I have a friend I have known for over 9 years. Our friendship has been filled with ups and downs since the start. This person has screwed me over bad 2 times in the 9 years I have known him. This person has only ever been a friend, there was never anything romantic between us.
The first time I didn't speak to him for over a year. I am of the belief "forgive but never forget"...so I forgave him but knew I could never trust this person again with any personal information at all. He essentially worked for me on a project, and had admin rights to many different parts of things we were working on. He thought, because we were friends he could do anything he wanted and not be reprimanded. He had a problem with someone else we were working with, and I told him not to do anything irrational that he still had to be professional. Well, he ended up having words with this other guy, after I specificaly told him not to. He did not like me telling him that he screwed up and proceeded to delete websites, databases, folders...you name it.
So fast forward to about a year and a half later. I was living in Orlando at the time, he came down to visit, got him free tickets to the parks and let him stay at my apartment for free. We go to Islands of Adventure. I had on Adidas flip flop slides...and it was so hot outside that my shoes literally melted and fell apart. I had just paid rent and utilities and was next to broke. I told him we would have to head home and come back so I could get new shoes. Well HE offers to buy me new shoes ( I did not ask him and told him I could not pay him back ) but he insists and wanted to stay at the park so I said ok then. Later that night, he was on my balcony smoking and talking on the phone, and I over hear him bitching about me to a friend on the phone about how he had to buy me shoes and that he would never see that money again, among other things. So I confronted him, told him I heard every word and told him to get out of my house.
Fast forward to about 2 years later. His Mother died 8 years before, on St Patrick's Day, and he always gets really stressed out and depressed around then. For WHATEVER stupid reason I emailed him to see if he was ok. We started talking again, and everything was ok, I kept him at a distance. Then I moved up here to MA, he lives in NH it is a short distance from here.
Since his Mom died, his attitude has been horrible, he is probably THE most negative person I know and have ever known. He hates new people, anyone I introduce him to he finds a reason to hate them or be jealous of them. Every friend I have he is jealous of. My boyfriend and I are (were) his only friends, and his whole family pretty much disowned him.
I have had several talks with him about his attitude and negativity. It seems like things will change for a while then he goes right back to it. He also owed us $2500.00 and took advantage of that situation, not paying us back as he was supposed to. Finally enough was enough, he had done some things and said some stuff I didn't like about my best friend and I had to call it quits.
This was about a month ago. I told him EVERY reason why I would no longer be his friend, and let him have it about paying us back the money he owed us. He didn't try to apologize or make up excuses for his behaviour.
NOW here is the part I need advice with. His Father has had stage 4 prostate cancer for about 5 years now. He lives with him and takes care of him. Well about 2 weeks after I told him to take a hike, his Father went into the hospital with pneumonia. The situation progressed, and he is now on a ventilator and cannot breathe on his own. He has a DnR for 14 days, if he shows no improvements he is going to be taken off the ventilator. He contacted my boyfriend (who I guess thinks isn't mad at him, he thinks its just me thats angry) and is going on and on about how he can't deal with this, he is freaking out, breaking down etc etc.
I have been hurt and abused by this person for too long. Now, of all times, his Dad is dying. What should I do? He has no other friends, and his family all hate him. I don't want him to try to use this as an excuse to worm his way back into my life again, but I would feel like a total piece of crap if I turned my back
He expects us to go up there for his Dad's funeral if he does pass, and is asking my boyfriend if I would be willing to "put everything aside" and come up there right now to help him through it.
What do I do!???
The first time I didn't speak to him for over a year. I am of the belief "forgive but never forget"...so I forgave him but knew I could never trust this person again with any personal information at all. He essentially worked for me on a project, and had admin rights to many different parts of things we were working on. He thought, because we were friends he could do anything he wanted and not be reprimanded. He had a problem with someone else we were working with, and I told him not to do anything irrational that he still had to be professional. Well, he ended up having words with this other guy, after I specificaly told him not to. He did not like me telling him that he screwed up and proceeded to delete websites, databases, folders...you name it.
So fast forward to about a year and a half later. I was living in Orlando at the time, he came down to visit, got him free tickets to the parks and let him stay at my apartment for free. We go to Islands of Adventure. I had on Adidas flip flop slides...and it was so hot outside that my shoes literally melted and fell apart. I had just paid rent and utilities and was next to broke. I told him we would have to head home and come back so I could get new shoes. Well HE offers to buy me new shoes ( I did not ask him and told him I could not pay him back ) but he insists and wanted to stay at the park so I said ok then. Later that night, he was on my balcony smoking and talking on the phone, and I over hear him bitching about me to a friend on the phone about how he had to buy me shoes and that he would never see that money again, among other things. So I confronted him, told him I heard every word and told him to get out of my house.
Fast forward to about 2 years later. His Mother died 8 years before, on St Patrick's Day, and he always gets really stressed out and depressed around then. For WHATEVER stupid reason I emailed him to see if he was ok. We started talking again, and everything was ok, I kept him at a distance. Then I moved up here to MA, he lives in NH it is a short distance from here.
Since his Mom died, his attitude has been horrible, he is probably THE most negative person I know and have ever known. He hates new people, anyone I introduce him to he finds a reason to hate them or be jealous of them. Every friend I have he is jealous of. My boyfriend and I are (were) his only friends, and his whole family pretty much disowned him.
I have had several talks with him about his attitude and negativity. It seems like things will change for a while then he goes right back to it. He also owed us $2500.00 and took advantage of that situation, not paying us back as he was supposed to. Finally enough was enough, he had done some things and said some stuff I didn't like about my best friend and I had to call it quits.
This was about a month ago. I told him EVERY reason why I would no longer be his friend, and let him have it about paying us back the money he owed us. He didn't try to apologize or make up excuses for his behaviour.
NOW here is the part I need advice with. His Father has had stage 4 prostate cancer for about 5 years now. He lives with him and takes care of him. Well about 2 weeks after I told him to take a hike, his Father went into the hospital with pneumonia. The situation progressed, and he is now on a ventilator and cannot breathe on his own. He has a DnR for 14 days, if he shows no improvements he is going to be taken off the ventilator. He contacted my boyfriend (who I guess thinks isn't mad at him, he thinks its just me thats angry) and is going on and on about how he can't deal with this, he is freaking out, breaking down etc etc.
I have been hurt and abused by this person for too long. Now, of all times, his Dad is dying. What should I do? He has no other friends, and his family all hate him. I don't want him to try to use this as an excuse to worm his way back into my life again, but I would feel like a total piece of crap if I turned my back
What do I do!???