He has no rights, he will barely be family when he marries your niece, and you do not owe him a thing, including an explanation.
post #14 of 16
Even if he marries your niece it still doesnt give him the right to hunt on your land!
post #15 of 16
Just say NO. You don't have to give him a reason.

i will go along with that one.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the input!! I'll pass the liability info on to my BIL-its a good point.
And my BIL's wife (one of my SIL's) she and her brothers/sisters also own about 120 acres (wooded) and he wants to hunt there too. So they are really getting pressured!!
I agree No is No and that should be the end of it!
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