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War between my boyfriend and my cat - please help - Page 2

post #31 of 38
I have read this entire thread this morning, and just have to respond. As I read what you've written I've both laughed and cried, because I had a very similar situation. Twenty years ago I lived alone in an apartment with 2 young brother and sister cats. When I met my future husband, they didn't dislike him. He, too, walks heavily, talks and laughs loudly - I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

As the years went on and we bought a house, had 3 kids, Annie began hissing every time he walked into a room, and it really ticked him off as well. He could be your boyfriend - he even had a daughter from a previous marriage (Annie hissed at her, too). She really grew not to care for him, but as far as I know, he never did anything to her - he just is loud. He would yell back at her as well, which, as you know, really helped the situation.

Twenty years later we are still married, he still has anger issues (never physical, just verbal) with cats as well as people. That is something to think about. Annie hissed at him until her dying day at age 19. She wasn't afraid to be in a room with him, but she couldn't stand him. The difference here is he would have died before he ever went to the vet with me to try to solve this because he would never, ever have thought a cat was worth that. At least you have someone who has tried.

Absolutely, positively, the best thing he can do is just IGNORE HER. Nip this in the bud NOW. A grown man getting into a pissing match with a cat is ridiculous, but I could never quite convince my husband of that. He, too, is not a horrible person - like your boyfriend - just misguided.

Good luck, try to love her and keep her calm. Our life went on, Annie's life was not an unhappy one, and your kitty's can go on happily too.
post #32 of 38
I agree with the above poster. Your boyfriend needs to get over himself. My husband speaks loudly without even realizing it and I feel like hissing at him myself sometimes when he's on the phone. I keep telling him the phone is electronic so he doesn't need to yell for them to hear him.

Until we got Bijou none of our other cats were particularly close to him and I know it bothered him but he didn't make a big deal out of it. I can tell you he is thrilled that Bijou is as close to him as he is to me and our daughter and I'm happy for him. Interestingly enough, hubby talks very quietly and calmly to Bijou and that may be part of the secret as well.

I personally have real issues medicating animals unless it's for a medical issue they have and not a behavioural issue. I would never put my cat on Prozac because it did not like one of my family with the exception of course that the cat was physically attacking that family member. I have problems with people being put on Prozac so putting a cat on it is out of the question for me.

Sometimes cats just don't like certain people. My neighbour's Siamese hates me and I've done nothing at all to the cat. On the other hand her other cat, Lenny the Burmese loves to snuggle down in my neck when I pick him up. I don't take it personally and your boyfriend needs to stop taking it personally. She may never warm up to him whether she's on drugs or not. I'd rather see her not on drugs myself and let him deal with his own issues.
post #33 of 38
Thread Starter 
Thank you to eveyone for your thoughts and opinions. I completely respect what everyone has to say. And thanks for taking the time to read my posts. Its been sorta therapudic for me to get this all out. Sorry I they seem to be long and rambeley.

Its hard to understand that my bf gets that angry at a cat. Its funny cause i'll go "it's just a cat, let it go!" and he'll go "i know, its just a cat!" meaning get rid of her, she's replaceable. We say the same thing and mean something completely different. To us cat lovers, we value and love every little thing our cats do. To someone who is not used to being around cats, the fact that she hisses at him all the time, gets rather frustrating to him after months and months. I was never brought up with cats until I got the two I have. My parents have had dogs since before I was born, so it took me a little getting used too the way cats are. Now, I have to say, i'm more of a "cat person" then a "dog person", but I still love both. He cant understand why I feel the way I do and I cant understand why he feels the way he does. Hopelessy deadlocked.

That being said, he absolutly ADORES my male cat. They lay on the couch together and watch tv. Emerson sits in his lap and cuddles with him, more then he's ever done with me. When he's at the computer he lays on the desk in front of the keyboard and falls asleep. When my bf gets home from work, Emmie flips over on the bed and waits for him to come over and kiss his face. He's always holding and kissing him, I mean he literally kisses his tooth (which he calls his snaggle tooth). He kisses this cat goodbye every morning before he leaves and gives them both treats. So it's odd to me that I have 2 opposite situations. Hopefully you can understand my dilema.

In his mind, if Mya does this to him, she'll do this to others... and he's right, she may. But as long as he is making an effort to help things now, i'm going to do everything I can to help the situation. Its impossible for me to ever think of getting rid of her, but it hurts as much to think about getting rid of him. Maybe I sound silly and i'm not with him because i'm scared to be alone or anything like that, I really do love him and his daughter with all my being.

But again, thank you to everyone for your thoughts, opinions and advice. I hope no one is thinking i'm a terrible cat mom for all of this. You must know, I love my animals more then anything in this world.

In fact, i'm trying to deal right now with my Shepard (my dog) who has been in such a sever depression since we put our Lab to sleep. Its so very sad. Imagine all the crying i've been doing over that as well. They have been together since they were babies. Our lab was 13 and my shepard is going to be 13 in april. I'm sure my crazy little Pug (who's 6) isnt helping matters since he tries to boss her around in a way. So perhaps i'm super sensitive to everything around me.

I'll keep updating to let everyone know how its going.
post #34 of 38
Thread Starter 
Oh.. I have some pictures. Hopefully it'll be ok for me to load them so you can see my troublemakers. The gray and white cat is Mya, black and white is Emerson (Em or Emmie for short)

post #35 of 38
Denise, you sure sound like you could use a breather, there have been alot of stressful things in your life recently. I am going to keep you in my prayers and my prayer for you is peace. I think everyone would love harmony and quiet in their homes, and I think everyone would agree when you have pets, kids, and any type of conflict, a peaceful atmosphere is hard to obtain.

Your cats are beautiful and if Mya is only hissing at him, it will probably pass with time, it doesn't sound like she is aggressive with Emerson or the dogs and it is not likely that she will hurt your boyfriend either. He just needs to leave her have her space, maybe when she sees his affection for Emerson she will come around.

In the meantime, try to relax, I know how upsetting situations can get especially this time of year. It is obvious you love your kitties and you also want this relationship to work with your boyfriend, I think time and patience are the answer for you. Hopefully in the coming months you will have good news to report!!
post #36 of 38
They are both sooooo cute! I have to say Mya is a Kodak moment!
post #37 of 38
Sending prayers and vibes that you have harmony in your household very soon
post #38 of 38
for harmony
I would have a talk about anger issues.
I guess I don't understand where the anger comes from? It sounds like your man is having an extreme reaction! More extreme than the cat, who is just being a cat.
Your cats are very pretty. I know you want so bad for everyone to get along, I hope for that too!
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