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Help with a friend.

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Ok I'm asking others opinions on this and I honestly dont know who to turn to and was hoping some older adults or some parents could help us out.
Let me start by saying:
I have grown up with a very lenient family, I can count on one hand how many times I was grounded and or punished as a teen. Plus I always considered myself a good kid and hung out with other good kids. My roommate is the same, our parents were always very rational when it came to punishment and raising us in general. So we honestly dont understand this problem at all.

We have a friend that just turned 18 and is going to be moving in with us within a few weeks. But we are trying to figure out how to get her through the next couple of weeks. She is a good kid, getting good marks in school, doesnt do any sort of drugs and she has never drank, Shes just a geeky artsy kid. (just like myself and my room mate) Anyways her parents are very unrational when it comes to anything, they have grounded her multiple times for not answering her phone or if her phone dies even if she uses another persons phone and calls to tell them it is dead and that they can call one of us if they need her. And also her phone does not always get great signal at our house so they know to always try one of our phones if she doesnt answer hers.
When she mentioned moving out to be closer to both work and school and to get more independence they flipped out on her and refused to speak about it for days. Finally they said she could if she "proved herself" but never said anything else.
Last night her phone had died and she didnt know it and her parents called my room mates phone. And immediately said she could either come home now or stay here they just needed and answer but then when she said she would just stay and come home in the morning, (and use my charger we have the same phone) they flipped out on her and started yelling that she had 25 minutes to get home or they were calling the cops on her and getting her arrested. And even when she did come home she couldnt have a computer, phone, or car unless it was to work or school. Needless to say we have no idea how to react or if they could even do that since they are not her legal guardians anymore since she is 18.
But how can we one help her because she left here completely in tears and so frustrated that she didnt know what to do.
and two is it just us thinking her parents are over reacting? It just seems so wrong to treat your child like that.
and also if she were to move out without them knowing are there legal actions they could take?
post #2 of 10
Are you serious?? Is she an only child? Her parents have serious issues.

My only suggestion would be that, now that she is 18, she needs to assert her independence. Move in with you guys and keep in contact with her parents, treat them well, but don't let them rule her life. TELL them she will stay with you, not ask. If they call the cops, your friend is over 18, and if her parents know very well where she is, THEY can get in trouble for misuse of the system.

And no, as long as she is 18, there are no legal actions they can take. She is an adult. In fact, if she wanted (and I hope she doesn't want to, I hope it's not that bad...), she can take legal action against them for harassing her, stalking, threatening, and abuse of the police / emergency system.

Good luck to you and her!!
post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelongsToEvie View Post
Are you serious?? Is she an only child? Her parents have serious issues.

My only suggestion would be that, now that she is 18, she needs to assert her independence. Move in with you guys and keep in contact with her parents, treat them well, but don't let them rule her life. TELL them she will stay with you, not ask. If they call the cops, your friend is over 18, and if her parents know very well where she is, THEY can get in trouble for misuse of the system.

And no, as long as she is 18, there are no legal actions they can take. She is an adult. In fact, if she wanted (and I hope she doesn't want to, I hope it's not that bad...), she can take legal action against them for harassing her, stalking, threatening, and abuse of the police / emergency system.

Good luck to you and her!!
Yes she is an only child. But so am I. But of course my mom is about as lenient as they come...

I think she is afraid of them more than anything. But she might be moving out while they are gone and just hiding out here. It seems so wrong to do that but we are just worried about her!

I'm very glad there arent any legal actions I didnt think there would be but I wasnt 100% sure esp. after they threatened her with it last night.
post #4 of 10
Thread Starter 
Update:
I actually just got off the phone with her and apparently her dad also told her that he didnt think she would make it through her first semester of college and they werent going to waste their money on her....

And as far as she knows this all came from her phone dying on her.
post #5 of 10
I would tell your friend to move out for good. Also have her talk to her parents, maybe with you or someone else with, and tell them she wants to be more independent and ask them to respect her wishes.

Manda
post #6 of 10
Her running away to hide out at your place is not the answer She needs to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk with them about why they are so possessive of her.

I don't think her parents are bad parents, I think they are just afraid to cut the apron strings and to let her leave the protection of the nest.

Perhaps they have some irrational fears of something serious happening to her and her going missing etc.

She needs to sit down with them and talk to them about how she's feeling, find out how they are feeling, and most importantly to let them know that she loves them and always will, but she's becoming an adult now and needs more independence.
post #7 of 10
They sound similar to my mom...VERY controlling. My mom always tried to control every aspect of my life and not much was ever good enough for her. This continued on well past when I turned 18 and moved out. All throughout college she continued to try to control me, which was very upsetting and frustrating to me. It didn't stop until I got married last summer.

Your friend just needs to move out and do her best to "ignore" the nasty comments/remarks from her parents. And not tell them to many details of her life.
post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 
thanks guys. We will try to help her talk to them. I think she is hoping they calm down right now.
She definitely knows she is moving out very very soon. We just hope that the remarks and the meanness from them will stop after that.
post #9 of 10
Ummm, if she's 18 she is a legal adult and her parents can't stop her from doing anything.
post #10 of 10
She's their baby. And some parents have a hard time letting go. She grew up without them having noticed. To them she's still their baby girl and needs protecting.
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