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First anniversary of cat's death approaching

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
It's just a couple of weeks until the anniversary of my beloved oldest cat's death. It's really hard. I think about him every day, anyway, but right now it feels like going through the loss all over again.
post #2 of 19
I know how you our feeling.
I feel the same way.
It will be 9 years for frisky my brothers cat on Sept 28th and 8 years since my Stripe was Pts on Sept 27th from Crf.
Do you need anyone to talk too?
I can help you.
post #3 of 19
sadly i fully understand how you are feeling. it will be a year on the 6th October since my precious boy was taken from me. i'm finding that the memories which had become happier are now returning to those dark days that led up to his passing.

it's the sick, skinny, blind, scared creature he became that i see now. not the cuddly, eccentric, happy boy that he was.

post #4 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tab View Post
sadly i fully understand how you are feeling. it will be a year on the 6th October since my precious boy was taken from me. i'm finding that the memories which had become happier are now returning to those dark days that led up to his passing.

it's the sick, skinny, blind, scared creature he became that i see now. not the cuddly, eccentric, happy boy that he was.


I guess we can hope that after the anniversary date passes, we'll be able to remember the happy years again, rather than the hard last days.


Mews2much, too, thank you so much for your kindness.
post #5 of 19
Sadly, I too know what you're going through.
It was a year in June that we had to have our Lizzie put to sleep.

For months everytime I thought of her all I saw was the way she looked the last few days of her life.
Then I realized she only looked that way for a few short days and for the other (much to short) 7 years of her life that she was a big, beautiful orange and white girl and that's what I needed to remember.

I found a picture of her with her beloved Sister Gracie from when they were about 5 years old, they were laying together on our bed and they looked so adorable that I took their picture.

I framed that picture and it sits on the armour in our living room.
Everytime I feel sad about her, I look at that picture and it helps.
I helps me to remember that even though she had a short life, she had a happy life and she was loved very, very much

So when you feel sad about your boy, just look at a picture of him when he was health and remember even though he's not here on earth with you right now that he's at the bridge with all the other TCS babies and he's healthy and happy once again and that he's waiting for you.
post #6 of 19
I know it is hard, but try to think of your kitty as he was. My rescue died at 19, just skin and bones and fur. I did not euthanise because her eyes told me not to. It was so painful to see her go like that, but it is what she wanted, and I know that to my core. When I think of her I do think of the bad times, but mostly I think of the sillynes she brought to me. Sneaking under the covers at 3am and mushing up against me, meowing me and my ex awake at 5am every morning to be fed, I had an arsenal of balled up socks next to the bed to toss at her, lol, she would bring them back to me! One time she, and this is a bit adult, was on the pillow above my head, my ex and I were being, uh, frisky. We did not notice her, watching us. She more looked like, "you guys about done yet, Im trying to sleep here!" then interested.
post #7 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graciecat View Post
For months everytime I thought of her all I saw was the way she looked the last few days of her life.
Then I realized she only looked that way for a few short days and for the other (much to short) 7 years of her life that she was a big, beautiful orange and white girl and that's what I needed to remember.
those words are so true but i guess the first anniversary is when you relive the last few weeks/days/minutes so strongly.

i'm struggling to put those memories out of my mind.

brokenheart, i hope you're coping. it is a horrible time.
post #8 of 19
I know this is a tough time for you Stay strong, keep happy memories of your beloved cat close to your heart. He is watching over you from over the Rainbow Bridge
post #9 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tab View Post
those words are so true but i guess the first anniversary is when you relive the last few weeks/days/minutes so strongly.

i'm struggling to put those memories out of my mind.

brokenheart, i hope you're coping. it is a horrible time.
Thanks. The news these days is very distracting so that takes my mind partly off it for a while. There's still a ways to go before the actual anniversary date (Oct. 9). I'm a little worried I may burst into tears at work that day.

I just miss him terribly, you know? Hang in there; I will too.

I guess the first year is the hardest? During the summer, I would sometimes think that I would never have imagined he wouldn't be here for the summer. Now I think that about the fall.

And it's brought back the second guessing of the decisions I made for him at the end - whether I was right to give him chemo, etc. I guess that will pass with the anniversary, but I can't stand thinking of him having been in any pain. And it's brought back the wishing he was home his last week, rather than at the vet hospital, even though though they were able to keep him far more comfortable than I could have.



I'll be glad when it's Oct.10.
post #10 of 19
i had to take milo to the vet yesterday for his booster and even that had a deeper significance as this time last year it was my beloved janet that i was in and out of the vets with. thankfully milo was given a clean bill of health.

i too am questioning my decisions regarding letting my boy go and i know in hindsight i should have let him go sooner.

i guess we will always feel a bit like that but i wish i could have let him know that i was trying so hard to help him. i failed him badly and that haunts me.

thanks for letting me share this with you brokenheart, i'm worried that i'm mentioning him too much in other parts of the forum.

roll on the end of October.
post #11 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tab View Post
i had to take milo to the vet yesterday for his booster and even that had a deeper significance as this time last year it was my beloved janet that i was in and out of the vets with. thankfully milo was given a clean bill of health.

i too am questioning my decisions regarding letting my boy go and i know in hindsight i should have let him go sooner.

i guess we will always feel a bit like that but i wish i could have let him know that i was trying so hard to help him. i failed him badly and that haunts me.

thanks for letting me share this with you brokenheart, i'm worried that i'm mentioning him too much in other parts of the forum.

roll on the end of October.

Thank you right back. It's good to have a place to talk about it.

When I went to pick him up that night - he was supposed to be coming home and the odds were he would die at home -- he started actively dying and the vet wanted to put him to sleep right away. I insisted on sitting with him for a while - I hadn't seen him the day before because he was out of it from procedures and it felt like they were just ripping him away from me - so I sat with him and when he started to show signs of discomfort I asked the vet to give him a shot so he wouldn't feel pain but I could sit with him a while longer while he was unconcious. She did, and about an hour later we euthanized him. I worry now that I selfishly made him endure those two hours when I wanted to sit with him. Maybe he would have rather just have gone right away.
post #12 of 19
If he was unconcious, he was away from his misery, and I am sure that he still sensed that you were getting comfort from his spirit being nearby, and that was a gift that he gave to you. Treasure those dear moments - I know how painful it is when all you have remaining is just memories; when your heart feels like it's healing, and then some reminder happens, and then it feels torn & raw again, as if a splinter of glass sits deep in your heart, and when it remains quiet & still your heart begins to heal, but then something moves it, and it cuts anew
Don't forget to take time out to allow yourself to grieve, you were strong when he needed you the most!! Any decisions you made were done out of love; you did the best you could and your sweet boy knows that. You will be in my thoughts and prayers during these difficult days - I, too, had some losses during the autumn season, it feels like as the dying summer left, it had to take some loved ones with it, so I get feelings of depression as the sun sets sooner every day. I am so grateful we have TCS to turn to.
post #13 of 19
oh catsknowme you worded that so beautifully. i agree with all you said, brokenheart did all they could to ensure their baby crossed the bridge with love, dignity and tenderness.
post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 
Well, this is the week. It's pretty hard already.
post #15 of 19
it was a year yesterday for me brokenheart. i had all these ideas of posting my boy's story on here, but i just couldn't.

i fully understand what a difficult time this is for you too and my thoughts are with you.
post #16 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tab View Post
it was a year yesterday for me brokenheart. i had all these ideas of posting my boy's story on here, but i just couldn't.

i fully understand what a difficult time this is for you too and my thoughts are with you.
Thank you. And I'm sorry for your boy, too -- I know how it gets very intense again around the anniversary.
post #17 of 19
I can relate to this thread big time. I always face fall with mixed feelings. Both of my parents died in December. Fall is beautiful but the cold and dark can become overwhelming sometimes. It is a year in November for my cat Nomie. I always struggle with his death when I think about it as it was so sudden. He stated throwing up on a Friday and was gone by Sunday. The vets weren't real sure what was going on....after a lot of tests and 1000 dollars they said there was something on the xray and ultrasound that looked like a mass. I sometimes wonder if I had insisted on xrays the first night ( Friday) before I blew 1000 dollars, I could have gotten a better answer. He didn't eat from friday to Sunday so I hope the vet was right on Sunday when he said it was a mass. He seemed a little vague but started talking about chemo etc. We didn't want to put him through that and frankly couldn't afford anymore. I rethink that weekend alot even though I have 3 kitties I love very much right now.
post #18 of 19
for you brokenheart. i know today is your anniversary.

lilyluvscats you express alot of the same feelings. the re-living the final weekend, the quickness of your cats illness. i'm so sorry that you have suffered so much loss with your parents and nomie.

i had such a vivid dream about my boy on the night of his anniversary. i could actually smell him. and as odd as that may sound, he was a smelly old thing, bless his heart. it was comforting but also so sad as it was almost like i had nearly forgotten that.
post #19 of 19
Thread Starter 
Thank you, tab.
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