Being a step parent...

I dont want to advertise for help like this... but i really need some words of encouragement from other step parents. I dont want to share my story across the whole board... so please... anyone that can help me... i dont know where else to turn, i have no friends, and i thought that some of the wonderful people on this site might be able to lend me a friendly hand. Please... PM me.

Again... i sincerely appologise for having to make this thread... but... My heart is breaking and i have no where else to turn.

Both DH and I are stepparents to each other's kids (which we consider OUR kids). PM me or email me and we'll be glad to help you out

I am also a step-parent to my husband's son from Maury's first marriage. Matt is now 23 years old but came to live with us when he was 8 after his mother abandoned him. It isn't always easy and if you need some support or encouragement, please feel free to either PM or email me as well. I also really enjoy chatting on the phone so if you want, we can discuss that way as well. I have that lovely long distance where I do not pay a per minute charge, it is all flat rate, so don't worry about the expense.

Or if you want another view, I was a step-child. I remember the feelings as a child and now as an adult.

I am not married and am not a step mom, but I know many people who are step parents.

It can be very difficult.

You have to be on the same page as your partner where discipline is concerned. Often times the biological parent will step in and refuse to allow their partner to discipline "their" child. This causes tension in the relationship. This was happening to my friend. She already had a child when they married. He had a child who was living with his ex wife. The ex wife was an unfit mother (drug addict and alcoholic). Eventually the boy came to live with his dad. This caused a whole bunch of problems. The boy had no manners. He was greedy to the point of being almost uncivilized because he was so deprived while living with his Mom. My friend attempted to discipline him as she was her own son, but her husband was getting angry at her for doing it. They nearly split up. Eventually they sat down and had a good heart to heart about being a family and not "my kid. your kid" type thing. They were a family unit and needed to function as one. Once they got on the same page things vastly improved.

And then there is the whole "You aren't my Mom!" type response from the children. The best thing to do with that is to make sure you aren't trying to replace their mother in their life. Let them know that you know that you aren't their Mom, but that you love them just the same and want what's best for them, and that you want to be their friend. Once they see that you aren't a threat to replace their Mom, they usually come around, or so I've seen with my friends.

hmm, I guess I am a step child too, although I think of my step dad as my dad (even though he did not come into my life until I was 13).

Anyway, I just wanted to send you a hug. I am a mom and being any kind of mom can be a challange.

Hope my PM will help if only for your piece of mind. BTW I amalso a stepchild and I guess I got lucky and my biological father was not in my life I also call my stepdad my dad and when I divorced I took my Dad's last name. Even though I am remarried I did not change my name.

I wanted to give a hug too. I'm not a step parent, but an actual parent and going through some tough times with one of my kids.

I'm also a stepmother. My stepson is 23, but I've known him when he was 6 and had a pretty active part in raising him. We were pretty fortunate in that we were always able to maintain a very good relationship with DH's exwife and we were able to maintain pretty open communication between both families.

As others have said, it isn't always easy. It can be a pretty thankless task. But it all comes down to everybody respecting each other and keeping the child's best interests at heart. Feel free to PM me if you think I can help. In the mean time, I'll send you some virtual hugs.

Originally Posted by Mom of 4

Or if you want another view, I was a step-child. I remember the feelings as a child and now as an adult.

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you can pm me for this two Ive had 2 step-dads...

bless all your hearts, i really needed some support and to know that im not the only person haveing problems in this area. The only thing i can hold to is that the child is wonderful, and i want everything good in the world for him.

Originally Posted by save_adopt

bless all your hearts, i really needed some support and to know that im not the only person haveing problems in this area. The only thing i can hold to is that the child is wonderful, and i want everything good in the world for him.

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In that case, I imagine that the child, like our kitties, can tell you love him.

I'm a stepmom to a great 10 year old that we hardly ever get, and have a lovely stepdad (no real dad), so I have lots of insight about it. Feel more than free to pm me if you'd like *hugs*