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So annoyed....*vent*

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
For most of my life, no matter what I do, there are always people that, on first glance, think that I am a guy. Sometimes it is understandable because I am a welder, I cannot wear dresses and have my hair all fancy at work, but my hair is still long and braided and does show. Anyhow, I have been called "sir" by people who are holding my drivers license and credit card. Last night, I accompanied my hubby to his Grandpa's viewing and one of the ladies there asked my MIL why her "son" was on crutches. Ok...my toenails are painted green, I had sparkly pink shoes on, I had nice, women's khakis on and a sparkly nice shirt with a scoop neck. Admittedly, I don't wear makeup or take huge efforts over my hair (mostly a ponytail with clips in my hair). I even have glasses with purple frames. My skin is not such that I can wear makeup very well (I am going to get some of that mineral stuff for my birthday in a couple of months). Back in my early 20's I would even get told that I was in the wrong restroom. It is so frusterating...Is it just because I am tall? I don't have huge boobs, but I don't feel that I should have to have huge boobs in order for people to think that I am a woman. I just don't know what else to do.

Thanks for listening to me vent anyway...
post #2 of 17
Aw Im sorry I think its time for a tshirt that says "Call me sir and I'll stick this crutch where the sun don't shine"
I've been called sir before too, I dont know why, I went home and cried about it a bit, then got angry. My guess is that people just arent observant, they take one glance at you, see your height and just assume guy. Althought, no idea how the lady could have thought boy when you were dressed up! Maybe you could wear a little eye makeup just to make your eyes stand out a little more. I almost never wear makeup except for a little charcoal eyeliner along the bottom, smudged, and it brings my eyes out just enough.
post #3 of 17
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry that happens to you! My sister-in-law and her older sister are both just shy of six feet, and the same thing happens to them sometimes, when they're in casual clothes.

I think in a lot of situations, especially with store clerks, people aren't actually looking at you, even though you're right in front of them. I'm sorry to admit that I made the same mistake once at the grocery store. I was in a tearing hurry, scrabbling in my purse for change, and the clerk's voice was coming from so far above my head that I just instinctively perceived "man," y'know? Shame on me for not looking people in the eye.

But my point is, the mistake people are making may not have much to do with how you look -- just how tall you are. So it isn't necessarily a slight to your femininity.

Considering the work you do, it only makes sense for you to keep your hair out of your way and not to wear a lot of makeup -- I don't think you need to reconsider any of that. But if you want something that would scream "GIRL!" to the clueless, here are couple of thoughts...

1. If your hair has some curl in it, you could trim just the finest little fringe around your face, so you'd have some pretty little wispy curls to frame your features.

2. Maybe you could try wearing very feminine earrings... not hoops, but something no man would ever wear. You wouldn't want anything so long that it got in the way of work, but just a small dangle of pearls or crystals, maybe?

3. A necklace could also be a giveaway, if your clothes wouldn't hide it -- something that would lie close around your neck and not swing out in your way when you're working. Something sparkly!

4. When you get your mineral makeup and can put a little blush in your cheeks, I'm sure that will also help people notice your feminine qualities.

5. And y'know... it just occurred to me that, when I'm in casual clothes and flat shoes, I sometimes get annoyed with myself for walking "like a man," and I stop myself and imagine that I'm in high heels and a slinky dress... and it works, by golly! All of a sudden, I'm walking like Marilyn Monroe, and it changes my whole appearance. Maybe you just need to let your "inner Marilyn" out!
post #4 of 17
You have my sympathy! I have been going through the exact same thing my whole life. In fact, just the other day at work, a guy came in for a meeting with my boss, and said "Oh, are you his son?" When I was about 9 years old, my best friend and I decided to be silly and dress as boys for the day. Keeping in mind we're both similar enough that we have been mistaken for twins on occassion, but that I am much more tomboy than her, it was really interesting that everyone knew she was a really girl, but no one thought twice about me! For once people thought we were boy and girl twins, instead of twin girls. Even another best friend and I went on a ride at a theme park, and when we got off, we were looking for our ride picture. She couldn't find it because I was in front and she didn't realize there was a guy in the car with us! In fact, as a baby, I was bald. My mom would put me in a little pink dress and a huge pink bow tapped to my head, and people would still come up to her and say "What a cute little boy!". So I guess I'm doomed.

And I'm like you- long hair and not much make up (though that's my choice!), tall, and pretty tiny boobs. I'm a B on a good day. Though I am just as likely to wear men's clothes, or at least men's-like clothes as something girly. I do have my dad's big nose (I hate it! When I have money to throw away on plastic surgery I may do that, it's that bad for me... ) I also wear plenty of obvious jewelry.

So, since I have been dealing with it forever and am still dealing with it, I obviously have no good advice for you! Just, try not to let it bother you. You're not the only one that deals with that! I don't even let it get to me anymore. I just kinda roll my eyes and laugh at people's lack of thinking. I mean, for you, sparkly pink shoes and still they thought you were a guy? That's not you, that's them being stupid.
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thank you for your kind words. For some reason, the older I get, the more this really bothers me. I guess that when I am off crutches, I will have to "find my inner-Marilyn" Being that I am 6'1" and have only ever tried on high-heeled shoes once (much to the mirth and great entertainment of a bunch of women that were there) I am not really sure what it feels like to walk around in them.
post #6 of 17
A lot of guys go crazy for really tall women in heels, its a leggy supermodel thing. I know a girl who is 5"11, and when she wears heels she has to fend the boys off with a stick... I really dislike her sometimes.
If you get desperate you could really do a marilyn monroe and saw a little bit off of one heel as she did, to make your walk extra wriggly and feminine.

Having said that, if you're comfortable in your own skin don't change just for the sake of short-sighted fools.
post #7 of 17
Most people are stupid and inconsiderate and don't even think about what they are saying.

In Berkeley, my (then) two-year old daughter and I went out for lunch and two different people in the cafe said, "How cute! Is your child a girl or boy?" She had shortish hair because she was little but she was dressed in pink overalls, a pink bib with a pink cat on it, and pink converse hightop sneakers. I found out later that many moms in Berkeley dress their sons in pink because that's just how Berkeley is.

If I were you, I would probably do something rude and get the offender's sex mixed up, too. If a guy says, "May I help you sir?" I would say, "No thank you, ma'am."

Hugs to you.
post #8 of 17
I know how you feel - I never bother with make up or doing my hair fancy, and I wouldn't want to either.

But people know I'm female because of my "womanly" figure
post #9 of 17
Originally Posted by BelongsToEvie View Post
I mean, for you, sparkly pink shoes and still they thought you were a guy? That's not you, that's them being stupid.
i've only been called sir on the phone... because i have big boobs - but a very low voice for a female.
CVS actually told my mother that a guy called them & chewed them out [they had called my parents' house {a place i've not lived for 25 years} to say my prescription was ready... i didn't even give CVS that phone number!].
post #10 of 17
I'm sorry that happened to you. I really don't think that people are actually SEEING you. There's so much going on in this day and age that I think it's almost impossible for some people to give their undivided attention to one single thing. Gone are the days when people actually took the time to see the person they were speaking to (in a customer service situation). If the person had taken the time to actually see YOU, they would have seen that YOU ARE A GIRL! I'm not much on the makeup either, but have started using the Origins Organic Mineral Makeup. It's only $13 dollars and has done wonders for my skin. I'm pale, (actually ghostly white) with very dark hair so I never leave the house without a little lip gloss and a little blusher (I don't want to be frightening any small children or animals when I go out into the world) - it's more for their safety. Please don't let it bother you and JUST KEEP BEING YOU.
post #11 of 17
Originally Posted by chadsgirl374 View Post
...Please don't let it bother you and JUST KEEP BEING YOU.

That's the best advice yet!
post #12 of 17
blame it on brain confusion. your tall, colthes some what Gender neutral.and well guys can have long hair also.

to be fair, i have called, men, she, and women ,he on the phone if i am busy and not really paying attention to who i am talking to.

if it helps my wife gets carded all the time here for stuff,and has to shop in the kid section for colthes sometimes. she vents all the time
post #13 of 17
Whatever you do, don't stop being you! I get a lot of grief because I refuse to wear makeup, and if it's going to take longer than 5 minutes to do my hair, I'm not interested. So it's almost ALWAYS pulled back in a pony tail, and a lot of times I wear a ball hat. I also like to wear baggy jeans (not so baggy they fall down, but I hate tight jeans) and t shirts most of the time. My family (of all people!) constantly harrass me about being "more feminine" and not "looking like a guy" but you know what, this is me. It's who I am. To heck with anyone who has a problem with it! And my husband HATES it when women wear a ton of makeup, or any makeup, really, and loves it that I don't do it.

About the only time I ever really *do* anything is if I'm going out with Hubby. Then I might do something with my hair, like have it partway up with a nice clip, and a necklace, a cute top, and more form-fitting (but not tight!) jeans. *Maybe* some heels, but not really high and not narrow at the bottom, or I'll break my ankle! The heel has to be as wide as the shoe is, at the bottom.

Like I said, just be you! There's nothing worse than someone pretending to be someone they aren't.
post #14 of 17
Being as though you said you can't wear dresses for work, why don't you wear bright and girly clothes? Or simply tie a girly ribbon in your hair or paint your nails a funky colour?

post #15 of 17
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by lauracatlover View Post
Being as though you said you can't wear dresses for work, why don't you wear bright and girly clothes? Or simply tie a girly ribbon in your hair or paint your nails a funky colour?

I do paint my nails in very funky colors (I never use pink or red), but since I wear gloves 90% of the day, they don't really get noticed. As for the rest, I wear a uniform and a standard welding jacket and a hair ribbon would either catch fire or get sucked into the machinery on the production floor. Not a good environment for girly stuff.

Thanks everybody for all of your support. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me if people are going to be stupid and not actually see me.
post #16 of 17
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I guess I shouldn't let it bother me if people are going to be stupid and not actually see me.
That's right. And let me qualify my earlier response by adding that you shouldn't do ANYTHING differently unless you LIKE the result!
post #17 of 17
I have a friend who is constantly called SIR on the phone. And when she has a cold, it is even worse. She once demanded to speak to a supervisor to lodge a complaint against the customer service rep who insisted on calling her sir even after looking at the account which is JUST her name. By the way, she is a professional model. And if the rep had actually LOOKED at the name, she would have recognized it.

Most people don't take the time to actually look at someone. I've been called Sir when I have a cold...and with my 40DD's you wouldn't expect that!
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