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Does having children make you happy? - Page 2

post #31 of 42
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
It depends on the person. I know having a child in my life will make me happy, whereas I know people who would be very unhappy having a child in their lives.

I think having children would probably give you higher highs and lower lows though. I get the impression that my friends with children get more pure joy than I do, but they also get more stress and tiredness and frustration.
I think that's it exactly. If I had a child I KNOW I wouldn't be a happy person. I'd be that terrible Mom everyone secretly talks about. However, I've seen parents out there that love their children and are very happy with them and themselves. It's all about what a person wants out of life.
post #32 of 42
I want kids someday (though not for a bit yet). And I'm going into a master's program to teach K-6.

So basically, I'm going to hang out with children day and night, and I can't wait Call me crazy, but even when they're infuriating they're more fun than adults.
post #33 of 42
Having Kids is Tiring, Frustrating, Thankless, ... while the most Amazingly Rewarding, Uplifting & Filled with Happiness, Smiles, Laughter, as you experience them explore their first sights and sounds, their pure innocence and joy out of everything they see and do, the pure love they feel for you and you feel for them is endless, a feeling one can never know until you are a parent.

There are certianly days where I can not WAIT until it is time to put my kids to bed at night so that I can just have time to myself

But the good days out weigh the bad, and what they say is true... they just say the FUNNIEST things, and just 'crack' me up ALL the time... when ELSE does one get to re-live their childhood but when you have your own children

You get to PLAY at the park, SWING on the swings, SLIDE down the slides! ... DID I EVER think I'd use a SLIP & SLIDE AGAIN Coloring, Play-Doh, Not just those things, but really being a mom IS so rewarding.

*I* certianly am not the A-typical Mom... 'Bakes Cookies, 'will join the PTA, goes on 'play dates', ya... I dont know what else'...


Tattoos, listens to Heavy Metal, Alternative, Industrial, etc, Love to play games on the Computer, Horror Movies and the gross (funny my kids were born on Halloween), I'm sarcastic and not the most sympathetic of beings.

But when it comes to my kids... I am the most loving, tender, and unique mommy ever & best no one mess with them, cause I will mess with them

OH & Who COULDN'T love experiencing watching these little ones develop before their eyes... its amazing

Nuts how fast they grow... and drag you with them These kids have drug me to turning 30 coming up this July 18th!!!! YES! CRAZY!
post #34 of 42
I'll have to say yes.....Of course at this point in time they wouldn't make me happy! I'm too young!

My mom based her life around us kids and I know I will do the same. I wish every parent was that way, then maybe their would be a lot more happy people in the world.
post #35 of 42
I too agree that you and only you can make your own happiness.

Rob and I do not want kids. We have our fur babies and that is perfect for us. Nowhere in our plans do kids show up. Neither of us want kids. His family has pressured me to give them grandkids, but I told them to look at their other son, because my BIL loves them. He's always playing with the neighbor's kid when he's around, and even lets him into our room - which drives me up the wall. When a co-worker brought her "Save the marriage" baby to work, I just didn't care. I wasn't one of those people who was excited over a baby. I didnt feel cold-hearted about not caring, since my team leader at work thought the same as me, and he HAS a kid. We differ in opinions, but also know our lives and desires are different too, and can respect that. I HATE when people cannot respect the fact Rob & I do not want children, and try to tell us we HAVE to have them.

We enjoy traveling, spending money on our cars, entertainment, etc. Nowhere has kids ever fit into our equation, so I do not believe having them would make me happy. I have no "motherly desire", except to my kitties. They are the only "kids" I want, and the only "kids" Rob says he wants. We had made clear our desires before we got married, so that one of us wasn't wanting something the other did not. Just thinking about having one makes my skin crawl. People tell me we'll mess up and I'll end up pregnant, but I'm pro-choice, and take precautions against pregnancy anyway. Rob would like to wait until he's 29-30 before getting "fixed", just in case our minds changed, but I doubt they will, and at my age they will not do anything to me to be "fixed". (I am not trying to start anything about this, I am just stating this as part of my post. Please do not take offense!)
post #36 of 42
I voted "Maybe, it depends" because i honestly think it depends on the person. Some people truely want a child and just feel like something is missing in their lives until they have one and i do believe in some instances a baby can bring a couple closer together.

That being said however, i do know that there are many people out there who choose for whatever reason not to have a baby and are happy. Maybe they don't want the committment of caring for a child or the financial stress/etc that goes along with having children.

As for my husband and I though, i know that we both desperately want a child. We are both happy right now as a couple- but i know that for us, something, someone rather, is missing- and i look forward to the day when we might be blessed with a child of our own. I am well aware of the committment it takes both emotionally land financially- and we are both more than happy to meet those needs, so for us, it makes sense to really long for a child and want that in our lives. At the same time- i don't judge people who for whatever reason (and it's their business, not mine) do not want to have a child. So that's why i feel it's a personal decision that depends on each unique person.

For me, there's not doubt or question- i do want a child. We may not wind up being the most wealthy couple out there and may miss quite a few nights of sleep or not always get to go have "us" time when that little one comes along- but to both of us- it's more than worth it, and we both look foward to having a child someday. (i think too i will appreciate it even more, especially having some fertility problems, so if it does happen- it will definitely be a welcomed blessing to us).
post #37 of 42
After the last post I made, I kept thinking about what I had said. I knew I hadn't quite got to the meat of it.

Finally I remembered when my daughter was about 8 she asked me "Mom, your life would be a lot easier without me, wouldn't it?" I had to admit that yes, it would be, but it wouldn't be nearly as rich and full. I think I've got it: Life is easier and there's a lot less sacrifice without children, but it's my daughter and the sacrifices I've been forced into raising her that has given my life meaning.

The article said parents score happier on the quiz even when grocery shopping, than when caring for their kids. And I say, something's wrong with the quiz. It's not getting to the basis of the meaning and enrichment that raising a child brings to a parent's life. It's something that may not be possible to sum up in a few sentences, or even paragraphs. It's part of human nature to find our deepest happiness from loving rather than from being loved, from giving, not taking. There's a spiritual development that goes beyond simple happiness. I know someone can say this better than I can, but the responsibility and self-sacrifice it takes to raise a child lead to a deep kind of happiness.
post #38 of 42
i think a lot of it depends on what type of parent you are, & why you chose to have children in the 1st place.
i know my parents are very happy they had children - even tho they had to suffer thru the death of one, health problems of another, etc. mom says the greatest joy she has is knowing she raised responsible adults who contribute to the world.
post #39 of 42
It absolutely does depend on the kind of mother you are. If you are trying to be perfect TV mom or dad then forget it. You will drive yourself crazy.
I agree katie. It is such a deep complex love that there is no simple way to explain it. We could write a book about it.

For those who don't want kids I applaud you for knowing yourselves. I have friends who decided not to also. I asked why and she told me that there is no room in her marriage for a child. They love their alone time and don't want to alter their lives. They do have an enviable life in some ways but I would never trade and they would never trade. They do like children though. Just not for them.
People have kids without even thinking long and hard about what it means. It is not for everybody. Doesn't make anyone better or worse than anyone else. It is called knowing yourself. My life would not have been full without having children because it was a calling for me.
post #40 of 42
Before reliable birth control there wasn't a lot of choice about whether to have children, and I'm sure most people never gave much thought to whether they wanted children. They were a gift or a curse that was unpredictable and uncontrollable.

Now the birth rate in most industrialized countries is barely replacement rate. Children complicate life that's for sure.

I've known people who treated their children like dirt. I even have a girlfriend that told me she regarded her son as an obstacle to doing what she wanted to do. I felt sympathy for her son. Now she's a grandmother and is very happy about it. However, her son lives in Florida and she lives in L.A. and she wouldn't have it any other way. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent that's for sure.
post #41 of 42
I never had kids. I didn't want any.
post #42 of 42
I think some people are made to be parents and some aren't. I know my parents really wanted a child because they adopted me as an infant after my mom had a still birth and a miscarriage. So I was well loved.

But, I'm just not mother material...I don't think. I won't know unless I become one, but honestly babies and children scare me. I don't know what to do or say around them. I would probably feel diffent if it was my own child though.

DH and I are leaving it up to fate. If it happens, it happens. If not, we're perfectly happy the way we are. The only thing I wonder about is who will take care of my when I get old? And that is no reason to have a child.

One of my best friends just found out she was pregnant after being married for 10 years. She is FREAKING out! She's my age, 38, and is terrifed of kids. But, I keep telling her she will be a great mother, even if she doesn't believe it now. I would probably react the same way. At my age, I don't know if I have the energy for kids.
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