New Crying at Night...

garris

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Hi everyone,

First, thanks in advance. This forum is an amazing resource!

I have two 3-year old cats (brothers). My sister (who lives with me) and I raised them *not* to sleep with us. We close our doors at night and it has been this way from the minute we brought them home at age 11-weeks to now. Of the two cats, one of them is *very* attached to me, and has been so since the beginning. He's also very attached to my bedroom as well (perhaps since it has my smell) and he has always clearly considered it "his" room, but he has never protested at night.

Recently, there have been a lot of life changes. I'm home less (longer work hours and new fiancee, about to get married) and sleeping less in my place and more at my fiancee's, but I still give the cats ton of love, attention, and play time. The last few times we've slept at my house, the needy cat, when he hears the slightest movement in my room (like one of us turning over in our sleep), he's at the door meowing and crying. My fiancee and I are light sleepers, so this is really killing our sleep. It's also really preventing my fiancee from bonding with the cats since she's really ticked about this.

I never open the door when he does this, since I don't want to encourage it. When I do finally get up in the morning to my alarm and open the door, he rushes into the bedroom and is aggressively affectionate, purring and marking and rubbing against me as if he's been wandering the desert for years without having been loved.

Any advice? This may become even more important soon since after our upcoming wedding we're going to be moving into a new home. Thank you!!!

- Garris
 

baloneysmom

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I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have a solution for you only that cats are very persistent. My Bugsy for some reason always wants in our basement. Its not fixed up and there are power tools and garbage down there so we never let him down. This has been going on for 6 months and he will meow a few times a night for about 5-20min a time… Even still after 6 months… every fricken night. It gets worse if I DO let him down there, when I make him leave he freaks out. We have just learned to turn the TV up LOL he doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t do it when we are sleeping because he sleeps with us and its his favorite thing in the world to cuddle between us.

Not sure what to tell you. Maybe let him in the room but get a box for him to sleep in? Good luck!
 

robertm

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Get a white noise machine (Sleepmate) and set it to an appropriate volume while you and your fiancee are sleeping. It shouldn't take either of you very long to get used to the white noise and the volume should be enough to drown out most if not all of the meowing and crying.

Of course, he might then resort to repeatedly batting at the door. Sorry, the Sleepmate won't help you there! Like silvionc said, cats can be very persistent until they get what they want.

Alternatively, could you set them up in a separate room away from your bedroom, where they'd have all of their essentials for the overnight and where he'd be too far away for you to hear? I know that initially this would likely make him even more stressed out but perhaps in time it's a new routine that he'd simply get used to.

In situations like this some people recommend the vacuum cleaner trick. This assumes that your cat is scared of the vacuum cleaner, which is very likely. You put a vacuum cleaner (turned on, but not plugged in) in the bedroom right by the door. As soon as he starts with his histrionics, plug the vacuum cleaner in for a couple of seconds. You're trying to create an association in his mind between his vocalizations in that situation and an immediate unpleasant sound, but in his mind you are completely disconnected from the "punishment". It sounds good in theory but I would think that having to do this even once would disturb my sleeping ability much more than other options.

Whatever you do, don't give him the attention that he is seeking, however difficult that might be for you. Because intermittent rewards are the surest way to encourage him to keep trying....and trying....and trying....
 

laureen227

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Originally Posted by RobertM

Whatever you do, don't give him the attention that he is seeking, however difficult that might be for you. Because intermittent rewards are the surest way to encourage him to keep trying....and trying....and trying....
i learned i college that 'differential reinforcement' [occasionally rewarding the behavior] is the strongest kind - even stronger than always reinforcing!
 
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garris

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Originally Posted by laureen227

i learned i college that 'differential reinforcement' [occasionally rewarding the behavior] is the strongest kind - even stronger than always reinforcing!
That's the interesting thing. This kind of behavior has never been rewarded, so it's a bit odd...

The vacuum cleaner idea is a fascinating one. Its imposing presense even near the door may be a great deterrent...

Thanks everyone!

- Garris
 
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