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"Purity Balls" Good?Bad?Great Idea or Sexism?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
http://www.generationsoflight.com

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/19/us/19purity.html

What's your opinion of these father/daughter "purity balls"
When I first heard about them, I thought "Wow, what a great idea, especially the part where the fathers vow to lead lives of purity, to set a good example for the daughters". But then I saw some of the provocative outfits, as our older locals put it "displaying her wares for the whole county to see", and I began to wonder if maybe a few folks haven't forgotten the old-time religious directive to "tempt not" - kinda mixed-message, IMO.
And what about "purity balls" for the sons - teach them to respect girls as princesses, to have "chastity and purity in their hearts until marriage". Or is it still a matter of "a man will do what he can get away with - whether or not the sin happens, is up to the woman (ergo, the bigger sin is hers)"?
post #2 of 20
I think it is a wonderful idea. I don't understand what you are saying about the provocative outfits though, I didn't see any of them in the links you provided.
post #3 of 20
I agree with Cindy, I think it's pretty cool. Formal evenings are fun, and I'm sure that it means a lot to those young ladies to have their fathers take such interest in their lives and well being. Just as I'm sure that it means the world to the dads to have that much presence in their daughter's lives.
post #4 of 20
I'm a bit confused about why this is now "newsworthy", as my "premarital sex/contraception = sin" Catholic high school had such father-daughter/mother-son events way back in the "Dark Ages" of the early 70s, as did a lot of other area (public and parochial) high schools.
post #5 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
I think it is a wonderful idea. I don't understand what you are saying about the provocative outfits though, I didn't see any of them in the links you provided.
Well, I'm very conservative, I guess, and from years of working in a restaurant/bar and then a public defender's office which gets the sexual predators of the county, I've learned that most males consider exposed cleavage and thighs to be provocative
I'm a mom, and I know that if I can see my daughter's cleavage, so can the men, and yup! it's just natural, they do look.....
post #6 of 20
I think it's pretty goofy, but then I don't have any kids. If such a thing would have been around when I was a teenager, it would have been the object of much hilarity. It's nice to get fathers and daughters bonding and doing stuff together. And if they like doing balls, that's great. But this? I dunno. I've read that those abstinence pledges don't hold for very long anyway.
post #7 of 20
I think it's a pretty sexist idea to think of girls as princesses who are meant to be pure and under the protection of their father until they are married.

If girls want to abstain from sex until marriage, that's their choice and I respect it. Same goes for boys. But I just don't like the image of women that is promoted by these balls.
post #8 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
Well, I'm very conservative, I guess, and from years of working in a restaurant/bar and then a public defender's office which gets the sexual predators of the county, I've learned that most males consider exposed cleavage and thighs to be provocative
I'm a mom, and I know that if I can see my daughter's cleavage, so can the men, and yup! it's just natural, they do look.....
Were some of the girls dressed like that? I didn't see that. Why the rolling eyes, I am just honestly trying to understand.
post #9 of 20
How dare fathers, become involved in the life of there daughters. I mean i know its a joke these days for fathers to be involved in the life of there kids, but hmm that is the way it is supposed to be. SO i dont understand the problem here.

"I've learned that most males consider exposed cleavage and thighs to be provocative"
well i guess there is always a burka. then we can move to ankles and hands as being provocative..
post #10 of 20
The outfits seemed quite conservative and appropriate for their ages.

This seems like a nice idea in some ways. The Fathers are promising to be good dads and faithful to their moms, that seems like a good thing.

Unfortunately there is a remark on the link provided that says the Purity Balls don't really work. The girls are just as likely to have early sex and actually less likely to use condoms.

There is a rising rate of teen pregnancy following years of abstinence-only sex education, fights against birth control and of course against abortion. I'm not sure if this is an effective means of dealing with that problem.

Our kids seem to need more. And, yeah, boys need to be just as involved as girls. Is there a program for teaching boys to be as responsible as the girls?
post #11 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
I think it's a pretty sexist idea to think of girls as princesses who are meant to be pure and under the protection of their father until they are married.
i wouldn't consider it sexist, but then, i feel the same holds true for sons... i.e., they are also under the 'umbrella' of their fathers.
but that's not a new belief in my circle - i remember hearing this concept at a James Robison conference in my teens [& i'm 50]. never went to a 'purity ball', but i did attend a father-daughter banquet when i was a Brownie.
i made what would be considered an 'abstinence pledge' as a teenager, but it was my decision.
post #12 of 20
While these men are off at purity balls with their daughters, who are their sons having sex with?

I have a real issue with insisting female children remain abstinent/pure/whatever until marriage, but completely leaving male children out of the equation.

These girls don't usually get knocked up by men much older than they are, so where are the purity balls for the male children?

We can all point to stories of gold-digging younger women going after older men, but that's hardly typical. Purity balls have their place, but why are they only focused on females?
post #13 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by coaster View Post
I think it's pretty goofy, but then I don't have any kids. If such a thing would have been around when I was a teenager, it would have been the object of much hilarity. It's nice to get fathers and daughters bonding and doing stuff together. And if they like doing balls, that's great. But this? I dunno. I've read that those abstinence pledges don't hold for very long anyway.
I think its weird too. As a teenager I would have thought it was the goofiest thing in the world. I don't need to make a pledge to my father like its the Victorian era. The pledge should be with oneself. When I first heard of it I thought it was a joke.
post #14 of 20
I read that article and I have no clue what it's all about. Are they part of some cult? Is it saying that the dad is giving up sex and the daughter is remaining a virgin in their joint quest for purity? Because IMHO that is what "purity" is....being a virgin.

To be honest, whatever that article is talking about sounds rather creepy to me and the fact that it involves her father makes even more creepy!
post #15 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I read that article and I have no clue what it's all about. Are they part of some cult? Is it saying that the dad is giving up sex and the daughter is remaining a virgin in their joint quest for purity? Because IMHO that is what "purity" is....being a virgin.

To be honest, whatever that article is talking about sounds rather creepy to me and the fact that it involves her father makes even more creepy!
It is creepy! Something a little eww about it.
post #16 of 20
Kids who pledge abstinence are at a whole lot more risk

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...ex-study_x.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...2005Mar18.html

Abstinence pledges don't work, and the culture of abstinence only education makes teens stupid about sex. I didn't sign that card at my public high school, because I thought it was stupid, not because I planned on having sex (and I didn't, not until long after many of the "pledgers" did).

They don't work. I do know one person (and a man, at that) who is a virgin on purpose until marriage and has dated plenty of willing girls, and he never signed one of those cards either.


PS--- We had a father/daughter dance, too, and I went and thought it was tons of fun. One of the few nights from my teenagerhood where my dad and I really got along. Nobody mentioned sex though, and it was better for it.
post #17 of 20
Quote:
To be honest, whatever that article is talking about sounds rather creepy to me and the fact that it involves her father makes even more creepy!
You know I feel the same, but I am just not comfortable with something called "purity balls" and fathers in the same sentence.

I have a terrible mind. Yuck.


I do get the concept, it seems a bit foreign to me. Then again so does church, so I guess to each their own. Good luck with that.
post #18 of 20
It is sad that fathers and daughter being close and fathers protecting their daughters make people think "ewwww"
We aren't talking pedophiles people, there are still some normal father-daughter relationships left in this country.
post #19 of 20
I question how much the girls themselves support it. My family was not a spiritual one, but I guarantee you if Dad had "asked" my sister or I to attend such an event, a negative response would not have been well tolerated, indeed would be akin to admitting out loud to your father that you are "impure" (whether you are or not). In fact, with such an event, I dont think an interested father would seek his daughters agreement in the event, I think he would simply tell her they are going and that would be it. Yes I know some would be just as into it, I just dont think that all of them are, and those who feel forced into an event such as this are experiencing a form of sexual harassment and shame that is unjust imo.
post #20 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom View Post
Kids who pledge abstinence are at a whole lot more risk

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...ex-study_x.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...2005Mar18.html

Abstinence pledges don't work, and the culture of abstinence only education makes teens stupid about sex. I didn't sign that card at my public high school, because I thought it was stupid, not because I planned on having sex (and I didn't, not until long after many of the "pledgers" did).

They don't work. I do know one person (and a man, at that) who is a virgin on purpose until marriage and has dated plenty of willing girls, and he never signed one of those cards either.


PS--- We had a father/daughter dance, too, and I went and thought it was tons of fun. One of the few nights from my teenagerhood where my dad and I really got along. Nobody mentioned sex though, and it was better for it.
My father and I used to spend quality time together doing things only we were interested in or he would take me out to dinner as a teenager to talk. He would watch a movie with me or ask about my life. My father and I both like history, politics, food and art so when we traveled we would be the ones going to museums or looking at architecture. We would try new restaurants together as we would get really excited when a new one opened. He was the one who used to pick me up from school if I was sick or he would take me to doctor's appointments. There are ways to spend quality time together talking and sharing. I just think the purity pledge to one's father is weird and archaic. I much preferred my father and I sitting down privately discussing personal matters like that. I just think it is strange for a daughter to pledge her virginity to her father and have a whole formal affair around it.
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