My oldest sister got pregnant as a teen and gave her baby up for adoption. It is not an open adoption. The adoptive parents send her a yearly report and some photos and that is all. For a long time she felt sad but she and my parents made the right decision. It was hard for my parents to lose their first grandchild but it was a right call. Abortion is not an option to my parents or my sister. Therefore a baby was coming into this world and they believed that the baby deserved a fair shot. My parents were not open to raising the child for a variety of reasons and they felt that my sister needed a clean slate and to move forward.
According to my sister the baby is very loved by her family who she says are very good people with similar values. They offered to give her reports just so she would know how thankful they were.
When the baby was born I remember seeing my father cry for the first time and my mother who was with my sister when the baby was born was in tears too. I was very little but I remember it.
Fast forward in my sister's life. She has a beautiful 20 year old daughter, a loving husband, a great job and has the life she wanted. I am so proud of her. She helps girls in similar situations through her church.
My point is that while it was painful and it hurt in the beginning everyone benefited in some way. The important thing was that baby's life was first priority and her needs had to come first.
If you feel like this is not comfortable for you it is very understandable. You want to move forward. You feel good about your decision and you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. The child is loved and secure so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Perhaps just a yearly update would work because you would know she is doing great but at a distance.
I have two adopted cousins who have no interest in finding their birth parents. My Aunt lost a baby hours after giving birth and my adopted cousin is the light her life. She says that my cousin is a baby born from her heart but not of her womb.
Because of my cancer I can't have anymore children and would love to adopt a child someday but I would want a closed adoption for similar reasons as to what Goldenkitty said.