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Someone you love owes you money

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Someone I love and am close to (family) owes me money. They have for 2 months. I need this money really bad. I have called them, they say they will send it but never do.
What would you do?
post #2 of 29
Are they close by that you can drive over and physically get the money??
post #3 of 29
Did you have anything in writing and signed by both parties? If not, you are probably out of luck. Depends on how much money it is and how much is it worth to take them to small claims court.

We don't loan money to family/friends unless under very extreme circumstances AND we always put it in writing and have them sign it. There are certain family members we would never loan money to no matter what - others are reliable.

I say only loan money if you can afford NOT to get it back!
post #4 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Someone I love and am close to (family) owes me money. They have for 2 months. I need this money really bad. I have called them, they say they will send it but never do.
What would you do?
I would be glad to have a good excuse for refusing to ever loan them money again.
post #5 of 29
I'm obnoxious...so much, in fact, that my family claims that I could start a collection agency and be successful. That being said, family doesn't ask to borrow money from me unless they are really desperate! The last person to borrow from me was my brother, and I hounded him every day, until I got the money.

My mom still hasn't gotten all the money he owes her.

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes, you can't just be nice. If they're not respecting you by giving you the money back, then maybe you shouldn't be so nice back to them. One of the worst things that can happen is that they never borrow from you again, because they know what a pain in the...you can be. Either way, GOOD LUCK!
post #6 of 29
Okay - this isn't likely to be most people's reply, and I'm not saying you should go with it. It's up to you.

But what would I do? I let it go. This sort of thing has torn shreds out of my family more than once before. You're never gonna know why they don't give it back (if they don't) - but you love them for a reason.

I suggest coming up with a charitable excuse - maybe they can't easily admit that they can't give you back the money, especially since you were there for them when they needed it, and well, they can't be even though they aren't even "even". Maybe something else.

I suppose you do have to look at the question of why you love them and whether they deserve that love... but honestly, and I do know what it is to suffer, if they deserve that love, then I would let it go.
post #7 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I say only loan money if you can afford NOT to get it back!
i always consider it a gift... that way, if i don't get it back, it's not a big deal!
post #8 of 29
I have to agree with what most people have said...and that I would let it go. To me, there would be 2 options, let it go (which is incredibly unfair to you, especially if you *need* the money) or make a big issue and risk seriously damaging/losing your relationship to this person. Im close enough with my most of my family that keeping the love and peace is worth whatever I might be owed (really, I would share my money with these people anyways if they needed it more than me at the time), but if it were someone I wasnt as close to, Id amp up the harassment campaign with daily reminders as someone else mentioned! Could use guilt and everything "When I lent it to you things were better here but now that I have to pay tuition/find a new job/ pay vet bills money is really tight and I dont know what *I* am going to do. Im not asking you to lend me money, just repay what I loaned you, as now it is me who needs the help" Then Id tell their mother/sister/friend about their scam...but I still think your best bet is to somehow try and write off the loan. One day, if this person loves and cares for you, they will return the money.
post #9 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I say only loan money if you can afford NOT to get it back!


That money is gone. My BIL "borrowed" money from all the family (and lied about why he needed it), and nobody has ever gotten it back (despite his promises to give it back "next week"). Relations are a little frosty, but it'd be worse if everyone was demanding the money he doesn't have. Nobody gives him money anymore, nobody believes his lies, but they still talk.
post #10 of 29
We let an (ex) good friend of ours borrow $2500.00 over 2 years ago. His car had broke down while he was here visiting. He lives about 2 hours away. Nobody else he knew would let him borrow the money. He kept dropping hints over and over about it until my boyfriend gave in and gave it to him.

The deal was to pay us back $200 every other week when he would come down to visit. Well it started off ok. Then we would see maybe $50 every 3-4 months if that.

Recently we have had to cut this person out of our life completely, not because of the money owed but for other reasons. When I was explaining to him why we wouldn't be seeing him anymore, I let him have it about making a promise to pay us back and not doing it. The next week he sent the remaining money (over $1,000 bucks) in pre-dated checks to us to deposit every other week.

If you ever expect to get the money back, you have to be firm about it. Go to their house, ask them in person not on the phone...bug them about it non-stop if you need the money back badly.

Otherwise chalk it up to a life experience...never loan people money no matter who they are and expect to get it back
post #11 of 29
Oh gosh, this situation is so difficult - it's time to get tough and show your claws - give them one last chance, saying something like 'Stop pissing me around or I will have to escalate the situation'. Something like that. Best, Patricia
post #12 of 29
I am lucky I guess - my brother borrowed money from me and paid it back on his pay day - he lives on the other side of town and drove all the way to my house just to give back the money he borrowed.

I guess each person is different.
post #13 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
Are they close by that you can drive over and physically get the money??
No not within driving distance
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Did you have anything in writing and signed by both parties?
No.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I say only loan money if you can afford NOT to get it back!
Good advice, from now on, I will follow this. Expensive lesson and this is not a good time for it either.
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mschauer View Post
I would be glad to have a good excuse for refusing to ever loan them money again.
This is true. Just sucks when it is family and all. And you didn't think that person would do that you and you love them regardless. Live and learn so they say huh?
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai View Post
But what would I do? I let it go. This sort of thing has torn shreds out of my family more than once before. I suggest coming up with a charitable excuse - maybe they can't easily admit that they can't give you back the money
.
Did that, but I know better as this person has recently went on a spending spree! I can let go but won't forget as there will be a next time I am sure, I just don't appreciate being treated like this when I was being thoughtful towards them. Thank you everyone for your advice.
I like all the different perspectives.
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Did that, but I know better as this person has recently went on a spending spree! I can let go but won't forget as there will be a next time I am sure, I just don't appreciate being treated like this when I was being thoughtful towards them. Thank you everyone for your advice.
I like all the different perspectives.
I'm sorry. I really hope it turns out okay for you.
post #18 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai View Post
I'm sorry.
Thanks. Feeling taken advantage of really sucks!
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Thanks. Feeling taken advantage of really sucks!
You should never feel badly about doing something nice for someone. If they don't respond appropriately, in your case by paying you back, it doesn't change that you did something good.
post #20 of 29
If you ever are in this situation again, put it in writing. Then if court is necessary, you will have a leg to stand on. Verbal means little now a days!
post #21 of 29
If you need the money badly tell the person that, if they care about you they'll do their best to pay you back.
post #22 of 29
My BIL has done this several times to my DH. He never pays it back, It upsets me ( hurts my feelings), it doesn't seem to bother DH. We are always there for him, It isn't the money for me, it is the lack of respect.
post #23 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I say only loan money if you can afford NOT to get it back!
yep.


anyway, i would guess they are still having money issues. or they would have paid you back
post #24 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Someone I love and am close to (family) owes me money. They have for 2 months. I need this money really bad. I have called them, they say they will send it but never do.
What would you do?
I would tell them to consider it a gift, but to never ask you for money again until it's paid back, since you can only afford to make that kind of gift once.
post #25 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
I would tell them to consider it a gift, but...
That is along the lines of what my husband said. I can't just drop it or let it go, well - I can and will-, but I do want to mention to this individual what is going on in my head and how things will be handled from now on. This person likes to live their life with a least conflict as possible, so do I, it would be easy to brush this off and never say a word about it, but instead I will do the thing I don't want to do, talk about it and let them know I don't expect repayment anymore, but also let them know how things will be from now on. It would be so much easier just to ignore it, but ignoring things doesn't make them go away all of the time.
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
It would be so much easier just to ignore it, but ignoring things doesn't make them go away all of the time.
I sympathize with you. After being burnt so many times by siblings I find it easiest to just say no. Or if it's urgent, I only loaned what I can afford not to get it back.

I'm the only one married in the family (has one younger sis & bro), mom & dad seem to think since we have double income therefore we can afford to live more comfortably. Every time when any family member ask us for help and get a no for answer, their first response was "how can you not have money?"
post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche
I would tell them to consider it a gift, but to never ask you for money again until it's paid back, since you can only afford to make that kind of gift once.
I was going to organize my thoughts on this and post a reply, but I really like this approach, so I'm just going to say
post #28 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rone View Post
I'm the only one married in the family...their first response was "how can you not have money?"
Same here but really it just means you have way more of all types of expenses!
post #29 of 29
Oh hon,
I've been there lots and since my sis doesn't work and was having issues, we went to support her during a hard time and thus gave her some money. Well the next week she called and was saying how she didn't have food or litter for her cats even though we bought her 50 pounds of each and she only had 2 cats at the time. I was upset that she'd even pull that trick knowing that I'd help her out with her cats and kids, but apparently she didn't think about how it'd only been a week since we got her all that food and litter. So now she gets Christmas and birthday gift cards for her for clothing stores and pet stores and the kids get gift cards too. I won't be wasting money on her extravagances anymore. She needs to get a job and pay for her stuff herself.
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