I just browsed thru the past few pages, so you may have already received this advice from someone else. If so, please ignore me completely!
I think the issue here is a whole lot more than not keeping the room clean. It seems as if Justice has anger and jealousy issues. You mentioned he's seen a therapist, so you've obviously tried that route. It also appears that Justice's dad is a marshmallow (or is he just doing the opposite of what you want
?) Plus, when you list all the odd things Justice has in his room---the broken stepping stone, lightbulbs, etc) it sounds as if he's hoarding. He's switched schools recently---he may be feeling insecure and keeping things that mean something to him as a sort of safety net. Keeping all those strange items in his room is his way of controlling the situation; after all, a 10 year old doesn't have much control of his environment. His room becomes the only thing he CAN control. (I believe studies show that's why some girls develop eating disorders)
I think Justice needs a mixture of tough love and plain old 'mothering' for lack of a better term. No child would slam a door in my face in my house--period. They wouldn't scream at the top of his lungs at me, either. I know you've taken the door away before and you said it didn't faze him. I'm 99% sure it did; he just didn't want to be the first to blink. Ditto with the tv, video games, etc. I would clean out his room of all things "fun" and he would have to earn them back. On the flip side, I would allow him to keep some of his odd collection, provided he keeps it tidy. Get him a bookcase or shelves or bins so he can "display" his garbage---I mean items.
|He has a new bad, new desk, new computer... lots of new things and he promised he would take care of it.
No child should have a computer in his room; it needs to be in a communal space so that his Mom can keep an eye on what he's doing.
Above all, keep your calm when he's throwing a tantrum. Yeah, I know how hard that is (I have a teenage daughter
) Walk away and let the situation difuse a little. If he follows you tell him you will not talk to him until he calms down---and mean it. You've probably heard the old saying---kids want rules so they know their boundaries. Set the rules and stick to them.
For the 'plain old mothering' I mentioned earlier---if Justice is jealous of his younger brother, try to find time to spend with him by himself, not little brother tagging along. If nothing else just go for a walk with him; let him know he has your undivided attention. EVen if you walk in silence for 20 minutes, at least it's just the 2 of you. Don't make it a reward for doing chores or whatever, make it 'just because you want to spend time with him.
Now throw your ex into the mix and everything gets harder. The man is not doing his son any favors by letting him do whatever & helping him out at every turn. Can you sit down with him and discuss your concerns---no yelling, no name calling, no accusing. This is, after all, your son you're talking about and he needs consistency in his life. Children need structure, and they need it from both parents.
Bottom line--I think Justice is one confused & angry little boy who doesn't know what's expected of him in his 2 worlds (your house & your ex's house). You 2 desperately need to be on the same page to be able to help Justice thru this. Best of luck trying to make his Dad follow thru.