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Forced to Stay Married - in AMERICA!!!

post #1 of 20
5/14/08 at 9:45pm
Thread Starter 
http://www.elle.com/featurefullstory...ars-page4.html

I had no idea that New York and TN could be so archaic.... the article gives the stories of women who were denied divorces by juries...In the 1st case, the jury was all male because all the potential women jurors said during voire dire that they would not force a woman to return to a husband that she did not want to be married to...
Shouldn't the right to divorce be a federal right, as an American, as opposed to a state right???
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post #2 of 20
5/14/08 at 9:52pm
to long to read the whole thing.
But my understanding *i am not a law student.
but from my understanding both parties have to sign the paper work for it???

as for a federal right, imo the federal goverment has no business at all in marriage. At any level.
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post #3 of 20
5/14/08 at 10:54pm
Something to think about, especially for people that quickly jump into marriage.
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post #4 of 20
5/14/08 at 11:42pm
Everyone would like the divorce rate to be lower, but New York's law doesn't seem like the way to go.

My mother divorced in around 1950, in Florida, and she had to prove my father was cruel to her. Fortunately he didn't contest the divorce.
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post #5 of 20
5/15/08 at 10:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
Shouldn't the right to divorce be a federal right, as an American, as opposed to a state right???
There is no "right" to divorce. You have a "right" to sue for divorce (due legal process) but if the process denies the divorce, then there's no inherent right to get it anyway. If the people think the laws are too strict, then the people have the "right" to elect representation that will better represent their will and to change the laws.

And, BTW, equating America with easy divorce is an equation I see underming the family values that America .... used to? .... stand for. And it's the disappearance of those values that's going to be the downfall of America.
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post #6 of 20
5/15/08 at 10:13pm
Marriage and thus divorce are state granted, and governed by state law. That's why Massachusetts and now possibly California can make thier own rules about allowing gay marriage, and other states can ban it. The only way to make a federal law about marriage would be a Constitutional Amendment.
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post #7 of 20
5/15/08 at 10:44pm
First of all, you posted a link for page 4 of a 6 page article. I was trying to find where exactly where it was talking about someone going to court for a divorce, and couldn't find it because I guess it was on a different page. For future reference, please post a link for all points you are making because I'm not going to read all 6 pages.

And about the jury thing....marriage IS a legally binding contract in that state. If both parties don't agree to dissolve the contract then, depending on the state, it probably does have to go to court and have the people decide.

I, personally, feel a lot of people enter into marriage to fast today, thinking "well, if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce" without realizing how much that "quick fix" costs. And what happened to commitment? To loyalty? For better or worse? I didn't get married until I was 35 and there was a reason for that. I wanted someone that I KNEW would be there for better or worse. And, I'm holding him to it....or I'll kill him! Just kidding guys!

Now, I do understand, people change and things happen and they DO need to go their separate ways. That is understandable. But, people should understand that marriage is a commitment, and you shouldn't be able to leave someone easily because he leaves the toilet seat up for an example.
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post #8 of 20
5/15/08 at 11:19pm
what dont you know, we live in the age of disposable stuff?
cups,paper, computers,people, marriage, kids, pets.

if you dont like what you got, just toss it in the trash.
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post #9 of 20
5/16/08 at 4:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
Marriage and thus divorce are state granted, and governed by state law. That's why Massachusetts and now possibly California can make thier own rules about allowing gay marriage, and other states can ban it. The only way to make a federal law about marriage would be a Constitutional Amendment.


I agreed with you twice today, you should be worried.
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post #10 of 20
5/16/08 at 7:40am
Maybe, if New York resorts to jury trials to grant divorces, they should have jury trials before they grant marriages.
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post #11 of 20
5/16/08 at 5:03pm
I guess I'm really surprised that NY doesn't have no-fault divorces.
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post #12 of 20
5/16/08 at 5:55pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by boringjen View Post
Maybe, if New York resorts to jury trials to grant divorces, they should have jury trials before they grant marriages.
Excellent idea!!!!
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post #13 of 20
5/17/08 at 3:50pm
Easy there on calling Tennessee archaic hon, i live here And frankly i have never heard of someone not being granted a divorce here (doesn't mean it can't happen, just saying i don't know of anyone personally who has been denied one and i know quite a few people who have been divorced.) That being said- i'm sure it could happen because as others have pointed out- in some states, yes marriage is a legally binding contract but if you choose you can sue for divorce - if you go through the courts and do sue - depending on how good your lawyer is - you do not necessarily have to have the other spouse sign the papers- the court can order them to do so, as was the case in my own parents divorce. Nobody i know has been forced into staying in a marriage around here! Yes, you do have to go through the legal system to file/etc, but that's pretty much standard across the board. I really think that there is more to those stories than that magazine's website is revealing.
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post #14 of 20
5/17/08 at 7:29pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
And frankly i have never heard of someone not being granted a divorce here (doesn't mean it can't happen, just saying i don't know of anyone personally who has been denied one and i know quite a few people who have been divorced.) .
I am sooo relieved to read that!!! I noticed that even some judges don't agree with the laws and say that the courts are unnecessarily tied up, but until the state legislature changes the laws, they are bound to stick with the way things are.
I have to admit that I was surprised that TN has that law. Both my sis and my brother live there and I know that some of the ladies that my brother has dated are divorced.
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post #15 of 20
5/20/08 at 4:04pm
I know of a guy who's wife refuses to sign the divorce papers. They have been separated for 10 years! I guess he has the divorce papers served every few months and nothing. He was dating a family friend for 5 years. She dumped him because she was tired of waiting for her to sign.
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post #16 of 20
5/22/08 at 10:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by eburgess View Post
I know of a guy who's wife refuses to sign the divorce papers. They have been separated for 10 years! I guess he has the divorce papers served every few months and nothing. He was dating a family friend for 5 years. She dumped him because she was tired of waiting for her to sign.
In Ohio, only one side of the couple has to sign the papers for the divorce to be legal. It takes a bit longer to work through the system, but it can happen. Have him look into it.
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post #17 of 20
5/22/08 at 6:15pm
What's the point of forcing people who don't want to be married to stay married? I fail to see how that helps. It might lower the divorce rate on paper, but it does nothing to strengthen the institution of marriage if couples that hate each other and are desperate to separate are forced to stay married.

It would make a lot more sense to me to put more effort into educating couples who want to marry about the commitment of marriage in the first place, so the couples who marry better understand what they're getting into.
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post #18 of 20
5/25/08 at 4:28am
I know of someone who was subjected to cruel treatment by their spouse and it took years for this person to gain their freedom. They were virtually broke at the end of it. The other partner had cheated several times, given their spouse herpes, abused them and so forth but they came from substantial wealth so could drag it out until the other person was broke. Finally the divorce was granted because the person wanted to remarry and so they signed.
There is no point in keeping someone trapped in a marriage they want out of. No one really benefits.
What needs to happen is people need to understand what it means to get married and really consider their compatibility with their SO. I got caught up in the whirlwind and ignored my inner voice telling me that my ex was not right for me.
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post #19 of 20
5/25/08 at 2:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by globalspot28 View Post
Something to think about, especially for people that quickly jump into marriage.
Exactly what I was thinking.
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post #20 of 20
5/26/08 at 11:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
to long to read the whole thing.
But my understanding *i am not a law student.
but from my understanding both parties have to sign the paper work for it???

as for a federal right, imo the federal goverment has no business at all in marriage. At any level.
I agree 100%
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