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Sorry but I HAVE to vent, my MIL is a hussy. - Page 2

post #31 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
I'm worried for her too. He's been to jail twice for beating people up. We already know he has an anger problem. We were in a theme park and two teenage boys aparently "tried to spit on him" when they boys were riding a trolley and this guy CHASED after them cursing and what not. Psycho.... I'm thinking he could be abusive towards women and that's why he's had two wives already.

I just want to choke her right now because she keep bringing up this guy! I had to see her in person the other day when she came to look at the house we're buying. I was glad she didn't say anything then, but afterward I guess she told my SO that her fiance could do some work on our house NO THANKS.....I'd rather do it myself. I don't feel safe around him and I most definitely don't want him in my house.

We're starting to worry that she is going to move him up here now.....


Something else that is a bit odd. He claims to be this hard worker and says he works at least 10-12 hours every day. He says he's a dredger down in Texas, and sometimes he works all day without sleep. So the odd part, my MIL is ALWAYS on the phone with him. My SO can hardly ever get a hold of her any time of day. And he's not tan at all, lives in Texas and works that many hours outside and isn't tan? The sun is only down for so long each day I guess the drug abuse would explain how he can stay up for days at a time without sleep

Oh and he also claims to be a Native American and has gone through spirit quests and what not. Again....he's not tan at all and works in the sun and is Native American? I'm more tan than he is and I'm almost transparent! And I'm not exaggerating! My SO even admitted that.
He is most likely a con artist. She is desperate and he is an opportunist. He will be abusing her soon enough from the sounds of it. That sad thing is that she is totally oblivious to the RED FLAGS WAVING IN HER FACE.
I would have noticed the lack of tan too. It is summer and Texas is smoking hot in the summer. No way no how he would not at least be beet red.
The Internet is a hot bed of crazy on many of those dating sites. I could tell you some horrifying stories including the woman who was raped and murdered by some guy she met at Match.com. There have been horror stories. Not saying there not some good ones too but this guy isn't one of them. I am sure she could do better than getting involved with a tweaker.
Meth is such a disgusting drug and it makes people deteriorate very quickly.
Does he have all of his teeth? Missing teeth is a meth thing too. He could still be using or could relapse. If he is rough looking from drugs then his use is not that far in the past.
But you have to refrain from putting your SO in the middle. He really can't do a thing about it. She is an adult which means she is free to make a mess of her life.
post #32 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
The Internet is a hot bed of crazy on many of those dating sites. I could tell you some horrifying stories including the woman who was raped and murdered by some guy she met at Match.com. There have been horror stories. Not saying there not some good ones too but this guy isn't one of them.
There are some good ones. My very good friend and her husband met online and have been married for almost 10 years! They have a beautiful daughter and are very happy. So it does happen. But there are definitely some crazy people!!!
post #33 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
He is most likely a con artist. She is desperate and he is an opportunist. He will be abusing her soon enough from the sounds of it. That sad thing is that she is totally oblivious to the RED FLAGS WAVING IN HER FACE.
I would have noticed the lack of tan too. It is summer and Texas is smoking hot in the summer. No way no how he would not at least be beet red.
The Internet is a hot bed of crazy on many of those dating sites. I could tell you some horrifying stories including the woman who was raped and murdered by some guy she met at Match.com. There have been horror stories. Not saying there not some good ones too but this guy isn't one of them. I am sure she could do better than getting involved with a tweaker.
Meth is such a disgusting drug and it makes people deteriorate very quickly.
Does he have all of his teeth? Missing teeth is a meth thing too. He could still be using or could relapse. If he is rough looking from drugs then his use is not that far in the past.
But you have to refrain from putting your SO in the middle. He really can't do a thing about it. She is an adult which means she is free to make a mess of her life.

I'm so glad you and I are on the same page. I do understand that some people meet on the internet and it works out great, but in this case, there is no way no how it's going to work out! He looks really rough and he was SOOOO twitchy when we saw him!!! I can DEFINITELY see him beating her some day, and to be honest, she's the type of person who would take it! I really think she would!

I'm really worried, and I'm almost sure he's still on drugs. When he was with us he was smoking 3 packs a day. I don't know.....I don't trust him at all. I'm PRAYING she doesn't move him up here! It will just cause a lot of problems between us. I refuse to be left a lone with him. And someday when I have kids I do NOT want them around him. I'm not leaving my kids at "grandma's" house if he's there. I'm so worried about the future, everything would be so much easier if he's not involved. that I won't ever have to deal with it!
post #34 of 41
Well, here is my take on your MIL's problem. If she was in a controlling marriage, she is going through all that pent-up emotion that she couldn't release before but is being released now. Nothing is going to stop her. The violence thing would really send up red flags for me. Danger, Will Robinson!

But you cannot interfere because you are not family.

BTW, did MIL get a big divorce settlement? Can she just move to TX and find a good job? What happens if her money runs out?
post #35 of 41
Ugh, that is one messed up situation right there.

And I know how you feel about the "momma's boy" stuff. Sometimes I feel my hubby is siding with his mom over me and that is so annoying.
post #36 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
I'm so glad you and I are on the same page. I do understand that some people meet on the internet and it works out great, but in this case, there is no way no how it's going to work out! He looks really rough and he was SOOOO twitchy when we saw him!!! I can DEFINITELY see him beating her some day, and to be honest, she's the type of person who would take it! I really think she would!

I'm really worried, and I'm almost sure he's still on drugs. When he was with us he was smoking 3 packs a day. I don't know.....I don't trust him at all. I'm PRAYING she doesn't move him up here! It will just cause a lot of problems between us. I refuse to be left a lone with him. And someday when I have kids I do NOT want them around him. I'm not leaving my kids at "grandma's" house if he's there. I'm so worried about the future, everything would be so much easier if he's not involved. that I won't ever have to deal with it!
See that is what I was thinking about. I thought what if you have children? You will not want them around him and it will cause problems. You will avoid her to avoid him. It is such a shame that she is jumping from the frying pan into the fire with this one.
The other thing I thought is that maybe he is running away from something back in Texas.
post #37 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by zorana_dragonky View Post
There are some good ones. My very good friend and her husband met online and have been married for almost 10 years! They have a beautiful daughter and are very happy. So it does happen. But there are definitely some crazy people!!!
I do know of a couple who met on the Internet and it was a good thing. They just had a beautiful baby. He is a nice solid guy who was kind of shy so he had a hard time meeting women. They are adorable and well matched.
So I know what you mean there are good people out there. You just have to use discretion unlike EL's MIL. Scary.
post #38 of 41
Quote:
Oh my gosh no kidding. She told her kids that people make mistakes and she can make all the mistakes she wants. I still think she should know a little better, she's almost 50-years-old.
Even at 50, I am still learning.

You need to sit her down, and talk with her. No, you may not be her daughter, but you can be her friend. I have a friend that went thru the same thing around 50 (it must be the new age for a midlife crisis) She started meeting men online who knew what words she needed to hear. She wanted to leave her husband at least 5 times in the 10 yrs I've known her. Ask your m-i-l how much she REALLY knows about this man. Also, ask her how she knows he is clean. If her answer is "He told me", calmly point out a few facts that don't add up. DO NOT ACCUSE HIM OF ANYTHING. Do not accuse her of anything. Keep repeating that you love her and want what is best for her.

Yes, she can make her own mistakes, but you need to make sure she is not hurt by these mistakes.

BTW...my friend eventually left her husband for the right reasons (for her self). She met a man online who turned out to be a soldier in Iraq. They met for the first time 2 yrs ago, were engaged that night. But then HE insisted on a long engagement so they could get to know each other.
They were married 15 months later.
post #39 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Sounds like she got out of a controlling husband situation (and not even divorced from him yet) and into a bubbling caldron of disaster.

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family/inlaws (if you marry in the family). You mentioned that your SO is a "mamma's boy". That's a red flag and you may think you won't have as many problems if the MIL is in Texas, but if her son (your SO) is a mamma's boy - he will take her side and defend her every time.

You might want to think long and hard if you really want to be a part of this future family.

This post is dead on. Listen to GoldenKitty45 and good luck to you
post #40 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by butzie View Post
Well, here is my take on your MIL's problem. If she was in a controlling marriage, she is going through all that pent-up emotion that she couldn't release before but is being released now. Nothing is going to stop her. The violence thing would really send up red flags for me. Danger, Will Robinson!

But you cannot interfere because you are not family.

BTW, did MIL get a big divorce settlement? Can she just move to TX and find a good job? What happens if her money runs out?
No, she's not even divorced yet! She got a lot of money from her job when they sold to another company. She won't disclose to any of her kids how much money it actually was. All the money she is spending right now also belongs to her husband.

Her money will run out, and I'm surprized it hasn't yet. She only has a high school degree and has been working at a corn seed factory for the past 20 years. It would be a HUGE mistake to leave that job behind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara & Rob View Post
Ugh, that is one messed up situation right there.

And I know how you feel about the "momma's boy" stuff. Sometimes I feel my hubby is siding with his mom over me and that is so annoying.
The momma's boy stuff drives me up the wall! We just had an agrument the other day. I told him it's me or his mom, and I asked him if he wanted to go back to when it was just him and his mom. Of course he said no and that he loved me, but he also said he loved his mom, but wouldn't let her come between us. I told him if it ever comes down to it and we have kids, I'm taking the kids and the house and moving him in with his mom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
See that is what I was thinking about. I thought what if you have children? You will not want them around him and it will cause problems. You will avoid her to avoid him. It is such a shame that she is jumping from the frying pan into the fire with this one.
The other thing I thought is that maybe he is running away from something back in Texas.
Yeah I'm really worried about having kids if he's up here. I know it would cause a huge problem because I wouldn't want my kids around him. I don't care how much SHE "trusts" him, but I'll just have to tell her flat out I have the right to not trust someone with good reason.

Plus she doesn't seem to worried about her own son having a child and giving her a grandchild. Her nasty fiance brought up his granddaughter that he has custody of when he came up. She ingored all of her kids and coed and played his his baby the whole time. I guess she found herself a grandchild and she's satisfied with that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets View Post
Even at 50, I am still learning.

You need to sit her down, and talk with her. No, you may not be her daughter, but you can be her friend. I have a friend that went thru the same thing around 50 (it must be the new age for a midlife crisis) She started meeting men online who knew what words she needed to hear. She wanted to leave her husband at least 5 times in the 10 yrs I've known her. Ask your m-i-l how much she REALLY knows about this man. Also, ask her how she knows he is clean. If her answer is "He told me", calmly point out a few facts that don't add up. DO NOT ACCUSE HIM OF ANYTHING. Do not accuse her of anything. Keep repeating that you love her and want what is best for her.

Yes, she can make her own mistakes, but you need to make sure she is not hurt by these mistakes.

BTW...my friend eventually left her husband for the right reasons (for her self). She met a man online who turned out to be a soldier in Iraq. They met for the first time 2 yrs ago, were engaged that night. But then HE insisted on a long engagement so they could get to know each other.
They were married 15 months later.
Oh man, I'm not looking forward to having a talk with her. I know it will have to happen someday. She makes excuse after excuse for him if anyone says something about him. "He wouldn't rape or molest anyone because his daughter was molested by his best friend." I'm sorry, but that doen't give me any comfort, I don't trust him.


Quote:
Originally Posted by xlpooper View Post
This post is dead on. Listen to GoldenKitty45 and good luck to you

I couldn't ever let her get between Blake and I living together happily. He'll just have to sever some of the ties if he wants me around. I have faith in him that he would if it came down to it.
post #41 of 41
I couldn't ever let her get between Blake and I living together happily. He'll just have to sever some of the ties if he wants me around. I have faith in him that he would if it came down to it.
__________________




Wrong wrong wrong. Believe me, my ex was a momma's boy and they WILL be on the side of their mother. He may tell you he won't let her come between us, but when push comes to shove, he'll be on her side and against you. Seen it happen too many times. If you are staying hoping that he severs ties (which he won't), you are in for a rude awakening.

I would hope you would not bring kids into the picture, cause the kids will be caught up in a mess with this family that you won't want them in. Seriously, you really should not join in this family no matter how much you love Blake. And even if you left and took the kids, its not right to put them thru this mess without a father.
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