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feeling lonely

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Well, things in my life are really looking up: I'm leaving my job soon to go back to school, I got a big grant to pay for school, I have a great new boyfriend, etc.

Problem is, I can barely see my boyfriend these days. I work days and he works evenings, so that only leaves the weekend. During the weekend he does his best to see me and find time to see his son too. He barely gets to see his friends.
He is also having money problems, to the point where he is considering finding a second job to make ends meet for the next few weeks. I know the money problems really stress him out. To add to that, he has chronic pain and insomnia.

I just feel so bad for him. He does his best not to let these things affect me, but I can't help it. I hate seeing him so stressed out. And I hate not being able to see him more.

I offered to lend him money but he said he loved me too much to risk having money come between us.

He has been looking for a new job for a few weeks now (he has the qualification to get a much better job than what he has now) but no luck yet. Once he finds a good job (one where he will work days and make enough money to start saving), things will be a lot less stressful for him.

I don't want to let him know how sad I am about all this because it will only add to his stress. I feel so lonely and powerless.
post #2 of 10
Well he sounds like a nice guy if he doesn't want to take your money.
But what about if you made him some meals-esp if he is going to take a 2nd job that would be helping him so he would spend a little less on food. Or if he has his son-what do they like doing together perhaps you could buy tickets for movies (or even rent movies) anything that he would have a little more cash in his pocket.
post #3 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
I offered to lend him money but he said he loved me too much to risk having money come between us.
I'm sorry you are feeling lonely.

Have you tried making more friends to spend time with instead of having yourself so emotionally invested in one person that you depend on him for emotional security?

Having a variety of friends and interests will not only help you in your situation, but it will also take pressure off of your boyfriend because guys tend to not like clingy girls and like to see them have interests outside of "them".

Also, based on the fact that your boyfriend turned down a money offer from you tells me that he has his head squarely on his shoulders. I would be concerned if he did take money from you. That is a bad precident to start. Besides you are getting ready to go back to school and the money you have you will be needing for yourself.
post #4 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
Well he sounds like a nice guy if he doesn't want to take your money.
But what about if you made him some meals-esp if he is going to take a 2nd job that would be helping him so he would spend a little less on food. Or if he has his son-what do they like doing together perhaps you could buy tickets for movies (or even rent movies) anything that he would have a little more cash in his pocket.
I did prepare some food for him last week and he was really happy about that. I didn't have a chance this week because we had an awful heat wave and I was staying far away from the kitchen
I should be able to cook again tonight.

Doing something with him and his son is unfortunately not an option. The boy's mother is extremely protective, to the point where she wont let him spend any time alone with his father (or anyone else). My boyfriend can only see his son by going to visit him, not the other way around.
post #5 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
Doing something with him and his son is unfortunately not an option. The boy's mother is extremely protective, to the point where she wont let him spend any time alone with his father (or anyone else). My boyfriend can only see his son by going to visit him, not the other way around.

Does he not have joint custody or visiting rights? Unless he has done something in the past to harm the child and has only supervised visitation, there isn't a court that would allow her to prevent him from having his child for a certain period every week/month, etc. If he has no restrictions on visiting rights as per the above, then he needs to see a lawyer and get his ex straightened out on what is and what is not allowed. I personally would want to know more about that arrangement if he was my boyfriend. I'm not saying that to freak you out or anything, but it bears a little closer scrutiny IMO. I'd hate to see you set yourself up for a heartache if he turned out to be not what he is representing himself to be.
post #6 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
I don't want to let him know how sad I am about all this because it will only add to his stress. I feel so lonely and powerless.
You´re a such lovely girl my friend! thanks for share this with us,.........Oh Marie......don´t feel alone... ...sometimes I feel like you, because can´t do many things that you want by lack of money, the really important are stay supporting each other, ......better times will come...
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
Does he not have joint custody or visiting rights? Unless he has done something in the past to harm the child and has only supervised visitation, there isn't a court that would allow her to prevent him from having his child for a certain period every week/month, etc. If he has no restrictions on visiting rights as per the above, then he needs to see a lawyer and get his ex straightened out on what is and what is not allowed. I personally would want to know more about that arrangement if he was my boyfriend. I'm not saying that to freak you out or anything, but it bears a little closer scrutiny IMO. I'd hate to see you set yourself up for a heartache if he turned out to be not what he is representing himself to be.
I think he never got any legal rights established in order to avoid making things worst with his ex. I'll have to ask him the details some day. But don't worry... he shows no signs of being an abuser of any sort... he's a sweetheart and not manipulative/jealous/possessive at all.


Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolCat View Post
You´re a such lovely girl my friend! thanks for share this with us,.........Oh Marie......don´t feel alone... ...sometimes I feel like you, because can´t do many things that you want by lack of money, the really important are stay supporting each other, ......better times will come...
Thanks!
I figure that if we can make it through this hard time, we'll just get stronger as a couple
post #8 of 10
I hate to say it, but the supervised visits set off a big warning bell. Either something happened, or the mother had a really good lawyer. If neither of them are the case, she cannot stop him from taking his son on unsupervised visits, over protective or not. Or I may just be paranoid because my former SIL cannot have unsupervised visits with my granddaughter, because he is nuts.
Since we don't know it really could be anything, even just to wanting to keep the peace with his ex.
post #9 of 10
He sounds like a great guy! I would never push my own choices on others, but I moved in with my boyfriend to help reduce costs and have the ability to see each other more. It solved both problems! But of course I wouldn't tell anyone to do that unless they felt that was the right choice!

that things all work out.
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
He sounds like a great guy! I would never push my own choices on others, but I moved in with my boyfriend to help reduce costs and have the ability to see each other more. It solved both problems! But of course I wouldn't tell anyone to do that unless they felt that was the right choice!

that things all work out.
He is a great guy and I'm sure things will work out eventually.

It's a bit early to move in together, but some day....
It wouldn't really help his money situation though because he has a roommate already.
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