Company - need to vent

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

We have some friends (a couple) that pop over when ever they want without calling first. Last Sunday they showed up at 11 am and stayed until 10pm. I told them that I had to shower and then go to the laundrymat. It didn't bother them. "Jane" said "oh, I thought that you do laundry on Saturday." I explained that I had to work Saturday and had no other time to do it besides Sunday. They hung out with my husband and were still there when I got back home. Of course we fed them dinner.

They came by during the week after work.

They are here now. I had to work again yesterday, but not as long as last Saturday, so I managed to get laundry done yesterday. I just got back from my weekly grocery shopping and they were in our driveway talking to my husband.

I have a cold! I don't want company! I was planning on sitting outside with my DH to get some fresh air and relax. Now I'm just going to stay in. I just can't handle entertaining right now. I told "Jane" I'm sick and her response was "that was quick." Like... last time we saw you you were fine.

My DH helped me carry groceries up and said he would give them a couple of beers and keep them outside. He doesn't have the heart to ask them to leave. "Jack" was the best man in our wedding.

If anyone asked me what I would do in a situation like this I would tell them to say they just aren't up to company right now, but I can't do it. If they were originally my friends (rather than originally my husband's), I would, but I don't want to make my husband feel uncomfortable. He wasn't happy about it either, but he's nicer than me.

They will probably show up tomorrow too because it's Labor Day.

I don't know why people think this is okay!

Thanks for letting me vent.

dixie_darlin · Aug 31, 2008

I have a friend like that

He will show up unannounced and stay for HOURS!!!!!!

I've known him since high school and feel bad for him because he doesn't have many friends.

Last week he showed up and we told him we had some errands to run. He said "That's cool. I'll just wait here"

Once he even asked to stay the night

I haven't figured out how to tell him no either so good luck

gailc · Aug 31, 2008

Well I'm a blunt and straight to the point type of person.

I would go outside and tell (not ask) them that you are not feeling well, its your day off work and you would like to spend some time alone with DH. Tell them that you will call them once you are feeling better to make arrangements to get together.
And wish them a good labor day. If they don't get the hint......

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by GailC

Well I'm a blunt and straight to the point type of person.

I would go outside and tell (not ask) them that you are not feeling well, its your day off work and you would like to spend some time alone with DH. Tell them that you will call them once you are feeling better to make arrangements to get together.
And wish them a good labor day. If they don't get the hint......

My husband has been in a couple of times to ask me to be patient, promising they will be leaving soon. You are so right though, Gail. That's what I should do. I'm afraid it would embarass my DH though, so I won't.

I just noticed a message on the answering machine. Apparently they did call. I was grocery shopping and my husband was mowing the lawn so we didnt get the message. So they call, don't get an answer and come over anyway. I am so annoyed!

I am going to have to make a pact with my DH that if they show up tomorrow one of us will have to say we are not up to entertaining or something.

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin

I have a friend like that

He will show up unannounced and stay for HOURS!!!!!!

I've known him since high school and feel bad for him because he doesn't have many friends.

Last week he showed up and we told him we had some errands to run. He said "That's cool. I'll just wait here"

Once he even asked to stay the night

I haven't figured out how to tell him no either so good luck

Thanks.

They don't have a lot of friends either. The "nice me" feels sorry for them, but the real me just wants them to go. Maybe the reason they don't have many friends is the way they impose on people and can't take a hint.

fastnoc · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by Rockcat

We have some friends (a couple) that pop over when ever they want without calling first. Last Sunday they showed up at 11 am and stayed until 10pm. I told them that I had to shower and then go to the laundrymat. It didn't bother them. "Jane" said "oh, I thought that you do laundry on Saturday." I explained that I had to work Saturday and had no other time to do it besides Sunday. They hung out with my husband and were still there when I got back home. Of course we fed them dinner.

They came by during the week after work.

They are here now. I had to work again yesterday, but not as long as last Saturday, so I managed to get laundry done yesterday. I just got back from my weekly grocery shopping and they were in our driveway talking to my husband.

I have a cold! I don't want company! I was planning on sitting outside with my DH to get some fresh air and relax. Now I'm just going to stay in. I just can't handle entertaining right now. I told "Jane" I'm sick and her response was "that was quick." Like... last time we saw you you were fine.

My DH helped me carry groceries up and said he would give them a couple of beers and keep them outside. He doesn't have the heart to ask them to leave. "Jack" was the best man in our wedding.

If anyone asked me what I would do in a situation like this I would tell them to say they just aren't up to company right now, but I can't do it. If they were originally my friends (rather than originally my husband's), I would, but I don't want to make my husband feel uncomfortable. He wasn't happy about it either, but he's nicer than me.

They will probably show up tomorrow too because it's Labor Day.

I don't know why people think this is okay!

Thanks for letting me vent.

This is precisely why i choose not to introduce myself, or befriend my neighbors. When I moved in I didn't get chummy with anyone. I value my privacy WAY too much. In fact, I don't even invite, or like it when my friends come over.

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by fastnoc

This is precisely why i choose not to introduce myself, or befriend my neighbors. When I moved in I didn't get chummy with anyone. I value my privacy WAY too much. In fact, I don't even invite, or like it when my friends come over.

Fortunately our neighbors are great. One is right next door and the other is across the street. We don't have any problems with them.

pami · Aug 31, 2008

I agree with Gail. You are going to have to address this situation if you want it to be different, otherwise, its going to keep happening. They are the one that intruded on you, so dont feel bad for you or for your husband saying "this is not a good time". Its the only way they will know their boundaries.

white cat lover · Aug 31, 2008

That's why I love my dogs. I had someone like that, they'd show up & walk right in. They did it once & so I told them the story about the time a friend of mine did that & Macey bit her in the hand. That person hasn't dropped by since.

Now go sneeze in their faces!

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by Pami

I agree with Gail. You are going to have to address this situation if you want it to be different, otherwise, its going to keep happening. They are the one that intruded on you, so dont feel bad for you or for your husband saying "this is not a good time". Its the only way they will know their boundaries.

You're right. I'm not going to do it today though. I need to warn my husband first. No doubt it will happen again soon. Probably tomorrow.

DH went to plan B. We live above a bar. He invited them downstairs for a drink. He's going to have one with them and leave them there.

catkiki · Aug 31, 2008

Next time they show up, I would tell them that you and DH are leaving for an engagement and won't be back until late. Then drive away. Maybe go to a mall and window shop for an hour and then go home. Either that or tell them you are not up to having company.

rapunzel47 · Aug 31, 2008

I'm for being totally up front with them, as Gail suggested. Certainly do talk with DH about it, so that you are on the same page, and he's not caught off guard. But I'd say to them, "I'm really sorry, but you've caught us at a bad time. I'm sick (or I'm up to my eyeballs in stuff that I really need to get done today...or whatever) and I'm not up for company. We'll give you a call and get together soon, but not now. Thanks for understanding."

rockcat · Aug 31, 2008

Yup, you are all right. I am getting angrier by the second. If they show up tomorrow, I am going to say "Sorry, but I haven't had any private time with my husband for the last 2 weekends."

I hope I really do, because I know myself. If I let it build up, I won't be able to be tactful.

goldenkitty45 · Aug 31, 2008

While you might forgive someone once or even twice of showing up uninvited, these people seem to make it a habit (and a bad one too).

Next time they ring the bell, say "sorry we are just about to leave" and then get your coat and leave........husband too. Don't answer any questions of "where you going, when will you be back, etc.".

OR you can say - sorry but next time you want to visit, please call, and CLOSE THE DOOR AND LOCK IT!

I'm serious...a few times of this and they should get the hint. IMO they should have left when you told them you were sick....geezzzz

butzie · Aug 31, 2008

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

While you might forgive someone once or even twice of showing up uninvited, these people seem to make it a habit (and a bad one too).

Next time they ring the bell, say "sorry we are just about to leave" and then get your coat and leave........husband too. Don't answer any questions of "where you going, when will you be back, etc.".

OR you can say - sorry but next time you want to visit, please call, and CLOSE THE DOOR AND LOCK IT!

I'm serious...a few times of this and they should get the hint. IMO they should have left when you told them you were sick....geezzzz

Be proactive. This couple is harassing you and making you spend money to entertain them.

For tomorrow, go and camp yourselves out at their apt. well before they make it to yours, spend the entire day there, don't pay for anything to eat, and make sure that you tell them what you want to watch on their TV. Just tell them that you were dying to spend the day at their place.

You are letting them take advantage of you and they will keep doing so unless you lay down the law. If they try to go to your place, tell them that it is their time to host you. If they complain, you are out of there. If they invite you into their place, stay there for 10 hours, eat them out of house and home and have DH leave the toilet seat up.

Before and definitely after, do not answer the phone if they call. They are freeloaders. If they keep trying to crash at your place, first, leave a note on your door with their names on it in which you say that they are no longer welcome. If they continue to harass you, you need to take out a TRO. Tell them the bar is downstairs and you don't wish to accompany them (like you are not paying for drinks now). Follow through, first with the phone, then the note and lastly the TRO. This couple is harassing you and probably getting you to spend money on them.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it seems obvious to me that you are being taken. I would be so happy if that were not the case. Really.

rockcat · Sep 1, 2008

Originally Posted by butzie

Be proactive. This couple is harassing you and making you spend money to entertain them.

For tomorrow, go and camp yourselves out at their apt. well before they make it to yours, spend the entire day there, don't pay for anything to eat, and make sure that you tell them what you want to watch on their TV. Just tell them that you were dying to spend the day at their place.

You are letting them take advantage of you and they will keep doing so unless you lay down the law. If they try to go to your place, tell them that it is their time to host you. If they complain, you are out of there. If they invite you into their place, stay there for 10 hours, eat them out of house and home and have DH leave the toilet seat up.

Before and definitely after, do not answer the phone if they call. They are freeloaders. If they keep trying to crash at your place, first, leave a note on your door with their names on it in which you say that they are no longer welcome. If they continue to harass you, you need to take out a TRO. Tell them the bar is downstairs and you don't wish to accompany them (like you are not paying for drinks now). Follow through, first with the phone, then the note and lastly the TRO. This couple is harassing you and probably getting you to spend money on them.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it seems obvious to me that you are being taken. I would be so happy if that were not the case. Really.

Well, I'm in a better mood this morning. My cold is still here, but I don't feel nearly as miserable.

In a way, you hit the nail on the head. They are freeloaders, BUT my husband has a lot of history with them and he loves them. They have been married for 16 years and he knew them prior to that. They have done crazy things together. My DH was insturmental in getting her to leave an abusive boyfriend (ok, he threatened the guy), he helped take care of her dying mother, they have all traveled together, they all used to work together.

If I had any desire whatsoever to go to their house, I would take your suggestion.

I just really don't want to go there.

I don't mind their company once in awhile. My DH promised they wouldn't be by today.

Thanks for the suggestions!

rockcat · Sep 1, 2008

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Now go sneeze in their faces!

I did consider that!

rosiemac · Sep 1, 2008

11.a.m until 10.p.m

Talk about out staying their welcome!

That's downright rude to stay that length of time. Do people not understand that the weekends are your quality time?!.

I always either text or ring a friend to see if it's ok to pop up, and they do the same to me as well.

mer636 · Sep 1, 2008

make them a drink and when your about to hand it to them cough in the glass?? lol

I hate people like that

calico2222 · Sep 1, 2008

Oh, hon I feel for you, and it is a hard situation. We had that with DH's cousin. DH would get home from work between 5pm and 5:30. He would have time to feed the dogs, and let them out for a run. I would get home between 6:30 and 7. His cousin would show up around between 7 and 7:30, with girlfriend and at least 1 or 2 kids in tow (she has 7 but only 2 are his cousin's). Now, his cousin DOES help him do stuff around the house, but I was left to entertain his girlfriend (who I really don't like, but that's another thread all together!). Now, if it was only for 1/2 hour or so, no problem, but they would stay until after 11:00pm. DH gets up for work at 6:00, and I have to up by 7:00. They didn't do this every day, but at least a few times a week.

They showed up one time on the weekend and I was in the process cleaning the house. I told the girlfriend I was trying to get things done, and instead of just leaving, she proceeded to start dusting for me, and told me how I was cleaning was the wrong way to do it.

Finally, DH had to take his cousin aside and tell him that he can't just pop in like that, that we need time to relax after work and actually have a conversation. Now, at least they call and we are prepared when they come over. And actually it's been seldom, thank god!

Sometimes you do have to be blunt, but I would definitely make sure you and your husband are on the same page with this before anything is said.

Company - need to vent

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

TCS Member