Sorry but I HAVE to vent, my MIL is a hussy.

EnzoLeya

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Well, she's not my MIL yet, but someday......Anyway. My MIL left her husband a year ago (but hasn't filed for divorce yet), lost all self control, bought a house, two cars, THOUSANDS of dollars worth of furniture and household items, and lots of other things. I understood that somewhat because her husband was a jerk and didn't even let her buy movies. She had a lot of money saved up, but has to be all gone by now.

Fast forward to this spring. We all live in Iowa, in the same town actually, and she has a friend down in Texas that set her up with her brother, recently divorced. She took a month off work to go spend time with this guy and comes back. Then about 3 weeks ago we get together for lunch (her, son, daughter, my SO, and me) and she tells us she's engaged.
We say "What?! J*** proposed to you!"
She says "No D*** proposed to me."
Us, "Who the
is D**?!"
"Oh J*** cheated on me and we broke up."
"So how long have you known D**?"
"Not very long"
"Ok...."

So we find out her fiance is comming up to meet us (he's also from Texas), which was last week. We meet the guy and he's GROSS. He looks like a hillbilly who does drugs, and smokes 3 packs a day. She can do WAY better! She even had a porch full of gifts for him when he got there! As the week progresses we find out from my SO's younger siblings (16 and 17) that she met him on the internet (GREAT). So my SO asks his mom some questions she tried sidestepping a lot of the questions, but here's the short version:
"When did you met this guy, mom?"
"Well we met on the internet about 2 weeks ago"
"So you JUST met him this week when he came up!"
"Yeah, but we talked a lot on the phone and internet"

So she met the guy on the internet agreed to an engagement WITHOUT ever meeting him in person after TWO weeks of talking to him, AND she had her friends from Texas, with a 3 year old daughter, pick up this complete stranger and drive all the way to Iowa with them.
WHAT THE
was she thinking!!!!! To put her friends in danger like that! On top of it all, she met him for the first time on Sunday and they slept in the same bed THAT night! SICK!!!! SICK!!!! SICK!!!!

To conclude the story.....She has a meeting with her kids, I was invited but I declinded because I'm so upset about everything. She tells her kids that this guy is great and she likes him so much and she's happy with him. She also says that he "used" to do meth, has been to jail for beating people up, and he has full custody of his granddaughter because his daugther is a worthless druggy. She told us all that she's moving to Texas in the next few years. She also told her kids that she doesn't care what they think of her fiance because they aren't going to ruin her life. !!!!!


I am SOOOOO upset right now..... She's a complete moron.
 

mrblanche

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To quote a funny bumper sticker:

"We have plenty of youth. What we need is fountain of smart."
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by mrblanche

To quote a funny bumper sticker:

"We have plenty of youth. What we need is fountain of smart."
I love it!!!! That's EXACTLY what she needs.

I'm most upset that she's not making ANY good decisions or being a good role model for her kids. She's even showing the kids that she cares more about some boyfriend than she does her own family. When he was up last week she completely ingored her kids and held her boyfriends granddaughter and played with her the whole time. I've lost all respect I ever had for her after this.

Nothing should be more important than your kids.
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by KristyKitty

wow...what does your SO think of this? I assume he's pretty upset?
He's really wishy washy, and a HUGE momma's boy. At first he was like "whatever makes my mom happy" and I said "whatever gets your mom killed the quickest".

We've got into quite a few arguements about this. He wants his mom to be happy, and I think she's a moronic hussy (in nice words). I'm completely upset about all of this and he's trying to stay calm and back his mom. He did tell her she was wrong for putting her friends in danger and that she can do way better, but she's more worried about this guy than her children.
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by Pookie-poo

One thing I've learned from the way my sister has ruined her life is:

You can't save someone from themself.
Thanks for that.....I just need to keep repeating that. Maybe I'll make some post-it notes that say that, and put them up around the house.
 

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I've seen this happen a number of times. When I was a general manager in the auto industry, often times wives would come in after a divorce from a controlling man. Most times she wasn't able to manage the money because 'he' did. But her name was on the house and all the cars and credit cards, so she had earned substantial credit.

Frequently these ladies will go way overboard because they're newly free and just go crazy. I would imagine that's pretty natural after 20 years of control.

Also very frequentlly they hook up with some shmoe just because they can. Often times a person not really well off. Broke, criminal etc. But they see the $$ when it happens (the man).

What usually happens from my experience is the woman will buy a car for herself, probably one for the man, and co-sign a bunch of crap for 'friends'. She'll get screwed because at least half the 'friends' never pay, and of course the man thing ends as quickly as it started.

I'm being very honest when I say this is VERY common. I also don't think there's much you can do about it. They've been controlled for a long time and the last thing they want to hear is someone telling them what to do.

If this sounds like the case, I'd offer advice, but mainly just remember that you'll need to be there to pick up the pieces and provide support. Those 'friends' will be long gone when it happens.

I hope that's not the case, but it's something to really watch out for.

I can't even count the times I've had a heavy heart because I could see it happen. The first time it happened to me I was a salesman. The woman started co-signing because she'd earned a lot of credit. I finally told her to stop (which is WAY against the car dealer motto lol) and warned her what was coming. But inevitably she just drove down to the next dealer and burried herself there.

So when i saw it happen after that, I'd do what I could, but I'd first and foremost make sure they bought a decent car, and NEVER killed them in profit. Sometimes it works out ok and the women don't get screwed. Those are customers for life when they realized that I could have, but didn't take advantage. Unfortunately 99.999% of commissioned sales people don't do this.

Oh one other thing, a couple times the lady would buy a car only to trade it in once or twice to get different stuff. That is THE WORST thing to do because you're so burried in finance you have a death grip on that car.

Finally, i doubt she's a hussy. Try to have some compassion for someone that was sheltered and controlled for a long time. I think it's completely normal to want to go a little nuts after that. It just often goes way too far. She's still a good person, just had a bad thing happen
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by mews2much

She is making a mistake. I hope one day she relizes that.
Oh my gosh no kidding. She told her kids that people make mistakes and she can make all the mistakes she wants. I still think she should know a little better, she's almost 50-years-old.

Originally Posted by fastnoc

I've seen this happen a number of times.

Also very frequentlly they hook up with some shmoe just because they can. Often times a person not really well off. Broke, criminal etc. But they see the $$ when it happens (the man).

Finally, i doubt she's a hussy. Try to have some compassion for someone that was sheltered and controlled for a long time. I think it's completely normal to want to go a little nuts after that. It just often goes way too far. She's still a good person, just had a bad thing happen
I can't believe that is so common! My goodness! AND they often hook up with shmoes!!! I could be nicer, there's no doubt about that, but I had a lot more respect for her until this last week. She's been free for the last year and was doing fine just meeting REAL normal guys taking it easy and then all of the sudden she gets on the internet and looses her mind over some guy.
 

kristykitty

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Originally Posted by EnzoLeya

He's really wishy washy, and a HUGE momma's boy. At first he was like "whatever makes my mom happy" and I said "whatever gets your mom killed the quickest".

We've got into quite a few arguements about this. He wants his mom to be happy, and I think she's a moronic hussy (in nice words). I'm completely upset about all of this and he's trying to stay calm and back his mom. He did tell her she was wrong for putting her friends in danger and that she can do way better, but she's more worried about this guy than her children.
That's a tough situation you're in. It's too bad he can't see what she's doing--but just remember, that it is his mom. So it's going to be hard for him to admit his mom is totally messing up her life. This is probably really hard to do, but since there's not too much you can do in this situation, I would *try* to stay out of it, to avoid fights with your SO. From what fastnoc has said (and just general common sense), your MIL is going to fall hard...and your SO will have to pick up the pieces. I'm sure he'll have a clearer view of his mom's behavior eventually.
 

goldenkitty45

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Sounds like she got out of a controlling husband situation (and not even divorced from him yet) and into a bubbling caldron of disaster.

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family/inlaws (if you marry in the family). You mentioned that your SO is a "mamma's boy". That's a red flag and you may think you won't have as many problems if the MIL is in Texas, but if her son (your SO) is a mamma's boy - he will take her side and defend her every time.

You might want to think long and hard if you really want to be a part of this future family.
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by KristyKitty

That's a tough situation you're in. It's too bad he can't see what she's doing--but just remember, that it is his mom. So it's going to be hard for him to admit his mom is totally messing up her life. This is probably really hard to do, but since there's not too much you can do in this situation, I would *try* to stay out of it, to avoid fights with your SO. From what fastnoc has said (and just general common sense), your MIL is going to fall hard...and your SO will have to pick up the pieces. I'm sure he'll have a clearer view of his mom's behavior eventually.
I'm so glad I have the cat site! The thing that really gets me is that my SO just is like....oh well, about the whole thing. I just want to slap him and tell him to wake up!

You're right though, it's his mommy and he just doesn't want to admit that she's crazy and messing up her life. He wants her to be happy, but this is not a situation that you should be saying that. She's putting her life in danger, and her friends lives in danger. And just plain setting herself up for failure again.

My family is so much different than his. If she was my mom I would have told her from the begining that she was making a huge mistake and that she was embarrassing me. I'm just completely sickened by the whole situation. She had no problem with us (her kids, friends, and I) seeing this nastey man, she just met that day, get into her bed for the night.
 

fastnoc

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Originally Posted by EnzoLeya

Oh my gosh no kidding. She told her kids that people make mistakes and she can make all the mistakes she wants. I still think she should know a little better, she's almost 50-years-old.



I can't believe that is so common! My goodness! AND they often hook up with shmoes!!! I could be nicer, there's no doubt about that, but I had a lot more respect for her until this last week. She's been free for the last year and was doing fine just meeting REAL normal guys taking it easy and then all of the sudden she gets on the internet and looses her mind over some guy.
It's disgusting how often it happens. I would guess I saw it once a year maybe? I managed a 5 line dealer that sold around 600 cars a month, so do the math and it's not that often. But when you see that many people you see repeats all the time.

It only happened to me once as a salesman though
 

mom of 4

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I've been married or over thirty years. My in-laws are the people who raised my wonderful husband - but they are nothing like him. No matter what they do, he loves them.
Don't put a strain on your marriage by putting pressure on your husband. And when push comes to shove, I am the d-i-l, not a daughter. I try to stay out of it.

Are all of her children grown?
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by Mom of 4

I've been married or over thirty years. My in-laws are the people who raised my wonderful husband - but they are nothing like him. No matter what they do, he loves them.
Don't put a strain on your marriage by putting pressure on your husband. And when push comes to shove, I am the d-i-l, not a daughter. I try to stay out of it.

Are all of her children grown?
That's true. I was supposed to go out with her and the kids for lunch and shopping, but I don't want to get into it. I told my SO it's not my place to tell his mom what she's doing is wrong.

"I am the DIL not the daughter" *sigh* I think I need to make a few post-it notes of that too.

My SO is 22, other son is 16 and the daughter is 17. So yes they are old enough, but I still think she should consider their thoughts a little more than "your not going to ruin my life by not liking my fiance".
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by fastnoc

It's disgusting how often it happens. I would guess I saw it once a year maybe? I managed a 5 line dealer that sold around 600 cars a month, so do the math and it's not that often. But when you see that many people you see repeats all the time.

It only happened to me once as a salesman though
That's so sad.....
 

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Phew! Quite a situation here isn't there?

If I were in your shoes though, I would really make her feel awkward about what she is doing, she really needs to buck up her ideas now before they even think about wedding plans and such...it will end up a disaster!

And for saying this guy used to do drugs? No way on hell's earth would I want to spend my life with someone who did that sort of thing...it's crazy!

Your Mom really needs to think long and hard about this instead of jumping straight into a relationship with someone she has only just met, and especially if it was via the internet! People can be deceiving...
 
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EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by DeeDeeMay

Phew! Quite a situation here isn't there?

If I were in your shoes though, I would really make her feel awkward about what she is doing, she really needs to buck up her ideas now before they even think about wedding plans and such...it will end up a disaster!

And for saying this guy used to do drugs? No way on hell's earth would I want to spend my life with someone who did that sort of thing...it's crazy!

Your Mom really needs to think long and hard about this instead of jumping straight into a relationship with someone she has only just met, and especially if it was via the internet! People can be deceiving...
It is a situation!!! I don't know how she isn't ashamed when she tells us the truth about everything. As soon as a I saw him I told my SO I thought his mom's fiance looked like he did crack, I was close! METH! My god.... I wouldn't date him either! She told her kids that it's over with and people are good people wether or not they do or have done drugs
Or something like that. I don't care what she says, I HIGHLY doubt that he doesn't do meth anymore.

Thinking long and hard isn't one of her strong points.....
 

libby74

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My SO is 22, other son is 16 and the daughter is 17.
So what's going to happen to these 2? Did I read correctly that your MIL is going to Texas with the guy? Is she taking her kids, or leaving them behind? (in all honesty, leaving them behind would probably be for the best)

I am the d-i-l, not a daughter
I know it's hard, but keep repeating it to yourself, and try to help your SO's siblings as much as you can. They are, after all, still kids and it sounds as if their Mom is acting like an immature kid herself.
 
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