TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I'm Appalled at Myself
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I'm Appalled at Myself

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
A while ago Anne posted a thread asking about cyber bullying experiences. I posted my story. If you haven't already read it, you can read it here if you like.

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...59&postcount=2

This has been going on since 2001 or 2002 and a guy I still keep in contact with a few times a year told me that as late as last week they were still making threads to bash me, and the sad part is that I haven't posted in that community in about 4 years and in fact am not even registered there anymore since they changed their forum software.

Because of this on going situation, I have decided to not renew my web hosting and domain because I have wanted to put a forum and a chat program on the site, but I can't because those trolls would use those mediums as a way to further their agenda against me. As a result I have taken that site as far as I can and the fact that I don't feel free to pursue expanding it, has taken the joy out of running it.

Now I know you are thinking "paranoid". I'm not. This is a very real situation that has been going on for years and is still going on. A few years ago I was being inundated with hate mail and covert death threats and comments in my guestbook. As a result I moved my website to another host that allowed for guestbook moderating, and I changed my email address, my MSN address and my ICQ number. Since I did that I no longer get personal communications from these people. However, I do know that they follow my website because periodically I go and annonymously search to see if they have given up. They haven't. So I know without a doubt that if I were to add a forum or a chat program, it would be a magnet for their continued harrassment. And I'm not just talking one person. It's a group of a couple dozen individuals (all adults in their 30's and 40's) all with a mob mentality, with some worse than others. Not all do the harrassing and bashing, but they participate by laughing and egging on the others to continue, which is just as bad.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is that my friend sent me an email to let me know that someone from that community died last week. This person was not the worst of the bunch, but they participated none-the-less.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm a very sensitive person and I can't even read the obituaries in the newspaper because it upsets me terribly and I end up crying.

However, I can't say that I am having that same reaction to the news of this person's death. In fact I'm ashamed to admit it, but here it is, I actually feel a bit of glee. Call it karma for what she did to me. I know! I shouldn't be talking about "Karma" given the fact that I'm no better than she is because I seem to be getting a bit of perverse pleasure out of her misfortune.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not celebrating or planning a party. It's not like that. I'm not happy that she died and I'm sad for her family, but there is a small part of me feeling like she got what she deserved. As a human being I know that is wrong. But as a victim to the abuse that has been showered on me, I think it might be somewhat normal. Whatever the reason, I'm upset with myself for feeling the way that I am.

Anyway, that's why I'm appalled! I can't believe that I feel next to nothing about her death and what I do feel is a bit of revengeful happiness.
post #2 of 19
I think your reaction is perfectly normal. I have been in that place myself and felt a bit of glee in someone's demise or bad fortune.

It's part of being human.
post #3 of 19
I think the key though is that you don't want to feel that way. Remember, we can't control our feelings - that's automatic with no input from our concious will. But you can control what you do with your emotions.

The fact that you're not throwing a party or celebrating, and that you ARE appalled that you feel that way - that's what makes you a good person.
post #4 of 19
I still don't understand why they are giving you crap especially after so many years, do they not have anything better to talk about?
post #5 of 19
Seriously, these people who are harrassing you need to get a life. Don't you DARE feel the slightest bit of guilt or remorse!!!

You should report them.
post #6 of 19
While its said that someone dies whether friend or foe what these people are doing to you is just wrong.
post #7 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
I still don't understand why they are giving you crap especially after so many years, do they not have anything better to talk about?
Your guess is as good as mine.

IMHO people like water, seek their own level and the fact that nearly all of the people who post on that one particular forum are all mean spirited, malicious, petty and single minded further proves that to be true.

They have gone after a few other people too, but not nearly as badly as they have me. For most the harrassment and comments are confined to the forum, but for me it went beyond that. I think part of the reason is that I refused to "break" and become one of them and always stood up for what I believed regardless of what everyone else felt or said.

I don't believe in making fun of people and making derogatory comments about someone based on their weight or skin colour, or how they look or what their sexual preference or religion is. But doing those things was the "norm" there for most everyone else and they seemed to take pride in doing it.

There is one woman on that forum who is in her late 50's I believe (I'll call her Jane). She was one of the ones that was like me: didn't like to see people picked on and bullied and spoke up to defend them and as a result she got a great deal of flack from the "clique" about it too...but not in the same way as I had.

With me the harrassment and attacks were hate related thanks to that girl who spread those lies from years earlier, and the gossip mongerers who were either around back then or got their information through hearsay, perpetuating the lies by keeping them going years later and spreading "the word" to people who weren't even on the scene back when it (whatever "it" was) was all occuring years ago.

When I finally got fed up and left, they focused all of their "on the forum" hate towards Jane. I couldn't understand why she stayed and took it other than the fact that she kept hoping for "acceptance". They were all so mean and hurtful. Yet she stuck around like a puppy that kept getting kicked in the head.

When my friend said that they have still been posting about me again. I decided to go and see what they were saying. I saw that Jane had done an about face and managed to get herself accepted as part of the "clique" by doing what they do. Banding together as a mob and supporting and egging each other on to say and do hateful and hurtful things towards other people. I had considered her a friend back when I posted there, but apparently not based on her recent posts about me. I did a bit of a snoop through her posts and it seems that she's now become "best friends" with some of the people who were the meanest to her, so she's achieved her goal of being accepted into their "clique."

So far as them continuing to go after me after all of these years, all I can surmise is that they are very sad, low and pathetic people, who have no self worth and need to make themselves feel special by trying to hurt other people. There are just some people in this world that are so petty that they need to put other people down in whatever ways they can, in order to feel good about themselves.

My website was my pride, but also my bane. It was the last piece of the internet by which they could keep track of me to see if I was still "active" online. In a few months I will redo my site, register a new domain name and put up the site that I had always intended. One with a forum where people can talk about art and share their sig tags, and a java chat program where I can conduct weekly art classes. Neither of those things were possible so long a those jerks kept tabs on my site.

Will they ever give up on me being their poster child for all things hateful there? After all these years I sincerely doubt it. For the most part it doesn't really bother me anymore. But sometimes there is a little piece of me that wishes they would just move on and leave me alone and forget that I ever existed.

On the other hand I guess I could also consider myself flattered that I made such an impression on them that they continue think of me so often after all of these years.

All I know is that I'm a far better person than they are because I have no need to go around propagating malicious lies and hurting people that I haven't seen or talked to in 4 years. Life is too short for stupid games like that, especially when it's adults who are the ones playing those games.

EDIT:

As I said occasionally I will go and search to see if I'm being talked about and what is being said. There have been times where someone has made a screenshot of the "who is online" area and added in my name to make it look like I was lurking, when in fact I hadn't logged in using that nickname for years).

There is also someone there that claims to talk to me in MSN or ICQ all of the time and he makes up conversations that he apparently had with me and posts them....and people are dumb enough to believe him and what he says and what he says I said. So all that adds to the situation.
post #8 of 19
It's sad that folks are like that online... but I'm not surprised... with the anonymity comes all those traits we think we'd never do in real life. Most of us have stuck to our guns, some (like me) weakened at one point and took part, but saw the idiocy of it and walked away soon after, and then there's the ones like in the forum you mention... the ones who are so blind and immature they continue their behavior and not grow up.

I'm sure somewhere some girls who bashed me for a while are still being the immature brats they are... for a short time, I bashed back, but walked away knowing that it was stupid... I was younger then.

May I recommend, if you haven't considered this already, that when you do get the new domain, get private registry? It's a little extra, but oh so worth it. That way, none of them can go into WhoIs and find out it's you running the new site.

A.
post #9 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubSluts'Mommy View Post
May I recommend, if you haven't considered this already, that when you do get the new domain, get private registry? It's a little extra, but oh so worth it. That way, none of them can go into WhoIs and find out it's you running the new site.

A.
Thank you. I will certainly do that. I hated having my name out there for all to see.

Do I just tell them during the registration process that I want my details kept private?
post #10 of 19
There's usually an option... I know when I go through Network Solutions, they have an extra step... but i do it online... if i remember right, you're not doing it online... if you call them, just let them know you want the privacy option... to make your details hidden.

I have it on one of my domains... I want to do it on all of them... basically there will be contact info on WhoIs, but it'll be the company you bought the name through... so mine says Network Solutions... doesn't give my name or anything. I'd also suggest going through them for the new domain... most of the fly-by-night ones give you h*** if you try and do much with the name... like switching it, or unlocking it. two off mine are still not with NS because the others refuse to let me transfer the names... I unlock them, set up the transfer, but the transfers get rejected... because some schmuck at the other company jerks me around... I try it every so often... and each time it gets stopped... I also want to switch hosts... but want to wait until all names are under NS... maybe tomorrow, I'll try again... hmmm...

Good luck!

Amanda
post #11 of 19
Emotions are honest; you shouldn't feel bad about how you feel! We can't control how we feel since it is the sum of what we've experienced. All we can control is how we act or react and it sounds like you are taking the high road. Hang in there.
post #12 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Emotions are honest; you shouldn't feel bad about how you feel! We can't control how we feel since it is the sum of what we've experienced. All we can control is how we act or react and it sounds like you are taking the high road. Hang in there.
exactly! feelings aren't controllable - actions are.
post #13 of 19
And if the only things you know from this person are all very negative, well who could blame you??? I think a private domain is a great idea!
post #14 of 19


you have been seriously hurt by these bullies. it's no wonder you felt that way, i would have felt the same.
post #15 of 19
Thread Starter 
*hugs* Thanks everyone for not judging me.
post #16 of 19
That is so terrible. I don't think you are a bad person at all. I would probably feel exactly the same way.

On one hand, I love the internet for its potential for fellowship and meeting people who are interested in the same things, regardless of where they live. On the other hand, I hate the internet for its potential for anonymous harrassing.


As far as private domain registrations, both Network Solutions and Godaddy have an easy option to select when you register the domain name, it's right there in the menu. In fact, they make little splash graphics to try and get you to select private registration because they make more money off of it.

FYI, Godaddy is between $8 & $12 a year for domain registrations and Network Solutions is around $35. I recommend Godaddy.

Godaddy is as large a company as Network Solutions (if not larger) and provides domain registration and hosting (www.godaddy.com). I am a web designer for a small company and we use Godaddy for as much as possible. They have an easier interface and better customer service, too!

You will have to share your new website with us whenever you put it up!
post #17 of 19
dont feel bad i'd feel the same way!! I never put my real name on anything online for that purpose
post #18 of 19
I know i would react the same way if i was in your position. I think it's terrible when adults can bully like this, and they should be ashamed of themselves

If they have children their a poor example to them
post #19 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
I know i would react the same way if i was in your position. I think it's terrible when adults can bully like this, and they should be ashamed of themselves

If they have children their a poor example to them
A few have kids. Back when I posted there some who were divorced, some separated, some living with someone, some single. Since I left I know a few have divorced.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I'm Appalled at Myself