Did I push to hard?

algebrapro18

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Hey guys,

The job I was supposed to get fell though, but I think it is for the best anyway. I need more than $3/hour. Anyway I am really really really hoping to be able to get another trip up to see my girlfriend for my birthday. The only problem is I don't have a job so money is tight. My dad has payed for the last 2 trips and he really doesn't mind doing so but...money is starting to get really tight. There have been a lot of medical bills lately with my dads kidney stone and hernia surgery and my moms knee replacement and most likely scar tissue breakdown procedure. That and I think my dad is still paying off the bills from the last trip which were around $4,000.

This time I am staying in a MUCH cheaper hotel(88 a night compared to 125 a night) and figuring everything in gas + hotel is going to be 1200 if I stay for a week. Thats all my dad would be paying I would be paying for any other expenses(food and entertainment for the week). 1200 didn't even cover the cost of the hotel last time so this trip is going to be far less expensive which I think will help but I just don't know.

Anyway I talked to him tonight and I didn't know the numbers like I do now and he said he would have to see how the medical bills look before he can give me an answer which I totally understand. I then sat down and crunched the numbers and sent my mom an email with a breakdown of the numbers for what I would need him to cover.

I just hope this didn't go to far. On the one hand it shows inititive and that I am really interested in going but on the other hand he just doesn't know and when he says that sometimes its just better to drop it.

Do you guys think I went to far in sending that email? If you were in my dads shoes how would you react if you and a child that did what I did with the email?
 

clixpix

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To be honest, I wouldn't really care for it, especially since they paid for the last two trips, and if memory serves, your living expenses and school. To me it would feel like you weren't sensitive to the current situation, regardless of what your intentions were.
 

gayef

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Wow, $1200 would be an extremely generous birthday present where I come from!!

As the parent of a young man, 23 years old who ~is~ working full-time and all the overtime he can get his grubby little hands on, living out on his own and paying his own way in life, I offered to give my $200 cash as his birthday gift, then loan him the airfare to visit his girl after she moved back in with her parents in Florida to attend Vet school there. The condition on the loan was that he pay it back monthly for a year. If he couldn't pay it back due to financial issues during any given month, then we worked it out in trade; he would come over and cut my grass or wash my car or paint something and I took money off of what he owed me for his efforts. But I'll tell you the truth right here and now, if he was sitting on his hiney, not working or even looking for another job, then I wouldn't have offered AT ALL.

Parents like to see their young adult children making progress. So, make some. Instead of going on a trip, stay at home and get a job so you can pay your own way to see your girlfriend.

That all now being said, I will admit to not knowing what your circumstances are or much if anything else at all about you ... so I might be speaking out of turn here. I just think that if you are able to work, then you should so you can pay your own way to see your girl. It is nice to have such generous parents to fall back on but honestly, I would think you should be saving that resource til when something ~really~ goes wrong and you need their help more for that.
 

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Honey, I think you are pushing it. I know you want to see your girlfriend, but sometimes you have to sacrifice in real life. I know you said your parents had money in a previous thread. That is fine...but that doesn't mean they have it in their bank account. Most likely they have invested most of it which means withdrawaling it will impose heavy penalties plus may put them into a different tax bracket for this year. There are a lot of things you have to consider from your parents point of view. Your school and living expenses are probably budgeted into their monthly expenses and they can afford that. But the extra trips may be strapping them.

You are old enough to start paying your own way for extra things you want to do. You sound relieved that you didn't get hired. That, to me, doesn't sound like someone that really wants a job.

Is there anyway your girlfriend could come and visit you? That would probably be a cheaper solution. All she would need is gas money, and stay at your place and you could see her.
 

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I know I've said this before, but if you don't have the money to pay for your trip and your expenses yourself, then you should not go, no matter how much you want to go. If your father offered the money from the get-go, it would be different.

You said the last trip was $4000.00! And you say that your father is still paying it off, and now you want to go on another trip? Granted it's cheaper, but $1,200 is still a lot. That's rent for some people. Coupled with the medical bills, not to mention the stress of the procedures, I would be incredibly irritated if my jobless child hit me up for more than a grand.

I think that you have to accept that this might not be the most optimal time to go on another trip. Part of being an adult is realizing that sometimes you can't always get what you want and that sometimes you have to think of others before yourself.

Tricia
 
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algebrapro18

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I wish she would come down here but she won't. She says her parents won't let her which I understand but I also think their is a great deal of fear that she isn't dealing with. I am always the one that has to sacrifice in this relationship. I'm the one that has to go up there, I'm the one that is giving up a guarenteed place to live when my parents die to live with her, I'm the one thats giving up all my dreams for the last 22 years to up root my life...I just wish she would meet me half way some times.

And yes I am ecstatic I didn't get that job because the pay would have sucked, and I have about 30 more applications out their so its not like I'm not looking for a job. I spend approximately 2 hours on the phone every day calling places to check up on applications or finding new places to apply. Nothing is hiring me out here. And its not just here I've looked in all the surrounding towns also and still nothing.

I just hope my parents don't get mad for me bringing up this stuff when they are faced with so much. I realize they are facing a lot its just I want to see her again I haven't seen her since May(nearly 2 months now). If my dad can't put up the money then I am going to drop it and not go until x-mas break if the weather will be decent enough to travel.

Oh and another thing I should have mentioned, this would just be a lone this time. I know if I keep trying something will eventually turn up where I will be getting money and then I will pay my dad back. I told him this when I called tonight and he was happy that I said that, and I know that helped my case. Its just I'm facing 18 credits so working 30-40 hours on top of that is going to be interesting but i'm going to have to make it work.

Like so many of you have said, its time to man up. And Some of you get the impression that I am thankless, well I'm not I thank my dad every chance I get for what he does for me. And I know that this isn't normal, trust me my friends point it out almost every day that the way I live isn't normal. The fact is my dad would love to pay for this if he could he just doesn't know if he can and thats fine I understand that and I told him that before we ended the call so its really all in his hands right now, all I can do is keep my fingers crossed that he sees that its about 4 times cheeper than the last trip and that he can find a way to cover that temperarily until I can pay him back.
 

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Originally Posted by algebrapro18

Hey guys,

The job I was supposed to get fell though, but I think it is for the best anyway. I need more than $3/hour. Anyway I am really really really hoping to be able to get another trip up to see my girlfriend for my birthday. The only problem is I don't have a job so money is tight. My dad has payed for the last 2 trips and he really doesn't mind doing so but...money is starting to get really tight. There have been a lot of medical bills lately with my dads kidney stone and hernia surgery and my moms knee replacement and most likely scar tissue breakdown procedure. That and I think my dad is still paying off the bills from the last trip which were around $4,000.

This time I am staying in a MUCH cheaper hotel(88 a night compared to 125 a night) and figuring everything in gas + hotel is going to be 1200 if I stay for a week. Thats all my dad would be paying I would be paying for any other expenses(food and entertainment for the week). 1200 didn't even cover the cost of the hotel last time so this trip is going to be far less expensive which I think will help but I just don't know.

Anyway I talked to him tonight and I didn't know the numbers like I do now and he said he would have to see how the medical bills look before he can give me an answer which I totally understand. I then sat down and crunched the numbers and sent my mom an email with a breakdown of the numbers for what I would need him to cover.

I just hope this didn't go to far. On the one hand it shows inititive and that I am really interested in going but on the other hand he just doesn't know and when he says that sometimes its just better to drop it.

Do you guys think I went to far in sending that email? If you were in my dads shoes how would you react if you and a child that did what I did with the email?
On the risk of the rath of all the rest of the members, I'm gonna tell you just what I think.
You appear to ME to be a spoiled rotten baby. Come on...maybe your parents have money and are willing to finance your education. To me, that is awesome that they are able to do that. You are very lucky...my daughter had to work her way through college and while I would have loved to help her I wasn't in the position at the time. But if I was....she would NOT have been taking vacations on my dime, no matter how much money I was making. Nope, you want R&R...pay for it yourself! Your parents have health issues and no matter how much money they have, medical is expensive.
Man up, and PAY for your own vacation...and thank your parents for all the help they have given you.
That is all!
 

h~chan

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I think you're pushing a little too hard.. I'm 19 and in a long distance relationship.. not working at the moment, but hopefully will be soon.. and so my mom usually helps out with my plane ticket every few months. Even asking for about $150-200 for a plane ticket makes me feel like I'm asking for a lot.. even if I end up paying it back after a little while. I can't imaging the response if I asked for $1,000+ to travel to see my SO. It kind of sucks, but waiting more than just a couple months won't kill anyone.. it's been about four months since I've been there last.. though I did just book my next ticket tonight. The longest time we spent apart was over a year.

Anyways.. I think you should keep trying for a job for now so you can pay for a trip yourself.. and your parents can help you out when it's something that you really need and can't afford.
 

fwan

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why do you always have to go there? if you are 22 and if her parents aren't letting her then i presume she is under 18! And why do you have to stay in a hotel? Why cant you stay at her house?
Is this girl really worth it? please re-evaluate your relationship before draining your fathers money.

I have made huge mistakes before with an ex, and wasted heaps of my fathers money which i regret now.
 

brandi

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Originally Posted by spudsmom

On the risk of the rath of all the rest of the members, I'm gonna tell you just what I think.
You appear to ME to be a spoiled rotten baby. Come on...maybe your parents have money and are willing to finance your education. To me, that is awesome that they are able to do that. You are very lucky...my daughter had to work her way through college and while I would have loved to help her I wasn't in the position at the time. But if I was....she would NOT have been taking vacations on my dime, no matter how much money I was making. Nope, you want R&R...pay for it yourself! Your parents have health issues and no matter how much money they have, medical is expensive.
Man up, and PAY for your own vacation...and thank your parents for all the help they have given you.
That is all!
Quite honestly I couldnt agree more...how about instead of your dad working to pay off the last trip you find a job even if it is 3 an hour and work to pay him back...If your girlfriend wont come and see you because her parents wont let her Im guessing she is under age? If not and she is over 18 then she should come see you even if that means getting a job to do so. If she isnt willing then I would recommend ending the relationship until you are both in a better financial situation!
 

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My motto is "If you havent got it, then you can't have it until you've saved for it!".

I think your parents have enough on their minds with their medical fees to think about giving out another handout to be honest. One day your parents won't be there to rely on, so at 22 now is the time to become independant.

And with the job front, the way the economic situation is at the moment, beggars can't be choosers i'm afraid.

Why won't her parents let her travel to see you, is she underage?
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by calico2222

Honey, I think you are pushing it. I know you want to see your girlfriend, but sometimes you have to sacrifice in real life. I know you said your parents had money in a previous thread. That is fine...but that doesn't mean they have it in their bank account. Most likely they have invested most of it which means withdrawaling it will impose heavy penalties plus may put them into a different tax bracket for this year. There are a lot of things you have to consider from your parents point of view. Your school and living expenses are probably budgeted into their monthly expenses and they can afford that. But the extra trips may be strapping them.

You are old enough to start paying your own way for extra things you want to do. You sound relieved that you didn't get hired. That, to me, doesn't sound like someone that really wants a job.

Is there anyway your girlfriend could come and visit you? That would probably be a cheaper solution. All she would need is gas money, and stay at your place and you could see her.
I agree with this. They may be finding it difficult to tell you directly that the answer is "no" and hinting around it about their medical bills. And medical bills do come first.

I think you should take the hint and make other arrangements of either post poning your trip until you can get a job and raise the money yourself, or have your girl friend come and see you the next time. It's only fair that the both of you take on the burden of this long distance relationship and it's not fair for you to have to be the one doing the traveling and spending the money each and everytime. Let her put something into it too and take a trip to you. It will be cheaper for her too since she can stay with your parents.
 

mer636

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she doesn't sound like a very nice person if she doesn't want to meet you half way in things..does she know you don't have a job? does she think the money fairy fronts the bill to send you to see her?

If her parents are against her coming maybe she should say something to them and let them know how she feels?

Good god I feel bad asking my parents for $60 and I pay them back every time! Now i'm not harping on you since honestly we don't know each other and hey maybe your family has a lot more disposable income than mine so I don't know the situation but alas from what i'm reading right now isnt the best time to ask your dad to give you a "cheap" trip of 1200 (which by the way is A LOT) and it's nuts that he gave you 4,000 to see her before! good god with todays gas prices and normal expenses thats WAY to much to pay for a trip to see some girl who doesn't want to pay her way to come see you for a change..

but thats just my opinion like I said im not trying to be mean in any way
 
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algebrapro18

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She isn't underage she is 30 but still living at home and her parents are WAY over protective. Barb(my girlfriend) wouldn't even tell them we were dating for the first 6 months of our relationship. My girl works and has about 6,000 saved up in the bank so money isn't the issue its her parents. I just wish they would lighten up and she does too. I go to school full time and she only works at night and its a very flexible job so it would be much easier for everyone if she could just come down here and I would certainly let her stay with me.

Thats another thing...I brought up staying at her house and she very indirectly said no. Her parents would be out of town when I am going to be up their(by design) so we wouldn't have to worry about them. The only issue is her neighbors might report that my car doesn't move for a week and that might create problems. That and her brother randomly comes by some times so staying at her house might not be the safest but it be by far cheaper. The hotel is going to cost 700 this trip so if I could stay at her house thats 700 dollars my dad doesn't have to pay out of pocket and I know he would let me go then.
 

mer636

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but if she's 30 shouldn't she have SOME say in what she does? i'm 21 and my parents don't tell me what to do? that confuses me..why doesn't she just say "Hey mum,dad i'm going to visit my sweetie for a while so you won't have to feed or house me for a while which will give you break"
that might help? or honestly just go do what you want? at that age your an adult with a mind of your own
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by algebrapro18

She isn't underage she is 30 but still living at home and her parents are WAY over protective.
Somethings not right?. She's 30 and she can't think for herself?.

Is she from a different background such as muslim?. And if she has money saved and she wanted to see you why can't she help you out?!
 
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algebrapro18

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No she is Roman Cathlic...well her parents are I'm not sure what she is, of course I don't know what I am anymore religiously so I don't have any room to judge. And she is saving that money so she can move out of that blasted house. I don't want to take that, mainly because I want her to move out. When I pick up my life and move up there next summer she wants to move in with me and she needs to be able to support probably the both of us until I get a job up their.

I want to respond to something else I read here. I am definatly being picky when it comes to jobs. I have yet to turn down any possible job offer, I even offered to shovel pig and cow manurer but the farmers said no(tried it more than once). I just dropped off another set of 10 applications yesterday hoping to find something, anything.
 

mer636

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well anyway good luck with the job search and hopefully she starts coming to see you instead of doing things the way they are all the time
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by algebrapro18

she needs to be able to support probably the both of us until I get a job up their.
I'm probably too independant but if Gil(my partner who lives long distance) said that to me i'd be telling him to take a hike!.

She sounds like she's got her head sorted, financially that is, so it might be an idea to get yourself sorted out in that department first before moving there with nothing. I'm still unsure about the parents bit. Have you actually heard them say they don't want you in their house?. And what is it that they don't like about you?
 
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