This sucks

My best friend doesn't want to be my maid of honour. She is maid of honour for someone else whos wedding is 3 weeks before mine so she said she will be too busy. I understand that, but this really sucks. I can't imagine not having my best friend as my maid of honour. We have been best friends for like 12 years. There is honestly nobody else I want to do it.

Aw hun, that sucks

Maybe let it cool for a few weeks from your mind and then reconsider someone else?

I know its hard

What!?!? How much does a MOH have to do anyway??? Is it more the cost do you think? Maybe the first wedding is looking to be quite costly for her, and she doesn't want to over-commit herself financially? Will she need to fly from somewhere? Stay in a hotel? buy her own dress, and pay for her own hair and make up etc?

If you really want her, maybe tell her you'll organise everything, and you'll cover the costs?

Originally Posted by sarahp

What!?!? How much does a MOH have to do anyway??? Is it more the cost do you think? Maybe the first wedding is looking to be quite costly for her, and she doesn't want to over-commit herself financially? Will she need to fly from somewhere? Stay in a hotel? buy her own dress, and pay for her own hair and make up etc?

If you really want her, maybe tell her you'll organise everything, and you'll cover the costs?

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She said it is partly the cost, but also that she has 2 kids and doesn't want to spend all her time away from them. She only lives about 40 minutes away from me and the other wedding she is in, the girl lives only a few minutes away. I was going to offer to pay for her dress because I know she doesn't have a lot of extra money.

She knows that she wouldn't have to organize everything. I said I would help, plus there is the other 2 bridesmaids, plus the best man and groomsmen. She said that she wants me to have the wedding I deserve and if she is the maid of honour then she doesn't feel she will do her best. Plus, she can't afford it and doesn't want to be away from her kids. I understand where she is coming from but it makes me really sad to know that my best friend is not going to be part of my wedding.

Aw, that does suck.

Hopefully you can work something out.. either with her or maybe someone else.

Awwwww that hurts

I'm sorry, hon. I know how you feel... when I got married at 19, my best friend refused to be my Maid of Honor because I was doing yellow dresses, and she didn't think she looked good in yellow.

So I changed my plan, and did russet instead, the exact color of her hair, so she'd feel more comfortable with it. But she still refused.

And she didn't even come to the wedding as a guest, either.

(By the way... there was no expense involved beyond a 30-minute drive to the church. Everything else was covered, including the dress.)

I love this friend -- I still consider her one of the best people I've ever known -- but there are quirks in her character that I will never understand.

Maybe the same with your friend?

Oh hon, I'm so sorry. You have plenty of time though so maybe she will change her mind. I hope so, but try to think of someone else in the mean time.

A MOH has as many responsibilities as the bride gives her, and maybe her other friend is giving her a big list and she just feels overwhelmed by the responsibility. The only thing my MOH did is plan the bacholette party, help me one night with favors, did the rehersal and was there for the ceremony. She also took me shopping for my gown, which I ended up getting the third one I tried on so we celebrated the rest of the day in the bar! Oh, she also picked up my wedding dress for me after it was paid off but it was in another city and she drove by it for work everyday.

Some brides are so demanding of their MOH it's almost like a second job. From planning bridal showers to getting the invites out to basically being a personal slave. Maybe that's what she's facing with the other wedding right now. I'd give her some time and sit her down in a few weeks and talk to her about it again.

My daughter was a MOH for two weddings, basically back-to-back. She is also in college.
Each wedding was a tremendous expense - dress for the wedding and the rehearsal, shoes, makeup, hair, shower and wedding gifts, hosting a shower, and planning/paying for the bride's bachelorette party. Seven hundred dollars each is a conservative guess.
And then there is the time involved in planning, preparing for events and catering to the bride.
My daughter doesn't even see very much oof the first bride - her feeling changed when she found out during the reception that the couple had actually gotten married right out of high school (before the groom went to Iraq) and not told anyone because they wanted to have a big wedding. it also didn't help that the bride had been hitting on my older son - and she was married!

Every bride deserves to have the wedding of her dreams, but she needs to understand that it is a huge committment of time and money that not everyone can make.

Is there any possibility that you could work her kids into the wedding party? She might be enticed with that fact - photos of them in their cute clothes, and no time away from them!

Originally Posted by kluchetta

Is there any possibility that you could work her kids into the wedding party?

She might be enticed with that fact - photos of them in their cute clothes, and no time away from them!

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I don't think theres is any way to work them into it. They are 3 years old and 8 months old. I already have a ring bearer.

Well, my kids were 3 and 2 and were "in" a wedding, such as it was. My daughter was the "something blue" and she just sort of toddled up the aisle and hung around.

Could her husband hold the baby? Or could she be just a member of the wedding party?

At my first wedding, I listened to my future mother-in-law and did not invite the older brother's kids to be in the wedding. I didn't really care that much one way or the other, and all the fuss it caused wasn't really worth it.

Ok, they are pretty young right now. But, as an alternative to MOH, you could have her daughter be flower girl, and have your best friend walk her down the aisle (or carry her if she's still unsteady) and have your best friend be honorary MOH. If you have a train, her son could be train bearer (at 4 going on 5 he should be able to carry your train), or if not, he could hold the basket of favors or give out programs? Or, he could just be cute and show up in the pictures.

Basically, it's your wedding and it sounds like your best friend does have her hands full. If she can't be your MOH, there are other things she can do to make your day complete.

She is a great friend for being honest and then doing it and resenting you. She is coming though.