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Need Serious Advice.

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Okay, this is kind of a long story, but I'll do my best to reduce it down.

When we moved to GA, and went to the the congregation near by for the first weekend, I met this totally amazing guy named Craig. He's EVERYTHING anyone could ever want - smart, hard-working, gorgeous, polite, nice, funny, he sings in a deep bass voice, and he's majoring in history, like me! He's fantastic, and of course I fell deeply infatuated with him immediately. I got so excited that there was a guy my age in the church area.

Well, now, there's 8 of us young adults that always hang out together. Craig and I are 19, just for information. Well... Saturday night, we're all hanging out. He is totally focused on another girl in our group, Nikki who is 16. She's gorgeous, and I love her, and she looks up to me as a big sister I think. And she knows I like him.

Nikki would never get with him, even if she liked him, because she knows how I feel for him. But I don't really think she does, Craig isn't her type. But he ADORES her. Wouldn't stop looking at her, talking to her - no one else could get a word in edgewise.

So, here's the most awkward situation I think I've ever faced: I like Craig. Craig is all eyes for Nikki. Nikki may or may not like him, but how can she ever feel what she needs to if I'm saying I like him?

How do I let my attraction to him go? Cause that's really what I need to do. He's WAY out of my league, they would be cute together, and they both are great people who deserve to have someone great.

I can't help but feel hurt and disappointed that he is so enarmored of her and didn't even once consider me, but at the same time I'm wanting to scold myself for even thinking that he would. Guys don't notice me, EVER. And if they do, they think I'm a real cool FRIEND.

So... yeah, awkward to the max. Anyone have any advice on how to let him go, stop liking him, etc.? I can't really avoid hanging out with him... they're church people, our families are close, it's just unavoidable. So that's out of the question. I need something else...

Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry it took so long.
post #2 of 15
Aw, why would you say "Guys don't notice me, EVER"? I know I don't know you in person, but on here, you are a wonderful, likeable person. I think you may be surprised at how many guys DO notice you. Of course, I don't know the whole story, but I was a lot that way.

When did you move to GA? How long have you been hanging out with him? How long has Nikki been hanging out with him? Have you ever given him even the slightest hint that you like him as more than a friend? Maybe he only pays attention to her because she's more of a flirt (even if an innocent flirt. All it takes is good eye contact and smiles. Even if it's totally innocent, it definitely gets attention.).

My first thought would be to let him know in someway that you are interested. Even if it's just going to grab a sandwhich after church or something. Then see if he still is all about her, or if he realizes what a catch you are! Especially if she doesn't like him, it's a shame for you to give up on him so they will be happy "together", when they'll never get together!

Otherwise, since I know there may be more to the story than what you said, if you really want to get over him, find some one better to catch your attention! That's a sure fire way to get over him! Tell Nikki that if she likes him, she has your blessings! Then be genuinely happy for her / him / them. Not easy, I know, but that's why you need a different attraction!
post #3 of 15
Thread Starter 
Well I certainly didn't mean to make it a pity party or anything like that. Those are just facts I've learned to live with. I'm a friend to guys, it always seems to be what they want, whatever.

Sorry if I made it seem like I wanted sympathy. I just want advice on how to get out of this.

I have expressed interest in him before, I'm pretty sure. Not real experienced, but I asked him to a concert and he said he wasn't sure if he can go, which means he's not interested in going out with just me.

So I do really need to let him go. I told Nikki just a few minutes ago that I didn't like him anymore, and he asked me for her number so he might like her and they should definitely talk.

We'll see how it goes. Sorry again if I seemed all self-pitying, didn't mean to.
post #4 of 15
Nah, that's not how it seemed. I just see a lot of me in you, is all! So of course, I gave you what others gave me.

Since you've already taken the first step, I hope things go well! Keep us updated. Like I said before, there's better guys out there. Despite appearances, he's not perfect! No guys are, trust me! Find someone even better.
post #5 of 15
He's 19 and she's 16? He has no business looking to get with her. The age range is not monumental, but he's far too old for her at this stage in life. If they were both in their 20's, or older, that would be fine, but he's an adult and she's still a child.

So far as being attracted to him, why not stop hanging around in "groups" and ask him out on a date with just the 2 of you? Go and buy 2 tickets to a some community event and tell him that you won (yes, I know it's a lie, but it's only a small one and your intensions are good) 2 tickets and wondered if he would like to go along with you. Have a bite to eat either before or after.
post #6 of 15
Also remember... nothing is chiseled in stone, especially not at your ages! Whatever happens, whomever it happens between, it's very likely to run its course and you'll all, in the immortal words of Stephen Stills, "change partners again."

I understand about being a great FRIEND to the men in your life, but utterly invisible as a woman. I've always treasured my male friends -- but I should never have allowed my self-image to become limited to that, y'know?

When I stopped seeing myself as having anything to offer as a woman, I think that led me to make a lot of mistaken assumptions. When you assume that you're not being viewed as anything more than a friend, it affects your behavior in subtle ways... and pretty soon, you've got a big red blinking sign over your head that says "NOT INTERESTED, KEEP AWAY."

So don't let this "Just Friends" idea become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believe that you have something to give as a woman, and there's a much better chance somebody will accept it.

Now if I could just follow that advice myself.
post #7 of 15
Emerald, when I was your age (oh, I used to hate hearing that!) relationships changed pretty quickly. Be yourself - fun, understanding, etc. Sometimes friends last longer than girlfriends. If he is as great as you think he is, he is worth having as a friend...and you never know how things may progress down the road.

I am by no means saying to wait for him. I'm just saying you sound like a great person and kinda what CarolPetunia said: Nothing is carved in stone.
post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 
Ummm... my friends?

I just had the most AMAZING FOUR HOURS OF MY LIFE.

Somehow, Craig and I ended up talking on the phone for almost three hours tonight. We found out we are SO much more alike than we knew... and I for sure thought he was only seeing me as a friend when he told me a lot about himself and what he goes through.

Then, after we hung up, he texts me. Goes like this:
C: Can I ask a question and get an honest answer?
Emmy: Oh no... I suppose.
C: Do you like me?
Emmy: I've liked you since the moment I saw you, and it only keeps building.
(At this point I rambled on about how I knew it was dumb and I didn't want things to be awkward and I promise I can be an awesome friend.)
C: I like you too.


So I'm literally finding it hard to breathe, my heart is pumping, I'm dancing around and laughing hysterically. I ran up to my brother's room and yelled the news to him in his face, because he's the only one awake.

Ya'll, I REALLY can't believe this. ME. He likes ME?!?!?! I am so shocked, stunned, scared, excited, happy, speechless, crazy... a ton of things! BUT OVERALL SUPER HAPPY AND EXCITED!!

But I've never had a really good or serious relationship before... and young as we are, I'd like to think we're mature for our ages, we've both been through a lot. So where do we go from here? Do I flirt when I see him again, stay close to him, etc.? I'm soooo scared now. What if I ruin this! What if he changes his mind!

But right now I'm just praying and trying to show God how absolutely grateful and amazed I am at His power and plan. I never EVER thought Craig would say he likes me... even if it was on text, and even if he changes his mind tomorrow. Tonight, right now... I am blissful.
post #9 of 15

New beginings are always the most exciting! Congratulations! I knew you shouldn't give up. You are so worth it! As you say, God has plans and he knows what's best.

My best advice for next time you see him, and not to sound cliche, but BE YOURSELF. Don't try to impress him, don't play hard to get, don't react like he's your new fiance. Just go up, make eye contact, and smile. You've been hanging out a while, he knows the real you, and he likes the real you! Don't be clingy, despite how much fun any potential new attention will be. Oh, and feel free to return as much attention as you feel is good!

He may be a little awkward after a text message like that, don't push him, and don't be insulted if he's acting shy and awkward! If you're like me, you'll actually think it's cute.

And enjoy the giddy butterflies!!

Be sure to keep us updated, I for one love girl talk!
post #10 of 15
Oh YAY!!! That is soooooo great!

You GO, Girl!
post #11 of 15
I love this thread! You go girl! Keep us updated. As stated above just be yourself and have fun.
post #12 of 15
Right On! I remember how wonderful the giddy butterfly feeling was! I am so happy for you!!!
post #13 of 15
Originally Posted by BelongsToEvie View Post
My best advice for next time you see him, and not to sound cliche, but BE YOURSELF. Don't try to impress him, don't play hard to get, don't react like he's your new fiance. Just go up, make eye contact, and smile.
Couldn't have said it better myself! And I'm so happy for youuuu!!!
post #14 of 15
Thread Starter 
Awww thanks everyone!

I did just get off the phone with him. He texted me whenever he could today, and then called me tonight. But like BelongstoEvie said, he was quiet and I think kinda shy... neither of us brought up last night, and we just told each other about our day and how the rest of the week is going to go.

He was quiet... and he also said his family can't come over this Saturday like they'd planned for a couple of weeks, so that was kinda disappointing, and I really hope it has nothing to do.

But, as everyone keeps saying, I can't let myself get worked up about it. We like each other. That's it. Now just need to have fun and stuff, right?
post #15 of 15
Originally Posted by EmeraldSongbird View Post
Now just need to have fun and stuff, right?
Yup! Just have fun, and include him in it! Glad you guys got to talk today. Shyness is expected and understandable! If he can't come by this weekend, be sure to see if you guys can go grab a sandwhich or something one day.

So for now, enjoy whatever happens- friendship or more!
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