Do you think it's ok to read your child's email/msn converstaions?

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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by ClaireBear

In my opinion it's not okay to continually snoop through your children's conversations. Parent's need to develop an open and honest relationship with their kids, by doing so the child will feel safe coming to them if something is wrong. If the parent disregards the kids right to privacy it's going to make the child feel they have to hide everything. Or like in your case it's going to make having friends difficult. My parents were always concerned about my life when I was a kid, they'd ask questions and pay attention to my behavior, but they never snooped in my conversations.
I agree with you!!!

Originally Posted by libby74

DH & I were discussing this last night, after I'd already posted that I do, indeed, read DD's emails, facebook, myspace, etc from time to time. It occurred to both of us---if it's out there for millions of people across the world to read it's ok for us to read it, too.
I also check the history on DD's laptop occasionally. That's how I discovered my teenage daughter had visited several "adults only dating sites"shocked:
She didn't realize (apparently) what 'adults only' meant; after I explained she assures me she hasn't been back
:
Sometimes you just have to check on them for their own good.
Definitely if it's out their for everyone to see, but private emails and IM conversations?

Originally Posted by lauracatlover

One of my ex-friend's mom and dad. They come over whilst she's on msn and read what peeps are saying in the convo. But anyway, she's an ex-friend, so I'm just not gonna speak about her


On msn there is a 'history' button where you can either show or hide the conversations that you'v had before. Has your sis used this? That way, he couldn't really spy on her, as the history won't have been saved


IMO I don't think watching over their shoulder is a good thing to do, that way they will deliberately do the opposite of what you say. My parents are nothing like that, all they want me to do is make sure I don't add anybody I don't know.

Yeah she deletes her history. She said she doesn't really care if he reads her conversations, but if he sees that she's been talking to any guys Dad freaks out. She's gets accused of meeting guys anytime she leaves the house. Even taking the dog for a walk. I started counting down the day till I was able to move out when I was 16 and I didn't move out until I went to college at 18. Dad is super controlling, the only thing that kept me going through high school was my horse Bonnet. My granny called me one day and told me I could get a horse and keep it at her house if I paid for everything. I jumped right on that! I had a good excuse to leave the house everyday.
 

butzie

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Well, Jen is 21 and Ben is 13. DH and I are in the computer industry. We all have our own computers and DH has one from work.

Mom always trusted us and I do trust our kids. Rule 1 for them is never give out personal info or agree to meet anyone. Rule 2 is the same.

Never worried about Jen and I never checked her emails or anything. Ben mostly goes to game sites and we know where he is (he talks to the games
) Lots of times he asks DH to load something and we review it.

We will probably monitor Ben a little more but Jen is an adult now.
 

norachelhere

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While I dont have any kids of my own I am sort of going through something similar with my 13 year old sister. While I do not think it is right for him to be standing over her shoulder, you can bet that in this world, I would be concerned about what my child is doing online. There are some very sick people, and kids at that age, me included, don't realy realize the dangers they present.

Maybe he can back off of her a little and try something like that.... I really dont feel it is necessary at all unless she has done something to peak his interest.....
 

marianjela

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I think the keyword here is balance, and as always things like this are based on the individual.

We have 3 computers in my house. My oldest had a computer in her room, but it has since been handed down to the 11 & 13 year old and they have it in their room. We have a family computer in the dining room and then we have a laptop.

When my daughter got her computer in her room, I warned her that I could at any time see what she was doing from the computer downstairs. She didnt have to know that wasnt completely true
But it kept her honest.

I do know how to retrieve passwords on the site my children go on, and i have checked out their MySpace pages to make sure they were acceptable. I have always warned them to keep them clean and not to put anything on there that they would be ashamed of if their teacher or friend's mother seen.

Now - all that said... I do not read my children's email. But they know that any time I can if I want. I am not trying to invade their privacy. I am just reminding them to not do anything that they can or will be ashamed of later.

I also warn them of the dangers online and they know better than to talk to strangers.

Now... one of my daughter's old friends have VERY strict parents. But this only pushed the girl to sneak around. It was just discovered not too long ago that the said 13 year old was on the internet chatting with a 30-some year old guy and they had been meeting around town. That guy is now in jail on statutory rape.

I would NEVER want to push my teenager to feel the need to sneak around with a man old enough to be her father. But I wouldnt want to be gullible enough to think they couldnt or wouldnt do it if given the chance. Also - I wouldnt wait until AFTER to start "investigating"

There is a fine line between parenting and being their friend. You have to find the healthy balance that works for you.

When I check on my daughters' public sites. Most of the time I do it with them. And I dont make them feel like I am checking up on them as much as I do it to see how well their designs and layouts are.

They dont have to feel like they are in a prison or that they cant be trusted. They just have to be aware of the dangers out there and know that there are limits, and be reminded that there are consequences for their actions and they get to choose the road they want to take.
 

mzjazz2u

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Yep! I'd read them. Too many parents and children think of themselves as peers and not as parents. And It's not a matter of trust. There is too much danger out there. And children don't always have the thought processes and capability to handle certain situations. When younger, they have the, "It will never happen to me" thing going on. And when they are teenagers, they have raging hormones and a desire to spread their wings and declare independence. The hormones alone make them vulnerable to predators. Trust is sometimes relative. I trusted my children (when they were younger) but I didn't trust their homrones or their maturity to always decide what is safe and what isn't. And the parents have the responsibility to keep their children safe. Children need parents to be parents first and friends/peers second!
 

norachelhere

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Originally Posted by mzjazz2u

Yep! I'd read them. Too many parents and children think of themselves as peers and not as parents. And It's not a matter of trust. There is too much danger out there. And children don't always have the thought processes and capability to handle certain situations. When younger, they have the, "It will never happen to me" thing going on. And when they are teenagers, they have raging hormones and a desire to spread their wings and declare independence. The hormones alone make them vulnerable to predators. Trust is sometimes relative. I trusted my children (when they were younger) but I didn't trust their homrones or their maturity to always decide what is safe and what isn't. And the parents have the responsibility to keep their children safe. Children need parents to be parents first and friends/peers second!
I agree with that whole thing!
 

theimp98

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i look at like this, would someone take child and just dump it(ok ok , him or her), in the middle of a big city alone?

just cause that child is sitting in there bed room does not make them safe.
as my buddy fround out.
 
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EnzoLeya

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Oh, I did forget to mention that I made her email account for her, and if you are under the age of 13 you have to have an adult ok it. I had to jump through a bunch of hoops and prove that I was of age and what my email account was, so they could check my info on there too. Anyway, since I made it for her I have access to all her emails. I've never gone in to check her emails, but I figure her knowing that I could should be enough.

I'm 21 and she's 13. We're half sisters and have lived together all our lives. I think we have a good relationship
 

mer636

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ok this is just my opinion and it's based on how I was raised but No..it's not ok to read their messages and e-mails. I was raised to be careful about what you tell people not only online but also in your everyday routine and although my parents did from time to time take a look at my msn messages it was actually me who chose to act the way I do because of the teachings my parents taught me growing up.

In my opinion what I would do would be to yes install the parent control on the computers so they can't go on certain sites from the start but don't read their personal messages. Keep an eye on them for certain signs of something going on, talk to them about how their day was and what's going on in their lives..what I'm saying would be to just..talk


this is my opinion and i'm not judging or trying to offend anyone that posted
 

skadi

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I've had internet access from home since I was about 14, I'm 23 now, and it's only been in the last 4 or 5 years my parents got to grips a bit with the internet. i.e. using it for more than just checking their own e-mails/ looking at websites, and getting a bit more knowledge.

So, it wasn't that they didn't care as such that they didn't check, just there wasn't as much awareness about parental guidance with regards to your child using chatrooms and suchlike. So yeah, I pretty much had free reign on it at an age when I guess, I was most vulnerable. They were a little more strict with my younger sister, checking her e-mails now and again, having the P.C. in the main family room, occassionally standing behind her when she was on aim/ msn and setting various parental controls. But she was aware of this, and I don't get the impression she felt her privacy was invaded as it wasn't constant questions or done sneakily.

To be honest, from when I first started using the net, I knew if somebody wasn't speaking to me appropriately, or in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. Our isp also had the function where you could report users/ block them, and I would use this if someone seemed to me, to be crossing any lines/ sending inappropriate pictures. I guess it depends on how savvy your child is, and everyone is different.

I'd suggest if your child is a little older, you need to give them their privacy to help them gain their independance, and it helps them be a bit more open with the parent if they do get into trouble. It's probably best to see if your isp has a reporting function and a block feature, and make your child aware of these, and then now and again have a look through their e-mails, but not to the point where they feel completely stifled. In my opinion, younger children shouldn't really be using chatrooms/ instant messaging, perhaps set up an e-mail address for them to just send e-mails to people in their address book that you can monitor easily.
 
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