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Vibes for my mom and dad

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
I have made a few posts about her so you guys should know that she had knee replacement done almost 7 weeks ago.

She fell yesterday at home, she tripped over a rug on the hard wood floor and went down on her new knee and the other one slammed into it. Against his will, my dad took her to the ER and they took xrays and said everything was fine. Its just swollen and she has a mild contusion. Its a titanium knee so she couldn't really do much damage to the knee its self. She did not trust the knee to begin with and now that she fell she is almost refusing to walk which is the WRONG thing to do. If she wants use of that leg she needs to walk and move it but she is so afraid of damaging it that she doesn't want to do anything.

My dad is absoutly out of patience with her and is actually thinking about getting a divorce after she gets the other knee replaced and is back on her feet. It doesn't help that, even though he is a doctor, he has a HORRIBLE bedside manor. He is a VERY driven person and HATES depending on anyone...my mom....she is the exact opposite. If she could stay in bed and get waited on hand and foot for the rest of her life she would. If it wasn't for the pain and discomfort she would actually enjoy being disabled like this. So while she things she is trying her best, my dad doesn't think that she is doing anything. This is killing there relationship and I would hate for it to end after almost 30 years. I believe they were married in 1978 but I could be wrong. Anyway he is very very tired of this and tired of having to deal with her and she is absolutly tired of dealing with him and his cass attitude.

Its hard on me because I'm not there and don't know whats going on. I can't judge for my self the progress she is making and I keep getting conflicting stories from them about how she is doing. My mom did NOT sound good when I talked to her on the phone today, she is regressing, and doesn't want to do anything at the moment. She is so scared and I am scared that she is going to end up with a stiff knee that is useless. She goes to the doctor tomorrow and he is going to try to talk to her and see when she can start going to Theorpy again but I don't know if she is going to go.

My brother scared the crap out of me last night when he told me to...and then he thought it was funny that I got scared. Thats big brothers for you. I am going home on Thursday night and I will finally be able to see my mom and help around the house for about a day before I leave for a week and then I will be back in Chicago for another week to help around the house. The only problem is my mom sleeps in my room and my brother his home so the house is getting a little full. I don't want to ask for my room back and I am more than happy to sleep on the couch down stairs it just kind of puts me in the middle of everything. I want to be home and help out but I kind of feel like I am just going to be in the way.

Anyway if you guys could send my parents some vibes that would be great.
post #2 of 6
Hope fully you will know more about their situation later this week.
Your mom has been through alot with that knee and this latest accident is I think upsetting for her. He needs some positive news that this will get better. The people that I know that have had knee replacements have had only positive things to say about them, the only negative is that they endured pain longer than they should have as they postponed the surgery and had it later than sooner.
Good luck to everyone!!
post #3 of 6
Sounds like you are the one needing vibes, but here goes. all around and a for you.
post #4 of 6
Aw, that is a really tough situation, for everyone!

You for sure won't be "just in the way", it's really really good you will be home, it sounds like they all could use your help and support.

and to you all! I hope your mom (re)gains her confidence soon.
post #5 of 6
It sounds like your mom could benefit from some post-surgical counseling -- partly to give her (or to reiterate) a thorough explanation of the healing process and how critical continued activity and therapy are... and partly to overcome this mental block she seems to have developed about being incapable or invalid.

I saw something similar with my father after his six-way heart bypass -- he was afraid to do much, because he thought it would cause his bypasses to "unravel." I talked with his cardiologist privately and asked him to help Papa understand the dangers of being sedentary, and it did do some good. Maybe you could arrange a similar educational session for your mom...?
post #6 of 6
Some people go through something like this after they have major surgery...especially if something is replaced. My mom had to have her entire femur taken out of her leg (due to cancer) and replaced with a titanium bone. After she went through cancer treatments, we had a physical therapist come over 3 times a week to work with her. She would walk for her...but not for me, until I yelled at her at said she just isn't trying to get better. She finally admited to me that she didn't trust her body anymore and didn't want to break anything else. After something like that, I think it becomes a phobia for some people, and she needs to talk to someone. I used to MAKE my mom get up sometimes if she wanted something. Only a few steps, but at least she was on her feet.

Maybe see if she could get physical therapy at home instead of going out for a few weeks.

Having a doctor for a husband I'm sure is putting added strain on everything. I'm guessing your father looks at everything "clinical" and doesn't take into account some fear your mom might be having. Which, is normal because that is what he is trained to do. Nothing against your dad at all. In fact, a lot of men I've known don't handle illness well. I think most men just want to fix it, and they can't, so they get frustrated and seem angry.

I'm glad you're going to be home for a little while. That will give your dad a chance to get out and regroup. It is hard taking care of someone when the only person that can help them is themselves. It's very frustrating.

Many vibes to your mom and dad and you!
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