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Can I just scream for a minute?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
My husband is driving me really batty right now. Now, in his defense, he's under some stress from work and his mom is going to be having surgery. That said. AAAUUUURRRRRGH!

I have a horse that is boarded at a barn nearly an hour from my house. It costs $150 a month JUST for the gas to drive back and forth. And I'm not crazy about the kind of feed they use, so there's another $40 a month to buy my own feed, on top of the $200 a month for stall rent. Yeah, horses are expensive. Anyways, I've got some other issues with management but I won't detail all of them, it's not important to this.

So, I found a new barn. It's MUCH closer, will only cost about $80 a month in gas if I go every day (only go 4 days a week right now), and it's on my way to and from places I go, which means it's not out of hte way to stop by. The other barn is way far from anywhere I ever go and isn't "on the way" to anywhere. I met with the owner today and asked her an insane amount of questions (I'm very anal about how my horse is kept and cared for) and determined that this is a facility I want to keep my horse in. The board rate is the same, but I like the kind of feed they use, so I will be able to put him on that and save myself the extra $40 I'm spending on feed (boarding barns typically offer a feed and if you don't like it you can buy something else but they don't deduct it from your board).

So, in short, moving my horse to this barn will save us about $100 a month. Probably more since many of my trips will be on my way to or from somewhere else that I'm already going, not a special trip.

And my husband, who goes to the barn MAYBE once a month or so, is giving me trouble on this. I don't know what his deal is. He says he likes the people at the barn. Well so do I, but I'd like to see my horse without it involving a 2 hour round trip drive! He tried to say it was because of the extra vaccine my horse will need and the fees to haul him, but I have my own money that I'm going to pay for that with. And the money I have left I'm going to put in the bank account to go towards next month's board.

I'm just soooo irritated right now. He doesn't know much about horses, so the issues I am having are things he'd probably not even notice, but they are important to ME, and important to the care of my horse. But I've still patiently explained to him every problem and issue I am having, and why it's important. He said "Well what if you get to this place and decide you don't like it?" Valid question, but the fact is, when I moved into the barn I'm at now, I didn't know what questions to ask and what to look for. I'd been out of horses for a long time. I didn't see any glaring issues, so I moved him in. The past few months have gotten me back into my horsey groove, and if I'd asked more questions, I wouldn't have put him there to start with. And, if I do decide I don't like it, at least my horse is only 20 minutes away! And there's nothing to stop me from moving him to a different barn at some point in the future. I don't anticipate that though because this barn is much better managed, and the manager is almost always on site. At the other barn, they live quite a distance away and are only there in the evenings.

I'm just really frustrated. I don't know what his deal is on this.
post #2 of 20
The first I noticed in your post is that you love this horse very, very much and want to do the best for him/her. You are a true lover of your animal and I give you loads of props for that. The problem here is that I see your hubby isn't as fond of the horse as you are. You do your thing and do what is best for your pet, you cannot go wrong that way. Good luck with the new stable and I hope this will turn out to be a very good move for the horse and you.....and hubby.
post #3 of 20
As much as we love them, they can be frustrating at time. Your DH may be stressed and doesn't want any changes going on because he isn't ready to handle it.

But... it sounds like you have thoroughly researched it and it does sound like a much better deal. And if this doesn't work out, you can always move the horse again.

Try asking your DH that you have made a very rational decision and that you would like his support with it.
post #4 of 20
I may be out in left field, but did you discuss the new barn with your husband before you did all the research and made the decision? It sounds like things are going out of control for him, and this is another thing he can't control. But this is the one that he CAN complain about!
post #5 of 20
I think your hubby is nutz - if this other barn is better and closer, why in the world would he object to saving money/time????? I'd give the other barn 30 days notice you are moving and sign up for the one you like that is closer.

Bet hubby will be happy in the long run - tell him that you'll treat him to a special dinner on the money you save the following month....remember the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach
post #6 of 20
I am sorry,you are going though this with your DH,but if it was me,I would just make the move,my horse,my money,I will do,what I want.
post #7 of 20
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I think your hubby is nutz - if this other barn is better and closer, why in the world would he object to saving money/time????? I'd give the other barn 30 days notice you are moving and sign up for the one you like that is closer.

Bet hubby will be happy in the long run - tell him that you'll treat him to a special dinner on the money you save the following month....remember the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach
Oh, maybe THAT"S my problem with BF!! JK!!

Good luck with the horse move! And maybe when he sees the dollars and cents, it will all make sense!
post #8 of 20
I think you should go ahead and move your horse to the barn that's closer to you.
You will not only save money by not having to drive as far (and the other expenses you mentioned) but you will also save time which means more time with your husband too.
It sounds like you know what is best for your horse and it sounds like the move would be good for him and for you.

My daughter and I both ride horses but we don't own one, last summer we changed where she takes her riding lessons to a barn that is only 15 minutes away instead of one that was 1/2 hour away.
The cost of lessons was about the same but we do save the money by only having to drive half the distance we used to and we also spend less time getting there and more time enjoying being with the horses instead.
post #9 of 20
Have you tried coming out and asking if there is somehting else going on? Like does he like the people so much that he wants to put them ahead of the interests of the horse AND your gas expenses? Like have him just come out with it? Sometimes with guys the direct approach is best.
post #10 of 20
I agree with what goldenkitty said. It sounds like a combo between all if his stress and the fact that this horse does mean the same to him as it does to you. He may not be able to take the stress out on the other things but he can on you! Not saying this is right, but that is certainly what my husband does! I would write down all the pros and cons of both places (ya I know, pros to the current place are...??) and after a relaxing night of_____ (whatever you likes to do that is relaxing) calmly bring it up, give him or explain to him what you have researched, pros cons, all that and state you think this is best for you, your horse and your marriage! (i.e. lower cost=lest possible financial stress, and less driving time=more time for you/your hubby or whatever!!).
In the end it definitely sounds better to move your horse, and I believe everybody will be happier

I am against just doing it without talking to him about it again...I feel just about everything in a marriage should be a joint decision.
post #11 of 20
Good on you to have done such thorough research about the barn at which you have decided you'd like your beloved horse to live in. I'm sure your hubby will see the light in time to come. Sorry not much advice on the goings-on of marriages, but that he'll see sense in your decision soon! Btw, I think your horse is really lucky to have such a loving owner as you
post #12 of 20
Is this just your horse, or is it both of yours? As in, did you pick him out together and decide on boarding, feeding, etc? If you both bought the horse, maybe he is just resenting the fact that he wasn't brought into this decision ahead of time. If that's the case, take him to the barn and let him meet the people that run it, take a tour, talk to them himself and let him ask his own questions. Sometimes guys can be strange and things like that. Even though he may only go to the barn once a month, he could still think that the horse is both of yours and resent the changes made without him being consulted. After getting a tour and you explaining pros and cons of both places he may calm down. You said yourself he wasn't very knowledgeble about horses, and you apparently are. I think the main thing is he wasn't involved in the decision.

Now, if you bought the horse on your own, then you should move it wherever you want.
post #13 of 20
Thread Starter 
The horse is just mine. Hubby likes him, will go and pet him, but said the enjoyment he gets from the horse is more from watching me with him and how much I love him (this horse is awesome, really!). I'd told him that I'd found this other barn, but we'd talked about it for a while and decided to stay put. Then I got to the barn that day, and there were some issues that hadn't been too bad in the past but were worse. I'm having issues with how the other horses are being cared for (stalls not being cleaned like they should, water buckets so dirty the horses won't drink from them, etc). This makes me concerned that if maybe I can't make it to the barn for a few days, that my horse will have filthy water or another problem. Horses can very quickly get an impaction in their intestines if they go without water, and a horse as old as mine isn't really a candidate for the expensive and risky surgery to fix it. Prevention is the best medicine, and it's as simple as keeping the water buckets clean.

I talked to Hubby and told him that I wanted to check out the new barn and see what sort of place it was, and move my horse there if it was a suitable place. He agreed. But once I got a meeting scheduled with the manager, he started saying he didn't think it would be a good enough place, we should stay put, etc. And "I was just getting used to the people at this place." Well he's met the people there between 1 and 3 times, depending on the person. He's usually working and doesn't get to go to the barn that often. I spend a good part of my time around these people, I really like most of them, but I'm beyond being able to deal with seeing the horses standing in manure with filthy water buckets. MY horse gets his stall cleaned 4 times a week (and he's clean in his stall, poops all go along the wall and pee in one spot- he's always clean!) and his water buckets emptied and rinsed 3 times a week and scrubbed once a week. I don't understand why the people and location of the barn are of that much importance to him since he doesn't go to the barn very much.

It looks like we're due for a long sit-down about this, because something just isn't making sense. But I just got home a bit ago from a concert and I"m dead tired and need to go to bed! *sigh* he can be so tempermental sometimes!
post #14 of 20
IMO I think you should move your horse closer to you. Sure, you may have had good friends at the other barn, but surely you can still keep in touch, and you'll make plenty more friends at your new barn. And, no offence to the friends you had, but your horses' welfare is surely more important than how many people you know at the barn.

You should suggest that some times he should go down with you and help out, and make sure you take him to the new barn, so you can show him how clean the stalls are to the ones you're already at.

Good luck!
post #15 of 20
I think if it's your horse, and you're using your money to move him, hubby doesn't get a say.

Is there any person in particular at the barn you're at now that he likes to visit with?
post #16 of 20
Sounds like you made the right decision to move your horse. You'll be happier and so will the horse and you will get to spend more time together instead of more time traveling to and from the barn. I have a non horsey DH and we've had some discussions about my horses. I find the best thing is to sit down and put things in terms he understands. Have him ask questions, explain why you are making the move and the pros and cons of things. It is in the best interest of your horse and in the long run, it sounds like you will be saving money.
post #17 of 20
Definetly sounds like he needs control over something, maybe let him help plan the move and he will feel better about it. And some good food never hurts, like was said already.

I say just proceed to move the horse, and try really hard to get im involved. We had this problem with a cat, because he felt out of the loop. But, I'm sure he does care more bout the horse (I hope) than people around the stable. Hope it all works out.
post #18 of 20
Thread Starter 
Well he's on board with the move now. The barn owner just cheated me out of half of the money he owes me for cleaning stalls. I was doing stalls a couple months ago, 8 stalls, and he was paying me $50 a week. Which means that every 2 weeks he gave me a check for $100. So I wasn't doing them for a while because of a kids' camp that was going on, the people using the horses were doing the stalls (poorly, but doing them). So he asked me if I wanted to do them again, and i said yes.

So yesterday he mentions that he needs to give me the $50 he owes me. I said "Huh? I've been doing the stalls for 2 weeks." And he tries to tell me that the $50 a week he was paying me before was to do ALL the stalls (14 of them). Um, no, I never would have agreed to do 14 stalls 3 times a week for $50. The other girl was doing part of them. He says "No, she was only doing one stall." Um, no she WASN'T! I was doing all the stalls on one side of the aisle, she was doing the ones on the other side! We each had a list that HE put on the board of which stalls we were suppposed to do!

He basically acted like I was lying to get him to give me more money. I'd already given him notice that I was going to be leaving before this, so I don't know if he was being a jerk because of that or what. He acted like he completely understood that I was moving because I wanted my horse closer and costing me less money. I didn't go into the rest because it's good to not burn bridges....

So that made Hubby pretty mad that he did that, because he knows how many stalls I was doing before and how much I was being paid. So now he's pretty much on board for moving now.
post #19 of 20
That is a relief for you that your husband is working with you again though the barn owner is certainly not being fair.

Let us know how the move goes.
post #20 of 20
Good luck with it all!
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