opinions on a mushy song for our wedding ;)

lillekat

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I'm trying to write and sing precisely what my fiance means to me as a very personal wedding gift... and it's proving a little more difficult than I'd imagined! So far I've only got two verses.... and I'm in desperate for a chorus.

I could do with some opinions please
Please feel free to be brutally honest, I want this to be perfect!

***********

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t need the words
To tell you how I feel.
You look at me and know what I am thinking of.
I can say it with a silence
And know you heard it all -
All Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve felt inside me since I fell in love


You kept me to ground
While teaching me to fly
The earth beneath my feet and yet a clear blue sky
You saved me from drowning
In a sea of sorrows
Where would I be now without you? Heaven knows
 

twstychik

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How sweet! We didn't even write our own vows let along original songs.

You could use Heaven knows in the corus and I think it would work well... maybe?

I do know I went through some trama at work yesterday and when I called my DH to tell him I was home I broke down and it got me to thinking... I can't hide what I'm feeling from him. I don't know if that makes sense or if you can use it in anyway. Good, bad and ugly all gets shared and he still loves & supports me through the bad & ugly as well as the good.
 

beck4582

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That is so sweet!! I'm not that creative... My husband and I did our first dance to "God Blessed the Broken Road" by the Rascal Flatts because we both had things in the past happen to us but we're glad it all happened because it brought us together. good luck with it! It's a sweet idea!
 

carolpetunia

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Oh honey, it brought tears to my eyes! Seriously, that's very beautiful -- and I'm not an easy judge when it comes to song lyrics. This will be so special for you both!

I like Meaghan's suggestion for using "heaven knows" as the theme of the chorus. I don't want to say any more than that, though, because you're doing so well on your own -- just keep going! You don't seem to need any help at all.


(But if you do get seriously stuck and want some input, I'd be happy to throw out some lines and try to spark something for you.)
 
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lillekat

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OK rough first draft peeps.......



I don’t need the words
To tell you how I feel.
You look at me and know what I am thinking of.
I can say it with a silence
And know you heard it all -
All I’ve felt inside me since I fell in love

And if I could sing to you
In all the colours of my heartbeat
All the passion that we share when we kiss
Nothing would be more beautiful than this

You kept me to ground
While teaching me to fly
The earth beneath my feet and yet a clear blue sky
You saved me from drowning
In a sea of sorrows
Where would I be now without you? Heaven knows

And if I could sing to you
In all the colours of my heartbeat
All the passion that we share when we kiss
Nothing would be more beautiful than this

I’m standing at an altar
My best friend by my side
And everything I vow to you, I vow for life
I will take you, darling
And treasure you, my dear
If you’ll take this woman as your wedded wife

And if I could sing to you
In all the colours of my heartbeat
All the passion that we share when we kiss
And if I could sing to you
In all the music of a rainbow
All the tenderness of rainfalls sweet bliss
Nothing would be more beautiful than this
Nothing would be more beautiful than this.
 

carolpetunia

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Oh my gosh. Please, you've got to let us hear the final recorded version when it's ready. That is a truly beautiful song.

Either you're a naturally gifted songwriter, or you are being miraculously inspired by your beloved. Maybe some of both!
 
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lillekat

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Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Oh my gosh. Please, you've got to let us hear the final recorded version when it's ready. That is a truly beautiful song.

Either you're a naturally gifted songwriter, or you are being miraculously inspired by your beloved. Maybe some of both!
I write lyrics quite often, I'm not too hot on the music part these days, though I used to be "in my prime"!
Here, try out something fun!



This one was for my brother (who, incidentally, DID stick a lego mans head up his nose)

Little Lego Villges

It seems like only yesterday
We were kids playin' on the floor
Building Lego villages and more
(Without the instructions)

We'd build those little houses from
So many shapes of brick
That our little Lego villages would look
(Like mass destruction)

Those little Lego villages
Would grow 'til they were towns
And when we got fed up of them
We could always rip 'em down!

The people who lived there had no arms or legs
Others were missing heads
But that's because we stashed those somewhere else
(Inside our own noses)

Little hands got sucked into the vaccuum
Or lost in the carapet on the floor
And that's the only time our parents ever swore
(From painful toeses)

Those little Lego villages
Would grow 'til they were towns
And when we got fed up of them
We could always rip 'em down!
God bless the Danish company
Who gave us fun by the hour
If only they knew just how many
Lego deaths they are responsible for
If only they knew just how many
Lego deaths they are responsible for!
 

fwan

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thats lovely, i completely suck with these things.. guess what?

we set out wedding date two days ago and i already forgot when it is!
 

worriedmommy

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Very sweet.
I wrote and sang a song to my DH on our wedding day. Are you keeping this a surprise from him? I did with my DH and he was so overwhelmed after I sang it and we were pronounced man and wife that he broke my lip kissing me so hard.
 
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lillekat

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yeah I'm keeping it as a surprise
I'll be letting our reverand know what I'm planning and I'm hoping I can get a hold of a small recording studio. Either that or I'm going to write a small choir ensemble and get them to sing it
 

worriedmommy

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Originally Posted by LilleKat

yeah I'm keeping it as a surprise
I'll be letting our reverand know what I'm planning and I'm hoping I can get a hold of a small recording studio. Either that or I'm going to write a small choir ensemble and get them to sing it
Wow!
You are going all out. On my "shoe string" budget, it was just my brother playing the guitar with me singing.
 
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lillekat

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Ah well I have a friend who has a home recording studio - my only problem is that we kinda lost touch, so I've no idea really what's going on there. But I can write music on paper without any problems and Rune sings in a professional choir, so it's not going to be a problem to contact them and ask them to sing it. Probably easier if I'm already recorded or someone else sings, because I'm likely to fall apart. Either that or I'll sing lead vocals with a choir backup. It will be an "all-out" thing though - he's gone all out for me on several occasions.
 

krazy kat2

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That is just beautiful!
We went to our best friend's wedding last weekend, and instead of the the same old "I do" they said "in front of God, our family, and our friends, I do."
 
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lillekat

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was it an Anglican wedding perchance? That's precisely the line they use in Anglican weddings here
Uncanny
 
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