Anyone else?

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
I don't usually post on here about my BF because, well, I don't like too. I think I have made a thread about him once in the last couple of years, but I just need to know if I am overreacting. He told me last night that he would text me basically to let me know he was ok. He went to visit friends in another state and I stayed here because I had to work. Anyway, he was out drinking with them because it is apparently the ONLY way to have fun with your friends (this was the 3rd night of drinking for him), and never texted me and now his phone is turned off. I am really worried (again- he did text me the night before to tell me he was ok, but it still worried me because it was 4AM) about the idiot and I think I am going to tell him that I need some time to think about whether or not to stay with him after this. He is almost 30 years old and he can't let me know if he is ok?! Granted, I am extremely depressed right now and could very well be overreacting, but I also just found out that 1 of my friends that I used to work with in WV, was found in a ditch after drinking, had been hit by a car, and is now dead. What do you all think? Guys input definately appreciated, maybe I am missing something here.
 

mrblanche

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
12,578
Purraise
119
Location
Texas
Well, not being the "cool" type of guy, and definitely not being a drinking kind of guy, I think you'd be better off with someone else who is more concerned about you. But that's a decision you have to make. To me, these are signs of future problems, but I may be prejudiced on the subject. You ladies always seem to go for the guys I wouldn't be caught associating with, so I probably don't have an unbiased opinion, right?

But...if sending you a text message is too much trouble for him, how will he perform when you really need him to do something for you?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Originally Posted by mrblanche

Well, not being the "cool" type of guy, and definitely not being a drinking kind of guy, I think you'd be better off with someone else who is more concerned about you. But that's a decision you have to make. To me, these are signs of future problems, but I may be prejudiced on the subject. You ladies always seem to go for the guys I wouldn't be caught associating with, so I probably don't have an unbiased opinion, right?

But...if sending you a text message is too much trouble for him, how will he perform when you really need him to do something for you?
I am not making excuses for him with this just want you to have all the info. He does not drink often and he definately knows how I feel on the subject-- especially since I told him yesterday. I actually told him not to call me until he came back because I was tired of worrying about him while he was there, but then I called him yesterday
. It is not out of character for him to be inconsiderate while drinking, but it is out of character for him to be like this when he is sober.

His phone is turned off and he is supposedly in a hotel with a checkout of 11 AM and it is now 1038 AM-- why would his phone be turned off when he has to check out in 20 minutes? If you can't tell, this is driving me crazy with worry!
 

lmunsie

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 31, 2007
Messages
1,326
Purraise
2
Location
Leafs Nation
I don't know if it's worth leaving him over...unless there are other things in the relationship that are wrong. HOWEVER, I would be furious. There is nothing that sickens me more then when somebody tells me they will call and they don't, because you can't help but go into a tailspin of panic and what if's. It's cruel and unfair. I always call where I left when I arrive somewhere after a long trip or w/e...... even if they didn't ask. to txt, sober or otherwise, takes 2 seconds of your time....... a couple words.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Originally Posted by lmunsie

I don't know if it's worth leaving him over...unless there are other things in the relationship that are wrong. HOWEVER, I would be furious. There is nothing that sickens me more then when somebody tells me they will call and they don't, because you can't help but go into a tailspin of panic and what if's. It's cruel and unfair. I always call where I left when I arrive somewhere after a long trip or w/e...... even if they didn't ask. to txt, sober or otherwise, takes 2 seconds of your time....... a couple words.
I'm not really considering leaving but it is definately worth me taking some time to think about whether I want to deal with this for the rest of my life. He doesn't know about the friend that they found in the ditch yet, but he does know how emotionally fragile (I feel like an idiot for typing that) I am right now.
 

naia

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
516
Purraise
1
I see problems with him out drinking with his friends all the time. My friend was actually in the same position you were in. He would go out, drink, and never even call her, so she's left home alone worrying sick about his safety. One day he came home drunk, and they argued over this. The guy pushed her into a corner, choked her, and spit beer all over her. The girl called it quits after that. Of course, now that she sounded so final, he promised her that he'd never do it again, blah blah, and that was not his first time saying this. He would stop drinking for a while, but he was the same man... and he'd go out getting drunk again. This man never changed, and I'm glad she's without him in her life. She's much better and deserves to be treated better.

There is no need to be left worried. That's very irresponsible and inconsiderate of the guy to do that to you. I foresee that alcohol will cause future problems for you guys. Part of being with somebody is to make sure they know you're safe. It just shows how much he thinks of you when he doesn't call. I also question why he thinks drinking is the "only" way to have fun, because it certainly isn't.

Is there a reason why he gets drunk besides "having fun with his friends"? Did he recently lose his job? Is he really depressed about something? These are some things you two could discuss.

You could give him an ultimatum, and tell him that if he doesn't change, you're going to leave him. I know a guy (he's in his 40's) who doesn't drink anymore because he finally realized what alcohol can do to him. Of course, he lost his marriage and his job for him to finally realize it... but he did change. Some people do change after they make a mistake, but if you and your guy have had several discussions about it already, then I'd say make the move. You are better off, and deserve a guy who will treat you better.

Good luck to you. /hug
 

krazy kat2

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 14, 2001
Messages
8,085
Purraise
41
Location
Somewhere in Georgia
I agree that he should call and let you know if he was ok. It is just plain inconsiderate of him not to. If drinking has been an issue before, this may be the time to reevaluate your relationship. I have found that doing that periodically keeps us talking. I do it about once a year. I think about how that year has been, if we have gotten along and been happy, or if it has not, why not, and is the relationship still in good shape. I think that has kept us together for 23 years. We have had several rough patches, but we made it through them together, relationship intact.
Mine used to stay out all night with his friends, and it drove me crazy. It took me years to convince him that all I wanted to know is he is alright, and now if he is going be late, he calls. I had to find a very tactful way of telling him, but I convinced him. No matter how much he has had to drink, he calls, and sometimes I go get him if wants to come home. That was part of the deal when he promised to call me, and he has never broken it.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
His phone is STILL off, he is supposed to be checking out, and I am still worried. He is out of state and I don't even know what hotel he was supposed to be staying at-- just know the town. Maybe this is irrational, but now I am kind of wondering if maybe he cheated on me and that's why his phone is off. He doesn't usually turn it off and this makes me wonder.

He has never, that I know of, cheated on me so this probably is irrational. I just really wish he would get a hold of me.
 

naia

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
516
Purraise
1
Originally Posted by pipersjo

His phone is STILL off, he is supposed to be checking out, and I am still worried. He is out of state and I don't even know what hotel he was supposed to be staying at-- just know the town. Maybe this is irrational, but now I am kind of wondering if maybe he cheated on me and that's why his phone is off. He doesn't usually turn it off and this makes me wonder.
That makes me wonder too. What is he doing out of town and in a hotel? He didn't tell you WHY he was going out of town? Is it a business trip and he turned it off because he's in an important meeting?

You poor thing, just so many questions questions questions. /hug
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Originally Posted by Naia

That makes me wonder too. What is he doing out of town and in a hotel? He didn't tell you WHY he was going out of town? Is it a business trip and he turned it off because he's in an important meeting?

You poor thing, just so many questions questions questions. /hug
He's visiting his friends. We live in another state and he hasn't seen them for a while so he went to see them. I couldn't go because I had to work and now this. He thinks that I am checking up on him, but I am really nervous about his drinking with these guys just because I am sure that they drank way too much. I just called the hospital and he wasn't admitted there so that was at least, something, but I am still worried.

I just sent him this text: I think I need some time to think about this relationship.you told me you were staying in a hotel and it is checkout time and your phone is still off. Do you know how scared I am for you? If you called me you would know why...please call so i know your ok.

I had to make it into 2 messages, but this really is starting to make me reconsider being in a relationship with him. I know I keep saying something different on here, but I guess I am just really scared for him and I can';t make up my mind.
 

rockcat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 6, 2002
Messages
6,665
Purraise
18
Location
The Spacecoast
Any chance he lost his charger or his phone? So many people now don't remember phone numbers because they are programmed in.

I know... longshot.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Originally Posted by Rockcat

Any chance he lost his charger or his phone? So many people now don't remember phone numbers because they are programmed in.

I know... longshot.
He has a charger in his car. if he was checking out of the hotel, he would be in his car and he could plug it in. I am getting REALLY worried now.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Sorry the first thing that went through my head was that he cheated, and the second was maybe his phone died, and he forgot his charger at home.

Seems like you know what you want, i hope you wont be hurt
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Well, he finally called and I chewed his butt out. I feel better cause he called, but I am still upset about the situation.
 

rockcat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 6, 2002
Messages
6,665
Purraise
18
Location
The Spacecoast
Originally Posted by pipersjo

Well, he finally called and I chewed his butt out. I feel better cause he called, but I am still upset about the situation.
I don't blame you, but at least you know he's ok!
 

swampwitch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
I'm glad he's okay. I personally couldn't have a relationship with someone who is so inconsiderate, and I would be having major trust issues with him. Not all men are like that! I hope you feel better and not depressed soon...
 

laureen227

Darksome Duo!
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 3, 2003
Messages
19,260
Purraise
387
Location
Denton TX
Originally Posted by pipersjo

Well, he finally called and I chewed his butt out. I feel better cause he called, but I am still upset about the situation.
and rightfully so, especially since he basically agreed to let you know. i don't necessarily think it's worth ending the relationship if this is the only problem... but it's definitely worth a discussion when he gets home - let him know that this is a major issue for you, & that if he can't show you consideration & respect in this matter, that you're really unsure about your future together.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19

pipersjo

TCS Member
Thread starter
Super Cat
Joined
May 20, 2006
Messages
996
Purraise
3
Location
Home of WVU Football!!!!
Originally Posted by laureen227

and rightfully so, especially since he basically agreed to let you know. i don't necessarily think it's worth ending the relationship if this is the only problem... but it's definitely worth a discussion when he gets home - let him know that this is a major issue for you, & that if he can't show you consideration & respect in this matter, that you're really unsure about your future together.
That is exactly what I told him while I was talking to him. I told him that maybe we need to reconsider the whole relationship if he had no respect for me as demonstrated by his lack of follow thru regarding the text message. There are other issues that I am not going to get into on a family friendly forum, but they are not enough to end this over. Everytime I talk to him he acts like its the end of the world because I am bothering him and it drives me nuts! I know that guys don't like to talk (blah, blah, blah), but he always tells me he is not like other guys. I don't really have anyone to talk to about all this right now so I am really glad that all of you responded to me!
 

mer636

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
May 5, 2008
Messages
907
Purraise
13
Location
Canada
my bf did this to me once and I gave him such a blast that he hasn't done it again although I know why he did he was working after hours and his phone died but still

Sit him down and tell him calmly how you feel and if he doesn't want to listen or compromise think about moving on

thats my opinion anyway


poor girl losing her mind over a guy
some guys are dumb
 
Top