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Man Rules

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Got this in an email newsletter this morning!!

Here’s one for the ‘Men’

Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh!

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
post #2 of 6
Originally Posted by GailC View Post

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

After nearly 20 years, my wife still hasn't figured this one out.
post #3 of 6
Except for the sports on Sunday thing, I think this pretty much says it.
post #4 of 6
Man that was funny I think I am going to copy and paste that and then send it to my girlfriend. She needs to learn a few of those, so I might bold a couple of them when I send it to her...yeah like that won't get me in trouble.
post #5 of 6
Well this got my attention when it said Man rules... causing me to want to read it because Im a woman... Pretty funny except the fat one!! If ya have to ask if your fat you probably are! Im always expecting, no you're perfect the way you are and then I want my DH to actually MEAN IT!!

I got a good laugh at that though! btw, Im not fat, its something I use to make my husband feel like the scum of the earth... Anything he says will be quickly turned around into 'did you just call me fat???'
post #6 of 6
LOL thats the best guys lol
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