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Not Happy!

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
My sister returned home not long ago, and informed me that whilst in town she bumped into my best friend of 20 years...and beside her was a new fella.

My best friend at the moment is also married, but due to a few problems recently they decided to split up, and her husband is now living with his mum, leaving her to look after their two young children.

A few weeks ago, she told me that she had met someone at work, and that he was a nice guy. To me at that time, I thought they were just being friendly..as people at work normally are, they did often meet up too. Me, being daft and not seeing straight through her, I didn't realise that she was dating him behind her husband's back!

I only found out today that she and this guy have now hooked up properly. But what I don't understand is why didn't she want to tell me all of this stuff when it happened, instead of weeks afterwards? It was only last week I found out about her husband leaving too.....

Am I not worthy of being her best friend anymore? Why do I always find out these things last after she has told other people first?

I do feel rather upset about this, she didn't tell me all of these things until a few weeks after they all happened, and when I spoke to her, she told me other people knew first before me! I do feel hurt, I thought she was supposed to me my best friend, and that she tells me these things when they happen..I normally tell her things like that straight away. Am I being selfish?

Advice would be great! Thanks guys...
post #2 of 8
too many problems at the same time.........you´re not selfish you try to help at your Sis.......
post #3 of 8
You’re not selfish. People do odd things when they are stressed and I am sure she is hurting an incredible amount with this situation. Did you ask her why she didn’t tell you? I know with my best friends I am sometimes brutally blunt, if they ask my thoughts I will tell them because that’s my job as a best friend. Had the same thing happen, one of my friends was having an affair with another married man and she didn’t tell me. I asked her why, because I was hurt and she said it was because she didn’t want to hear what I had to say, that she felt guilty and didn’t want to face the truth. I can accept and understand and we are still best friends there are no grudges (she is actually married to this guy now and is pregnant)

So there might be a reason why she didn’t tell you. I would talk to her and see what’s up, you guys have been friends forever there has to be a reason.
post #4 of 8
Try to see it from her point of view. She was having so many things going on in her life that really didn't concern you (not being rude, but it's the truth). If she needed to talk, she knew you were there but she was probably trying to figure things out on her own. Sometimes there are things you need to discuss and get opinions on, and sometimes there are things that you need to figure out yourself.

It may also have been that she was afraid of what you would say, especially if you were good friend with her AND her husband. No one wants to put friends in the middle of something like that and make you chose sides.

In my opinion, being a friend is being there for them, listening when they want to talk, but giving them privacy if they need it. What happened was between her and her husband, not you and her. And, she did tell you about a guy she met at work...and when you first meet someone, friends kind of fall to the wayside for a while.

That being said, it's easy for me to say that when I'm not involved. I will say I was completely PO'ed at my best friend for getting married at the court house on a whim (ok, they had been together for 6 years and already had a 3 year old son....that's not the point ). My initial reaction to your situation would probably be the same as yours, but you need to step back and look from her point of view. If she is happier, but happy for her.
post #5 of 8
Sometimes when someone is doing something wrong, they don't want to tell the person they KNOW will tell them the truth of what they are doing wrong!

IMO recently separated with NO divorce papers in the works and dating another is wrong and its adultry. Willing to bet that she was seeing this guy BEFORE the separation.
post #6 of 8
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Sometimes when someone is doing something wrong, they don't want to tell the person they KNOW will tell them the truth of what they are doing wrong!

I think she is probably feeling guilty.
post #7 of 8
Originally Posted by Jaffacake View Post

I think she is probably feeling guilty.

I think so, too, and maybe she wanted to wait to tell you until things were more settled. Seeing you sister when she was with him may have speeded up the process.
post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 
Have just come back from her house after nearly 4 hours of chat, and we have talked the situation over....everything from her point of view has come to light now and I can see that she is much happier in herself.

I hold no grudges for what she has done, and we did have a good giggle in the end!

Thanks for the advice, was much appreciated!
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