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Am i out of order?

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Well i found my real dad a few days ago...
the man who brought me up (G) has taken the fact i found him the wrong way
but hes known for almost 18 years id want too find him....
He never rings or keeps in contact,

am i in the wrong?
im completley confused and hes being so unreasonable, i have said too him hes still my dad and nothing will change that im his girl he bought me up...
but he wants nothing too do with me
post #2 of 9
Knowing you wanted to find your real dad and actually finding him are very different, your other dad probably just needs time to accept it.
post #3 of 9
I think him saying 'you went about it the wrong way' means 'i didn't really want you to find him'.

Give him a little time.
post #4 of 9
I agree, I'm sure he just needs a bit of time to accept the fact that you have found your biological father - he's probably just feeling a bit insecure right now.
post #5 of 9
I am glad you found him. my Grandparents scared my Mom from looking for her real parents. They told her they are dead and all that matters is we have you. She was scared to look for them. I am looking for family now but they might have died by now. Sounds like your Dad didnt want you to look for your real Dad.
post #6 of 9
A Dad is way more than common genes.

Your "real" dad is the one who raised you and was there when you had nightmares or a skinned knee and interrogated your first boy friend.

He is probably feeling slighted .... and replaced, by the fact that there is now another man in the picture that you call "Dad". A man who was never there for you and whose sole contribution to your life was having provided the sperm that you were created from.

Your dad needs times to come to terms with the fact that you found your biological father. There is nothing you can do to help him beyond that. It's entirely up to him.

My advice is to not push the issue. Just treat him with love and respect like you have. Take him out for lunch, and just continue to be his little girl.

You can also sit down and talk to him and tell him that you love him and that he is your real dad, and that you are feeling hurt because it seems like he's pushing you away. Maybe he will see that there is really no reason to feel threatened by your biological dad now being in the picture.
post #7 of 9
I'd say be gentle and give him time. There's got to be a lot of emotions going around between you all about it.
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 
wow i thought nobody would bother with this thanks too you all,
he rang me earier and he is ok now it just came as a shock
post #9 of 9
When I found my real dad my step dad (who I consider my real dad) felt a little bit left out! He was the one who kicked my first boyfriends butt and kissed my booboo's and just didn't think it was fair that another man could come in after all those years and play "daddy"! The guy never could really play daddy either, and we dont really have much of a relationship! On the other hand me and my step daddy are a true father daughter team!! We love each other and he knows now that the other guy will never be my dad, just some guy that gave me his good looks! It'll take time to recover from this blow to the self esteem and family role, but things will go on and it'll get easier for him and yoU!
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