I agree totally.........it's time you quit living off your parents and realized you cannot take vacations if you aren't earning money. It's not fair to them; they will need that money for their later years. Yes, you pushed too far.
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Did I push to hard?
- Thread starter algebrapro18
- Start Date
I agree.. she's old enough to be married and having kids and her parents are still telling her what she can and can't do? Sorry, but if I was 30 and my parents were trying to say I couldn't do something that I'd like to do, I wouldn't put up with it. That's ridiculous.
She lives in Hamilton? $6000 is plenty of money for her to get herself set up with her own place there. Maybe there is a deeper issue you guys have to address about her not moving out, because I would not be living under rules like that at 21 let alone 30.
Can she not help you out with the money to come and visit her? If you do get a job are you going to drop it for the trip - jobs generally don't let you take a week off right away.
Can she not help you out with the money to come and visit her? If you do get a job are you going to drop it for the trip - jobs generally don't let you take a week off right away.
Umm, wow. I'm sorry but the fact that you are even questioning if you went too far or complaining about this (you may not have been but it sure comes across like you are.) is pretty sad. You need to take a huge step back and take a look at your life. You have been completely blessed (umm, or spoiled?) with the financial support you have received form your parents. On top of your schooling, food, housing, and whatever else they may pay for you, you also expect them to support your little trips to see your way too overly dependent 30 year old girlfriend? You need to start learning some responsibility and taking care of yourself. And don't say I don't know how hard that is....the day I moved out and went to college (I think moving out is the first big and important step towards maturity and learning responsibility) I was cut off from my parents. I was in a very intense college program with 40-60 ours of practicum on top of 15 credits so I was not able to hold a job. So I took out student loans. Even if I got sick or my car broke down, I had to pay myself and beg them for even $25 of help(don't get me wrong..they do love me!). Now I am a recent college graduate and am paying off those loans. (I am in no way saying student loans are good and you should get them, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, and if that means delivering pizzas at 3 in the morning or delivering newspapers at 5 in the morning then you just do it!). Through that experiences I learned so much about budgeting, spending properly, paying bills, a lot of discipline and making sacrifices. I had/have too many college friends who were like you....mommy and daddy paying for everything (2 just got married in May and still don't work and don't pay for anything!). They are 24/25/26 and still do not know anything about responsibility. (man, our generation with screwed with half of us not having to take care of ourselves!)
And about this GF of yours...I know you prob love her and all...but if she's 30 she can control her life, not her parents, even if she is living with them. If she is not willing to tell them that she is old enough to make her own decisions and then go ahead and make those decisions then I would think about not being in that relationship. I can't imagine a relationship with 2 parent-dependent people...yikes!!
Sorry for sounding harsh, sometimes people just need to hear it.And I am not trying to be mean, but hopefully this can help you out with your future.
Good luck with your job search...I hope you find one soon, and if I were you I would take ANYTHING offered to me...at least until something better comes up!
And about this GF of yours...I know you prob love her and all...but if she's 30 she can control her life, not her parents, even if she is living with them. If she is not willing to tell them that she is old enough to make her own decisions and then go ahead and make those decisions then I would think about not being in that relationship. I can't imagine a relationship with 2 parent-dependent people...yikes!!
Sorry for sounding harsh, sometimes people just need to hear it.And I am not trying to be mean, but hopefully this can help you out with your future.
Good luck with your job search...I hope you find one soon, and if I were you I would take ANYTHING offered to me...at least until something better comes up!
Theres something that's still nagging at me about all of this, and my question is, if she can't find the backbone to leave her parents now at 30 years of age, what makes you think she'll do it next year?!.
What difference is one year going to make?, it's not the money because she has a nice little nest egg there already.
What difference is one year going to make?, it's not the money because she has a nice little nest egg there already.
I haven't read past this point, so someone else may have asked - why doesn't SHE pay for your trip since this trip is for the both of you to be together.
And at 30, she's sneaking around? Something doesn't sound right, and I remember a thread in the last few weeks where you were complaining about the cost of living and making ends meet, but you expect your dad to pony up for these liasons?
Sounds like she's not willing to do anything for the relationship - I think it's time to move on.
OK, back up ... let me see if I have this all straight ... you are 22 years old, in school and not working, living with your parents and your "girl" is 30 years old, not working and living with her parents, who, for some as of yet undisclosed reason will not allow this woman to visit with you???
Yes, you are pushing too far by asking your parents to give you $1200.
I go back to my original advice. Get a job, I don't care what it is - you mentioned shoveling um ... farm animal stuff ... but that you didn't get that job either. Me thinks you aren't trying all that hard. You say you put out 10 apps today alone. Well, that's great, but are you following up on each and every one? If you don't hear back from them, then you go back and ask to speak to the manager to see if you can get an interview on the spot. I don't know where you live, but I live in a very small, rural town in Virginia and if someone here WANTS to work, they CAN get a job. It may not be the most glamourous of jobs, but it's a paycheck. Go around to your neighbors and offer to cut their grass for $30 or $40 a yard, do yard work, gardening, weeding, hauling off trash, moving furniture, small handy-around-the-house kind of jobs. Go to a seniors community and offer to drive people to and from their doctors offices or other appointments, offer to do their grocery shopping, offer whatever you think someone might need! If you ~wanted~ to work, then I believe you could. I just don't believe that you really ~want~ to work.
Yes, you are pushing too far by asking your parents to give you $1200.
I go back to my original advice. Get a job, I don't care what it is - you mentioned shoveling um ... farm animal stuff ... but that you didn't get that job either. Me thinks you aren't trying all that hard. You say you put out 10 apps today alone. Well, that's great, but are you following up on each and every one? If you don't hear back from them, then you go back and ask to speak to the manager to see if you can get an interview on the spot. I don't know where you live, but I live in a very small, rural town in Virginia and if someone here WANTS to work, they CAN get a job. It may not be the most glamourous of jobs, but it's a paycheck. Go around to your neighbors and offer to cut their grass for $30 or $40 a yard, do yard work, gardening, weeding, hauling off trash, moving furniture, small handy-around-the-house kind of jobs. Go to a seniors community and offer to drive people to and from their doctors offices or other appointments, offer to do their grocery shopping, offer whatever you think someone might need! If you ~wanted~ to work, then I believe you could. I just don't believe that you really ~want~ to work.
If I read in between the lines properly, you are her toyboy.
1. I don't believe she lives with her parents, i believe she is married and having an affair
2. you have to sleep in a hotel, easy way out for her.
Thats all I have to say about this relationship.
1. I don't believe she lives with her parents, i believe she is married and having an affair
2. you have to sleep in a hotel, easy way out for her.
Thats all I have to say about this relationship.
Your 22 and in school getting a degree. You need to finish school and get your degree. You need to be able to take care of yourself before considering uprooting and sacrificing for a girlfriend. You have a promising future and parents who are helping you through college. Girlfriends come and go. Do not sacrifice your future for a girlfriend, you will regret that. If she is meant to be in your life she will be there for you when you become self sufficent.
Your girlfriend has red flags that should concern you. She is 30 years old and still lives under the rule of her parents. This is not normal. Has she ever lived on her own?
Your young with a promising future. Don't make hasty decisions that will come back and bite you when you are older and more mature.
Your girlfriend has red flags that should concern you. She is 30 years old and still lives under the rule of her parents. This is not normal. Has she ever lived on her own?
Your young with a promising future. Don't make hasty decisions that will come back and bite you when you are older and more mature.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #30
Like I have said a few times, I will take what ever I can get. I don't care at this point in time what I do. And yes I am following up and speaking to managers all the time, just to be told that I can't be used at this moment. Its rather frustrating and at this point in time(if my dad can front me the money) I would start working after the trip to start paying him back.
I will talk to Barb tonight about maybe her loaning me the money as well because she has it in her account and then just paying her back. She actually would probably be more patient with me about getting payed back than my dad. I can't believe I didn't think of that before...I feel rather stupid now. Thanks for bringing this up. That actually made my day, and even though you guys spoke some harsh words I know its only because you care and you worry about what kind of environment that me and Tom live in with me not bringing in any money.
To clear one thing up I live on my own about 180 miles away from my parents, so I'm not living with them though sometimes I wish I were. Especially now that my mom is so dependent on other people I wish I could go home and give my dad and brother a little bit of a break but I don't have time time or the money to go back home right now. My dad was able to get away over the 4th and relax a little bit and he even took a few naps which he really really needed, he has been running himself ragged taking care of my mom and working his usual schedules as a doctor.
Anyway thanks for the advice guys and I will keep you posted on how this goes.
I will talk to Barb tonight about maybe her loaning me the money as well because she has it in her account and then just paying her back. She actually would probably be more patient with me about getting payed back than my dad. I can't believe I didn't think of that before...I feel rather stupid now. Thanks for bringing this up. That actually made my day, and even though you guys spoke some harsh words I know its only because you care and you worry about what kind of environment that me and Tom live in with me not bringing in any money.
To clear one thing up I live on my own about 180 miles away from my parents, so I'm not living with them though sometimes I wish I were. Especially now that my mom is so dependent on other people I wish I could go home and give my dad and brother a little bit of a break but I don't have time time or the money to go back home right now. My dad was able to get away over the 4th and relax a little bit and he even took a few naps which he really really needed, he has been running himself ragged taking care of my mom and working his usual schedules as a doctor.
Anyway thanks for the advice guys and I will keep you posted on how this goes.
Ummm. 30 years old!? Still living with her parents?! Her parents tell her how to run her life and she listens?! She won't pay to go and see you or help with your expenses while you are visiting her?!
Sorry, but all of those things are red herrings and to me you need to forget about her and find yourself someone local.
That chick is bad news!!!
Sorry, but all of those things are red herrings and to me you need to forget about her and find yourself someone local.
That chick is bad news!!!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #32
She isn't married I have spent the night at her house before when her parents weren't home so I know their is no one else. Though I have sunk a substantial amount of money into the relationship($10,000 - $15,000 with all the presents and other stuff) so I might be her boytoy.
I am planning to finish my degree before moving up there so don't worry about that. I hope to graduate in May so I will be moving up there in June unless things change. I am also planning to go back to school when I am up there to get my degree in clinical psychology which is what I really want to do I am only getting the math degree because my dad is making me finish it up. I plan on doing nothing with it but I will have it to fall back on I guess.
Just because you spent the night and no one was home, does NOT mean that she lives with her parents. I read this post and for the first two pages thought exactly what fwan posted. There is no way that this "girl" is 30 and her "parents" won't let you stay... or come there. Cmon' now. There is something seriously wrong with this situation. You are 22, and I know that you may not want to hear or believe this, but I believe you are being taken for a ride, and I think you are taking your parents for a ride in asking for money to be this "boytoy". I am certainly glad that someone else saw what I saw in this situation! Perhaps when you went to stay with her, her husband was out of town?! I am 32, and been down this bumpy road before. Trust in this... If something seems wrong about a situation... there is probably something wrong about it.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #35
I know she lives with her parents, I have talked to her mother on the phone...that was not a good conversation(got cussed at in Polish). Her parents don't like the fact that its an internet thing, they are very protective of her and believe that I am someone who is going to rape or kill there daughter. I understand where there coming from because thats all you hear about internet relationships so I see where there coming from but it doesn't make it right. I love there daughter and wouldn't hurt a hair on her head but they don't believe that. According to her friends who I have met, her parents are just really strict but once they get to know you they lighten up a lot and me and the parents have yet to really meet face to face. These trips just keep happening(again by design) when the parents are out of town.
I've seen her parents before via web cam so I know its her parents and that I wasn't talking to anyone else on the phone. Heck half the time we are talking her parents barge into her room and start ordering her around, she has no privacy. If she locks the door the door will be gone the next day, its like she's a teenager but she's not. The only time we have any time to be "alone" is when her parents are asleep but she still needs to whisper so she isn't heard(ticks me off to no extent). I wish she would just move out and get her own place but she just won't do that...I don't know why. I think it has something to do with her fear of success which comes from no one believing in her(even her). She holds 2 college degrees and yet still doesn't think she is successful...of course she refuses to get a job that would require the use of either of those degrees but again fear of success plays a great part in that.
I've seen her parents before via web cam so I know its her parents and that I wasn't talking to anyone else on the phone. Heck half the time we are talking her parents barge into her room and start ordering her around, she has no privacy. If she locks the door the door will be gone the next day, its like she's a teenager but she's not. The only time we have any time to be "alone" is when her parents are asleep but she still needs to whisper so she isn't heard(ticks me off to no extent). I wish she would just move out and get her own place but she just won't do that...I don't know why. I think it has something to do with her fear of success which comes from no one believing in her(even her). She holds 2 college degrees and yet still doesn't think she is successful...of course she refuses to get a job that would require the use of either of those degrees but again fear of success plays a great part in that.
How about instead of spending a week with your girlfriend, you get money together for the gas and spend it with your parents? It'll be cheaper, and you were going to take that time away from home anyway.
Just my thought.
OK whoa, hold the phone here! You have spent $10,000-15,000 on her, and you are now hitting up your parents for MORE $$$$ to spend for her??? You are thinkng of BORROWING money from her to go see her??? Borrowing???
Its a real good thing this is a message board and not a face to face conversation because I would seriously smack you upside the head right now! You are being played big time dude!
Sounds like she is bad news to me, wake up!!!!
Well, this may sound harsh.. but I'm gonna say it. You can't be b*tching about her not being grown up, when you won't grow up! You are spending $4000 of your parents money on a trip! That is insane! Get a job, save your pennies, and pay for your own way. If she wants to see you enough, she will give you the money for it. If she don't pony up the dough, then she don't care to see you.
I haven't read every post before me (just the first page), but I have to agree with the people who are telling you that you went too far.
$4000 for a trip to see someone is insane, IMO! I would never ask my dad for another dime if he gave me that much money. $1200 would be outrageous for me to expect from anyone but myself. I was in a long distance relationship with my husband for 6 months, and I NEVER asked for money to go see him. I did what I had to do to get the $$$. And we'd alternate. She should come see you too - it has to work both ways.
Your parents sound EXTREMELY generous - paying for these trips, paying for your school, bills, rent, etc. I wouldn't push your dad into giving you MORE money. Just wait until you have the cash yourself to go see her. She needs to understand your parents aren't always going to pay your way, and that she will just have to either 1. wait until you get the cash; 2. she decides to come see you. That is only fair.
$4000 for a trip to see someone is insane, IMO! I would never ask my dad for another dime if he gave me that much money. $1200 would be outrageous for me to expect from anyone but myself. I was in a long distance relationship with my husband for 6 months, and I NEVER asked for money to go see him. I did what I had to do to get the $$$. And we'd alternate. She should come see you too - it has to work both ways.
Your parents sound EXTREMELY generous - paying for these trips, paying for your school, bills, rent, etc. I wouldn't push your dad into giving you MORE money. Just wait until you have the cash yourself to go see her. She needs to understand your parents aren't always going to pay your way, and that she will just have to either 1. wait until you get the cash; 2. she decides to come see you. That is only fair.
I just saw this post someone above me quoted on the 4th page....
Are you serious!??! She is 30, her parents control her life, and she needs to sneak around to see you!?? There is something very wrong with this picture. $10-15k spent on her when you dont have a job sounds like you really should not be asking your parents for any more money. And it also sounds like you are someone she can get gifts from ... especially if she is not willing to make HER OWN DECISION and come visit you. At 30, she should be able to do what she wants. She has some money in the bank, and a job. Why doesn't she go out and get an apartment if she would like to be free of their control?
I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're going for one crazy ride with this "girl".
