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Fun with Telemarketers....

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Highly amusing, and possibly highly embarassing for the person on the other line. Or at least you can ensure that they'll be the first one to hang up!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work,if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
post #2 of 16
If I could remember all these, and telemarketers called me more often I would totally use them. The only telemarketing calls I get are automated anyway.
post #3 of 16
Love those suggestions, especially the carpet-cleaner one.

I, too, got sick of the automated messages being left, though I do wonder if Jake from Mortgage Services has left me for another woman--haven;t heard from him in a LONG time...men...such beasts... However, I recently left a message: ;Hi, we can;t come to the phone right now. If you;re RSVPing for the Roman orgy party in October, please leave your name, the number of people attending, and whether you are bringing grapes or dancing girls. We really need more dancing girls. Thanks!; It was amazing how many phone sellers just hung up, and I stopped getting as many calls. (I did take it off after my best friend really thought we WERE having an orgy! --not that we would, seriously--we;re not like that, I swear!)

(Sorry for the ;s--the cats stole the quotes key!)
post #4 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieJerks View Post
If I could remember all these, and telemarketers called me more often I would totally use them. The only telemarketing calls I get are automated anyway.

Ahh, so YOU;RE the one Jake from Mortgage Services has been calling!!! I;m jealous! (Just joking!)
post #5 of 16
Those are priceless! I love the bankruptcy and the need for money one.

Have you seen this video?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8
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post #6 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post


Geez, and to think I feel bad about just hanging up on them!
post #7 of 16
These are absolutely hysterical!!! I really like the one about screaming "oh my God" when you realize you're talking to a telemarketer, and I just might try it for real the next time I get one of those calls!
post #8 of 16
OMG, that video was hilarious!
post #9 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by MargeCat View Post
Love those suggestions, especially the carpet-cleaner one.

I, too, got sick of the automated messages being left, though I do wonder if Jake from Mortgage Services has left me for another woman--haven;t heard from him in a LONG time...men...such beasts... However, I recently left a message: ;Hi, we can;t come to the phone right now. If you;re RSVPing for the Roman orgy party in October, please leave your name, the number of people attending, and whether you are bringing grapes or dancing girls. We really need more dancing girls. Thanks!; It was amazing how many phone sellers just hung up, and I stopped getting as many calls. (I did take it off after my best friend really thought we WERE having an orgy! --not that we would, seriously--we;re not like that, I swear!)

(Sorry for the ;s--the cats stole the quotes key!)
Hey! I take a showgirls class, so I can bring the dancing girls. What day in October because I have plans already for the weekend of the 4th. I just bringing the grapes to that party.
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by butzie View Post
Hey! I take a showgirls class, so I can bring the dancing girls. What day in October because I have plans already for the weekend of the 4th. I just bringing the grapes to that party.
Come on over! But, just be careful where you high-kick during an orgy--OUCH!
post #11 of 16
Thread Starter 
OMG that you tube has me crying thats the best ever prank call!!
post #12 of 16
Those are pretty funny. Another simple one I've heard is when they ask to speak to someone, even if it's you, just say, "sure, one moment" and set the phone down. Then just leave it there. You're wasting their time as much as they'd be wasting yours and it slows down their whole procedure. After a few minutes they'll hang up.

Someone out there is using our phone number for all sorts of things- they used us for their Blockbuster account and they don't return things, so we get automated calls from Blockbuster saying they haven't returned something and they'll be charged for it. It gives the phone number for the store and I've called them. They're absolutely no help. I've told them the name that the message says they're calling for and they can't locate it. I've told them the movies that they say are late and they can't look it up by that. I have a hard time believing that a multi-billion dollar company's computer system can't look things up by the renter's name or by the movies that are checked out. I think they're just lazy morons at the store.

This same person also opened some sort of credit account with our phone number and the company has been calling us. I don't think they're not paying their bill (yet- based on their history with Blockbuster, I'm sure it's only a matter of time!) This is the credit company wanting to make other offers to them. They leave messages and I call them back, saying they have the wrong number, this person is using our phone number, they don't live here, never lived here and I don't know who they are. They say they'll remove our name from their system and yet, here I am, still getting calls.

I was really hoping to talk to them yesterday when it was Talk Like a Pirate Day- I'm not normally someone who can pull stuff like that off (hence my first suggestion to just set the phone down) but that would have been too perfect- "ahoy matey! ye be callin' the wrong number! that scallywag's been falsifyin' his information again! if we ever find him, his swollen arse will be walkin' the plank! and if you ever call here again, you'll be joinin' him, so I suggest ye take our name off your list before I hunt you down like the scurvy dog that you are and take a pound of ye flesh off ya!!"



By the way, if you ever want to figure out all those mystery numbers on your caller ID, 800notes.com is a great site. You put the number in and if they've called other people (usually they have), they've reported it there. It doesn't have to be an "800" number either. A lot of times, survey people (like political polls and market research) call from regular lines and those will be listed on the site too. It's always helpful to report any information about the number, if you've figured out who they are.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by gothic~mermaid View Post
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . .
a friend of mine actually did something like this at work. this was when i worked as a reservation agent for an airline. on the midnight shift, [& sometimes others] we'd get a lot of obscene calls - 800 number, 95% of the time a female will answer, etc. anyway, she told him she couldn't hear him, & could he please speak up. each time, she said she still couldn't hear him. meanwhile, she was covering the end of the speaking tube & updating the rest of us. he finally hung up, but only after actually screaming his 'message' to her
post #14 of 16
I don't think I would ever get a job calling people like that but I do work in a call center and people think that we are not people and sometimes treat people over the phone like crap or kinda just poke fun kinda like this so I would tend to just nicely say no and if they doesn't work just hang up or say sorry not interested gotta go thanks. Unless they were just rude then I might get mad at them. Yes they may be annoying but they are doing a job and they are still people. They don't deserve to be harassed or embarrassed any more then anyone else and weather they can or can't get another job this is the one they have and they should be treated with respect just as anyone deserves respect in the job they work at. Just a thought though whatever people do is there thing this is just the way I feel about it.
post #15 of 16
I am a telemarketer, and I LOOOOVE my job. Bring on the pranks, it makes my boring days on the phone that much more fun.



These things ya'll are schemeing up do not bother us in the least. They only give us stuff to laugh at around the water cooler.

Sorry guys.

BTW. I am not the type of telemarketer that calls random people. The people we call have filled out a form and requested more information. Sometimes though, the form was filled out YEARS ago. Those are the calls that are most like the cold calling that annoying telemarketers do.

I loved #11.


post #16 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krazycatlover View Post
I don't think I would ever get a job calling people like that but I do work in a call center and people think that we are not people and sometimes treat people over the phone like crap or kinda just poke fun kinda like this so I would tend to just nicely say no and if they doesn't work just hang up or say sorry not interested gotta go thanks. Unless they were just rude then I might get mad at them. Yes they may be annoying but they are doing a job and they are still people. They don't deserve to be harassed or embarrassed any more then anyone else and weather they can or can't get another job this is the one they have and they should be treated with respect just as anyone deserves respect in the job they work at. Just a thought though whatever people do is there thing this is just the way I feel about it.
I agree...to a point. I also work in a call center that is strictly incoming calls. So, they are calling me for info and yes, it would be nice if they treat me like a human being even if I give them info that they don't want to hear. Doesn't always happen so I try to be nice to telemarketers. BUT, I have had some that just call day after day and not take "I'm not interested" for an answer. That is when I have to start getting rude.

Yarra, I don't know how you do it. Working with in coming calls is bad enough, I can only imagine the abuse you guys take doing outgoing calls. You must really have a thick skin.

All that said, I thought that YouTube video was hilarious!!!
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