I feel like Mommy Dearest!

dixie_darlin

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I've been telling Justice to clean and organize his room for a looooong time now.
Well, since I'm switching thier schools today they're home with me and I thought today would be the perfect day to do it.

Well I went into his room and he started screaming at me for not knocking first!
Mind you, he's only 10 yrs old.


So him and I got into a screaming match (I know, not very mature of me
)
And I told him he needs to clean his room because he's almost 11yrs old and that's old enough to be responsible for his room!

I ended up dumping out his drawers where he shoves anything from trash, to dishes to broken toys and dirty clothes!
I also pulled everything out of his closet and put them on the futon in his room and told him to organize it!


I had no idea his room was like this!


I'm a very tidy person and can't stand clutter and trash in my house!


He's avoided cleaning his room and doing anything to it since we've moved.
Every opportunity he gets he goes to his dads or my mom's to keep from having to do it and I'm tired of having to beg, argue and plea with the child to do it!


I feel like Mommy Dearest because I know it's his room and he should be able to do what he pleases in some sense but on the other hand, it may be his room but it's in my house!


I took away his TV, his jewelry and I am about to take off his bedroom door because he keeps slamming it over and over and screaming "I want my ring and TV back!"

I'm at my wits end with this child!


I get no help or cooperation from his dad, or my mom. They both baby him because they say "He has anger and jealousy issues" because of his little brother, my younger son.
Well, I know lots of people who have more then one child in a house and they don't allow the older sibling to get away with things like this!

The only person who stands behind me on issues like this is Brandon and it's hard for him to step in because he's only been around a short time.

We've been through counsiling, therapy and even has had a therapist come to his school to figure out what's going on!

His dad tells me he doesn't do these things at his house and I used to wonder why not?
Well, it's because he has NO responsibility there! Same at my mom's house.

I know one thing, he's not going anywhere or doing anything until that room is clean!
 

whiteforest

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Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin

I ended up dumping out his drawers where he shoves anything from trash, to dishes to broken toys and dirty clothes!
I also pulled everything out of his closet and put them on the futon in his room and told him to organize it!
Don't feel too bad. My mom did the exact same thing to me when I was young.


I would probably go and calmly tell him that if he slams the door one more time he won't have a door. And then take the door off if he continued, but that's just me. A TV is a privilege, not a right. If he can't follow the rules, he doesn't deserve a TV in his room until he can earn it back.

M parents were very hard on me like that, but only when I deserved it. With my younger brothers, they got away with anything, and they still have no respect for their things and have a very deserving attitude about things.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by whiteforest

Don't feel too bad. My mom did the exact same thing to me when I was young.


I would probably go and calmly tell him that if he slams the door one more time he won't have a door. And then take the door off if he continued, but that's just me. A TV is a privilege, not a right. If he can't follow the rules, he doesn't deserve a TV in his room until he can earn it back.

M parents were very hard on me like that, but only when I deserved it. With my younger brothers, they got away with anything, and they still have no respect for their things and have a very deserving attitude about things.
This isn't the first time we've had to take his door away.
About 2 months ago or so we had to do the same thing and he didn't get it back for about 3 weeks.

Deacon is my youngest son, 6 yrs old, and he keeps his room clean.
I do help him put his clothes away but for the most part, he knows his room is his responsibility.
 

belongstoevie

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Wow, that's a tough position.


Wish I had some great words of wisdom to give you, but as I have no kids of my own, there's obviously nothing I can say. All I know is, you are doing what you know is best for your child, so it's great that Brandon is there behind you. Don't give up!

Maybe talk again to his dad and grandma again, try to make them see he's young and needs not only responsibility, but consistency...

And it's good you put your foot down! My mom did that to me quite a bit. Including dumping things on my bed.


Good luck to you!
 

pami

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Its probably just overwhelming to him. Go help him get started and show him exactly what to do. Keep checking on him to make sure he stays on track and when he gets off track, help him to get back on track.


You are NOT Mommy Dearest. It is not unreasonable to want him to keep his room clean. Some kids just need some guidance along the way and he sounds like he does, if his drawers are full of everything.

Make him do it once a week, after he gets it organized.
 

goldenkitty45

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Whoooa - pick your battles! Most "experts" recommend you let the child's room alone. Its their room and up to them to keep it clean. Fighting and arguing over this will only lead to worse problems.

Unless there is a reason to suspect something (drugs, etc.), you should really back off. Some kids are tidy, some not.

Now if he has other chores for responsibility - that's different. You have a reason for having that done.

However, I would start teaching him how to do his own washing. Teach him how to separate things and eventually use the washer/dryer. Then its his responsiblity for clean clothes.

DH taught his boys at ages 10-12 to do their own wash. If they ran out of clean clothes - their problem - you either wash them, or you wear them dirty.

I was lucky; my son pretty much cleaned up his room and kept it that way. Our other son (DH's youngest) - was totally opposite. I swear I don't know how he found things in his room
 

snosrap5

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I took a shovel to my youngest sons closet once. I shoveled that crap out of the closet because he said he couldn't get inside to clean it out. Well I fixed that right up and shoveled it right into the middle of his room and gave him a box of trash bags.


He is 15 now and still remembers the day his mother brought the shovel into his bedroom. Even when my oldest left for the Navy, I felt like I needed a shovel to bring order to that room. I think he had homework from like the 5th grade.


I don't have any trouble now but between 10 and 13 were probably the worst years for my three boys. That's when they were testing their boundaries and just how far they were able to push me. As teenagers I'm very lucky to have had well grounded boys.

Stick to your guns!
 

baloneysmom

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Lol. Sorry I hate to laugh but I remember calling my mom “Mommy Dearest” when I was younger. I never saw the movie then, but I overheard my Dad comparing her to that as a joke when she was complaining to him about us.

I also remember having my door taken off on multiple occasions. He will live, its not the end o the world. If you give in then he wins and will be a spoiled brat.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

Whoooa - pick your battles! Most "experts" recommend you let the child's room alone. Its their room and up to them to keep it clean. Fighting and arguing over this will only lead to worse problems.

Unless there is a reason to suspect something (drugs, etc.), you should really back off. Some kids are tidy, some not.

Now if he has other chores for responsibility - that's different. You have a reason for having that done.

However, I would start teaching him how to do his own washing. Teach him how to separate things and eventually use the washer/dryer. Then its his responsiblity for clean clothes.

DH taught his boys at ages 10-12 to do their own wash. If they ran out of clean clothes - their problem - you either wash them, or you wear them dirty.

I was lucky; my son pretty much cleaned up his room and kept it that way. Our other son (DH's youngest) - was totally opposite. I swear I don't know how he found things in his room
He knows how to do his own laundry
Matter of fact, he did his own on Friday before he went to his dad.

I know pick my battles but when a child is screaming at me at the top of his lungs to get out of his room, that's war!


Originally Posted by snosrap5

I took a shovel to my youngest sons closet once. I shoveled that crap out of the closet because he said he couldn't get inside to clean it out. Well I fixed that right up and shoveled it right into the middle of his room and gave him a box of trash bags.


He is 15 now and still remembers the day his mother brought the shovel into his bedroom. Even when my oldest left for the Navy, I felt like I needed a shovel to bring order to that room. I think he had homework from like the 5th grade.


I don't have any trouble now but between 10 and 13 were probably the worst years for my three boys. That's when they were testing their boundaries and just how far they were able to push me. As teenagers I'm very lucky to have had well grounded boys.

Stick to your guns!
I have a scoop shovel in the backyard!


Originally Posted by silvionc

Lol. Sorry I hate to laugh but I remember calling my mom “Mommy Dearest†when I was younger. I never saw the movie then, but I overheard my Dad comparing her to that as a joke when she was complaining to him about us.

I also remember having my door taken off on multiple occasions. He will live, its not the end o the world. If you give in then he wins and will be a spoiled brat.
That's what bothers me so much. My mom and his dad have handed him everything all his life

It wasn't too long ago that his dad cleaned his room for him... at my house!
 

junior_j

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Hey i am 16 and still doing that lol.

Just 2 hours ago my mum was about to check my room and i shoved stuff in drawers lol :p ssh dont tell my mum that hehe

No but seriously, some parents have different ways. My brother is 19 and although has SOME learning diffifuculties he should be able to keep on top of his box bedroom lol but he doesnt and she still moans/shouts at him for it lol.

I on the other hand go through stages of having the best kept room ever to then having a junk box , and my mum just says if you dont sort it out ill throw everythin in your room away , and it usually makes me sort it out some lol.

Just do what you know best

Jess x
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by junior_j

Hey i am 16 and still doing that lol.

Just 2 hours ago my mum was about to check my room and i shoved stuff in drawers lol :p ssh dont tell my mum that hehe

No but seriously, some parents have different ways. My brother is 19 and although has SOME learning diffifuculties he should be able to keep on top of his box bedroom lol but he doesnt and she still moans/shouts at him for it lol.

I on the other hand go through stages of having the best kept room ever to then having a junk box , and my mum just says if you dont sort it out ill throw everythin in your room away , and it usually makes me sort it out some lol.

Just do what you know best

Jess x


This child has everything in his room!
Gatorade bottles, broken wedcams
, broken stepping stones, lightbulbs, empty shoeboxes, cups, plates, wrappers, old shoes, screwdivers, a broken aquarium, broken sunglasses, flashlights, copper wire.....
I could be here all day explaining what all is in there!

I'd take a pictures but I'm ashamed of it!
 

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Sometimes they never learn, and never outgrow it!

I remember more than one occasion I took trash bags to Jake's room when he was younger. When I started throwing stuff away, he started helping
 

sneakymom

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Ah the room battle. My kids' rooms (14 and 11) are not exactly as clean as I'd like them. They have desks, but you can't use them, they are so full of "stuff". Same for the tops of their dressers. But- I'm just not motivated to fight with them over their rooms. If they want to be embarrassed by all of the junk when they have friends over- so be it. Though my youngest has started cleaning up her room when she knows she's got a friend coming over.

Though I told dd that if she kept her room neater, it would be easier to manuver in there. My kids don't exactly have huge rooms, and when you have tons of "junk" everywhere, that just makes the room that much smaller.

She has an entire box of rocks in her room. Why? I have no idea. I'd like to get rid of them, but she had a hissy the last time I told her so. They're not taking up too much room, so I let them stay.

TV and the jewlery are privleges- not rights. And when he started the backtalk thing, you were right to take them away. And the slamming of the door is inappropriate as well. My 14 year old does that. In fact she came really close to losing her door one day b/c I was getting tons of backtalk, and then she started slamming her door.
 

whiteforest

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Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin

It wasn't too long ago that his dad cleaned his room for him... at my house!
My step brother (though we've grown up together since age 2) has had his mother over cleaning his room and doing his laundry for him when we were in high school. His room was so bad the piles were like waist deep on me, and she'd come clean it all.
 

mbjerkness

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I have an eleven year old boy. I learned not to fight with him, because it just gets him more aggitated. It also becomes a power struggle. I stay calm. He knows if he disrespects me. or doesn't so what he is told. He gets a list of chores. the amount depends on the what he has done. He loses his possessions. T.V video games, bike. He also can't go to the park. hang out with friends, and goes to bed early. until he finishes the list . changes his attitude and says sorry. It is all up to him. When he asks when he's done being grounded. I say when you've done the list. It leaves it completely up to him.
. Yes I feel like Mommy dearest, but it has completely changed my son for the better, The fighting is gone.
 

krazy kat2

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I do not generally like Dr Phil, but I do like his was of making a kid keep his room clean. Remove everything but the bed, clean clothes and a hamper. No tv, video games, nothing until everything is in its place and stayed there for a certain length of time.
I hate to say it, but my daughter's room was pig sty. I took 8 bags of trash out just to get the door open. We even shoveled stuff out the window so we would not have to take it through the house. When she got home she was livid. I kept things that I knew were important to her, and clothes I knew she liked, but everything else was gone. She was so embarrassed when I told her the huge pile of trash that would have to sit there for a week was all her junk and nasty crap. She had a whole set of dishes that I was not cleaning, so I tossed them. She no longer lives like a pig.
 
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dixie_darlin

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Originally Posted by Sneakymom

She has an entire box of rocks in her room. Why? I have no idea. I'd like to get rid of them, but she had a hissy the last time I told her so. They're not taking up too much room, so I let them stay.

.
I still have no clue as to why Justice has a broken green stepping stone in his room


Originally Posted by whiteforest

My step brother (though we've grown up together since age 2) has had his mother over cleaning his room and doing his laundry for him when we were in high school. His room was so bad the piles were like waist deep on me, and she'd come clean it all.
That's what his dad does
It makes me sick too. He's almost 11yrs old and I know for a fact he can do these things. When he wants something like a video game or toy, he will clean the whole house if I let him!
But if it's not something he wants to do, he won't do it!
His dad is only 5'5 and maybe 160lbs and will still carry Justice on his hip

Justice is right at 100lbs!


Originally Posted by mbjerkness

I have an eleven year old boy. I learned not to fight with him, because it just gets him more aggitated. It also becomes a power struggle. I stay calm. He knows if he disrespects me. or doesn't so what he is told. He gets a list of chores. the amount depends on the what he has done. He loses his possessions. T.V video games, bike. He also can't go to the park. hang out with friends, and goes to bed early. until he finishes the list . changes his attitude and says sorry. It is all up to him. When he asks when he's done being grounded. I say when you've done the list. It leaves it completely up to him.
. Yes I feel like Mommy dearest, but it has completely changed my son for the better, The fighting is gone.
That's a great idea!
I might try that
 
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