So, I had to go first thing this morning to get blood work done. My doctor just ordered it because he wanted to make sure everything was in working order, so nothing serious. Anyway, it was a fasting blood order so nothing to eat or drink after midnight. Ok, so I do without my morning coffee
and get there first thing at 8:00am. The woman takes the blood, then hands me a little plastic cup.
I just look at her like "you've GOT to be kidding me!". Nothing since midnight (actually, a little after 10:00) and she expects something to be in my bladder? What little was there this morning I got rid of during my morning routine!
So, I'm in the bathroom and...nothing. I thought maybe if I turn on the sink the sound would do it. So I turn on the water and resume the position to catch any...umm...dribbles. Still nothing. So I start thinking (very dangerous before coffee). There's that old camp prank where you put someone's hand in a bowl of warm water so maybe that would work. So I wattle back over to the sink (Forget about pulling everything back up!) and turn on the warm water and stick my hand under it. Now, this of course is a health facility so the hot water heater it set at scalding, so after screaming and jumping up and down for a few seconds (very attractive in my state of undress, I'm sure) I add some cold and soak my hand. And wait. Nothing..not even the slightest urge.
Ok, so now performance anxiety has crept in and I'm starting to feel like a failure. I finally figure I'm not going to go if there's nothing there to get rid of, so I start drinking water straight from my cupped hand. I probably looked like someone lost in the desert that just found an oasis. FINALLY the urge started so I rushed (wattled) back over and assumed the position again and WOOHOO I got enough to cover the bottom! I was so proud of myself!!
I went back in the main room and the nurse said she was about ready to come and find me because I was gone for almost 10 minutes! I just shoved the cup at her and rushed out the door before she could say that wasn't a big enough sample. The kicker is, 1/2 hour later I REALLY had to go.
I just look at her like "you've GOT to be kidding me!". Nothing since midnight (actually, a little after 10:00) and she expects something to be in my bladder? What little was there this morning I got rid of during my morning routine!
So, I'm in the bathroom and...nothing. I thought maybe if I turn on the sink the sound would do it. So I turn on the water and resume the position to catch any...umm...dribbles. Still nothing. So I start thinking (very dangerous before coffee). There's that old camp prank where you put someone's hand in a bowl of warm water so maybe that would work. So I wattle back over to the sink (Forget about pulling everything back up!) and turn on the warm water and stick my hand under it. Now, this of course is a health facility so the hot water heater it set at scalding, so after screaming and jumping up and down for a few seconds (very attractive in my state of undress, I'm sure) I add some cold and soak my hand. And wait. Nothing..not even the slightest urge.
Ok, so now performance anxiety has crept in and I'm starting to feel like a failure. I finally figure I'm not going to go if there's nothing there to get rid of, so I start drinking water straight from my cupped hand. I probably looked like someone lost in the desert that just found an oasis. FINALLY the urge started so I rushed (wattled) back over and assumed the position again and WOOHOO I got enough to cover the bottom! I was so proud of myself!!
I went back in the main room and the nurse said she was about ready to come and find me because I was gone for almost 10 minutes! I just shoved the cup at her and rushed out the door before she could say that wasn't a big enough sample. The kicker is, 1/2 hour later I REALLY had to go.