Do former ferals want to go off to die?

We took in a former feral, and she really adapted....she would lie on our laps, sleep on the beds, let me cut her nails, loved being brushed/combed - but she had "issues" most of her teeth were removed when we took her in, periodontal disease - they asked us to take her while she was on antibiotics. All her litter mates were placed on a farm, she was so docile, we decided to keep her (since she had no teeth, we didn't think farm life would work out for her) - had her 3 yrs. - just recently she expressed an interest in going outside, usually she would just sit at the screen door to the deck and watch.

She always had issues, like she would cough/hack/spew "stuff" - otherwise, she was fine, learned to use the litter box, ate wet food and the tiny dry food (separate bowls) that we put out, just a bit of the dry. She seemed to be out of sorts for a few days, we tried to think about how to get her to a vet. - she wasn't eating and was drinking lots of water.

Anyway, one day (I was at work) - she apparently went nuts to get out, clawing at the door, etc. - hubby let her. I came home shortly after in time to see her heading out back over the hill - I called her, she turned and squeeked back, but kept on going. (she never did have anything more than a small squeek).

She headed up and over and we haven't seen her since - We climbed back there and nothing, I think she might have been sick and went to die where she was born, do you think that's possible? An in-born instinct?

Yes it is possible for that to be the case, and not just in former strays/ferals. Cats like to hide when they are not feeling well or in some cases they will get VERY snuggly with their special human. It also could be that your cat was just feeling boxed in and a smell caught her attention. I have had cats that did that and were gone for weeks and then came home like they had only been gone for five minutes. Make sure you put food and water out and see if she comes home. Sadly be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. Hope she comes home.

my cat Hubcap tried to do the same thing, he had been a stray but i had him 11 years and by all evidence he had just been an abandoned house cat. so i think it's instinctual (added to a cat's desire to hide away when he's not feeling well). he kept trying to get outside and when he did he made for a hole in the fence. I stopped him and took him back in. I almost wish i hadn't, since he ended up passing away while at the vets' overnight.

Thanks for your thoughts, she's not back yet. I know about the hiding, etc. when they don't feel well, my previous cat was almost 22 or 23 when she went, when she didn't feel well, she'd hide in a closet, etc. - when it got down to the wire, she tried to wander off, she always hung out on the deck, front porch, yard, but she started wandering (she was mostly a house cat, but liked to go out a bit) - we let her out on the porch, but blocked off the slats of the porch rail. When she went, it was here at home and she went in my lap...she hung in there, she was a cool cat. We took her on road trips, would stop at rest areas and she'd take a walk around the grassy areas, etc. Rode in the car on one of our laps.

This one (the feral) I think probably had some health issues we didn't know about, but I try to take comfort in the fact that we gave her a good life. I just hope it wasn't too horrible, I just really feel like she's gone.

when they start feeling punky they go to ground- meaning they leave all they know and go off to find a dark cave-like spot and they sleep. Some have remarkable regeneration powers while others just sleep and never wake up.