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kicked cat by accident, now she hates me! help!

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
my cat has this characteristic of whenever the litterbox is being cleaned...she poops on the floor , she hadnt done it in a while and she knows shes not supposed to or she gets in trouble...well today my mom and i was cleaning it and as we were coming in from outside from washing it out...stripey (pookie) was crapping right in the living room! i was soo mad at her so i kicked her...it was only meant to be a tap so shed run away and stop...but i kicked her too hard by accident...i didnt mean to and i feel so bad about it ...so after i kicked her she ran away and hid and i couldnt find her..so i went searching for her and i still couldnt find her so i opened a can of food (and she always comes running to me when i do this) and she still didnt come out of her hiding place ...i was really worried that id hurt her and might have needed to take her to the vet to make sure i didnt break a bone in her chest so i hunted and hunted until i found her under the sofa downstairs that nobody ever sits in...so i dragged her out and i petted her and apologied and offered her some food and she seemed ok but a while later when i came downstairs as soon as she saw me she ran away...and then later when i looked down at her fomr the chair i was in she cringed and ducked down and then ran away...shes not hurt cause i mashed her chest and stuff and it didnt seem to bother her...shes just really upset at me (and i am really upset at me)...what can i do to make her love me again ...i really didnt mean it...will she hate me and shun me forever...how do i let her know im truly sorry...nothing like this has ever happened before and she used to love me very much but now she hates me and i cant blame her...i just want my kitty back...ill be absolutely devastated if i ruined my relationship with the best cat ive ever had....someone please help me! i feel soo bad
post #2 of 13
Well you can make sure you never kick your poor kitty again!!!!!! You need to figure out why she's doing it, and how to get around it rather than taking your anger out on her - it wasn't exactly an accident... Maybe consider some anger management classes as well?

Luckily, cats forgive, but she will not forget - she may shy away from you for a long time yet - you have broken her trust and it will take time to regain it.

As for the pooping, maybe put her in a room when you clean out the litter tray, or have her next to you with a pile of treats while you do it.
post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 
it was meant to be just a tap..the kick wasnt accidental but the force of it was...i have taken anger management classes a long time ago and im doing ok...she only does this when she sees us or hears us fooling with the litterbox...she uses it regularly except for the once a week when we dump the litter and the whole process...i swear i didnt mean to kick her that hard...i feel absolutely horrible about it...i would NEVER hurt her on purpose she gets little taps for things all the time and she never gets mad but i kicked her too hard...i was incompetent and not careful a kick like that doesnt hurt my dog (the kick wasnt really hard it was just too hard for her)...hes a pitbull mix and he doesnt even feel it but i NEVER kick her that hard...it was unintentional to hit her that hard and i am really distraught about it...im just hoping she'll forgive me and love me again...if she poops on the floor from now on ill never kick her again EVER not even a tap...i have learned my lesson although i truly didnt mean for my foot to come out with that much force...i love her but if im going to be a bad owner and kick her too hard and hurt her i might want to give her up cause i cant stand for her to be mad at me and not love me and be scared all the time of me...although she fights with blue she'd miss her if she went to another home, and she'd really miss my mom im so mad at myself!
post #4 of 13
You should probably stop kicking your animals. It's a pretty cruel and ineffective way to reprimand them.
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
i know i shouldnt kick them...and i wont anymore and since pookie has been abused before it really didnt help matters although the taps just used to stun her out of what she was doing...but somehow i KICKED her instead of tapping her like i usually do...it was completely unintentional to actually kick her...its kind of no help to say that because i already know that and youre just making matters worse...i feel bad enough already...but thanks anyways for the input
post #6 of 13
If you had kicked your kitty and your kitty got right back to loving you, would you be as regretful as you are now? I think not.

So effectively, your kitty has managed to make you realise your mistake and learn never to do it again... And her method of doing so is even more effective that the many harsh words that we can give you. The reason for this is because you love your kitty, deep down inside. That's a good start.

You mentioned your kitty had been abused before. Your kick has probably brought back "memories" of those bad times.

Don't give her up to someone else. Even though she may be scared of you now, she still regards your place as home and is familiar with everything around her now. Displacing her will make her even more stressed. Don't throw her away to someone else just because she's scared of you. You caused her fear, you have the responsibility to help her trust you again. That's what ownership is... Don't give your animals up at the slightest hint of danger.

You may have to start socializing her with you again. Feed her nice things, treats & food, play with her using toys. Always talk to her in low, soothing tones, DO NOT move suddenly when in her presence and don't raise your voice even if you are not talking to her.

I believe in time, she will trust you again, but you have to be very careful not to break that trust again. Good luck!
post #7 of 13
Thread Starter 
i turly love my cat and i really did NOT mean to kick her like that...and yes she was abused and starved before we got her...someone shot her with metal bb's that are now lodged into her side...if she learns to love me again...i will never do anything to hurt her or even upset her again...im just hoping she wont hate me forever...that would kill me...can that happen?
post #8 of 13
You are going to have to work hard at getting her trust again. This means nothing that looks like she is going to get hit again including your previous taps.

First, I would recommend reading through our guest forum http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=61 on litter box problems to help with that issue.

To gain her trust again, I would recommend you ignore her, don't make eye contact with her. If she is hiding out in a room, you can sit on the floor and talk to her, maybe read to her. If she shows any interest, try playing with a wand toy. Keep everything on a schedule so she know when she is going to be fed, the litter box cleaned, etc. Let her come to you.

Also, you can do a search on the forum for ferals and see what techniques have been successful with them.
post #9 of 13
What are you and your mom washing the litter box with? If you are using harsh chemicals like bleach that could be what is causing the problem. You see, it's not necessary to "sterilize" the box, we really do that for our own sake. We're like, "Yeah, it's nice and clean now", but the reality is that the minute they poop or pee in it, it's dirty again

Cats have a very sensitive sense of smell. Even once the litter box is rinsed out really well, the cat can still smell of the bleach or other harsh chemical that was used and that *repulses* them. To them, their litter box does not smell like it is supposed to and of course they don't like it. So that could be why your cat is pooping outside the litter box while it is being cleaned. She is trying to give you a message.

Just use plain old dish soap and hot water and rinse it well and it will be just fine!

Also try not to take too long when you do clean it. If it takes you an hour that's not good. Animals are just like us, they can't hold it indefinitely.

The next time you clean the box try talking to her. Tell her you are going to clean out the box. Pick it up and see what her reaction is. Sometimes when I'm getting ready to scoop and poop my cats need to go and they get kind of excited like ... a little quivery almost ... and they look at me and then at the box and I can tell they want to get in there, so I talk to them and I back off from scooping and wait a bit ... and sure enough, they had to go.

Ilovestripey, with animals it's very important to *never* hit them. That includes tapping them when they misbehave.

You see animals don't think like us and they don't understand like us. What happens when they are physically hit, even lightly, is that they become afraid of us. They also become confused because they don't understand they are doing something wrong. To them, they are acting normally. So when physical discipline is involved they become afraid and confused. Yelling does not help either. It also can scare and confuse them.

The best thing to do is to *redirect* their attention. Snap your fingers at them or make a *psst* sound, pick them up and put them somewhere else. Have you ever watched the Dog Whisperer? That show has many good examples of what it means to redirect their attention.

It took you a lot of courage to come on the forum and admit your mistake. That speaks highly of you. Your kitty will come to love you again, but as everyone else has said, it will take time. And it will take time to rebuild the trust, but it is possible!

Remember that you are these animals caretaker. They are very dependent on you for basically, well everything! Food, brushing, playing, walks, love, etc. etc. The more patient and kind you are with them, the more they will come to love you and want to be near you all the time. Sure, we can all lose our tempers occasionally, we are human, but we should never strike our pets, ever. You wouldn't hit your best friend or someone you really cared about and so it's the same with them.

This reminds me of something that I did many years ago. I was playing a game with my boyfriend who would later become my husband Anyhow, I was losing the game. That really made me angry and I called him a name. I had anger issues too back then. Let me tell you, Ilovestripey, that when I saw the hurt look in his face, I immediately regretted it. It hurt me that I had hurt the one person that I loved the most I *never* did something like that again because I never, ever, wanted to be a source of pain towards the one I love, or to do anything that would hurt him. Well, animals are the same you know, they have feelings too and we can hurt those feelings and even crush their spirits, which is not what we want for those little ones that count on us and trust us. Anyways I'm not trying to sound all "preachy" but just sharing what I have learned over the years

We all make mistakes but hopefully we learn from them and don't repeat them again and I think you have learned a very important lesson here so take heart, in time all will be well.
post #10 of 13
Originally Posted by ThreeKitties View Post
You should probably stop kicking your animals. It's a pretty cruel and ineffective way to reprimand them.
Exactly...your cat and dog don't understand why you're kicking them, they just understand you're causing them pain. Now quit doing that RIGHT NOW!
post #11 of 13
I think someone may have mentioned this elsewhere, but why not just put a cardboard box with a little litter in it in the regular box's spot while you're washing that box?

If she's afraid of you right now, just give her space. Wait till she comes to you (which might be a while).
post #12 of 13
I've accidentally kicked, almost stepped on, punched Oliver a couple of times (relax, I really mean accidentally - like I was going to turn around and he was there and I didn't know it)... he'll give me heck/a guilt trip for a little, but he gets over it - I'm sure you could butter her up with some extra treats and play time and extra anything that she really loves.

I know what you mean that you weren't like punting your cat - I use the nudge with my foot to move Oliver out of the bathroom door when I gotta go and sometimes you just slip and it's a little harder than you meant

And I agree that you do need to address the pooing problem itself - changed how you're washing it, dump the litter from it into another box that's available while you're washing and then put new litter in the original one and put it back, then dispose of the old litter and clean the temp box... a lot of times Ollie can't wait for me to finish scooping before he's in to pee, like I barely get the box back on the flat ground!
post #13 of 13
I was going to suggest a second box, maybe located in another room, so you would only clean one box at a time.
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