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Does the wife have the obligation of cooking for her husband? - Page 2

post #31 of 61
John and I usually cook together if it's something that takes a lot of effort, but I'll do it if it's just making sandwiches or throwing something in the microwave. He'll do it, but I really enjoy it.
post #32 of 61
NO WAY!!!!

I'm totally against any woman serving her husband. Unless you're an at home mom, I don't see any reason you have to be the only one cooking, cleaning, etc. Even if I was an at home mom, I'd still expect him to cook now and again. I told my SO several times in the begining:

"if you aren't cooking, you aren't eating."
post #33 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by arie85 View Post
I've a discussion with my girlfriend about the old-historic (or even in some communities nowadays, in every religion whatsoever) point of view saying the wife has the obligation to "serve" her husband.

I wanted to ask your opinion for this idea, is it really so? and if so until which extent?
My girlfriend says she does think the wife needs to take care of her husband but not where she's becoming his slave.

Cooking for the husband 7 days a week, 3 times a day (breakfast, lunch, evening) is definitely overdo but where is that limit in that case?
What's your opinion?
Well, you can come here on the 30th and have everything cooked for you!I am still confused about your status on that day...
post #34 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyfurbabys View Post
I was raised by my grandparents and I think I take more from their generation than most ppl my age would.

I dont feel its and obligation to take care of my household ( including the cooking ).
My grandparents raised me too and from watching them, I learned that it is better to be fair. We were raised on a farm so my grandmother worked off of the farm and grandpa did the farmwork. Because his work was more labor intensive, grandma cooked and cleaned. I don't see anything wrong with this, but I also learned from them, it didn't matter if I was male or female-- I could do the same work as a male although I am female. Yes, my grandma did the cooking and cleaning, but it was because she had more time.
post #35 of 61
Marriage is never 50/50. One spouse is always going to do more than the other, whether it is cooking, cleaning, driving the kids around, working outside jobs, yard work, money managing - or whatever. Both parties should treat each other better than they treat anyone else - including themselves. That way it brings the couple closer to the 50/50 mark. - works for us!
post #36 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by arie85 View Post
I've a discussion with my girlfriend about the old-historic (or even in some communities nowadays, in every religion whatsoever) point of view saying the wife has the obligation to "serve" her husband.
I have not read every post yet. But to answer to this I cook supper for my husband and sometimes lunch or breakfast. The breakfast/lunch only if I am making something and he is up I see if he wants some. I do not ,however, serve him a plate. I tell him its done and he is more then welcome to come fix his plate.

However, once I start school next week some of this will probably change. He will have to help with some of the slack. I have not asked for much help around the house because he worked and I was home all day. But with me going back to school he will have to help out more.
post #37 of 61
I never said that a stay at home wife SHOULD cook all the meals, but if she likes cooking then I see no reason not to be doing most of the cooking. I have more of a problem with working wives who also have to come home and cook/clean cause the husband "expects" it all the time. You will get burned out really fast.

I do agree that the cooking/cleaning issues need to be addressed before the marriage so that both know where each other stands on the subject. Many fights can occur if there is not a clear understanding about "duties"/"expectations".

DH taught the boys how to cook because he didn't want any of them to marry just to have someone do the cooking for them. DH's ex didn't really know how to cook and she was stay at home. Her idea of cooking was to open a can of chicken noodle soup and crackers for supper one nite; hot dogs the next, tuna salad the next............and it was the exact same meals every week. Because DH was working 2-3 jobs at the time, he could not do the cooking.

DH has always cooked, worked in restaurants and likes to do it. The boys actually got more decent meals after the ex left.
post #38 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
NO WAY!!!!

I'm totally against any woman serving her husband. Unless you're an at home mom, I don't see any reason you have to be the only one cooking, cleaning, etc. Even if I was an at home mom, I'd still expect him to cook now and again. I told my SO several times in the begining:

"if you aren't cooking, you aren't eating."
It doesn't have to be about "serving". I would be (and get) really mad if someone refuses to do their fair share, but I actually enjoy making food. When my bf moved in, I was truly looking forward to having someone else to cook for who would appreciate what I had done... he always says thank you, and doesn't expect it. If I'm not home to cook (we have opposite work schedules some days) he just goes and buys food at the gas station like he did before we were together.

I agree with you with the idea that people should be equals, but I've always loved taking care of people I love. He does my laundry sometimes, always drives, takes out the trash, carries heavy stuff. I usually feel like I have stricter gender roles than he does .

Besides, if he did the cooking I would die of starvation.
post #39 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom View Post
It doesn't have to be about "serving". I would be (and get) really mad if someone refuses to do their fair share, but I actually enjoy making food. When my bf moved in, I was truly looking forward to having someone else to cook for who would appreciate what I had done... he always says thank you, and doesn't expect it. If I'm not home to cook (we have opposite work schedules some days) he just goes and buys food at the gas station like he did before we were together.

I agree with you with the idea that people should be equals, but I've always loved taking care of people I love. He does my laundry sometimes, always drives, takes out the trash, carries heavy stuff. I usually feel like I have stricter gender roles than he does .

Besides, if he did the cooking I would die of starvation.
If DH started cooking again, we'd eat OK right off the top, and we'd eat well once he got back into the habit, because he's perfectly competent, and he likes to eat. But he does it out of necessity. However, like you, I enjoy cooking, I enjoy feeding people, I enjoy having someone to share the fruits of my efforts with, and he's wonderful to cook for, because he totally appreciates it, and is discerning, but not picky. I get to PLAY!

And, to be honest, I don't share my kitchen very well. If somebody wants to help, I have a hard time delegating, because it breaks my stride. I really don't WANT help. Come, sit and kibbitz, by all means -- I love the company -- but I'm best working on my own. And if I need a night off, which isn't often, all I need to say is "Pizza?" or "How about 'The Cheese' tonight?" (that's our favourite "the cook's on strike" place). And if I'm in the midst of a busy time, it's not unusual for him to ask, "Should I be taking you out to dinner?" That's all the 'help' I need.

Works for us.
post #40 of 61
We share this responsiblity. I cook because I enjoy it, he cleans because he appreciates it. Yes I know I am lucky, but I also suppose I wouldn't have married him if he expected me to wait on him.
post #41 of 61
I do all of the cooking that gets done in our house. Poor DH is absolutely hopeless in the kitchen aside from the occasional scrambled eggs. I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm trying to eat healthier so that's part of what I contribute to our partnership. We both contribute to housework, though, both inside and outside.

That said, I'm never obligated in any way to cook. If things are too hectic at work (like now) or I don't have time or don't feel like it we either pick something up or fend for ourselves.
post #42 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by rapunzel47 View Post

And, to be honest, I don't share my kitchen very well. If somebody wants to help, I have a hard time delegating, because it breaks my stride. I really don't WANT help.
I am not a team player in the kitchen either. I have been known to put tape on the floor to set boundries.

My husband likes the fend for yourself nights once in awhile too. It means he doesn't have to eat things like brocolli.
post #43 of 61
Are you SERIOUS???? Tape on the floor????
post #44 of 61
Thread Starter 
Didn't expect so many replies, I went over many not all tough and it looks like it all depends on the situation.

I think if the husband doesn't do anything he definitely needs to contribute not less than his wife but if he's working until late then it could be a bit of a mess.. ?
post #45 of 61
I don't think the wife should be obligated in this day and age where both parties have to work (most cases). It should be shared as all the household chores. If the wife isn't working then cooking the meals kind of go hand in hand with the "homemaker" role.
post #46 of 61
Well in a religious sense it says in the Bible that a wife is a maiden and is supposed to care for her husband. It also says that a man should put his family and home above all esle. (except for God of course.) I agree that a wife should help her husband out but not bow to his every whim. I think a wife should do more around the house if she isn't working and he is, but I also think she shouldn't be expected to clean up every single mess he makes. IMO it all depends on the situation I guess.
post #47 of 61
I think it really depends on the circumstances. If the man is a stay at home dad, then he should be taking care of the house and cooking, if the woman is a stay at home mom I think she should be doing it.
If they both work they should share. But there is a double standard and always will be probably.
It seems most times, the man takes care of the yard chores, mowing the yard and pruning trees, fixing the car and all that jazz and the woman takes care of the house and cooking.
I don't really think you can expect a man to do much around the house even if you are both working if he has a job doing hard, manual labor.
Marriage should be a partnership.
I hate to cook but I'm not married either.
post #48 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
It seems most times, the man takes care of the yard chores, mowing the yard and pruning trees, fixing the car and all that jazz and the woman takes care of the house and cooking.
I don't really think you can expect a man to do much around the house even if you are both working if he has a job doing hard, manual labor.
Marriage should be a partnership.
I hate to cook but I'm not married either.
me, either... i'd love to have someone around to do yard chores, etc. i'd cook for him, too!
post #49 of 61
Unfortunately for Fh he cant cook very well, he can do like fried rice and marinade meat and cook on the bbq. But otherwise he isnt very good at basic things. Which is ok because i like cooking too but because of my hours i either come home very late and have a very late dinner or cook in the morning and he has dinner ready in the evening. I dont do this often though because the last few times i did it, he didnt eat it, so i ate it for lunch the next day and then he was upset because there was no dinner in the evening
Anyway because i will be working late evenings until sept 4th, we stocked up on soups and noodles so he can make them and eat them in the evening and if i get home early or on weekends i will cook up a nice meal for us.

I always have to do the dishes, he used to do them but i banned him from doing it because they were still dirty, so since then he has taken on the roll of.. well i dont clean it to your standards so why do it? we have a small apartment so it gets mesy very quickly, but he does help when i ask him three times to get off playing WoW! He always says thank you and does sweet things so I am ok with it.
post #50 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Are you SERIOUS???? Tape on the floor????
Trust me I've thought about it. When I make brownies or cookies he runs in the kitchen like a little kid. Taping a section off for myself may work.
post #51 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
I don't really think you can expect a man to do much around the house even if you are both working if he has a job doing hard, manual labor.
I think this is a really important point. Not all jobs are equally exhausting. If someone has a desk job and someone else has a construction job, and they both work the same number of hours, I'd expect the person with the desk job to do more on-your-feet work at home, and maybe even more work at home.

What bothers me is not individual arrangements of what works best for a given couple, but the simple presence of expected gender roles. Especially in a relationship built on familiarity (which a marriage should certainly be!), the task division should go according to skills, enjoyment, and availability. It bothers me, but I can understand using gender assumptions when dividing tasks between people who don't know each other. But in a marriage?!?! It's all about two specific individuals who have chosen to live together, not about "a man" and "a women".*

*Obvious exception: pregnancy and breast feeding
post #52 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Are you SERIOUS???? Tape on the floor????
Yup! It's been awhile, but you know those kind of friends who have to get real close to you to talk? I got tired of saying "Get back, I'm opening the oven. Move, I have a big knife." LOL! It works!
post #53 of 61
I'm a terrible cook and I hate cooking. I can bake desserts that are to die for. But dinner? Forget it, I'm hopeless. If he wants me cooking dinner every night, he's a glutton for punishment.

I probably cook 60%-75% of the time. The rest we eat out. We have a terrible kitchen, so he doesn't like to cook. When we have decent kitchens (other apartments were much better) he likes to cook. Oh and grill, he's excellent at grilling.
post #54 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom View Post


Quote:



Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post

NO WAY!!!!


I'm totally against any woman serving her husband. Unless you're an at home mom, I don't see any reason you have to be the only one cooking, cleaning, etc. Even if I was an at home mom, I'd still expect him to cook now and again. I told my SO several times in the begining:


"if you aren't cooking, you aren't eating."



It doesn't have to be about "serving". I would be (and get) really mad if someone refuses to do their fair share, but I actually enjoy making food. When my bf moved in, I was truly looking forward to having someone else to cook for who would appreciate what I had done... he always says thank you, and doesn't expect it. If I'm not home to cook (we have opposite work schedules some days) he just goes and buys food at the gas station like he did before we were together.


I agree with you with the idea that people should be equals, but I've always loved taking care of people I love. He does my laundry sometimes, always drives, takes out the trash, carries heavy stuff. I usually feel like I have stricter gender roles than he does
.


Besides, if he did the cooking I would die of starvation.
post #55 of 61

The way I look at it is like this: You split the work and do what you're good at. As long as both people are contributing, it shouldn't be a problem.

 

That said, I'm a terrible cook, but I make up for it by fixing everything that can be fixed, carrying the heavy stuff, throwing out the garbage, vacuuming, cleaning, etc.

post #56 of 61

What???  

 

Hell no.

 

(Er . . . can I say "hell" on this board?)

post #57 of 61
My husband does most of the cooking. We both work full-time and my job is physically demanding. There are times when I get home from work and I am exhausted. I do cook on my days off. The house cleaning is done by both of us and so is the laundry. I take care of scooping the litter boxes because he hates doing it. If I am sick though and I ask him to he will take care of the litter boxes.

Years ago when I was unemployed and badly sprained my ankle he took care of everything in the house for a while. He told me not to do anything because I could not put weight on it due to severe pain and swelling. My parents came to visit us shortly after it happened and hired a maid service they use to help us out until I could get around again since hubby works full-time. The only thing I did during this time was some of the laundry but my hubby really did not want me to do it. He wanted me to sit around with my foot elevated till the swelling went down. I could not safely navigate the basement stairs to get to the litter boxes. My best friend who also cat sits for us offered to help my hubby with the litter boxes if needed.
post #58 of 61

Obligated??? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. 

post #59 of 61
I made gourmet meals for 30 years. Spent an inordinate amount of time planning menus, grocery shopping, cooking, washing dishes without a dishwasher, etc., etc. All the while having a full-time job before I retired. Husband filed for divorce last September. I immediately stopped cooking. He withdrew the divorce, but I will never cook again. He said we should go back to how we were before, but I told him that ship has sailed. I love not cooking.
post #60 of 61

My now ex-husband did most of the cooking while we were married.  He did it because he really likes to cook.  When it came to other household chores, he disappeared so fast my head was left spinning.  We both worked full time and had two daughters and he did try but he never really did understand how much work is involved in keeping up a house.  At least he cooked, and we were all the happier for it.  I have to admit, I did miss his cooking for years after our divorce.  :lol3: 

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