My Mother sent this to me and I haven't laughed this hard in ages! Hope you all enjoy this as much as I did!
Subject: Medical Humor
>
>Funny moments from medical doctors:
>
>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the
>cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress,
>and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were
>several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied
the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had
>died of a "massive internal fart".
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I
>placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right
>eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He
>couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I
turned and
>discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
was standing there
>with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he
>informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his
>medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse
told me to put on
>a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!" I
>had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes,
>the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this
incident, the
>instructions now include removal of the old patch before
applying a new
>one.
>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long
>have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered
>"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was
alive,"
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So,
how's your breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem
>to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to see the
>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled: "KY
Jelly." Dr.
>Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD when doing his
residency in OB, was
>quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his
>embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly. The
>middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
suddenly burst out
>laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from
his work and
>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor,
>but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener."
>
>Colonoscopy humor:
>
>A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while
>he was performing colonoscopies:
>
>"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has
gone before."
>
>"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>
>"Can you hear me NOW?"
>
>"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
>
>"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
>
>"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
>"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>
>"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey
>Pokey...."
>
>"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>
>"If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
>
>"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>
>"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
>
>"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in
>fact, up there?"
Subject: Medical Humor
>
>Funny moments from medical doctors:
>
>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the
>cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress,
>and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were
>several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied
the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had
>died of a "massive internal fart".
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I
>placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right
>eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He
>couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I
turned and
>discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
was standing there
>with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he
>informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his
>medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse
told me to put on
>a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!" I
>had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes,
>the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this
incident, the
>instructions now include removal of the old patch before
applying a new
>one.
>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long
>have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered
>"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was
alive,"
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So,
how's your breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem
>to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to see the
>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled: "KY
Jelly." Dr.
>Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD when doing his
residency in OB, was
>quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his
>embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly. The
>middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
suddenly burst out
>laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from
his work and
>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor,
>but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener."
>
>Colonoscopy humor:
>
>A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while
>he was performing colonoscopies:
>
>"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has
gone before."
>
>"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>
>"Can you hear me NOW?"
>
>"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
>
>"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
>
>"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
>"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>
>"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey
>Pokey...."
>
>"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>
>"If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
>
>"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>
>"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
>
>"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in
>fact, up there?"
