Sigh

Ugh,


Tonight Craig was going through an old box that has so many things in it. Inside it he pulled out this old gift bag thing from Christmas 2 years ago. In it I found little sentimental things that I wanted to save. Every ribbon from all the Christmas presents he got me on our first Christmas, a little 3 inch teddy bear he gave me, and some old pictures.


I flip through the old pictures and immediately feel like complete CRAP! I saw pictures of him and I, and how pretty I used to be. Made me want to cry! It made the realization of my size hit me completely, and I just can't believe how my self-esteem has went from being at a pretty good level to being non-existant.


I'm so heavy now, I don't like to wear pants unless its sweatpants and a really big or baggy shirt, or ankle length skirts. So frustrated! I've started working out, 3 weeks ago, and I have a trainer now, but I'm worried that it won't work and if I fail at losing this weight I'm going to be very depressed. I am already at the point of wanting to crawl into a hole and never go in public again.


Seeing those pictures of me when I was thin was not a good thing for me.

I am dreading wearing my wedding dress here in a few weeks. It is ok from the FRONT, but I swear to god I look wider than a freakin' HOUSE from the side. I am telling my photographer that I do NOT want pictures taken of me from the side.

You know, we are our own worst critics and we tend to distort ourselves BIG TIME with what we *think* we see. It makes me sick and so depressed, too, to be in the bridal salon for my fittings and see these size 2 (or even 10) chicks that only need a HEM for a dress. They look good in everything and oh, so sorry, but they just CANNOT decide on what they want because HEAVEN forbid everything looks so wonderful on them. UGH. PUHLEEZE!

But, you know....I have a fiance' that loves me for WHO I am and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter what these small chicks think of me...or what some other man thinks of me. HE loves me and THAT is what matters.

If you just started a work-out program, it will take time and just have patience! I wish I had the motivation to do what you are doing, really. My mother certainly doesn't need to do a work-out thing, but she does aerobics for health reasons (even small people need it!).

I admire you and your desire to be healthy! Stay with it...keep it going...but make sure you are doing it for you and not for anyone else

Cassie...I SO now how you feel!!! Ever since I had the baby I feel so fat and I can't fit into my old clothes...I was looking recently at pics from 6 years ago when hubby and I took a trip to Colorado and I was soooo thin....it made me want to puke. I think Carries advice is excellent, though....we need to stop worrying about how the world views us and think more about who we are and what kind of person we are and the heck with anyone who doesn't like the way we look!!!! (had to edit that...the heck with is not what I said.. )

Cass,

I was were you are about 16 months ago. I could have written your post. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we finally do something about what is making us so unhappy.

Don't be afraid to fail, the only failure is in throwing in the towel. I am not perfect. I mess up all the time. Yesterday was a less than stellar day for me with my food choices, but today is a new day, and I'm determind that today I will make the right choices and I'm going to get it right! We will all trip and fall but as long as we get back up we are doing the best we possibly can.

Good luck! Give it all you got and know that you're gonna mess up now and then, but you aren't going to give up!!! You deserve to be happy! You deserve to feel good about yourself and you deserve to be able to wear anything you want! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Cassie, I understand totally what you are feeling right now. Really, the only thing you can do is decide and be DETERMINED that you are going to do something to change what you don't like about your appearance. You've already taken a HUGE step in starting to work out and getting a trainer.

More important that that, though, is to recognize that your value as a person comes from within. Seems that Craig already sees that, and I bet he tells you that you're beautiful all the time. That's because you ARE! I don't know you that well yet, but your beauty shines through your posts.

Carrie, I've seen your pics here and I have no doubt you will be a gorgeous bride, from the front or side! But I agree, I just wanted to smack those "Oh, doesn't it come in a smaller size?" girls! :laughing2

We have a "Healthy Living" thread for those of us trying to change our lifestyles and appearance. Everyone is more than welcome to join in for support or commisseration.

Count me in too as one of those who know what you're talking about...

And guess what - I also started working out 3 times a week at the gym three weeks ago! I've gained a lot of weight this past 4 years
Hubby and I are celebrating 7 years together this week - you should see me in pictures from back then I weighed almost 40 kilos less (that's about 80 pounds I think )!

Actually, the reason I'm trying to get back in shape is not clothes or aesthetic considerations. I think big girls can be just georgeous - there are a lot of very pretty large size clothes available. What I'm more worried about is health concerns. I had gestational diabetes during my last pregnancy which puts me at risk for diabetes down the road. Losing weight and staying fit is the best prevention for that.

Please don't be depressed about the way you look - thin doesn't mean pretty and overweight doesn't mean ugly. Don't weight until you lose that weight - pamper yourself today! Get a new hair style, new clothes and have fun!

Heidi, I think I'll look into the Healthy Living thread - though I probably will have several hundreds of posts to catch up with

Thank you so much guys, I will definitely take a peek at the Healthy Living thread.


I just got with my trainer on Monday.. it was our first meeting together. Up until Monday I was just doing specific work-outs that my 'counselor' at 24 hour fitness had me doing. His name is Larry and he is absolutely the best person in the world. Everytime he sees me in there he motivates me to work hard, and keeps me smiling. He does his job well, thats for sure!!


Jennifer is my trainer and she is very sweet. We didn't work out on our first meet but discussed proper posture. Did you know that if you sit and stand in the propure posture you burn 10-20% more calories than normal! It will help to alleviate any back pain. So I've been trying to break my bad posture habits. It's tough!!

We also went over specific problems I have with body parts. Since I've gained so much weight I am having lower back pain, and just from describing it she knew exactly what it was and what to have me do to fix it.

I meet with her again today, and we'll discuss more things like nutrition. She will do a meal planning chart for me, and wants to have me eating small portions every THREE hours. Ugh. I'm also taking suppliments now that is supposed to clean my liver and the rest of my system out so that my body can process fat better. It's not a metabolism booster though, they stressed that too me.

So, I'm feeling a little better, but let me tell you, when I went up there to meet her, and she asked me why I wanted to lose weight. I was completely honest with her and myself, and by the time I was done explaining why I wanted to lose weight BOTH her and I were in tears. Sigh.


Thank you guys so much for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me. Especially since I don't have any friends or family around here, only Craig. Thank you so very much.

I just wanted to say I know you can do it Cassie! Good luck with everything. Just remember, you're a beautiful person, no matter what!!