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Strange Old Lady

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
WARNING! Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be alert! A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in.

I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was! She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.

This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but noooooo. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate--especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything.

This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live.
post #2 of 16
post #3 of 16
NO,NO Hissy,you can keep her,she like's you!!
post #4 of 16
I think she has been here too!!!!! Sneaky isn't she?
post #5 of 16
post #6 of 16
I just saw her! Hissy,you were supossed to keep her!!
post #7 of 16
I think she has a sister that has sneaked into my house! I keep finding gray hairs in my sink, and I certainly don't have any!
post #8 of 16
Ha Ha Ha, that's too funny!
post #9 of 16
I think this old lady has been sneaking into my house alot lately and it is really starting to get on my last nerves!!!! How dare she look in my mirror and show me a body that really isn't mine?????? EEEERRRRGGGG
post #10 of 16
Oh gosh... that's TOO funny!

post #11 of 16
ROFL! Thank you for a great laugh Hissy! I needed it! Especially since I've been sick and gloomy lately
post #12 of 16
It must be an international conspiracy - I've got one of those old ladies in my house, too! Great story!
post #13 of 16
It's nice to be young, and 24, and STILL HAVE FRIENDS LIKE YOU. To teach me these things. Dali :blossom:
post #14 of 16
Originally posted by 55Dali
It's nice to be young, and 24, and STILL HAVE FRIENDS LIKE YOU. To teach me these things. Dali :blossom:
Yeah, Dali, rub it in!! Within the next month, a GRANDMOTHER will be living in my house!
post #15 of 16
Kat18e I have been a grandmother since 1995 And I am only 47!!
I love every minute of it!
post #16 of 16
ROFL!!! That's too cute, Hissy . . . I hope she doesn't come find me anytime soon!! LOL
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