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A "what would you do" situation

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
I work with some pretty nice women, but this one in particular does things that I question in my mind if I would do.

Her hubby was experiencing some lower left pain and it got quite bad. It was one in the morning. She ended up taking him to the ER, dropped him off, told him to call when they figured something out, went home and back to bed....... Now, I know that almost 75% of time spent in ER's you are just waiting for something to happen, a doctor to come by, a tech to come do some tests, something.............

She and I get along really well and I really like her, but I just can't see me dropping Jerry off and saying, see ya! Call me! I'd stick with him to the bitter end.......

What would you do?
post #2 of 33
I'd stay with my husband. However, so people just can't take being in hospitals. When I had my surgery in June DH spent most of the time wondering around the grounds of the hospital because he couldn't take it.
post #3 of 33
I would stay as well. Gil had a lung biopsy a couple of years ago, but with him being 5 hours away up in Scotland i was helpless, and my stomach churned the whole morning until Jamie his son rang me to tell me that he was ok.

Some people are a lot harder than most of us
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
DH spent most of the time wondering around the grounds of the hospital because he couldn't take it.
But at least he stayed instead of going back to bed
post #4 of 33
I would stay-I can't believe she went back home to bed. Was this in the middle of the night or something??
post #5 of 33
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
I would stay as well. Gil had a lung biopsy a couple of years ago, but with him being 5 hours away up in Scotland i was helpless, and my stomach churned the whole morning until Jamie his son rang me to tell me that he was ok.

Some people are a lot harder than most of us

But at least he stayed instead of going back to bed
They also gave him this beeper thing like you get when you wait in line at a chain restaurant. It lit up when I was ready to see him in the recovery room.
post #6 of 33
I would definitely have stayed! I absolutely hate hospitals and even just doctor's offices... I have HORRIBLE panic attacks when I have to go anywhere near them. But even still, I couldn't leave John there all alone.
post #7 of 33
I would have stayed, no questions asked.
post #8 of 33
Hmm.. I wonder if they have marital problems that no one knows about?

That's the only way I could imagine leaving my SO at the hospital..

When my 1st ex husband and I were together we had actually been separated but still living together for 6 months. One day he had a kidney stone and needed to go to the hospital so I took him and dropped him off. I knew it wasn't anything serious, plus, they wouldn't allow me and our son (who was 1yr old at the time) in the emergency room.
So I dropped him off, went home and waited for the call.
post #9 of 33
Wow. I definitely would have stayed.
post #10 of 33
Good grief.

I would have stayed, of course.

I wonder if the situation had been reversed, what her husband would have done.
post #11 of 33
Originally Posted by Misty8723 View Post
I wonder if the situation had been reversed, what her husband would have done.
I mean, wow. Sounds like there are other problems!

When my hubby had a kidney stone, we didn't know what his intense pain was from, but I was pretty sure it was just a kidney stone from his description, and STILL, I stayed with him the entire time in the hospital! I only stepped out to call our bosses and tell them we wouldn't be in that day. Luckily, they let me stay!
post #12 of 33
If I was in the situation of dropping my husband at the ER - I'd be right there by his side (same for me). No way would I just say "see ya, call me" attitude! That's pretty disrespectful to your spouse.

Maybe they don't have a good marriage????
post #13 of 33
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post

Maybe they don't have a good marriage????
That's what I was thinking too

The only reason I couldn't stay was because Justice wasn't allowed in the ER room and I had no babysitter...
post #14 of 33
Some years ago, a friend of mine rolled his car about thirty miles from home. He tried to climb out before the car was finished rolling, and it rolled over on his head, shattering his jaws on both sides.

He was taken to a hospital in a small town near where the accident occurred, and as they were working on him, he asked to call his wife. He could hardly speak, as you might imagine, but conveyed to her that they were going to take him to surgery at 5:00, and asked her to come be with him. It was only 3:00, so she had plenty of time to get there.

But she had a little craft store at that time, and it normally closed at 5:00. So she just chewed him out for wrecking the car and told him she would come after she closed the store.

But she didn't! Instead, she called the hospital to see if he was going to be released or not, and when she learned they were going to keep him for a couple of days, she left a message for him to call her when he was ready to be picked up!

And he was only thirty miles away.

They're still married now, over a decade later, but for the life of me, I can't imagine why.
post #15 of 33
That's horrible Carol!
post #16 of 33
No question I would stay, I agree with others things don't sound to good for them.
post #17 of 33
Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't see anything wrong.

Some people would have stayed and waited while someone else might not want to.

I know from personal experience that not everyone can take sitting in a hospital for whatever the reason. I know my brother has very bad memories of hospitals because of our Mom and Dad both having died in one. To this day hospitals really bother him, and he doesn't even like to go in and visit anyone in one either. Four years ago I was in the hospital in really bad shape. My brother wouldn't visit me until his ex wife talked to him and told him that I was in really bad shape and that he better get over his phobea and go visit me ... just in case.

I don't know the circumstances of why she didn't stay with her husband, but I wouldn't prejudge her for having left him there.

TBH with lower left sided abdominal pain I would suspect a bad case of gas or constipation. Lower right side is when you really need to be concerned. If it were a woman, perhaps a tubal pregnancy (a serious emergency).
post #18 of 33
What did he end up having? I would of stayed, of course, but I all so would not of gone to the ER unless it was an emergency. Im confused.
post #19 of 33
The only way I would leave is if I were thrown out, and then I would wait right outside.
post #20 of 33
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
They're still married now, over a decade later, but for the life of me, I can't imagine why.
If that episode is any indicator of her concern for his well-being, I can't imagine why either! Good Grief!

As for the general question, to my mind, you take your spouse to the ER, you stay put, be the companion you are supposed to be -- true, there's often not a heck of a lot you can DO, but the support is what's important at that point. And frankly, I wouldn't have been doing much sleeping if I had gone home in the situation Susie described.

ETA: I'm no fan of hospitals, either. I saw more than I ever wanted to in the last years of my Dad's life, and could cheerfully never see another. But if my sweetie is there, that's my place.
post #21 of 33
OMG, I am such a worry wort I would never leave anyone at the hospital, not to mention my husband. Something doesn't sound right to me about this Susie.
post #22 of 33
Well, just about 4 years ago when DH collapsed at Jen's senior year back to school night, I had to call Jen because I hadn't taken my purse, so no license and besides I knew that she would want to go. I arranged for a neighbor have Ben spend the night at her place.

We got to the ER and had to wait to see him. When we did see the doctor, he told us that DH would have to get a pacemaker tomorrow or the next day but he was fine. We all said goodbye and went home because he wasn't critical in condition. It was a school night, too, although neither of us slept much.

Having said that, DH was not really fine and ended up with a pacemaker, an artificial aortic valve and a double by-pass. Jen and I were there the day of the operation and after as often as we could. Ben was still too young to see him.
post #23 of 33
I was in the er last night and Dh was there the whole time. I even told him to go home because I knew it was late and I knew he had to work today. But he stayed and I am very glad. He's been there with me a few times and I love him more each time because I know how much he hates being there..
post #24 of 33
Oh, no question that I would have stayed. Heck, I had a scary episode with my mom the same day I was released from the hospital last December from a post-surgical infection. Sick, in terrible pain and exhausted myself, I spend the whole night there with her, relieved when my sister came mid-morning.

What a selfish woman -- and that story Carol told????? OMG - also a selfish, narcissistic creature... and the men are the enablers.
post #25 of 33
It's true that there's often nothing you can do but be there -- but sometimes you really can make a difference. Three examples:

1. On one of my father's early hospitalizations, an ER nurse was about to hook him up with a glucose drip when I said, "You do know he's diabetic, right?" She said, "Well, we do this with everybody." At that moment, the ER doctor came in and said, "What do we do with everybody?" The nurse explained, and the doctor said, "Well, let's check him out first." They did a quick test and found his blood sugar was already over 500. Glucose was the last thing he needed.

2. Another time, they were waiting for Papa's blood sugar to get down to a normal level so they could do surgery on him, but day after day, his readings remained too high. Finally one day, I happened to be there when they brought him breakfast, and I looked at the label on the syrup packet... and it was NOT sugar-free. Somehow Dietary just hadn't gotten the word, and they'd been giving him sugar at every meal.

3. When my mom had her colon surgery, my father and I both stayed with her. She was having waves of horrific pain, and needed me to hold her hand and talk her through them every five minutes or so. After several hours, she seemed to be doing better, sleeping longer between the pains... so I went down the hall to clean up and get something to drink.

In the 20 minutes I was gone, she nearly died. My father, thank goodness, was able to stay awake (it was about 1:00 AM by now), and he suddenly realized that she wasn't breathing right. He went out into the hall and called for a nurse, and they had to drag Mom up and try to get her to walk, give her stimulants, everything. She'd gotten too much morphine -- a normal dose, but too much for her very sensitive system.

They didn't have any kind of monitor on her at all, and the nurses were only supposed to check on her every three hours during the night! If Papa hadn't been with her, she really might have died.

So I'm a big believer in not leaving people alone in the hospital.
post #26 of 33
Once, my neighbor who's husband has severe constipation, said this when he was so badly plugged up i guess he was rupturing: "I called an ambulance because I didn't want him to throw up in the backseat (of my brand new car)." Devotion, right there.
post #27 of 33
I couldn't leave. In the 29 years we've been married .I can't count how many times, I waited for Jim or how many times he has waited for me. He has sat there for hours while I've had migraines, I can't imagine not staying. When my children have had to stay in the hospital. I have stayed with them. I have spent quite a few night sleeping in a chair. I think it is very selfish
post #28 of 33
Do we know how the hubby felt about it? I mean most likely he would have preferred company, but with my 2 pretty major hip operations I wanted short visits and then sleep.

But this was not ER stuff. I was not in any danger. When my hubby went to the ER with chest pain, I met him there, and even bought him a book on the way over! Thank goodness it was rib cartilege (I SO can't spell that word) pain due to shoveling 3 feet of snow 2 weeks in a row. And he was just fine.

The 3 times my kids were in the hospital I went there and stayed until they were discharged. 4 -5 days in one case. No way would I leave them!
post #29 of 33
I've been to the ER a few times now in the last year, and DH was right there each time. The last time, we had gone in at about 2am I think, and they decided they were going to keep me a while, so I TOLD DH to go home, get some sleep and I'd get them to call when they were getting close to releasing me.

When I took him to the ER just recently because of his cat bite, I stayed with him. It was nothing major, and he could have driven himself, but I felt like I should stay with him - even in the treatment room where I was starting to twitch at being back in an ER
post #30 of 33
Maybe I'm just cold hearted, but I don't think its that big a deal.
Maybe she had a good reason for not wanting to miss out on sleep. Maybe she really hates hospitals. Maybe her husband didn't mind. Maybe he had a book. Maybe he's one of those people who likes to be alone when they're hurt.
When my dad got a stiff neck my mum left him in A&E to go to work.

If she left him when he was seriously hurt, like in the other story, then that's different.
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