Oh, someone made me really mad last night . . . .

OK, I'm posting for two reasons: one, I need to vent; two, I need a little advice to get this into perspective.

OK, my fiance and I live in the downtown Atlanta area. His twin goes to UGA, about two hours away. My mom and their mom both live outside of the city, about 30 minutes north, but one is toward the east, the other to the west. Alex and I hate downtown, so we often go visit my mom on the weekends, who loves to have us. We don't tend to visit their mom cuz she has less space and, at times, can be a little unreliable. Alex's twin, Andrew, comes into town a lot, too, to see us and to see his girlfriend, who lives here, too. He usually stays with their mom.

So, anyway, their mom is out of town for all of April, and Andrew asked if he could stay at my mom's place (every weekend this month). He's stayed here before, so we said sure. We all like having him, too. Well, last night, he was supposed to be out with his girlfriend and then come back around midnight. This was fine, since we were going to still be up then anyway and could let him in.

Well, what does he go and do? He didn't even CALL until after 2am last night. He has no cell phone, so we had no way of getting ahold of him. He just didn't show up, didn't call, etc. and left us waiting up, cuz he couldn't get in the house otherwise cuz he has no key!!!! So, he finally calls well after 2am, says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm coming over now, could you please put the garage door up for me in a few minutes?" He didn't get there til after 3:00 IN THE MORNING!!!!! Ugh! I was so furious! You just don't do that when you are staying with someone like that. I thought it was sooooo irresponsible and rude of him. I went to bed without saying one word to him; I was so mad that I was afraid I'd say something really cruel and regret it in the morning!!

I'm tempted to invite him to not ever come back over here to stay the night if he's going to do stuff like that! Am I overly worked up over this? Or am I right in thinking it was a really rude thing to do? What makes it even worse is his girlfriend was supposed to call him Thursday during the day, but didn't. So, he was talking and venting to me on Thursday night (since she still hadn't called) about how much he hates when people do that and how he deserves better. And then he turns around and does it to us!!! GRRRRRRR!!! I'm so mad, and I just don't know how to handle the situation; I FEEL like going and flattening his nose for him!! What can I do?

Aw, Viva, I'm sorry. It is a bit of a toughie, isn't it?

I think.... if it were me, I'd have a chat with him. Point out the hypocrisy of the situation (his getting so mad about his girlfriend not calling, etc.).

Let him know you were really upset - to the point of considering not letting him stay anymore!

I say give him one more chance - but wait until you're calm enough to have a rational (and calm) conversation with him about his behavior. Let him know if it happens again, that's the last time he'll even have the chance to blow it.

It is inconsiderate.

I was raised in such a way that whether I was an "adult" or not, when I lived in my parent's house, I lived by their rules. That always made me respectful of other people's lives... (and also made after high school the last time I lived with my folks!).

(((((hugs)))))!!!!!!!!

I have to agree with Laurie. He is family and you like him, so I think a one time slip is not worth turning this into a major tiff. Wait till you cool down and then tell him how upset you were and ask him to not do this again next time. Be nice and friendly would be my advice.

OK, well, I talked to him. BTW, this isn't a one time thing. He does irresponsible stuff like this a lot. It's to the point that, if he were to be 5 hours late or so, we wouldn't even worry; we'd just assume he was late again. He cancelled plans to celebrate Christmas with us last minute this year, has just not shown up for dinner with my mom on more than one occasion, etc. It's a long list. It wasn't just an isolated event, if it had been, I wouldn't have been so upset.

Anyway, I talked to him, a little, but he "escaped" to go to the store half-way through the conversation. At least he apologized, though. I just don't think he gets the basic concept of being courteous. If he does, he doesn't understand how important it is. Well, I guess it'll be a work in progress . . .

How old is this kid? He really needs to learn some respect! What does his dad say? I would tell my kids they are tough out of luck if they aren't home by a certain time. They can wait until I am up in the morning. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way. It sucks, but I am not the mat at the front of the door and I surely am not a hotel.

He is my fiance's twin. They will be 20 in August.

It's weird. They're identical twins, and alike in soooo many ways, but Alex is super-mature. (I mean, I wouldn't be marrying the guy if he wasn't . . . ) He is looking for a good COOP job, helping me plan for moving into the apartment, etc. And he's very responsible and respectful about making plans. And then there's Andrew, who, while he's one of my best friends and is overall a good guy, is just so immature about personal relations. And Carrie, I did tell him I'm not a hotel; those were my exact words.

Good luck - it is always difficult getting into these types of conversations with family (or in your case almost family). I agree that you should speak to him and warn him that the next time he is not on time or doesn't call, then he will not be let in and he will have to find somewhere else to spend the night.

you can leave a sleeping bag on the porch for the times he is late he may get the hint. Some times tough love is the only way they can get a clue. Best of luck!