I need some advice about my job (long, sorry)

zorana_dragonky

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I had a really bad experience at work today. I've had similar things happen before, but nothing this bad. Today was very busy, and I was constantly on the phone and trying to work in between calls and clients coming in to the office. My boss was in meetings almost all day. Not long after her last meeting, while she was on the phone with someone else, her daughter (who is 15) called. I told her daughter that her mom was on the phone, and her daughter told me to tell my boss that she was at J* Park and her mom could pick her up by the front gate. Also, if her mom wanted to call her she would be swimming so she probably wouldn't answer.

Shortly afterwards, my boss rushed out the door (presumably to pick up her daughter). Right after she left, I realized that I hadn't given her the message, so I called her cell phone right away. However, she didn't pick up the phone, so I left a message and went back to work.

A little while later my boss came whirling back into the office, and I could see that she was angry. I asked her if she had gotten my message and she just snapped, "No." So I left her alone for a minute, and she picked up the office phone and called someone (don't know who) and I could hear her snarling at them about why her daughter wasn't at her dad's house (the daughter's dad) and where was she, etc. As soon as she got off the phone I rushed into her office and gave her the message and explained that I had tried to call and tell her. She snapped at me and said that she must have left her phone in her husband's vehicle. I did tell her where to pick up her daughter, but she said that she wasn't going anywhere until someone called her back.

Shortly afterwards, her daughter called the office again and spoke to her mom. After she got off the phone with her daughter, my boss came out front and spent the next few minutes YELLING, and I mean this in the loudest, most capital-letter way, at me.

Now, I understand that my boss was upset. It would have made me frantic if I went to pick up my child from an ex-husband and could not find her. But by this point she knew where her daughter was, and that everything was fine. I admit that perhaps I should have given her the message before she left, but I did not know that she didn't have her cell phone with her and it wasn't my fault that she didn't have it! She walked out the door, then spun around and threw the door back open and yelled in, "Always tell me when my daughter calls. I don't care if I am meeting with the f
President! Understand?!"

When she started yelling at me, I apologized right away and told her that I didn't know that she didn't have her phone and I was sorry. That did not deter her...

I probably wouldn't have posted this, but about half an hour later, she called the office to yell at me again. She said, and I quote, "If you ever do this again, I am firing you on the spot."

... ? Okay. Her daughter was with her ex-husband, and her ex-husband is a jerk. Not my fault that he spontaneously decided to take her daughter to the park to go swimming. It is not my fault that she did not have her cell phone. I didn't know that she didn't have the phone, or that she was picking up her daughter from her ex-husband, or that they had "special plans." I have been working there for a year and a half, and she has never told me to "always give her any call from her daughter." I tried to give her the message!


So... am I wrong? Do I deserve to be screamed at? Does she have a right to threaten to fire me for this? (I know they can fire you for anything, it's the loudly yelled threat that bothers me) This isn't even work related! I didn't screw up my job, I didn't do anything wrong related to work.


So... What should I do? What should I say to her? I don't know. I have been upset all night. She has yelled at me before, but never like this. She has treated me in a belittling manner for a long time. I just... I guess I needed to vent. If anyone made it through the whole story, I would love some advice.

Thanks.


P.S. I am a web designer, if it matters. I also answer phones, provide tech support for e-mail or web site problems, do technical writing, and basically any other crappy job that no one else would want to do.
 

kluchetta

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Well, frankly, you are NOT a receptionist, so that should not be your responsibility. If the daughter calls, she should go to voice mail, and the boss can be responsible for her OWN personal life!
 

laureen227

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if i were you, i'd start looking for a new position w/another company right away.
& once i'd found one, i'd tell her why i was leaving, as well.
 

gailuvscats

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Your boss should not have yelled at you in front of everyone and should not have threatened you with your job for it.

that being said, why were you the one to get the message? was the daughter calling your phone, or are you the receptionist, in addition to your other duties. You did say you were answering the phone.

All that being said, you should have written a note and put it under her nose while she was on the phone with someone else. I a 15 year old is calling to tell her mom where to pick her up, it is reasonable to realize this is a very important message.

As far as now, I would drop it, or, better, I would apologize to the boss for not giving her the message right away. You should have done that. I don't know how old you are, and the younger you are the less importance you would attach to it.
It is not helpful for you to be making excuses to her that it is not your job or your responsibility, it is common sense. Hopefully, she will apologize to you as well for acting like a maniac.

If she is in a habit of screaming at you in front of everyone, it might be better for you to start to go somewhere else where the boss is more respectful.
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Originally Posted by gailuvscats

Your boss should not have yelled at you in front of everyone and should not have threatened you with your job for it.

that being said, why were you the one to get the message? was the daughter calling your phone, or are you the receptionist, in addition to your other duties. You did say you were answering the phone.

All that being said, you should have written a note and put it under her nose while she was on the phone with someone else. I a 15 year old is calling to tell her mom where to pick her up, it is reasonable to realize this is a very important message.

As far as now, I would drop it, or, better, I would apologize to the boss for not giving her the message right away. You should have done that. I don't know how old you are, and the younger you are the less importance you would attach to it.
It is not helpful for you to be making excuses to her that it is not your job or your responsibility, it is common sense. Hopefully, she will apologize to you as well for acting like a maniac.

If she is in a habit of screaming at you in front of everyone, it might be better for you to start to go somewhere else where the boss is more respectful.
We don't have a receptionist. Different people answer the phones depending on what is going on during a given day. It is not a very effective system. I didn't think of writing it down on a piece of paper to give her. I was pretty stressed and not exactly on top of my game anyway. That would have been a good idea and I regret that I didn't think of it and prevent this whole situation.

I am 25, if that matters, and I already apologized to my boss. All that I said during the time that she yelled at me was that I was sorry and I hoped everything would be ok. When she called me back and yelled again and threatened my job, I apologized again a few times.
I guess I should have been more thorough when I typed my original post.

I am just upset because it is hard to get yelled at and threatened. I admitted (I thought I did in the post!) that I made a mistake, but I don't think I deserved to get treated that way. I never actually made any "excuses" to my boss, except to say that I did not know that she didn't have her phone, or that her daughter wasn't supposed to be swimming at the park. I thought her daughter was just telling my boss to pick her up at the front entrance, not telling my boss that she was somewhere strange! The daughter didn't act like anything was up! I was just telling you folks that it wasn't really my job to handle her personal life. I never said ANYTHING like that to her!


It has been a while since she has done anything similar, but she is in the habit of screaming at folks in front of other people. It is really unprofessional. I don't want to make this post even more ridiculously long, but she has done a lot of different things over the last year and a half.

I'm sorry if I came off as if I didn't care about her daughter or didn't feel bad about what happened. I wouldn't have even been upset if she hadn't called back and told me that she would fire me on the spot if she ever missed a call from her daughter again. I understand why she was upset. I would have been too. She has every right to be upset with ME and to say so, but I don't feel that she has any right to scream like a maniac at me, or to threaten me in such a way.

Is that wrong?
 

clixpix

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No, it's not right for her to treat you, or anybody, like that. It's ridiculously unprofessional and uncalled for. Clearly she has anger management issues. Since there is no set receptionist, she needs to come up with a better system for her personal calls. At the very least, she should have dropped it when you apologized. To continue to berate and belittle someone is sick and dysfunctional behavior.

With that all being said, unfortunately there is little you can do about her atrocious behavior. My guess is that she probably doesn't have very many long term employees as few people are willing to subject themselves to that kind of abuse. If that's how she deals with her employees, my only advice would be to look for another job. She's not going to change, so all you can do is what is right for you. Start getting your resume together, and start looking for what's out there. Don't spend any more of your emotions or energy on such a miserable person.
 

belongstoevie

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Absolutely not! That's terrible and unprofessional and completely unacceptable on her part!


Forget the fact that you didn't give her the message right away. She LEFT with out telling you, WITHOUT checking her messages, and she KNOWS any of you could have messages for her. What if you were on the phone when she left? You'd still only have the cell phone option. In my mind, you did NOT make a mistake. Yes, a 15 year old child is important, but you got her the message "shortly after" you received it. If you don't have a system in place, you did great. You didn't define "shortly after", but if it was a few minutes after she called, say, as soon as you were finished with one thing, that is as much as she can expect from you. It is 100% HER fault that, one, she screwed up and didn't have her phone with her; and two, it's HER company and SHE does not have a policy in place.

Now, if "shortly after" was a few hours, yes, you messed up. But still, you don't deserve to be treated like that!!

In fact, if I were you, I would go in to her office the next day and look her in the eye and say "if you ever treat me like that again I will quit on the spot". Of course, I'm confrontational and hate my job anyway so I am just looking for an excuse!
But, if you want to keep your job, I would sit down (or email...) with her and talk to her about it. Let her know what happened and that you did mess up (even if you didn't, sometimes it helps to appease the powers that be if you take responsibility) but she does not need to belittle you like that in front of everyone. She has a right to threaten your job, rude as it is, but not yell at you like that. Mention it to her. I know you say she does this a lot, maybe she's just never had any one sit down with her and talk to her civilly...

Just my two cents, for what it's worth!
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Originally Posted by BelongsToEvie

Absolutely not! That's terrible and unprofessional and completely unacceptable on her part!


Forget the fact that you didn't give her the message right away. She LEFT with out telling you, WITHOUT checking her messages, and she KNOWS any of you could have messages for her. What if you were on the phone when she left? You'd still only have the cell phone option. In my mind, you did NOT make a mistake. Yes, a 15 year old child is important, but you got her the message "shortly after" you received it. If you don't have a system in place, you did great. You didn't define "shortly after", but if it was a few minutes after she called, say, as soon as you were finished with one thing, that is as much as she can expect from you. It is 100% HER fault that, one, she screwed up and didn't have her phone with her; and two, it's HER company and SHE does not have a policy in place.

Now, if "shortly after" was a few hours, yes, you messed up. But still, you don't deserve to be treated like that!!

In fact, if I were you, I would go in to her office the next day and look her in the eye and say "if you ever treat me like that again I will quit on the spot". Of course, I'm confrontational and hate my job anyway so I am just looking for an excuse!
But, if you want to keep your job, I would sit down (or email...) with her and talk to her about it. Let her know what happened and that you did mess up (even if you didn't, sometimes it helps to appease the powers that be if you take responsibility) but she does not need to belittle you like that in front of everyone. She has a right to threaten your job, rude as it is, but not yell at you like that. Mention it to her. I know you say she does this a lot, maybe she's just never had any one sit down with her and talk to her civilly...

Just my two cents, for what it's worth!
Oh, you almost made me laugh with your quoted "Shortly after." Shortly after did mean a few minutes. I received the call while she was on the phone, and within five minutes after she finished her call she was out the door. Within five minutes of her leaving I had called her cell phone that she did not have and left the message. I agree that I was still wrong and could have done more to get her the message, but I feel that I have been treated badly regardless...

I have actually talked to her before about some of the things that she does and the way that they make me (and my coworkers!) feel before. We have brought up some of the things during employee meetings. What happens is that she is nicer for a little while after a discussion or meeting, and then she starts doing things like this again.

I could make a list, really.
She takes credit for our design work when people praise it. She blames us for things when something goes wrong. She always says that we don't work fast enough, and interrupts us in the middle of doing one thing to give us something else to do and to bother us about whether or not the first thing (or list of things) is finished yet. She is always telling me to do things so that she doesn't have to, like dealing with upset clients or difficult clients, and she often asks me to lie and say that she is busy when she is not, so that she doesn't have to talk to certain clients.

She pays me $9.50 per hour, and always complains that she can't pay me if I don't do things more quickly, and the business is losing so much money... But she regularly takes week long trips to places like California and weekend trips to races in Chicago... I have one co-worker who has been there only two months longer than I have, but makes $11.00 per hour, and our newest coworker has been there about a month and a half and he makes $13! Also, if it matters, I have no benefits of any kind - no insurance, vacation time, sick days, 401k... Nothing. I am full time though.

I actually really like what I do... but I do not like my boss. I have been bitter for a long time. I'm probably dumb for staying as long as I have.



Thanks for letting me vent anyway, everyone. Kitty lovers unite!
 

belongstoevie

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Glad I almost made you laugh!
Sounds like a giggle would be good for you now.


You have my complete sympathy.
You sound like you're going through what I did. I've been with my company 2 1/2 years, and it's better now, but PHEW! I nearly did exactly what I said (threaten to quit if that crap hapened again), and I nearly did quit many times! But, through patience and working together- I have sat my boss down many times- things are getting better.

But, if you have tried to talk to her and she doesn't seem to want to change, I will echo what so many have told you- start looking for another job. I'm not even sure why I'm staying with mine- I guess because I see hope and light at the end of the tunnel, my boss really is trying. But if you don't see that, and I and others here certainly don't from your post, you definitely don't deserve a job with that kind of harassment. Take your time, develop your resume. You will find a better job, with better treatment, and you can leave this behind! Especially for that pay with zero benefits. You've been there 1 1/2 years, my general policy is two years is good for experience, so start looking now!


No matter what you decide to do, here are some
to make you feel better now.
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by zorana_dragonky

It has been a while since she has done anything similar, but she is in the habit of screaming at folks in front of other people. It is really unprofessional. I don't want to make this post even more ridiculously long, but she has done a lot of different things over the last year and a half.
Report her to Human Resources for verbal abuse - also review the policies, what will happen to you for reporting her. Start looking for another job and do what you can to take her down on your way out.
 

kristykitty

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wow.
No, you are definitely not wrong in thinking you didn't deserve that! Your boss is mean and clearly has control and anger management issues. I bet she knows this too, since it's been brought up before several times by you and your co-workers and she tries to be nice but fails.

There is some really great advice in this thread, I agree that you should look for another job, and when you leave this one, tell her exactly why, how it made you feel, and report her for verbal abuse. You should not be treated this way. It makes me so mad when people treat nice, thoughtful people like yourself this way.
You remind me a lot of myself, because I tend to internalize things and think "is this MY fault?" when someone treats me badly too.


I would probably be crying lol
which isn't right because you're not wrong and don't deserve to feel bad. She's probably really mad at her ex-husband and her whole situation, not with you.


Just hug your kitty
and come here and we will give you lots of
and
and
because you shouldn't feel bad.
Like someone said KITTY LOVERS UNITE!!
 
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zorana_dragonky

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Thank you so much for all the kind words and support everyone!


I do know that I made a mistake, and I'm ok with that. I'm glad everyone else agrees that I didn't deserve to be treated that way for making it.

Another addition for everyone else - Where I work is a small web design company. There is no "Human Resources." My boss is one of the owners of the business! She and her husband (who she yells at in front of us!) are the business owners, and they have a few employees so all of the employees end up wearing a lot of hats.

We do some really good work (imo) and have a lot of prestigious clients in the community, but I often wonder how they keep those clients if my boss acts this way all the time. And yes, she was probably very angry with her ex-husband, and took it out on me. Actually, most of the times that she yells at one of us or treats us very badly is because she is angry about something in her personal life and then she takes it out on us!


I do agree that I need to find another job, so I will start slowly shopping around. I can't really do web design anywhere around here, we are the only real company in my town and I don't want a job that I have to commute to until I finish school (I work full time and go to school full time, ewww.). Maybe I can find something in tech support, or an actual administrative position, since like so many of you have mentioned, I often have to do administrative work in between my other duties...

I will update you, of course, if I have any interviews anytime soon.
Thanks again.


Now I just have to figure out how to act around her at work today.
 

carolpetunia

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Reading this thread has been a bit of a revelation. It's been five years since I lost my job (of 18 years), and I'm still traumatized to the point of being heart-poundingly afraid to try for another "real" job. And I've been assuming that's mostly my own fault. But if most of those here are saying that your boss's behavior is so far out of line as to constitute verbal abuse -- then I was victimized for years in that job! Which gives me a little hope that it might not be that way again somewhere else.

You did make a mistake: you failed to deliver a message, and it happened to be an important one. But the office should have a policy about messages -- they should immediately be written and placed in personal in-boxes, emailed, or given verbally into voicemail. In the absence of such a policy, this kind of situation is bound to occur, and the boss does share responsibility for failing to ask if she had any messages.

But even if you had been entirely at fault, the boss's behavior was extreme. I can understand how upset she was -- being unable to find her daughter is a big, big deal. I can even understand one brief outburst, driven by emotion beyond her control.

But to come back at you time and again like that, even after she'd had time to collect herself and regain control... that's not just unprofessional. It's downright mean.

Don't let this person break you down like my old employer broke me. Go work someplace where people can speak to you civilly.
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by zorana_dragonky

Another addition for everyone else - Where I work is a small web design company. There is no "Human Resources." My boss is one of the owners of the business! She and her husband (who she yells at in front of us!) are the business owners, and they have a few employees so all of the employees end up wearing a lot of hats.
The go a step over that - I believe it would be a government agency? I want to say DHS or Department of Labor? but that's probably not correct. Does anyone else know?
 

zane's pal

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Originally Posted by strange_wings

Report her to Human Resources for verbal abuse - also review the policies, what will happen to you for reporting her. Start looking for another job and do what you can to take her down on your way out.
If my boss had pulled this on me, when she said the bit about "do this again and I'll fire you on the spot," I would have said, "speak to me that way again and I'll quit on the spot."
 

sweets

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Quietly and professionally tell your boss that she does not have the right or your permission to yell at you like that. This is a place of business and you expect her to behave in a business like manner. You made a mistake, for which you have apologized. You now feel you are owed an apology. Then stand and walk out of her office. Go back to your desk and back to work. If she is going to apologize, make her do it in front of everyone.
 

littleraven7726

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Originally Posted by zorana_dragonky

She pays me $9.50 per hour, and always complains that she can't pay me if I don't do things more quickly, and the business is losing so much money... But she regularly takes week long trips to places like California and weekend trips to races in Chicago... I have one co-worker who has been there only two months longer than I have, but makes $11.00 per hour, and our newest coworker has been there about a month and a half and he makes $13! Also, if it matters, I have no benefits of any kind - no insurance, vacation time, sick days, 401k... Nothing. I am full time though.

I actually really like what I do... but I do not like my boss. I have been bitter for a long time. I'm probably dumb for staying as long as I have.
First of all, she was way out of line with the yelling.

Second, I'm going to school for computer programming, and in my area web designers are making over double what you are (plus benefits) and I've been told this area pays less than usual for computer jobs.

So, my advice is to start job hunting.


Oh, and your boss should hire a receptionist.
 

cdubbie

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I dont know how old you are or how long you've been working - but bosses who are rude now and then are not uncommon. It is very hard to find a boss who is 100% acceptable all the time.

If this is an isolated incident I'd get passed it. Yes, your boss was out of line and unprofessional, but if you like your job, coworkers, and even your boss most of the time, I wouldnt quit.

As with most relationships in life, you go with the 80/20 rule.

PS: I've been called a pos by my boss before told if I didnt like something (unfair) to go ahead and quit. The storms passed and there is too much good stuff I get from my job so I just tough out the rough spots.
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by CDubbie

I dont know how old you are or how long you've been working
You must not have read her other posts - She's 25 and has worked there a year and a half (or close to).
Originally Posted by CDubbie

If this is an isolated incident I'd get passed it.
She also said that wasn't the first time and that others get yelled at.
 
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