I am hoping maybe someone somewhere on this site has delt with adoption, I was adopted, and i let my daughter go with a family to be adopted. I was 17, and no where near the ability of giving her the love she deserved. She will be 3 in Nov. My adoptive mom, is all about me having a ton of contact, but my brith mom is like me, kinda thining it my hurt more then do any good. My adoptive mother made a dinner date with the family, to see her. I have seen her both xmas' so far, and once on her bday. But this time, I am scared. I miss her so much and I think maybe it maight make it worse, when I see her on sunday. She is sooo happy, and I know I made the right choice, just hurts alot. I just want to know if anyone has any advice. I feel like i am broken in two. My love for her, and my eagerness to move on. Please if anyone has been in this sticky spot, let me know your feelings.. Thanks alot
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Kinda freakin out...
- Thread starter smallestkitty
- Start Date
How do you feel when you see your birth mom? It really isn't about how it makes her feel. It's about how it makes the child feel. Can you watch her grow up in a supportive way? Do you think it's better in the long run if you keep in contact or if you "find" her again someday when she is an adult? How do you think she will feel about it?
You put her first before. You already lived the experience your daughter is living now. Whatever you do, if you do it for her, IMO you will be doing the best you can.
I'm adopted, so is my sister (tho we are not blood sisters). Personally, I'm not for "open adoption". Once you make the decision to adopt out your child, then you should not have contact. And on the other side, I don't think the parents that adopt you should be worried that you might want to find your "real" parents. The adoptive parents will be your child's parents - you are the one that gave birth but that's all - you didn't raise, love, etc. the child. You did what you felt was best and I am proud of you to make that tough decision.
If you know the child is happy and well, leave it at that. IMO you would confuse the child more by being in his/her life.
This is my opinion based on my feelings of being adopted. I have/had NO desire to look up who gave birth to me. And if the birth mother came to my door and said she was my mother, I'd have to tell her no you are not - I have a mother and father that raised me - I consider THEM to be my parents.
If you know the child is happy and well, leave it at that. IMO you would confuse the child more by being in his/her life.
This is my opinion based on my feelings of being adopted. I have/had NO desire to look up who gave birth to me. And if the birth mother came to my door and said she was my mother, I'd have to tell her no you are not - I have a mother and father that raised me - I consider THEM to be my parents.
My Mom was Adopted and I am searching for our relatives. I have so many questions. My brothers gf gave up twins when they were born. She has not seen them in years now. My Mom was afraid to search for her birth Mom because my Grandparents said she was dead and all that matters is we have you. My Mom died from Breast Cancer. We want to know what illnesses are on her side and our background. I do not know what to tell you.
My oldest sister got pregnant as a teen and gave her baby up for adoption. It is not an open adoption. The adoptive parents send her a yearly report and some photos and that is all. For a long time she felt sad but she and my parents made the right decision. It was hard for my parents to lose their first grandchild but it was a right call. Abortion is not an option to my parents or my sister. Therefore a baby was coming into this world and they believed that the baby deserved a fair shot. My parents were not open to raising the child for a variety of reasons and they felt that my sister needed a clean slate and to move forward.
According to my sister the baby is very loved by her family who she says are very good people with similar values. They offered to give her reports just so she would know how thankful they were.
When the baby was born I remember seeing my father cry for the first time and my mother who was with my sister when the baby was born was in tears too. I was very little but I remember it.
Fast forward in my sister's life. She has a beautiful 20 year old daughter, a loving husband, a great job and has the life she wanted. I am so proud of her. She helps girls in similar situations through her church.
My point is that while it was painful and it hurt in the beginning everyone benefited in some way. The important thing was that baby's life was first priority and her needs had to come first.
If you feel like this is not comfortable for you it is very understandable. You want to move forward. You feel good about your decision and you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. The child is loved and secure so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Perhaps just a yearly update would work because you would know she is doing great but at a distance.
I have two adopted cousins who have no interest in finding their birth parents. My Aunt lost a baby hours after giving birth and my adopted cousin is the light her life. She says that my cousin is a baby born from her heart but not of her womb.
Because of my cancer I can't have anymore children and would love to adopt a child someday but I would want a closed adoption for similar reasons as to what Goldenkitty said.
According to my sister the baby is very loved by her family who she says are very good people with similar values. They offered to give her reports just so she would know how thankful they were.
When the baby was born I remember seeing my father cry for the first time and my mother who was with my sister when the baby was born was in tears too. I was very little but I remember it.
Fast forward in my sister's life. She has a beautiful 20 year old daughter, a loving husband, a great job and has the life she wanted. I am so proud of her. She helps girls in similar situations through her church.
My point is that while it was painful and it hurt in the beginning everyone benefited in some way. The important thing was that baby's life was first priority and her needs had to come first.
If you feel like this is not comfortable for you it is very understandable. You want to move forward. You feel good about your decision and you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. The child is loved and secure so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Perhaps just a yearly update would work because you would know she is doing great but at a distance.
I have two adopted cousins who have no interest in finding their birth parents. My Aunt lost a baby hours after giving birth and my adopted cousin is the light her life. She says that my cousin is a baby born from her heart but not of her womb.
Because of my cancer I can't have anymore children and would love to adopt a child someday but I would want a closed adoption for similar reasons as to what Goldenkitty said.
