TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Online dating.....true love fact or fiction?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Online dating.....true love fact or fiction?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
A friend of mine recently joined Match.com (no its not me!). Her best friend met her husband through Match.com and we both know a few people who are happily married after finding their "soul mates" through the internet.
I was wondering if anyone here has shared this experience, if so how long......or is this a "trendy" way to meet others that possibly all to often falls through?!
post #2 of 26
Well, I never used the dating sites, but I met my old boyfriend in a chat room and ended up moving from the east coast to Guam and lived there for 4 years. It didn't work out, but not because we met on the internet...we just changed as people, which is probably what would have happened if we met originally in r/l. I don't regret it at all.

I DO believe you can meet someone special online. What happens after you actually meet in r/l is just r/l. I do think there are many dangers too and you have to have safety precautions. For instance, I didn't just move to Guam on a whim. He flew to the east coast first to meet me, and stayed with me at my parent's house for a week. He met my friends. I drove down south to meet his parents. When I decided to move there, I gave some friends "passcodes" that they would understand if something went wrong. For example, if we were on the phone, I would ask her how her mom was doing. She would know something was wrong because her mom died 7 years ago. Then, it was time to assemble the passe (yes, my friends had a plan behind my back! ). I also kept a separate bank account at home that he didn't know about with enough money to fly home if I needed to.

There is a lot to think about, and safety things to take into consideration, but it can happen.
post #3 of 26
I've got friends who have met partners online, but not personally. I have a habit of only talking about work stuff online (except this forum) and I don't do chat rooms so i never really came across the opportunity.

The only problem with the online thing is that people can pretend to be whoever they want. If you're careful and have a good screening process I don't doubt for a second that you could find a great significant other that way.
post #4 of 26
I met my DH on the internet...My space, within 8 months we were engaged, married by 18 months and have now been happily married since june 21st!

I couldnt imagine life without him!

To be internet dating is no different to meeting someone in a club, the only difference is you get to know someone before either havin a drunken one night stand, or if you realise you dont like them then its easier to say bye bye!!!

I in some ways agree with what fastnoc says but then you dont know someone in a club or were ever! Everyones a stranger till you give them that chance to get to know them!
I used msn and webcam a lot with DH and then progreesed to video calls till I was 100% certain then I went on to meet him!!
and have never looked back!!
post #5 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheylink View Post
A friend of mine recently joined Match.com (no its not me!). Her best friend met her husband through Match.com and we both know a few people who are happily married after finding their "soul mates" through the internet.
I was wondering if anyone here has shared this experience, if so how long......or is this a "trendy" way to meet others that possibly all to often falls through?!
If you know people who met their soul mates online, what makes you skeptical? I mean, most relationships (no matter how people met) don't end up in a marriage-until-death, and I think that's a good thing! You have to take risks if you want to eventually find a good relationship, and that means that you're very likely to make some mistakes (or just to change).

I met my spouse online, but I'm not sure that it really counts; it was an online dating site (NOT Match.com ... my spouse and I are not "compatible" in any ordinary sense and quite revel in our differences) and we met in person very, very early in the relationship.
post #6 of 26
i used to just pick people to chat with based on what country they are in.
Never did match.com, i did do webpersonals.com(i think its lavalife.com now).
couple of horrors stories, but for the most part, it was ok, one women i dated for 5 years.
3 i still chat with years later.

the wife i started talking to on line, on one of those, moments where i wanted to find someone from some place i had never been before.

But yea i think from what i hear it is the tendy way to find dates now.
cheaper then bars( i dont know about safer)
post #7 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheylink View Post
A friend of mine recently joined Match.com (no its not me!). Her best friend met her husband through Match.com and we both know a few people who are happily married after finding their "soul mates" through the internet.
I was wondering if anyone here has shared this experience, if so how long......or is this a "trendy" way to meet others that possibly all to often falls through?!
I met DW on match.com and we are happily married. In short, I cannot think of a more intelligent way of meeting an SO.
post #8 of 26
I met my boyfriend on an online dating website. After moving back to my home town after university and starting my career in a field where there are not many men (or single men anyway), I knew I wasn't going to meet someone until I take it into my own hands (hate bars/parties, am a homebody for the most part). I didn't take it too seriously, and I think that helped. I talked to quite a few people, but didn't meet any of them. After a month and half of talking online, I met my boyfriend in person. Our first date was by all accounts very awkward (my boyfriend is extremely shy, and I'm not exactly outgoing myself). However, because we had talked so much online I was willing to give it a shot. We have been together just about 2 years, live together, and plan to get married in the near future. Because we are both so shy/quiet, we never would have found each other without online dating.

I would recommend it to anyone, as long as they are careful and don't take it too seriously!
post #9 of 26
I met my DH online, but it wasn't a dating site, it was the Widow/Widowers Chatroom on AOL, we have been married 10 1/2 years now.

My best friend met her man on cupid.com, they have been together for over a year now, he showed up at their first date with a diamond bracelet for her
post #10 of 26
I'm *really* not a big fan of online dating, especially if you start talking to someone who doesn't live in your area. Been there, done that, and it's really a hard thing to do; if you're going to do it, stick to local unless you're willing and able to move SOON, because if you do fall in love with someone long distance, it's the worst kind of hell. To love someone, but not be able to spend time with them and hug them and kiss them and do things with them.. yeah, that's unpleasant. Hardcore.

Many of my friends, and I myself, have done the internet dating thing and really, we've missed out on a lot of life. Instead of going out, doing things, meeting new people, we spent hours upon hours on the phone, online, etc.

I, for one, want those years of my life back, but hey, it all works.

I know that some people do meet their husbands and wives there, but.. I wouldn't recommend it.
post #11 of 26
I think internet dating is the new age "Bar Scene"

Even in a bar you don't know the person and they can pretend to be someone they're not, just the same as on the internet...

Only difference is, if you don't like the person on a computer, you can just block them or delete them and they go away!

If it's a bar that you frequently go to and that person is there and you don't want to talk to them, then it's harder to avoid them


Trust me..... I know
post #12 of 26
i met my dh online, it was in the INXS chat room. my first time in a chat room and he was the first person to speak to me! we talked (online and by skype) every day for 4 months and then he came over from oz to see me. 6 months after that he moved here and we are celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary on the 15th september!

i still find it amazing that we met that way and that we overcame so many hurdles to be together. i was (happily) on my own for 7 years with my kids and truly believed i would remain that way for a long time.

it means so much to me that he was prepared to move half way round the world for us to be together. he gave up a life of sun, surf and freedom (no kids or pets!) and moved in with me and my rabble!
post #13 of 26
I met my husband online. I actually knew him as an "online pen pal" since I was in high school so we had technically been corresponding for over 10 years. We've been married 5 years now and couldn't be happier
post #14 of 26
I don't see anything wrong with it, but I don't think I would ever do it myself. If God forbid, anything happened to DH, I would just move closer to my daughter and granddaughter and be happy that I was so lucky for 23+ years. The thought of dating again just scares me to death.
I know there are some very nice people you could meet online, but I have a HUGE weirdo magnet, and with my luck some guy would show up to meet me in a tin foil lined hat to keep the aliens out.
post #15 of 26
i've tried several sites - match.com, chemistry.com, eHarmony.com.
of those 3, i prefer chemistry.com & eHarmony.com, since they both have a slow intro type of thing, as well as attempting to find people you have commonalities with.
match.com is more like the personals - you look at profiles, send emails to people who pique your interest - most of whom [in my experience] never respond.
i belonged to eHarmony for 6 months, then stopped for a few months. i've rejoined [as of yesterday] for 3 months - they were having a 3-for-1 deal, price-wise. however, of all of the matches i've been sent from that site, i'm only still communicating w/1 - whom i've not yet met in person. 3 of the matches they sent actually asked me for money. i reported those 3.
my best friend met her husband on match.com.
post #16 of 26
I met an ex-b/f on Match.com, and unfortunately, it turned out to be a big disaster. I decided to try it out b/c I'm not into the bar scene, and work-related romances usually aren't a good idea either - especially if it doesn't work out and you're still working together. I don't think I'd ever try it again myself, but only b/c I had such a bad experience and I'm afraid to get burned by the fire again.

I've known others who met that way also, and they ended up having great relationships. I think online dating is like any other kind of dating: you take a chance no matter how you meet someone. You need to be cautious no matter how you meet. A potential lunatic has many faces...
post #17 of 26
Travis and I met online and my sister met my BIL on match.com. I recommend it
post #18 of 26
IMO like any kind of dating its a 50/50 chance of meeting the right person. Hubby and I met online (in a divorce chat room). We "dated" for 18 months before I moved from Maryland to Minnesota. We talked every day by phone or pc. We probably knew more about each other then most couples do in dating.

Internet dating should be taken with caution. There are lots of "bad" out there as well as "good". Trust, communication are the biggest factors. Its easier to lie over the internet, but as long as you don't jump into things, I believe it's just another way to meet people.

Hubby and I celebrated our 6th anniversary this past February
post #19 of 26
I met my "biggest" Ex (pre-DH) online, and it was a horrible mess. It ended pretty badly and left me with a terrible taste in my mouth. However, part of the reason why it was so terrible was the long distance aspect of it. I think if I would have been more focused on meeting local people, it might not have happened that way. It wasn't through Match.com or eHarmony or anyplace like that.

One of my really good friends met her husband online. They have been together over 10 years and have a beautiful daughter. They had a wonderful experience.

If I wasn't married, I would try it again. I just wouldn't try dating anyone that lived more than one state away. I don't like bars. I'm a nerdy, bookish homebody. Internet dating would probably be a life saver for me.

(I met DH at a role-playing game convention, to add a point to my nerd index.)
post #20 of 26
me and my partner met online not on a dating site on faceparty i was the only one to reply to him and we went out on a date then after a week or so going out then after 2 years engaged and now we are about to set a date for our wedding, its been a very happy five years now
post #21 of 26
All those silly websites that charge are kind of ridiculous. If you're looking for a good online site, I'd recommend okcupid.com. It's free, has a bajillion questions you can answer when you're bored to better match you with people, has a journal feature, and tons of interesting quizzes to take in between SO-hunting.
post #22 of 26
Been there, done that, not going there again!

I've tried:

Lavalife
Match.com
Plentyoffish.com
eHarmony

And a few others.

I could write a book based on my experiences, and someday I will!

On Lavalife I did manage to find out that one guy who contacted me was in fact the husband of one of my co-workers. I was so tempted to leave a screen capture of his ad on the table in the conference room at work, but I didn't. However, I did confront him at Lavalife about it. I guess he was so shocked that he was speechless. He didn't even deny it and quickly disconnected and then blocked me from seeing his ad. Not that I couldn't see it with another login ID! LOL
post #23 of 26
Gee, I was pretty much pre-internet dating. I did it the old-fashioned way. I picked up DH at the baggage claim check at Detroit Metro Airport. He was a computer design engineer at Ford and I was getting an MBA at U of M. I guess you could say that I had his claim check.

Anyway, DH said that he could drive me to Ann Arbor. I might not have trusted him but we both went to Cornell as did his sister and I knew her, vaguely. Figured he'd be in deep doo-doo if he did anything. Like I said, I vaguely knew his sister.

We went to lunch and we found that we had so much in common. Except for the fact that he is Jewish and I was Catholic (Jewish now) and that his family had a great deal more education and money than my family.

Been married 26 years.
post #24 of 26
I met my ex-boyfriend online too but it didn't work out. We met on a Yahoo 60's music group and we got in an argument about a band. Eventually, he apologized in a private email and we started writing. It turned out that we knew a lot of people in common and shared many interests. Within a matter of months, I flew to Connecticut to meet him. We got along so well and dated for about four years.

Unfortunately, we broke up in August 2007 because our relationship fizzled out. Plus, the long-distance issue was a problem that we could not solve. Mike always promised that he would relocate to California because he loved it here and had many friends in the area. Yet, he failed to do anything about it. I like the East Coast but didn't want to move either. Thus, we spit up.

I'm not sure if I would do the online dating thing again. I don't think I could ever deal with another long-distance relationship. Another issue that bothered me is that Mike sent me old pictures of himself and he didn't quite look the same when I met him in person. I always felt betrayed by that.

The same thing happened to my close friend. She met a guy on MySpace that lived in her area; however, he looked much older than his Photoshopped pictures suggested. Plus, he was mentally ill and suffered from severe depression. I guess if you meet someone in a bar, they still could be crazy and you wouldn't realize until the first break occurs.

On the bright side, I have a lot of friends who met their partners on MySpace and are very happy. If it happens, I won't disregard it. I have signed up for various dating sites in the past but always canceled my account within a week because of the type of guys that contacted me.
post #25 of 26
Like zoeysmom, I also have a cute story about being a shy person. My current spouse, who, as I said above, I met on an online dating site, suggested that we meet at a coffee shop in the evening. I came home from work, had dinner with my dad and didn't bother to check my email before I left, so I knew when I was supposed to meet this person, but all we each had to go by were the pictures on our online profiles.

I was a bit nervous sitting there in the coffee shop, looking at people coming in, trying to figure out who was supposed to meet me. There was this really cute nerdy looking guy sitting just at the next table over, and I sort-a caught his eye a few times, but was too shy to say anything. About 45 minutes later, I wasn't in such a good mood anymore. I'd been stood up! I stalked out (after circulating around the coffee shop a few times and having a very nice guy ask me why I was in such a bad mood), went home, and read my email.

It turned out, the guy I was supposed to meet had been the cute guy I was too shy to talk to! He'd been grading papers for hours and didn't really notice when the time I was supposed to appear came up. He'd changed his hair and facial hair, gotten glasses, and gained weight since he'd taken the small and blurry picture he was using online. He also expected me to recognize him from the facial tattoo he'd mentioned in the email I didn't read. I looked a bit goth in my picture, and was dressed more "granola" when I went to the coffee shop.

Moral of the story; my spouse and I are so shy that we didn't even meet when we tried to! We certainly needed some kind of system to find each other, although dating ads certainly existed before online ads.

I've met manipulative lairs, people I fell in love with just because they were interested in me, nice people that really aren't my style, wonderful people I really wanted to be friends with and tried to be romantically interested in but simply didn't have any kind of spark with, and good but casual partners for flings, all online.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiery View Post
I'm *really* not a big fan of online dating, especially if you start talking to someone who doesn't live in your area. Been there, done that, and it's really a hard thing to do; if you're going to do it, stick to local unless you're willing and able to move SOON, because if you do fall in love with someone long distance, it's the worst kind of hell. To love someone, but not be able to spend time with them and hug them and kiss them and do things with them.. yeah, that's unpleasant. Hardcore.

Many of my friends, and I myself, have done the internet dating thing and really, we've missed out on a lot of life. Instead of going out, doing things, meeting new people, we spent hours upon hours on the phone, online, etc.

I, for one, want those years of my life back, but hey, it all works.

I know that some people do meet their husbands and wives there, but.. I wouldn't recommend it.
If you're the kind of person who'd rather be doing things in real life than online, you can certainly use the internet to find real life groups of people to do things with. I fully admit that dating online can be problematic because it's easy to find "geographically incompatible" people. However, you can also meet people in real life and then have reasons (like jobs or school) to be in different parts of the country. So avoiding online dating certainly doesn't save you from long term relationships.

Avoiding dating online should be able to save you from starting a relationship as a long distance one, though. And I think that long distance relationships are much, much easier to do if you have memories of and the knowledge of each other from a person-to-person romance.
post #26 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by gothic~mermaid View Post
I met my DH on the internet...My space, within 8 months we were engaged, married by 18 months and have now been happily married since june 21st!
I met my SO via My Space as well . We talked for a while then met at a neutral public place. I knew the second I got in his truck he was the one. We moved in together a year later and as of Sept 24 we will have been together 3 wonderful years.

I think honestly that it is up to the person how they choose to meet people. For me it was because I was new to the area didn't have many friends and didn't want to wander into some local bar and meet some sleaze. The internet was a quick and safer way to talk to other men in my area. Yes there are still safety issues involved and I ran far and fast from some dates but I kept faith that someone well adjusted was out there for me.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Online dating.....true love fact or fiction?