Have you ever uprooted your life?

In november i left my home and flew 2000 miles to live with my boyfriend, leaving everything behind... my family... my stuff... my dog... my cats...my friends. everything.

I'm still struggling to make a sort of a life for myself here, but i feel so alone all the time. my boyfriend works about 10 hours a day so i dont see him, and i've met no one here that i could even consider a friend. It's so lonely. To make matters worse... ive had bad things happen in the past that makes it hard for me to meet or trust new people. but im so desperate to not feel alone. I cry alot and my boyfriend is tired of it... he does the work, he supports us. i dont even have a car to do errands for him. everything relys on him, and i feel so useless.

I started fostering to try to fill some sort of void but its just not the same as talking to human beings. i dont regret, even for a second, moving out here as i love my boyfriend very much. i just need more... and im not sure how to get it.

Have you ever been in this sort of a situation? what should i do?

To be honest i couldn't and wouldn't uproot and leave my cats behind

If i was in your situation i would be moving back home where everyone was because it's quite obvious your unhappy, and being like this will only put further strain on the relationship. My partner lives 5 hours from me in Scotland so we don't see each other every week, but it still works

The more you rely on him the more confidence you'll lose with yourself.

What are your hobbies? Are you living in a city or a small town? If I were you I'd be out of the house every day. Maybe take a class somewhere, either at a community college, or just a hobby-type class. Do something that you've "always wanted to do/try but never got around to". Volunteer? Check for events around where you live, for example we have a monthly bike ride and hundreds of people show up to ride. You could either attend, participate, or even volunteer to help out. And most importantly, tell you SO that you need to DO something and that feeling like you are "useless", as you said, is making you unhappy.

What kind of things are you interested in? Do you like art,music, volunteering, things like that? Why not see if a few times a week you could volunteer or take an art class /etc just to get out of the house a bit. Would it be possible to take a bus to and from where you'd like to go?

It's probably do you some good to be able to step out of your comfort zone a bit and try to make new friends What about arranging a trip back home to see your family/friends and animals for a few days?

I agree with Susan though, i'd never be able to move off and leave my furbabies- they're like my children. Perhaps your missing yours as well- would it be possible to move them out there with you?

I have uprooted my life twice. I know that it can be really, really tough. I also don't have any friends out here and things are so different from back home that I can't realy find anyone who really understands what I am saying. It doesn't sound like you are really happy with your situation. For me, when that happens, I change things. Maybe you are at the point where you should change something. If you need someone to talk to, you can always PM me. I would be happy to listen.

unfortunetly.... the furbabies arent just mine... they are the familys... so if i moved 2000 miles away or 2 miles away i still couldnt have taken them, they are safe and happy with my parents.

Im in a small town. about 5 miles to the nearest main road... no buses . your ideas are all great, thats why i started fostering, to do something i really want to. Ide like to take a class of some sort but we have absolutly no spare money.

I know im happy here, i really am. I love the area, i love my boyfriend, i love the house, and i love my fosters. i just need one friend. Any friends i had back home are gone now, and i have friends in other parts of the world. its just hard to not have a girlfriend to go to the mall with or something. i think thats what im struggling with. just not having a single friend. but i'm so scared to meet people, i panic at the thought of it.

Originally Posted by save_adopt

Im in a small town. about 5 miles to the nearest main road... no buses

. your ideas are all great, thats why i started fostering, to do something i really want to. Ide like to take a class of some sort but we have absolutly no spare money.

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Keep your eyes peeled, there's almost always free events in every town. If your town has an alternative news paper, check there. They probably have a website. Fostering is great, but it won't help you meet new people. Maybe (if you're a dog person, too) you could walk dogs from the shelter you're fostering through. Our neighborhood has free movies in the park in the summer, so we started helping out with that and met half the people in the neighborhood. Think about some things you really love to do, then go out and do them. If you meet anyone doing them, you'll know you have at least one thing in common!

I know exactly how you feel! I too did the same thing. Left my family, my friend, my dog (she’s old and can hardly walk, the move would have been tough, I lived with my Mom so she was both of ours). I moved because I was tired of my old life and decided screw life! I’m taking a chance! I moved across the country. My thing in life is you never know until you try it, and that’s what I did.

For the first few months I was so lonely, I cried every night, I was so depressed, I sat at home all day while my boyfriend worked. I have to say those first 5 months were absolute hell. I have never been so sad and lonely.

I got a job after awhile and that helped, kept me busy 8 hours a day. I started volunteering at the local shelter. I have to admit other then work people I talk to I still have no friends at all. I still miss home, but I have now enrolled in a veterinary technician course which has been my dream all my life, getting to it in Toronto was too hard (too far, too expensive).

My boyfriend and I have our problems as some of you know but he seems to be trying. So while life here is VERY FAR from perfect unlike my blissful life at home (I wasn’t living in the real world there) I am growing up and learning a lot about myself. I am following my dream. I am more mature and more knowledgeable then I was before.

I say give it a chance, don’t rush back home if you love your guy. They say the best way in life to learn your most important lessons is learning them the hard way. So take this as a learning experience. Make day trips, volunteer at your shelter, take up a hobby, get a job even if its part time. If in a year your still not happy then go home. But if you love him, try and work it out.

I totally understand how you feel, but I wouldn’t have changed this move for anything. If you asked me that a few months ago? Id be crying and screaming begging to go home.

Good luck, if you ever need to talk I am here.

Originally Posted by save_adopt

In november i left my home and flew 2000 miles to live with my boyfriend, leaving everything behind... my family... my stuff... my dog... my cats...my friends. everything.

I'm still struggling to make a sort of a life for myself here, but i feel so alone all the time. my boyfriend works about 10 hours a day so i dont see him, and i've met no one here that i could even consider a friend. It's so lonely. To make matters worse... ive had bad things happen in the past that makes it hard for me to meet or trust new people. but im so desperate to not feel alone. I cry alot and my boyfriend is tired of it... he does the work, he supports us. i dont even have a car to do errands for him. everything relys on him, and i feel so useless.

I started fostering to try to fill some sort of void but its just not the same as talking to human beings. i dont regret, even for a second, moving out here as i love my boyfriend very much. i just need more... and im not sure how to get it.

Have you ever been in this sort of a situation? what should i do?

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I know how you feel.

I uprooted myself a few months ago and left everything behind and just as I was feeling comfortable my relationship with my ex ended and I was uprooted again recently. This time I couldn't take my cats with me.

Now I live alone thousands of miles away from my friends and family. Last week i went from Tuesday evening to Saturday afternoon without talking to anyone. Not one single word to anyone in person or over the phone. I'm right on the outskirts of town too so everything is far and my car is on the other side of the country right now and will be until I get the chance to fly home and spend a week driving it here (which kills me because I barely got to drive it, it's new!).

I don't really have any answers for you that I'm certain would work. Just a theory that depression can be symptom of boredom and dissatisfaction with ones self.

The way that I've overcome that is by taking this as an opportunity to figure out who I am and what I like. I was so wrapped up in my old job and my friends and my fiance that I really had no idea what it was that made me tick.

I rekindled my love affair with books (If you like reading read A New Earth. Oooh and The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Good books!) , painting, guitar, writing, hiking, and weight lifting. I don't have much time to sit alone and let my thoughts eat away at me, which will inevitably happen to anyone if they let it. Our idle minds are our own worst enemies.

Basically, I'm long-windedly saying "get yourself a hobby!". It will cure your boredom and give you a sense of self-satisfaction or accomplishment and that will help you to not feel so bummed out.

Maybe if you found a hobby that you really liked you could join a group or a class and it would be easier for you to make a friend because you would be in a setting where you already had something in common with other people.

If you want to talk about anything, I've got all the time in the world. You can PM and I'll give you my msn or Yahoo! messenger contact.

Bless all your hearts... its so good to know im not alone.

Katya youre right "depression can symptom of boredom and dissatisfaction with ones self" that is so true. i'm trying to start a business, in home pet care. something that will hopefully bring more money in and make me feel worth something.

i think what i need to try to make happen is a car, so i can get out of the house and try new things. but money is so tight and cars are sooo expensive!!

Originally Posted by save_adopt

Bless all your hearts... its so good to know im not alone.

Katya youre right "depression can symptom of boredom and dissatisfaction with ones self" that is so true. i'm trying to start a business, in home pet care. something that will hopefully bring more money in and make me feel worth something.

i think what i need to try to make happen is a car, so i can get out of the house and try new things. but money is so tight and cars are sooo expensive!!

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Well, the obvious thing is you need a job, so you can get a car - BUT it's really hard to get a job without a car. It would be fantastic if your home business works out. Getting started can be pricey though. If it doesn't work out right away can you find a job that maybe your BF can drive you to in the morning and wheel and deal for a ride home? I used to make my husband's friend lunch as pay for driving him home.

I uprooted myself too - 25 years ago. It was rough for awhile. I met a lot of people, but it took a long time to make genuine friends. The longer it takes for you to make friends the harder it is. I agree with the hobby thing, but mostly I think you need contact with other humans and money so that you can have a little more control. As sweet as your BF may be, if you are depending on him for everything, you are not in control of yourself.

I hope things work out for you.

I have uprooted my life several times, and moved where I did not know anyone, Fayetteville, NC was the first time, but we ended up going back to our home town after a short time, due to family emergency. After that we moved to Jacksonville, NC, then back and forth between there and home again, then halfway across the country to Kansas City, MO, the back to Augusta, GA, to Selma, NC, then back to Jacksonville, where we have been since 2001. We have lately toyed with the idea of going to Austin, TX.
I almost lost my mind until I learned to adapt and consider it an adventure. I never had to leave my cats, either. You must find something to do. It is imperative to your mental health. You can sink deeper and deeper into depression until you can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel if you don't. I know gas is expensive now, but even if you can only break even on it, I would speak to your bf about maybe taking him to work and finding a part time job. Even a few hours a week not spent alone, crying and wondering what in the world you have done will be a big help toward not being depressed. It will also keep him from being tired of you crying all the time. I am sure he does not understand it, guys usually just don't, even good guys.
I remember looking forward to the weekly trip to the grocery store because there were people there. You will be ok, but you have to mostly rely on yourself to find something to do. Trying to get your car to you would be a huge step in the right direction if possible. this is very much a pro-active thing, learning to be away from your home and your support system. I am not trying to sound harsh, and I hope I don't come across as such, but I have been there, and this is one of those things you have to do yourself, or if you do not plan to spend the rest of your life with this man, you should consider going home.
I went back and read your original post again, and while I still firmly believe you must find something to do, I also had a thought. Does your bf have any friendly coworkers that are married or have gfs? Maybe you could ask them to join you for a cookout or something. If you are sports fans, have him invite someone over to watch whatever kinds of games they are in to. I wish you the best of luck, and hope things get better for you soon.

alas, no friends of friends really...one word and i think you'll understand... 'divorce'

I just did that very thing at the end of March.
Split up with my BF of 8 years, packed my truck, my cat, bird, dog etc, and drove down to California to live in a travel trailer and work in an RV resort.

I also did it in 2003 when I moved from Seattle to Utah to live with my BF.
No friends, no family, no job, and my BF worked nights.

I just advise you to get out there, find work, anything really to get you out of the house and around people.

I was unable to find a job in Utah, and my blues eventually turned into major depression, made worse by a BF who just did not understand depression, and his mother telling him there was nothing wrong with me, despite having an actual doctor's diagnosis.

Don't make my mistakes, get out, get active, make friends and eventually you should get over the homesick blues.

I'll be uprooting my life either next Spring or in two years. I'll be moving 7 hours away to be with my man. I have a different situation in that my mom, and friends are waiting for me over there too. And Trout of course will be coming with me

I can't imagine how hard it would be leaving EVERYTHING behind. I am having a hard enough time thinking about leaving my neices behind here.

Try and keep busy and find out what you really love to do. Are you able to get a job?

it would be an added pressure to get a job and have my BF drive me to and from it... we tried it and it failed pretty miserably. Im working on starting a buisness, in home pet care. i just need to get a car to really get the ball rolling on that. for now im working on the flyers and buisness cards and stuff

My bf and I are moving to Philadelphia from Columbus, but honestly I think it'll be harder on him. He has to leave everything- he has always lived here, plus he has to leave his band that he's had since high school.

When I graduated high school, I up and moved to Cleveland-- a baby step, because my older sister was already there. Then after three years of college I moved to Columbus without knowing a soul but Zissou. I never had a car, either.

I think what your main issue might be is that it sounds like you are basically trapped at home all day. I agree with everyone; you need to get hobbies, or a job. If you don't need one financially then it can even be part-time, something you enjoy. You're never going to make any friends if you never meet anybody.

And-- do you have no other options than living in what sounds like the middle of nowhere?

I know you said that you get panicky at the thought of meeting people, but I always like to at least meet my neighbors. Do you bake? Maybe you could bake some cookies or something and bring them over one afternoon?

I'm a Navy Brat, so as a child we moved a lot. My brother was good at making friends, but I am on the more reserved/guarded side.

As an adult, I've moved my own family twice (four if you include the trip back) for career moves.

My case is a little different as I had a job to go to everyday, and hubby was the one staying at home, but he is like my brother and meets people very easily. The people I worked with thought, didnt really go beyond the colleague-relationship, so I found things to do.

I volunteered for my daughter's school, and was a Brownie leader. It's a heck of a lot easier sometimes making friends with a bunch of 5 year old that look up to you than risk the judgment of adults.

That doesnt exactly sound healthy does it? I've always been afraid to let my guard down. Which brings me to my second thought. I also joined a support group, Al-Anon (as a child of an alcoholic). It gave me a place to sit and listen or join in without feeling judged.

As for not having a car - BTDT - how about a bike! When we lived in South Carolina, after my daughter was born, hubby was out working and for a brief time while I enjoyed being SAHM. We lived in the country and it was hard getting places, but I rode my bike.

Oh... whatever it is you decide to do - I hope you figure it out and find what works for you. I know it's not easy being away from your family!

I have but I always made sure and brought every animal WITH me, including any reptiles. That helps. The bond I have with my animals really helps me in life. They are a constant regardless of what is going on around me thru the years
Also, being active. Like what the others said, what do you like to do? Read? Play a sport? Jog? Swim? Nature walks? Enroll in classes, cooking classes, swim class, at a class in the gym, or donate your time to a shelter or the zoo, build relationships with others thru doing. Join clubs in your area that you are interested in. Sorry you are feeling lonely. Do you call your mom or family often?

I too can relate to how you're feeling. I moved away from my home & family six years ago to be with my (now ex) b/f, but in my case, it didn't end up well b/c the b/f turned out to be an abuser. I was alone & scared too: I never knew such loneliness & fear could exist, and it didn't help any that the only person I knew was abusive. To make a long story short, I got away from the abuser, and my life started to get better.

What helped me the most was getting a job, and making new friends. Being alone all the time is probably the worst thing you can do, and is probably what's causing a lot of your depression. I know how depressed I was when I didn't know anyone or have any friends. I still get homesick a lot and miss my family & old friends. But the emptiness isn't as bad as it once was, b/c I now have other friends who I can talk to and do things with. And I found other things to do, to keep myself occupied..

I agree with the person who said that part of your depression is due to the fact that you have no control over your life now, and have to rely on your b/f for everything. In my case, that was a big part of my depression too: I had to rely on the ex b/f for everything in the beginning, and it was horrible. I was constantly walking on eggshells for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Things got better after I got a job and my own place, b/c I got control of my life back, and didn't have to rely on the ex b/f anymore. I don't think there's anything worse than losing control of your own life.

I reallly don't have anymore suggestions than the others have offered. I hope things work out well for you, and you're able to get back on your feet and out of your rut. It's not a very nice place to be..

~KK~