Does the wife have the obligation of cooking for her husband?

butzie

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

Depends if the wife is a stay at home wife or a working wife. If working, then IMO they both should share in meal making. Not fair for one to have to come home from work and do all the cooking/cleaning.

I would have a clear understanding on both sides as to your and her expectations involving cleaning and cooking around the house.

With DH and I - we both love cooking (DH's a better cook) - he works at home; I work outside the house. So during the week, he makes dinner 95% of the time; I usually cook dinner on weekends. We also share washing dishes and have a lot of fun with it.

IMO one spouse should NOT be a slave to the other spouse
Well, IMO having been both a career woman.who at one time earned more than DH, I never questioned who should do the cooking. I just posted in another thread how when I was traveling, I used to prepare the meals for an entire week and label when to serve them with what when for DH and our daughter. I stopped doing that when I kept finding what I made was still in the fridge because DH would buy fast food for himself and our daughter because it was easier for him to pick up fast food than to heat up my meals. But both love my cooking, it was just that DH couldn't figure out how to put the meal together.

I do resent your saying that a stay at home wife should do all the cooking. I was both a working wife and now I am a stay at home wife.

I love to cook and I think that a spouse should do what he or she wants to do. Why is it that when a husband who can't do yard work or take out the garbage because he is too busy with work that he can hire a gardener but a working wife still has to cook because both are working and it is easier to find a gardener than a chef? Why is it that the wife who is not working is labeled a stay at home wife when she is doing the work of raising a children and doing all the household, taking care of DH and the children is not entitled to respect especially there is a child who has problems? I still always had to do the laundry, etc. on the weekends when I was working.

DH has a an MS degree from MIT and I have an MBA from the University of Michigan. I stay at home because I can and I can enjoy the time with my children and take care of our bi-polar son.
 

rapunzel47

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Maybe I should add something here. Until six weeks ago, we were both working. I did the cooking, and valued this activity as the therapy that got me out of my work day and into my home life. At the beginning of July, DH retired. I did not. THIS WILL NOT CHANGE WHO COOKS. It is still my therapy, it is still my joy. And he will continue doing the things that feed HIS spirit. He has a bunch more time for them now, but that does not mean that he should take on any of what has always fed me and will continue to. It's not only about who has time.
 

urbantigers

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I think that who does the cooking depends as much as on who enjoys it most as much as anything else (for some cooking is a chore, for others it's a relaxing hobby). If neither person enjoys cooking then it has to be treated as a chore and shared in a way that both are happy with. I personally enjoy cooking but would hate to have it expected of me every day. I'm single at the moment though so not an issue!

There is another reason why I think it's a bad idea for men to rely on their wives to cook though. I was reading a newspaper article recently about how elderly, widowed men struggle so much more with daily living than their female counterparts. Not only do they tend to have fewer social skills and a smaller social network, but if they have not already obtained housework and cookery skills, many stuggle to look after themselves. Apparently, as people age they forget how to do recently learned tasks but remember how to do things they learnt when they were younger. So teaching them to cook if/when they become widowed is difficult as they find it difficlt to retain the knowledge and skills. So a man who relies on his wife for meals and housework is likely to become very dependent on other people if his wife dies (or is just away for a while) if he hasn't already learned how to do things.
 

cc12

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My ex is Italian and his mother really believes in traditional setups to a degree that was uncomfortable for me.
He was the breadwinner so I cooked because I liked to and I felt it was only fair. We had a housekeeper so I did not have to clean. I took care of our child and my stepsons when they were with us and he worked. I felt that it was my responsibility to enable him come home to a clean home, good food and to feel like our home was his sanctuary from stress.
If I had been the breadwinner I would have expected the same courtesy.
But that is how I like things. Other people setup things that work for them.
 

stampit3d

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I do not work out of the home. My Hubby has always supported us....so he goes to work and I keep house and do the cooking. (I do really LOVE to cook though....but if I`m ever "not in the mood to do so" Larry will take us out to eat.)
This does`nt have anything to do with being a slave, or my religous beliefs....it just works for us...and has for over 42 years.
Besides......Larry does like to cook...and he is a good cook....but that only happens when I`m sick or laid up....cause I don`t like to have to go and sneak behind him to reclean the kitchen.....not that he does`nt try...but i`m REALLY picky about the cleaning part....and it`s just easier , in general, for me to do the cooking and cleaning up...cause I don`t begin to make the mess he does in the first place.
I use the CAY-GO method. (Clean As You Go !)
Linda
 

lookingglass

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I think it's all about negotiation. My husband does the bulk of the cleaning, but I do the bulk of the baking. (If I were to ask that man to proof yeast he'd look at me like I'm crazy.) We also split our grocery bill. I pay one week he pays the other.

We've also decided that I clean up kitty puke, and he digs my car out of the snow.

Marriage isn't about a woman being subservient to a man, or feeling that she has to do specific things. It's about agreeing to do things as a team. If a woman wants to make meals for her husband, then she is more than welcome to do so. However, if she can't boil water, and he's a chef, guess who's doing most of the cooking. She can use her talents in other areas.
 

pipersjo

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When I lived with my ex, I always cooked. I didn't really trust him to cook anything edible. Well, I guess that's not true-- I didn't trust him to cook something that wasn't fried. I also did all the housework, finances, went to school fulltime, and was considered full time at work. To me, very unfair and made me angry (hence, the EX part). In the future, I would like someone to split the chores with me. I don't think either party shoud be obligated to do anything. It should be a 50/50 split depending on strengths and weaknesses and personal preferences.
 

zissou'smom

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I would prefer to cook in this house. I like doing it, and my bf has... well, one time I walked into the kitchen and he was sawing at the cheese with a butter knife when the cheese slicer was a foot away. He does try, I suppose. I'd like it if he always did the dishes since I always cook.
 

luvmyfurbabys

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Originally Posted by stampit3d

I do not work out of the home. My Hubby has always supported us....so he goes to work and I keep house and do the cooking. (I do really LOVE to cook though....but if I`m ever "not in the mood to do so" Larry will take us out to eat.)
This does`nt have anything to do with being a slave, or my religous beliefs....it just works for us...and has for over 42 years.
Besides......Larry does like to cook...and he is a good cook....but that only happens when I`m sick or laid up....cause I don`t like to have to go and sneak behind him to reclean the kitchen.....not that he does`nt try...but i`m REALLY picky about the cleaning part....and it`s just easier , in general, for me to do the cooking and cleaning up...cause I don`t begin to make the mess he does in the first place.
I use the CAY-GO method. (Clean As You Go !)
Linda
I was raised by my grandparents and I think I take more from their generation than most ppl my age would.

I dont feel its and obligation to take care of my household ( including the cooking ).
 

bnwalker2

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John and I usually cook together if it's something that takes a lot of effort, but I'll do it if it's just making sandwiches or throwing something in the microwave. He'll do it, but I really enjoy it.
 

EnzoLeya

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NO WAY!!!!

I'm totally against any woman serving her husband. Unless you're an at home mom, I don't see any reason you have to be the only one cooking, cleaning, etc. Even if I was an at home mom, I'd still expect him to cook now and again. I told my SO several times in the begining:

"if you aren't cooking, you aren't eating."
 

persi & alley

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Originally Posted by arie85

I've a discussion with my girlfriend about the old-historic (or even in some communities nowadays, in every religion whatsoever) point of view saying the wife has the obligation to "serve" her husband.

I wanted to ask your opinion for this idea, is it really so? and if so until which extent?
My girlfriend says she does think the wife needs to take care of her husband but not where she's becoming his slave.

Cooking for the husband 7 days a week, 3 times a day (breakfast, lunch, evening) is definitely overdo but where is that limit in that case?
What's your opinion?
Well, you can come here on the 30th and have everything cooked for you!
I am still confused about your status on that day...
 

pipersjo

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Originally Posted by luvmyfurbabys

I was raised by my grandparents and I think I take more from their generation than most ppl my age would.

I dont feel its and obligation to take care of my household ( including the cooking ).
My grandparents raised me too and from watching them, I learned that it is better to be fair. We were raised on a farm so my grandmother worked off of the farm and grandpa did the farmwork. Because his work was more labor intensive, grandma cooked and cleaned. I don't see anything wrong with this, but I also learned from them, it didn't matter if I was male or female-- I could do the same work as a male although I am female. Yes, my grandma did the cooking and cleaning, but it was because she had more time.
 

rockcat

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Marriage is never 50/50. One spouse is always going to do more than the other, whether it is cooking, cleaning, driving the kids around, working outside jobs, yard work, money managing - or whatever. Both parties should treat each other better than they treat anyone else - including themselves. That way it brings the couple closer to the 50/50 mark. - works for us!
 

ping

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Originally Posted by arie85

I've a discussion with my girlfriend about the old-historic (or even in some communities nowadays, in every religion whatsoever) point of view saying the wife has the obligation to "serve" her husband.
I have not read every post yet. But to answer to this I cook supper for my husband and sometimes lunch or breakfast. The breakfast/lunch only if I am making something and he is up I see if he wants some. I do not ,however, serve him a plate. I tell him its done and he is more then welcome to come fix his plate.

However, once I start school next week some of this will probably change. He will have to help with some of the slack. I have not asked for much help around the house because he worked and I was home all day. But with me going back to school he will have to help out more.
 

goldenkitty45

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I never said that a stay at home wife SHOULD cook all the meals, but if she likes cooking then I see no reason not to be doing most of the cooking. I have more of a problem with working wives who also have to come home and cook/clean cause the husband "expects" it all the time. You will get burned out really fast.

I do agree that the cooking/cleaning issues need to be addressed before the marriage so that both know where each other stands on the subject. Many fights can occur if there is not a clear understanding about "duties"/"expectations".

DH taught the boys how to cook because he didn't want any of them to marry just to have someone do the cooking for them. DH's ex didn't really know how to cook and she was stay at home. Her idea of cooking was to open a can of chicken noodle soup and crackers for supper one nite; hot dogs the next, tuna salad the next............and it was the exact same meals every week. Because DH was working 2-3 jobs at the time, he could not do the cooking.

DH has always cooked, worked in restaurants and likes to do it. The boys actually got more decent meals after the ex left.
 

zissou'smom

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Originally Posted by EnzoLeya

NO WAY!!!!

I'm totally against any woman serving her husband. Unless you're an at home mom, I don't see any reason you have to be the only one cooking, cleaning, etc. Even if I was an at home mom, I'd still expect him to cook now and again. I told my SO several times in the begining:

"if you aren't cooking, you aren't eating."
It doesn't have to be about "serving". I would be (and get) really mad if someone refuses to do their fair share, but I actually enjoy making food. When my bf moved in, I was truly looking forward to having someone else to cook for who would appreciate what I had done... he always says thank you, and doesn't expect it. If I'm not home to cook (we have opposite work schedules some days) he just goes and buys food at the gas station like he did before we were together.

I agree with you with the idea that people should be equals, but I've always loved taking care of people I love. He does my laundry sometimes, always drives, takes out the trash, carries heavy stuff. I usually feel like I have stricter gender roles than he does
.

Besides, if he did the cooking I would die of starvation.
 

rapunzel47

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Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

It doesn't have to be about "serving". I would be (and get) really mad if someone refuses to do their fair share, but I actually enjoy making food. When my bf moved in, I was truly looking forward to having someone else to cook for who would appreciate what I had done... he always says thank you, and doesn't expect it. If I'm not home to cook (we have opposite work schedules some days) he just goes and buys food at the gas station like he did before we were together.

I agree with you with the idea that people should be equals, but I've always loved taking care of people I love. He does my laundry sometimes, always drives, takes out the trash, carries heavy stuff. I usually feel like I have stricter gender roles than he does
.

Besides, if he did the cooking I would die of starvation.
If DH started cooking again, we'd eat OK right off the top, and we'd eat well once he got back into the habit, because he's perfectly competent, and he likes to eat. But he does it out of necessity. However, like you, I enjoy cooking, I enjoy feeding people, I enjoy having someone to share the fruits of my efforts with, and he's wonderful to cook for, because he totally appreciates it, and is discerning, but not picky. I get to PLAY!

And, to be honest, I don't share my kitchen very well. If somebody wants to help, I have a hard time delegating, because it breaks my stride. I really don't WANT help. Come, sit and kibbitz, by all means -- I love the company -- but I'm best working on my own. And if I need a night off, which isn't often, all I need to say is "Pizza?" or "How about 'The Cheese' tonight?" (that's our favourite "the cook's on strike" place). And if I'm in the midst of a busy time, it's not unusual for him to ask, "Should I be taking you out to dinner?" That's all the 'help' I need.


Works for us.
 

jellybella

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We share this responsiblity. I cook because I enjoy it, he cleans because he appreciates it.
Yes I know I am lucky, but I also suppose I wouldn't have married him if he expected me to wait on him.
 
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