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Anyone Think This is Wrong?

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Okay, so I was on Facebook last night and saw that my boyfriend's brother is engaged to his girlfriend (on her page). She isn't a friend of mine on there but I can view her page since she's in my network. She adds my boyfriend as a friend but not me when it clearly says he's in a relationship with me on there But anyway! So the boyfriend hasn't told me that they are engaged..not one word. I don't know if he thinks I'm going to be upset about it or what. Or maybe he feels bad that we aren't engaged yet, I'm not sure how men think about these things. We've been together for 5 years and 2 months while they(his brother) have been together a year and a half, I think (It hurts that everyone around me is getting married and everyone I know except one set of friends has been dating/engaged in less time than we've been together...maybe thats the reason why he won't tell me. He thinks I'll be upset). And its not like he wouldn't know about it happening. His brother lives here in the same town with us and he eats lunch with him once a week. Also his mom called him the other night but he had to go into the other room to talk to her, which I found strange, unless it was because I had the TV on watching the Olympics.

No one telling me these things just kind of makes me feel like I'm not part of the family not to know about it. My sister thought it was weird that he hasn't said anything to me about it (I told her about it last night and how he hasn't mentioned it). And I'm thinking they got engaged in Ireland because they bought him a t-shirt from the Guinness brewery and brought it back here this weekend (Hey I like beer too, where is my shirt!? ). He wouldn't say why they went to Ireland either when I asked (this was on Monday, I think). He frustrates me sometimes. So should I just sit back and pretend that I have no clue about it and act suprised later? Hell, they might not even tell me. I was eventually going to find out anyway, it might have been a few months though until I did find out. If I sound whiney in this post I didn't mean to be! I just think its odd he isn't telling me things/being honest with me about it.
post #2 of 15
Communication is key!

I think you should sit him down, and calmly let him know that you know about it, and how this, and the other little stuff makes you feel.
post #3 of 15
I would simply ask him - hey, saw your brother is engaged to his gf - what's up with that? how long? why didn't you say something to me? Then let him talk.
post #4 of 15
You can always ask him when the weddings going to be and whether you'll be invited (given that you've been together for 5 yrs plus I'd hope so!) so you can figure out what to wear.
post #5 of 15
I agree with everyone that says to sit him and down and talk a bit. That will make you feel better in the long run.

But, I do want to add- some guys just don't care. My hubby is that way. Other peoples' engagements aren't a big deal to him! Before we were married / engaged, I sort of thought like you did, that he didn't want to bring up the subject. But since we've been married (so not even counting when we were engaged!), we've had two friend couples get engaged and his aunt- each one he knew about, but "just didn't think of" telling me. Men!

Not sure if yours is like that, but this way if he says that during your talk, you'll know he's not the only one!
post #6 of 15
Ok, I probably sound like a but...Why would he? I highly doubt he's cutting you out, more like he just doesn't see it as a topic of conversation to just walk in with. They're not trying to keep it a secret if it's on their facebook and I highly doubt your boyfriend is either. As someone who's actually been in your boyfriends place, I never understood the reasoning behind this sort of paranoia. It took me months before I eventually told my mother my best friend was engaged and not because I was hiding it from her, but because it just didn't come up.

I've done something similar to pretty much everyone I know, including my boyfriend.
post #7 of 15
yea knowing guys he probably just didnt think about it. I know mine wouldnt!

And I know how you feel, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and 8 months... still no ring. It sucks when you see everyone you know getting engaged or having kids or just making a life. But just keep thinking that when its the perfect time it will happen!
post #8 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I would simply ask him - hey, saw your brother is engaged to his gf - what's up with that? how long? why didn't you say something to me? Then let him talk.
That's what I would do.
post #9 of 15
FH and I were going to elope here in Europe it was his dream, until several complications came up. He has only told his sister out of the whole family because everybody was questioning him, he didnt and still doesnt want to tell his family that we are engaged until we return to Australia as he finds it very impolite and rude to tell family over the phone!

THey do know because as soon as i told one person who lived on the other side of the city it spread with in two days, everyone knows, FH hasnt been denying it but he hasnt given anyone an answer. At first it hurt because it felt like he was denying it, but then I realised how much it really meant to him to get the whole family together for dinner and announcing it.

Maybe this is what they are doing?
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
FH and I were going to elope here in Europe it was his dream, until several complications came up. He has only told his sister out of the whole family because everybody was questioning him, he didnt and still doesnt want to tell his family that we are engaged until we return to Australia as he finds it very impolite and rude to tell family over the phone!

THey do know because as soon as i told one person who lived on the other side of the city it spread with in two days, everyone knows, FH hasnt been denying it but he hasnt given anyone an answer. At first it hurt because it felt like he was denying it, but then I realised how much it really meant to him to get the whole family together for dinner and announcing it.

Maybe this is what they are doing?
I was kind of thinking that they might be waiting until a big family event to announce it, but they might not be. The big family event that would be coming up wouldn't be until Thanksgiving though, and thats a while away. I'm sure his mom already knows since all three of her sons are really big Mamma's boys and tell her everything right away lol. But maybe it is still a secret to her. I know my boyfriend told me one time that whenever we do get engaged his mom is going to be the first person to know, maybe his brother thinks the same way.
post #11 of 15
Well I would sure hope that if you wanted to wait to annouce it that you wouldn't put it on FACEBOOK!!! My goodness!

I think you should just sit your BF down and talk to him about it. I'm sure it's nothing, but at least you won't have to think of all the awful things anymore! It does seem strange to me though. Unless, maybe he's imbarrassed that his bother is getting hitched already.
post #12 of 15
I sincerely do not agree with trying to force the guy to sit and talk about it. If there are communication issues that's going to antagonize it.

I can relate to this a little. I don't like talking about other things with my SO. I can't explain it. But when I'm with her I don't bring up certain things. It's not intenetional and it's NOT because she's an outsider. It's just that sometimes things aren't important enough and I just don't do it.

Could I be wrong? Sure, but having her try to sit me down and drag something out of me is going to result in an argument and it won't change me a bit. except it may backfire and make it worse.

PERSONALLY, I think the thing to do would be to mention that you know, and give HIM the opportunity to bring it up after you tell him. Then he'll still feel like he's doing it his way, but you're getting the communication out of it. If that doesnt happen, just figure it's not important to him. REGARDLESS of how it is to you.

Don't read so much into things like this.

Sidenote: i'm not the best guy to give advice, i'm just showing you an alternative answer. I'm very hard to live with and very private.
post #13 of 15
Personally, I think it's his brothers business, and it's up to HIM to tell you, if he wants to share it. I don't think it's that big of a deal, myself. I don't think it's a lie. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't think you would be interested in his brothers life.

Also, I think if you want to get married to your boyfriend, why wait for him to ask?
post #14 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker View Post
Personally, I think it's his brothers business, and it's up to HIM to tell you, if he wants to share it. I don't think it's that big of a deal, myself. I don't think it's a lie. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't think you would be interested in his brothers life.

Also, I think if you want to get married to your boyfriend, why wait for him to ask?
I'm waiting for him to ask because I know he has a large credit card debt and I'd rather him pay that off, even though he's been paying it off for 2 or 3 years now. We're also waiting until I get a good job so that I can help pay for rent/utilities/food ect. I just finished grad school this last Friday and I still don't have a job yet. I've applied to many, many places though this summer. I'd rather be financially ready before marriage even though we're already living together and have been for the past 4 years. We also had a long distance relationship for 6 months (October-May '08) when he decided to move here for a better job while I was finishing up my degree. He was waiting around for me to finish my bachelor's but then I decided to go to grad school and he stuck around a while for that as well (about a year just working).

I haven't talked to him about his brother's engagement and I doubt I'll even mention that I know about it to him. Since I know him pretty well, It would be like him to get mad at me for inquiring so I'll just leave it be until someone else brings it up or he eventually brings it up to me.
post #15 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I would simply ask him - hey, saw your brother is engaged to his gf - what's up with that? how long? why didn't you say something to me? Then let him talk.
Good advice. And try not to jump to conclusions. What is important to women may seem uneventful to some men. We just communicate differently. He will never know these types of things are important to you unless you talk to him about it.
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