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I think I am slowly losing control - Page 2

post #31 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by jean-ji View Post
I've been reading your threads about your mom and along with the sorrow and pain there is a lot of anger. Sorrow and pain will heal with time, but anger is such a destructive emotion. It ends up turning around and hurting you. You are justified in the anger against the doctor that mistreated your mom, but don't let it spill over into the rest of your life and color everything else. You've hit a bad bump and need help getting over it. It's easy to focus on what's wrong with everyone else rather than looking inside of you where all the pain is, that's a scary and difficult thing to do. You are so proud of your mom's bravery and it's in you too, find someone to help you tap into it.
Those are some of the wisest words I've ever read.
post #32 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
You keep saying this, like a theme in your messages, but honey you would be suprised at the number that can relate all too well. You are not all alone, thinking you that you are is not helpful. I know this is beyond just knowing or thinking this now though, so even though that might make sense, you won't be able to control how you feel, and your feelings have to be released in some way.
Stop by the library, pick up some books on loss. Then please go see a professional, if one didn't work out, go to another until you feel that connection. Help is there and you need some help.
Very true.

Sabrina, I can't imagine how you feel, I really can't. I am sending many hugs your way though
post #33 of 47
If I lived closer I would be at your house in a second and you could spill your guts to me.

When I was two weeks into my senior yr of high school my parents were in a terrible car accident and my mom was critically injured. They both survived and mom has had other things in her life since, but for YEARS I told myself if only I would have been able to delay my parents just a couple of minutes the accident wouldn't have happend-that was a big burden for a teen to carry around and not share.

Point is I agree with everyone that you need to find a therapist and spill all the emotions you have been bottling up about your mom and your job and other stuff in your life.

Life is just too precious and short.
post #34 of 47
Thread Starter 
I'm so sorry. I worded that horribly. It's not that I don't think anyone can relate because of what has happened to her, but moreso how and what she suffered from which I can't discuss. This is the reason I am so torn. I promised my mom I would never tell any people we knew.

Someone neutral is the only outlet I have. I wish I could explain more, but I can't. I will see if I hear from my doctor in the next few days.
post #35 of 47
There is something I have not told you yet about my Mom. I will tell you in a pm. I hope you feel better.
post #36 of 47
I'm sorry for all you are going through right now. BIG I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I honestly think that you should maybe go to the ER and check yourself into a rescue crisis ( mental illness) hospital. Be sure to be up front and honest about what exactly you are feeling and thinking.

They usually only keep you for 4 days- 2 weeks and it would be a great help. A vacation kind of, to just focus on you, to talk to counselors and other people that are depressed, and find ways to cope when you are out. It is nothing to be embarrassed of. I have gone 3-4 times. You leave feeling better and with more resources to help you with your depression and in your case, grief counseling.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.
post #37 of 47
Sabrina, Sorry I don't have any advice for you, but it looks like you already got that. I'm sure you can see from the responses that people care about you. My prayers are with you. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.
post #38 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
I'm so sorry. I worded that horribly. It's not that I don't think anyone can relate because of what has happened to her, but moreso how and what she suffered from which I can't discuss. This is the reason I am so torn. I promised my mom I would never tell any people we knew.

Someone neutral is the only outlet I have. I wish I could explain more, but I can't. I will see if I hear from my doctor in the next few days.
You have really been on my mind since reading about your mom and all your posts. I don't like to jump on the bandwagon with giving advice usually.but your pain is coming across loud and clear, I couldn't ignore it and I think that's probably how everyone else is feeling here. I'm glad you have a call in to your doctor. Please keep posting as you need to, there is no criticism here, just lots of concerned TCS people that care about you.
~Rhonda
post #39 of 47
Thread Starter 
I haven't heard back yet from the doctor, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have things in motion.

I really can't stand work anymore. I get very easily irritated at my co-workers and I am trying to just come in, work, and go home. I no longer wish to discuss any of my personal life with them.

I am going on vacation in a little over a week to a place that has always made me happy. I still believe that I will be, it just won't be the same as before.

I am hoping that this will help me sort through some of my feelings being around family. However, I know that the time will come when I still need someone to help me think logically. Because I am very logical until I start to lose control.

I knew this was going to happen one day, but I always thought I had more time.
post #40 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post

I really can't stand work anymore. I get very easily irritated at my co-workers and I am trying to just come in, work, and go home. I no longer wish to discuss any of my personal life with them.
When I was severely depressed I couldn't stand being at work either. I ended up missing so much I got fired. I hope your vacation will work to help you feel better.
post #41 of 47
I haven't read all the replies on this thread, just skimmed them. But from just reading your post my recommendation is to see a counselor.

That said, counselors are people and some times you don't fit with the first or sometimes even the second one.

In my case I was lucky and the first one I saw was a perfect fit. In the beginning I went once a week. I went for two and a half years and probably would still go every few months but she changed practices and move away.

Also, in the middle of the two years I changed job also. And more important Chester came into my life.

My point is....listen to the cat people and find a counselor!
post #42 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Honestly, i can I was only 24 when my dad died of a massive stroke, but i held the doctors responsible and we were ready to take things further, as in a court battle for neglect. But after lengthy talks with a lawyer who said he would happily take the case on, but warned us that taking the medical profession on isn't quite as simple as it seems, plus it could take years and really, did we want to put ourselves through any more upset than we were already in? At the end of the day nothing and no one could bring my dad back.

Your still going through the stages of grief Sabrina, and want to blame someone for taking your mum, i know, i did that with my dad
I'm so very sorry. I worded that sentence very badly. I did not mean that many people couldn't relate to what happened to her in the end, but that not many could relate to how she got to that point.

It doesn't matter how a parent dies, it's a horrible feeling and something you wish that you could fix or trade places with.

I was thinking of a lawyer, but like you mentioned, it could take year, and with the doctor dead, what is the point?

I've been writing to my cousin and she seems to really understand since my mom was her favorite aunt. It has hit her hard also. I'm hoping time with her will help.
post #43 of 47
Thread Starter 
My doctor recommended someone else so I will try her. I may do better with a female anyway. I doubt I will get in before I leave so I will have to go once we get back.
post #44 of 47
That's great, Sabrina! And yes, I think a woman will probably understand your feelings better, too. I'm so glad you have a plan in place!

You're on your way now! And when it seems bleak, try to remind yourself that it's not going to be this way forever -- you've taken action, and you're entering a process of positive change. You're going to feel a lot better soon.
post #45 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
That's great, Sabrina! And yes, I think a woman will probably understand your feelings better, too. I'm so glad you have a plan in place!

You're on your way now! And when it seems bleak, try to remind yourself that it's not going to be this way forever -- you've taken action, and you're entering a process of positive change. You're going to feel a lot better soon.
women just understand women better, IMO!
so glad you're going to try again!
post #46 of 47
Sabrina that's brilliant! Now you get packing for your holiday and put all of this to the back of your mind until you get back, it's hard, but try because your mum would want you to
post #47 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
That's great, Sabrina! And yes, I think a woman will probably understand your feelings better, too. I'm so glad you have a plan in place!

You're on your way now! And when it seems bleak, try to remind yourself that it's not going to be this way forever -- you've taken action, and you're entering a process of positive change. You're going to feel a lot better soon.
I looked at her picture and she looked like she could be the one. Ever look at a picture of someone and ever just get that feeling? Whether good or bad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
women just understand women better, IMO!
so glad you're going to try again!
I think I would feel more comfortable talking to a woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Sabrina that's brilliant! Now you get packing for your holiday and put all of this to the back of your mind until you get back, it's hard, but try because your mum would want you to
My appointment isn't until September. That's the problem with the hospital I work at. It takes MONTHS before you get in anywhere! Even then I have to have a consultation first, so I won't actually get any real help until after that.
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